You can dress up a job title or award to sound better than it actually is pretty easily.
Subway has Sandwich Artists. I once convinced everyone that I spent my summers working construction as a Site Delivery Liaison Technician, a title I invented to avoid telling people I was a go-fer.
That being said, there is one title that cannot be saved - The Biggest Loser.
Think it through for a minute or two. We all know that it comes from the television weight loss show, but is there a more unfortunate moniker around that being crowned The Biggest Loser? I think not.
Unless you're going to preface everything you say with, "So I was on that weight-loss show and I won," you're stuck answering every single person who stops you and asks, "Where do I know you from?" with, "I'm the biggest loser."
No matter how you follow-up, you immediate image conjured up in the minds of everyone who hears those words is the academically-apt gentleman pictured at the opening of this post. Actually, the real "biggest loser" is probably a little south of the guy pictured; hair a little messier, glasses a little more broken, nice set of braces and an unironic Care Bears t-shirt sounds about right.
I'm no physical specimen; I could certainly stand to lose a couple lbs and my lazy ass could really benefit from spending a little more time exercising and a little less time thinking about stuff like this, but I tell you one place you'd never find me.
On a show that awards me for winning by branding me in front of thousands - if not millions of people - The Biggest Loser.
I'll stick to being a little chubby and marginally cool, thanks.
Monday, July 6, 2009
What's in a Name?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
The Rundown: 2009 Wish List
First of all - there is no referring to my future wife as "that broad in the hoodie," even if you're joking...
Secondly, for the couple people who're wondering exactly who Albert is, track back a couple Sunday's and tell me what constant you find on each 10 Things post...
Now that the general housekeeping is out of the way, onto today's business.
Somehow, 2008 is nearly over. It's been an insane year for me and one I will surely not forget. It was the year I got engaged and adopted a sidekick, my brother tied the knot and my writing improved by leaps and bounds, but it was also the year I lost my grandfather, my great uncle and a couple close friendships took serious hits too.
Thinking about the past, as it often does, got me to thinking about the future and the things that I want to see happen in 2009.
You won't find things about the wedding here, not because I don't have hopes for that day, but because I know everything is going to be wonderful...
Instead, you'll find... well... why don't you just scroll down and read them yourself?
Wish List 2009: Top Five Hopes for Next Year
5. Sarah Settles In
It's been a crazy eight months for my future wife. At the start of April, she was off to Labrador for her first work placement ever, then came engagement, more work, wedding headaches, a monstrous Nursing exam and then into the Working World. Top that off with relocating once again and it's been pretty turbulent and at times traumatic. But there are few people I know as strong and as talented as Sarah and I hope that 2009 brings some stability because the woman deserves it.
4. Johnny Domestic Become an Everyday Thing
There really is something calming and enjoyable about spending my days around the house. I get all the housework done, get to cook great meals (and bake delicious cakes and cookies!) plus hang out with my sidekick and write as much as I want. While I don't dislike my current job slinging drinks and taking orders on the Ski Hill, making a change to permanently being around the house post-wedding would be real nice...
3. Visitors Welcome!
The one thing that actually sucks about being out here is how far we are from our families. We both love the opportunities we've found out here and wouldn't change our decision to come here for anything (I think...) but we'd also love to see some familiar smiling faces out this way over the next twelve months. And the Dominican in April doesn't count either... you got to get yourself to Chateau Kyte here in Kimberley for it to be official. I mean, seriously, who doesn't want a vacation?
2. Sticking to Those Resolutions...
You know the ones I'm talking about. The same ones I'm always talking about. No smoking, eat right, exercise, blah blah blah blah blah. Some have gone better than others over the last few months, but really, they're all important and something I really want to work at. Honestly. Stop laughing. I'll show you...
1. Continued Growth of the Portfolio
This year brought me to The Love of Sports and Fight! Magazine, both incredible opportunities that I hope will continue to flourish in 2009. There are two other projects on the go that I have high hopes for as well; the first being my book idea that has once again taken a backseat to blogging and TLOS and everything else in life and the launch of the website Newt and I have been working at for the last bunch of months. It's starting to take shape and shouldn't be too much longer before we unveil it and my hopes are that having a centralize site for all my work presented in a professional way helps take me from writer who waits tables to pay the bills to writer who waits tables simply for the free golf all summer...
Monday, September 8, 2008
10 Things I Learned This Week
Sorry to have withheld your Sunday staple from you all yesterday, but there is no way to hammer out a post while driving from Ottawa to London. Well, there is, but there was no way that I was going to try to attempt it. Besides, it was the first week of the football season, so I'm sure you had much better things to do...
