Plucked from the Headlines: Verne Troyer Stops Sex Tape

For the record, Verne Troyer is the given name of the vertically-impaired gentleman who is most known as Mini-Me from Austin Powers, pictured on the left.

With that cleared up, the question that needs to be asked is, "Are you effing kidding me?"

I'm not saying little people can't do the nasty - everyone can and should - but there are a couple serious problems that need to be address here:

Are you prepared for the forthcoming Nuclear Holocaust?
This is the only way I can see this story / situation being (a) newsworthy and (b) of interest to anyone who doesn't spend their entire day staring at their computer screen in the dark basement of their mother's house with their shorts around their ankles.

How screwed up are we?
We're at a stage now where people are actually interested in a Verne Troyer Sex Tape? Really? I know the answer to this is, "Spen, do you know how many hits 2 Girls, 1 Cup got?" and that explains how messed up our entertainment / voyeurism compass truly is these days, but damn.

You know it's going to be released for sale, right?
The only reason this thing is being stopped is that Troyer hasn't lined up a way for him to get some fat stacks into his little hands off of this a la One Night in Paris. Once he gets the legal work done, you'll be able to get a hold of this thing for the low, low price of whatever it costs to rent a movie from your friendly, neighborhood Skin Flick Store.

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If you value your eyesight, do not - I repeat DO NOT - Google or YouTube 2 Girls, 1 Cup.
If you ignore my warnings, welcome to the world where everything else isn't nearly as gross as 2 Girls, 1 Cup.