Today should be a great day.
Later this evening, I'll be doing a phone interview live on the air of Mohawk College Radio, FM 101.5 in Hamilton, talking about my work at Bugs & Cranks and the Toronto Blue Jays. This is something brought to me, as opposed to something I petitioned and lobbied for like the Drunk Jays Fans podcast.
Instead, the highs of doing this interview are being stifled by self-doubt and wondering if I'll ever get an opportunity to take this passion I have for writing, communicating and making people think to the next level.
Today should be a great day, but it's not.
What do you do when you don't have the background most people look for in the field you want to pursue?
Writing came to me long after university did and has nothing to do with the Psychology degree with a Minor in Human Resource Management from Waterloo that sits in a storage facility with the rest of my mother's things.
Blogging - be it here or at Bugs or Epic - does not carry the same weight as "traditional media," although it very much should. Maybe that's the opinion of a blogger searching for a breakthrough, but maybe it's the truth as well. I don't know.
Magazines fall off the face of the Earth.
People who you're emailing with about opportunities just disappear and stop emailing.
Applications and submissions go unanswered.
Worst of all, I have no idea if I actually have a talent for this or not. I think I do, but what does that mean? Millions of people show up to American and Canadian Idol convinced they are the next Kelly Clarkson or Chris Daughtry when they clearly shouldn't have made the trip.
I have no idea where to go next.
I know what I want but I have no idea how to get there.
I don't even know where to start.
Man I hate days like this.
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Having re-read this piece, I can see how some might think it is a cry for acceptance - me wanting someone to rub my bottom and tell me I'm pretty as I would say.
It's not - This is just how I vent and get the frustrations out... and this is what is frustrating to me today.