1. Cranbrook is now 85%
Sarah has a phone interview sometime in the next two days and the recruiter she has been dealing with is all about ensuring she's still interested, as if her desires had waned in the last three days or something. With that being said, our trip out to Cranbrook once we land on Wednesday - another 10 hour journey - could be about finding a place to live and where I can sling some suds as much as it will be about seeing the hospital.
2. Piling Up the Kilometers
For my American readers, kilometers are just like miles, only shorter and we've been racking them up with no end in sight as of right now. We figured this out yesterday during our drive home - from Friday to Friday we'll have put 1,700 on our car this weekend, flown from London to Vancouver and then driven another 2,000 or so to and from Cranbrook. I wish there was such a thing as Road Miles because we'd be collecting them like mad.
3. Pug-less
I never thought I would miss being wrestled from my sleep at 7:30 AM by barking or having half of my bed taken over by a possessive pooch, but since we dropped off Luke at Mable and Dennis' on Thursday, all I've done is miss the little yappy bastard. He's better off out in Damascus on the farm where he can roam around freely and hang out with the other dogs instead of shipping back and forth and staying solo here in his pen, but that means more than two weeks sans Cool Hand and while I enjoy not having my socks chewed to shreds, I still miss my little man.
4. Politicians Don't Like Me
Mostly because I tell them things they don't like to hear. The wedding we were at this weekend was of two politically involved individuals with lots of politician friends. We shared a couple drinks with two of them prior to heading to the reception. During their discussing of Barack Obama and John McCain, I sipped my Guinness and calmly stated that a lot of people don't really care about these two candidates policies and plans and would rather look to a rockstar candidate like Obama to get them to the polls. That effectively ended the conversation. Truth hurts I guess.
5. Speaking of Canadian Politics...
We're heading to the polls again in only 6 short weeks! So many things wrong with this that I don't want to spend too much time on it, but it's always great when everyone acknowledges that we're sure to have another Minority Government and we're given only 42 days to decide who the best people are to represent our country. This again is why Canadian Politics is a joke...
6. Weird Wedding
Everything about Saturday was a little weird. From the MC welcoming the Member of Parliament who was in attendance before acknowledging anyone else in the room to the family of the newly wedded couple joining forces as a jazz trio to entertain the masses, this wedding was left of centre in my books. Instead of wedding favours for all those who came to share in the day, the couple kindly donated to the Ottawa Humaine Society on our behalf. And apparently "buffett dinner" in Ottawa means "serve yourself but you only get one trip to the line before the staff remove all the food." No wedding cake either - just cupcakes. Strange...
7. Speaking of Weddings...
My brother very well could be getting married this coming November. In Vegas. By Elvis. Of course, plans and timelines with my brother change as often as the weather, so this could turn into a Spring Backyard Wedding in the next couple of days too.
8. What Are You Going To Do?
That was everyone's immediate question this weekend when we informed them that Cranbrook was most likely going to be out final destination. Uh, the same things I do here maybe? Wait - they do have restaurants in BC right? And people drink beer? It's not like I'm a Nuclear Physicist and need a high tech lab to operate in; I'm a freelance writer who does the restaurant thing on the side. I can literally work anywhere in the world without much worry. Apparently no one else understands that.
9. Try, Try Again
Since I won't be able to smoke in BC - not because I'm not allowed, but because it will be far too much of a hassle to enjoy a smoke - I'm hanging up the habit for the next two weeks plus and seeing where things go from there. I know I've done this before and whatever whatever, but hey, at least I'm trying again right?
10. Operation: 185 Update
The powers that be have put Operation: 185 on hold until further notice. They acknowledge that there is little time presently to put my body through the work required to drop the 17 extra pounds I am currently carrying and will make an announcement prior to the relaunch of the program.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
10 Things I Learned This Week
Well nothing retarded happened this week like helping a guy who tried to kill himself or anything like that, which was a nice change after last week's experience. But it was an interesting week nonetheless, so let's get to it, shall we?
1. Summer is Over
Exactly when did this happen? It's August 31st. This is bullshit. I want a Do Over. I only made it to three Jays games, one fire at Shelby & Mark's, no trips to Midland to go boating and basically spent the whole time working. Ridiculous.
2. Three More Shifts, Then I'm Gone
Close the bar tonight, work a two hour day shift tomorrow and sling some slop Tuesday night and then it's adios Montana's for nearly three weeks, if not for good. Chances are I'll be back before we pack up our things and move somewhere new, but I got screwed on the schedule this week and kind of hate my manager right now for it, so we'll see.
