Village Voice columnist Michael Musto has hit an undeniable home run.
Earlier in the week, the long-time columnist lampooned Lindsay Lohan's New Yorker Magazine homage to Marilyn Monroe with a photo shoot of his own and it is quite possibly the funniest thing I have seen in the last couple of months. It's funnier than Sarah Silverman Fucking Matt Damon or Jimmy Kimmel Fucking Ben Affleck. Well, so long as you're not Lindsay. Or Britney. Or Paris. Or their fans.
Besides the priceless photo shoot, which has Musto mimicking Lohan's poses and showing off his man-boobs, their is an accompanying essay that is one of the most on-point commentaries that I have heard on this current generation of sexed-up, boozed-up, panty-less starlets to date. One of the first few sentences of this piece sums it up perfectly for me:
Whereas yesterday's sexpot Jane Fonda had to apologize just for saying the word cunt, most of these refreshingly shameless bimbettes are only sorry when you can't see theirs, even if the exposed pubes give the lie to their natural blondeness.
The natural blondeness line is outstanding in it's own right, but the Jane Fonda bit is the part that resonates with me and should with everyone else too. While I don't advocate dropping the C-Bomb on television (using it in the privacy of your own home is perfectly fine though...), how is there an uproar that the Monster-In-Law used the word when we get weekly photographic updates on the vaginas of these pseudo-talents? I'd be more worried about the message the Anti-Underwear Squad are sending to my kids than I would be about Fonda using a word they've undoubtedly heard around the school yard a time or two. Besides, it's not like anyone who hasn't heard or used the word cunt a time or two in their lives even watches AM programming anyway...
The Lohan photo shoot, from which the above picture is from, works not only as a useful image for this piece, but also another point of discussion to the sheer lack of creativity and unoriginality of these "bimbettes" as Musto calls them.
Calling something an homage is a nice way to say you're stealing their idea. When in doubt of what to do, pay tribute to someone else's work by doing a complete and total knock-off, cashing in while you can. Britney has always tried to be Madonna and Lindsay now wants to be Marilyn. Here's a novel idea, be yourself. Oh, I'm sorry, you have to know who you are before you can start actually acting like an autonomous individual instead of a pre-programmed, pussy-flashing, washed up by 21 waste of time. My mistake.
A big round of applause for Michael Musto for showing off his unflattering bits and making an excellent point while garnering some great laughs on the side.
As for LiLo et al, put on some panties, use your abundant talents and do something productive. And just to be clear, by "abundant talents" I don't mean your tits. And a homemade porn tape doesn't count as productive either, no matter how much money it would fetch you.
Novel idea of the day: Throw on a shirt and maybe do a little acting. You remember acting don't you? It's what you used to do before you became a boozy train wreck.