Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The Rundown: Dog Owner, Day One

Yesterday night we picked up Gizmo.

On the car ride home, we decided going with Luke, as opposed to his given name of Luka, makes some sense for right now while he gets used to us as his new parents. Plus, I can call him Cool Hand...

In the 15 hours that Luke has been our dog, there have already been some incredible discoveries and like any proud parent, all I can think about doing is sharing them with anyone and everyone.

Top Five Cool Hand Luke Revelations

5. He Doesn't Like Garry
I can't tell you how shitty this is, but every time Luke sees Garry, hears Garry or even thinks about Garry, he barks. Okay, so I'm not sure about the thinking about him part, but the other two are 100% true and it's brutal. Like this morning, Luke's totally wrapped up in drinking his water, Garry walks in the room and WHAM! Water dish goes flying, water goes everywhere and Luke starts barking like a mo'fo... not cool. Funny, but not cool.

4. We Need to Buy Stronger Toys
His original owners gave us some toys when we picked him up yesterday. Two squeak toys and two "tug-o-war" toys. All that remains is one tug-o-war toy. The little bastard just destroys everything. It's like he has razorblades in his mouth. The two squeak toys got the stuffing pulled out of them before he actually ate the squeaking part. As for the one tug-o-war toy, the braided rope has been saw apart by the sharpened fangs of our new pet. We're off to buy him some cast iron chew toys this afternoon.

3. Sleep? What Is This Sleep You Speak Of?
Sleep is what Luke does when we're hanging out downstairs watching a movie, as was the case last night. Flipped on Lars and the Real Girl (loved it!) and he was quiet as a church mouse, laying on the arm of the couch at my side. Stayed there while we watched Iron Chef: America too. The minute we come upstairs for bed? ZING! It's play time fuckers! Wake up! I wanna do shit! Let's go! Why you laying down? An hour later, around 2:15, he finally knocked it the fuck off and went to sleep... until he woke up at 5...

2. Luke is My Dog
Sarah and Garry have already copped to it. The little fella follows me around everywhere I go. As we speak, he's laying on the bed behind me just staring at the back of the chair, wondering when I'm going to stop doing whatever useless thing I'm doing that has taken my attention away from him. It's nuts. Sarah is down in the kitchen eating breakfast. You would think he'd be down there trying to sucker her into giving him a little taste of her bagel. Not Luke, though; he's rolling with me.

1. I Have Balls and Luke Is Jealous
Cool Hand has been castrated and in the 15 hours we've had him, he has attacked my balls 47 times. He roots at them with his nose, punches them with his paws when he's trying to get into my lap, stands on them regularly enough that I know it's not an accident and just generally goes after them whenever he can. May I also mention that Sarah and Garry find this to be the most hilarious thing in the history of the world, our new dog trying with all his energy to stuff his head down my basketball shorts... Maybe he's gay?

No pictures yet - but rest assured, as soon as we put a couple on the computer, you'll see his little underbite on this post.


Newt said...

Perhaps Balls was a more appropriate name than you thought?

Ashley said...

Ha ha ha!

Chaela said...

Good post.