3. BC is Looking More and More Likely
Like I said last week, we'll know more once we've gotten out there and toured around a bit - which we're going to do when we arrive - but every time we talk about the possibility, it seems like the logical choice. Sarah can make more money and I can hook up a job at one of the resorts where I should make enough cash to only need to work 8 months a year, which means four months a year to write... and procrastinate with Luke.
4. Loyalty Doesn't Exist in the Business World
Since starting at Montana's, there hasn't been a time that they've called me to come in that I have turned them down. I've done everything that has ever been asked of me and done so with a smile on my face. So what do I get in return? I lose the closing shift on Mondays that I've been working for two months on the holiday when I could actually make some great cash while the new hire who happens to be someone's little sister and the returning complainer each work a double. Classy Montana's... classy.
5. The Last Good Book I Read
Finished off Bret Hart's book Hitman this week and was fairly impressed. I know wrestling isn't everybody's thing, but it was mine for years, including Hitman's time in the ring and reading the behind the scenes stuff from that time was pretty cool. The family drama from The Hart Family was incredible too. Well done and recommended to anyone who every watched "The Excellence of Execution" operate inside the squared circle.
6. Can't Wait to Watch a Porno
No, not like that you sick fucks! Kevin Smith's latest, Zack and Miri Make a Porno starring Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks. I watched the trailer the other day and nearly pissed myself. The fact that it's Silent Bob's flick would have made me see it regardless, since we all know I have a big ol' crush on him, but after seeing the trailer, I know want to see it twice as bad.
7. New Project, Part I
I started on the first few pages of a book this weekend and it will be taking priority over all other projects moving forward. Like I said earlier in the week, I'm doing too many things and need to start focusing on the ones that could yield some return, although I will still be blogging every day. I don't want to give anything away, but the feedback I've gotten on the idea thus far has all been positive and part of my BC trip will be spent pushing forward with this effort.
8. New Project, Part II
Some one you may have noticed the disappearance of the E. Spencer Kyte Facebook Fan Page this week. Let's be honest - none of you noticed and that's okay. I axed it because, well, it wasn't something I put any time into, but also because me and Newt are working on a little something that will be unveiled to the world soon and will serve the same purpose as the other page and then some.
9. No One Ever Pays Me
Thus far, I've had five articles published in four different magazines for two different publications. The only thing they have in common? I haven't been paid for any of them. The fine folks at FutureCore Media, Passion's Parent Company, refuse to return my messages and Canadian Sports Magazine has come up blank thus far. I'll give them a little more time, but as of now I'm not impressed.
10. Operation: 185 Update
Starting Weight: 204 lbs.
Last Update: 198 lbs.
Current Weight: 200 lbs.
It's about time nature took it's course. Considering I haven't done a workout in nearly three weeks (this week got written off too... just because), putting on two pounds isn't all that bad in my books. Not that I don't want to drop the pounds and tone it up real nice for the festivities next April, but there are other things that are taking priority right now. We'll get back at it soon enough...
Monday, August 25, 2008
10 Things I Learned This Week
Without exaggeration, this has been an insane week. Good things, bad things and altogether surreal things make up the countdown - delayed because life invariably happened yesterday - so let's get right to it.
1. We Helped a Man Who Tried To Kill Himself
On our way to do some running around, there was a man laying on the ground in obvious pain, people beginning to crowd around him. Being a nurse (and wonderful human being) Sarah pulled into the parking lot to help. I called 911 while she did her thing. Turns out, the man tried to hang himself from his third floor balcony and the cord snapped. No major injuries and words don't describe how proud I am of my future wife, but I still can't shake the images from my head.
2. Wedding Date Confirmed
I am pleased to announce that we are officially getting hitched in the Dominican next April. The 23rd to be exact. That means I have less than 8 months of freedom remaining.... Invites are on the way.
3. BC is Back in the Picture
When we set out for BC in a couple weeks, there will be a couple new stops added to the itinerary. We're going to slide through the Lower Okanagan Valley. Sarah applied for some jobs out there because it never hurts to apply and with the benefits that BC offers (more money, student loan relief) moving to the West Coast is gaining a little momentum.
4. Just Wondering
Why do people who have places to be and time lines to maintain go out to eat at busy restaurants during the busiest times? I know it shouldn't take 40 minutes for you to eat, but sometimes it does and that's not our fault. This message has been brought to you by the staff at Montana's. Welcome to the Cookhouse!
5. Grand Bend Made Me Feel Old
I hadn't been to Grand Bend since I was 12 or 13 and we hit the South-Western Ontario Beach Town this week and one thing was abundently clear - it's a young persons destination. Not that there weren't people my age and older, but all of us looked out of place, what with the facial hair and flabby physiques... and that was just the women - ZING! I'm here all night folks...
