The Rundown: TV Crushes

I have no idea where this theme for today's Rundown came from.

It's not like I've been watching old episodes of Saved by the Bell or Married...With Children or anything.

I was walking over to Angelo's to grab some dessert and BING!

We all had those television characters / actors that we absolutely loved growing up. They were everything you ever wanted in the future Mr. or Mrs. Whateveryournameis. If you're anywhere near the same age as me, prepare to fondly remember the fictitious females you fondled yourself to...

All-Time Top Five TV Crushes

5. Kelly Bundy (Christina Applegate)
The slutty future Veronica Corningstone came into my life right around the time I was realizing exactly what a slut was and what purpose they served. Needless to say, as a horned-up adolescent, I fell in love instantly with her big hair, small IQ and casual attitude about putting out. Needless to say, using phrases like "putting out" kept me from touching an actual breast until I was... well... nevermind.

4. Kelly Taylor (Jennie Garth)
Dispute this all you want, but I discovered Beverly Hills 90210. At least at John Uyen Elementary School in Chatham, Ontario I did. And just like every other guy my age with good taste, Kelly Taylor was the object of my affections. Donna was too dippy, Brenda was a Minnesota transplant and no one was interested in Andrea Zuckerman, except for same people who found Kimmy Gibbler from Full House attractive. Nope, it was all about Kelly Taylor even though she was the only woman in the history of television to live in California yet remain freakishly pasty.

3. Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani Amber Thiessen)
Beautiful? Check.
Athletic? Check.
Frequently wore cheerleader outfit or gym attire? Check.
What was not to love?

2. Samantha Micelli (Alyssa Milano)
Ah, Samantha Micelli - the first love of my life. A 8 1/2 x 11 poster of her stolen from Jennie Bishop's Teen Beat Magazine hung in my locker from Grade 4 until I left for Hamilton at the end of Grade 7. Something about the tomboy attitude mixed with the "you can tell she's going to grow up to be hot" looks worked wonders for me. Sadly, Alyssa Milano has grown up to be a C-list movie star who goes through baseball players like a hot knife through butter...

1. Winnie Cooper (Danica McKellar)
Go back and look at the picture that leads off this piece one more time... it's Winnie! I betcha Kevin Arnold is kicking himself now huh? Winnie was awesome. She was everything you could want in a woman - smart, pretty, didn't cramp your style, knew you needed time to hang out with Paul Pfeiffer and always seemed to end up being there for you, even when you dated Becky Slater just to make her jealous. You're the best Gwendolyn Cooper!