6. Cool Hand Luke now known as Captain Annoying
I don't know what it is, but the little monster has been barking up a storm all week. Every little sound sets him off on a barking fit and there is nothing - aside from taking him for a W-A-L-K every ten minutes - that can stop him. Car door closes? Bark. Train goes by out back? Bark. Someone three doors down sneezes? You got it... Bark!
7. Off To Best Buy
Finished Season Two fo The Wire yesterday night after a long shift slinging drinks and I'm itching to get the remaining three seasons. I can't stress this enough - find a way to watch this show. Hell, email me and tell me you want to borrow the seasons - I'll send them to you. It's that damn good.
8. Still No TV
The Olympics came and went and I watched exactly zero hours of coverage here at the house. We're still without our television. I caught some key moments on the big screens at work, including Usain Bolt killing'em all on the track not once, not twice but thrice (Thank you, Monty Burns) and Michael Phelps being superhuman. Can't really say I miss the stupid thing to be honest.
9. I Can't Wait to Move
Not that I am desperate to get out of London or anything like that, but everywhere I go, all I can do is see things that I want for our next place. I think about how to set up my office - because no matter where we land, I will have my own office - and the colours we're going to use. What furniture we'll need and now that we have an abundance of picture frames from the EP last weekend, how to organize those has become a thinking point as well.
10. Operation: 185 Update
Starting Weight: 204 lbs.
Last Update: 198.5 lbs. (two weeks ago...)
Current Weight: 198 lbs.
Here is the crazy thing about this: I haven't actually worked out in the last ten days - for various reasons - and there has been a lot of eating out and boozing over that time frame and still I've managed to drop a Double Quarter Pounder! Workout resumes today; eight months less a couple days to drop 13 pounds... even I should be able to manage that.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
10 Things I Learned This Week
1. You Can't Teach Work Ethic
It's been a busy week at Montana's and over the last seven days, it's become painfully obvious to me that there is nothing anyone can say or do to make someone work harder. For a time, maybe, but not over the long haul. Management is included in this sadly, as our new guy bailed when his shift was scheduled to end Monday, despite all kinds of people answering their phones and coming in to help him. The right thing to do would have been to stick around. But you can't make people do something they don't want to do.
2. Through The Wire
At least Season One so far. Honestly, without harping on the subject for too long, if you like cop shows with an edge and some realism to them, go find this show. Best Buy dropped their prices on the seasons - they're only $30 a piece now - so instead of having a beer and pizza night, make a sammich and go buy this show.
3. Silencing Critics Inside the Octagon
While I'm still pissed that I didn't get to watch UFC 87 last night, I know all the results and have to give a round of applause to George St. Pierre, Brock Lesnar and Kenny Florian. I picked against all three and the trio came out and fought the fights that everyone (myself included) knew they were capable of fighting en route to unanimous decisions for all three. Most impressive of the group is Lesnar, the one time WWE Heavyweight Champion who could soon be wearing a similar belt in the UFC.
4. Mixed Emotions for Next Sunday
A week from today, I won't be writing this column. Instead, I'll likely be sitting at the kitchen table stuffing my face with breakfast foods recovering from what is sure to be a crappy, wine-enduced hangover following our Engagement Party. Kind of torn on this one still. On one hand, it's going to be nice seeing the people who are coming that I haven't seen in a while. But on the other hand, there are a bunch of people who aren't going to be there that disappoints me. Funny how some people will go to great lengths to show their love while others won't make the smallest effort...
5. R.I.P. Bernie Mac
Everyone has their own opinion of Bernie Mac, the comedian who passed away recently from pneumonia. Sarah hated him. Me? I've been a fan for a while and will miss him. He fit perfectly in his supporting roles in the Ocean's Series and Bad Santa and will always be one of the Original Kings of Comedy in my books.
6. Radio Show Regular
A pattern is forming on C101.5 - Mohawk College Radio on Tuesday nights around 7:30 or so: the host and this cat who writes for a baseball website talk shop for fifteen minutes in between Canadian Indie Rock tracks. Tune in and enjoy my latest efforts in the shameless self-promotion of Spencer Kyte.
7. My Name is Spencer and I'm a Smoker
Still doing pretty good, but let's face it: I've smoked for 13 years and it's the one thing I use as a way of calming down, chilling out and dammit, I just plain like it. There is no way that I would get through the awkward interactions coming next Saturday without the occasional smoke and I would surely have snapped on someone at the Cookhouse by now if I didn't step outside for some unfresh air every once in a while.
8. Olympic Tragedy
I'm no tree-hugger, so I won't stump for the enviromental reasons why we shouldn't be staging an Olympics in Beijing, but the quickness with which there was an incident against American family members of a US Coach in the Communist country shows me that a mistake was made. I will never understand why decisions like this are made when there are less dangerous, equally willing and viable cities always interested in hosting the Olympics.
9. It Really Is Like Having A Kid
Being a dog owner really is a great way to prepare yourself for kids. At least, I would say so now that I'm a dog owner. Everything we do has the "Luke Factor" tied into it and he's been known to throw tantrums now and again for no apparent reason. Our little man is a total handful, but I wouldn't trade him for the world.
10. Operation: 185 Update
Starting Weight: 204 lbs.
Last Week's Weight: 198.5 lbs.
Current Weight: 198.5 lbs.
No change, which is better than going up. This week was actually a fairly crappy week Op-wise, as rain washed out a couple outdoor training sessions and the indoor replacements never go as well. Something about being outside that focuses me more. Probably because I don't have a dog licking at my face when I do crunches...
Sunday, August 3, 2008
10 Things I Learned This Week
1. Things Always Seem To Work Out
My man Bucky was to be in town Monday night for some meetings and pints were definitely in order. Unfortunately, Monday night is the night I close at Montana's and passing up a guaranteed $150 bucks would be insane. So I had to cancel with Bucky. Turns out Bucky got to town super late and would be hanging around throughout the day Tuesday. Guess who happened to be off? Nothing better than afternoon beers and wings with an old friend.
2. Blue Jays Jinx Continues
This season, the Jays are 0-3 when I'm in attendance as they dropped Wednesday afternoon's game to Tampa while I was 18 rows up at third. As always, big thanks go out to my man Chris Schiel for the hookup - everyone had a great time... except the Jays.
3. OCD and Me
So, I kind of have a little bit of an issue with schedules and order. See, I like them, a lot and really, really don't do so well when things get thrown off schedule and out of order. Case in point, Wednesday morning. We were supposed to be leaving the house around 9:30 in Garry's car to go to the game. Too bad he took his keys with him when he left at 7:00 AM. Tried to find Sarah at the hospital to get her set, but no one could direct me to her floor. Did I mention it was pouring rain? Soaked and dejected, I got home at 9:50, pouted on the bed for about 3 minutes and drove Shitbox 2 to Toronto. We got into our seats for the bottom of the second. ARGH!
4. Chapters Really Does Have Magic Powers
I've been kind of bummed lately about writing and just work in general; no real reason, just July was a slower month and there hasn't been anything new coming down the pipeline for a few weeks. All that was washed away and the fire rekindled by a Monday trip to Chapters. Twenty minutes of shopping for cheap books (I bought three, have already read Fargo Rock City) and another twenty sitting in the chairs reading the latest issue of Spin - great story on D'Angelo and an interview with Q-Tip - and I was ready to rock the keys again. What can I say, the place just inspires me.
5. Wedding Plans Are Made
In the span of three days, we went from dealing with Lindsay the Halfwit at Flight Center who never got back to us about anything and had no real information to walking into Marlin Travel, meeting Judy (I Love Judy!), telling her what we were looking for and having everything in our hands with final confirmation coming sometime this week. Once we get it all in stone - the exact date and whatnot -you'll be sure to know. If I can give everyone some advice it's this: when it comes to your wedding plans, you want someone who is a bit of a bitch working for you; Judy is great with us but a total bad-ass on the phone and via email getting everything done and we couldn't be happier.
6. 10 Days of No TV
Have to say I'm pretty impressed, because so far it hasn't really been much of anything really. I mean, I wish I could watch Iron Chef: America every night when I get home from work (and Sarah misses Jon & Kate Plus 8) but for the most part it's been no inconvenience at all. I've read more, written about as much as always and it makes going out the door to workout a much easier decision, since I can't sit in front of sports highlights and afternoon baseball.
7. Hangover City
So I decided to have a couple drinks with some people from work on Friday night. Sarah was working at the hospital overnight and having a beer or two chatting with my colleagues sounded like a good idea. When am I going to learn that this is never what ends up happening? A couple beers turned into three Guinness, three vodka waters and tray after tray of shots that left me feeling like someone had kicked the living hell out of me all day yesterday. And then I had to go to work all night...
8. The Hangover Cure Still Works Like a Charm
I could swear I've shared my sure-fire hangover buster formula with everyone before, but just in case I haven't, I need to pass it along because it truly did make all the difference in the world yesterday. Besides the obvious (sleep, Tylenol Extra Strength) the key components are: lots and lots of water, a warm shower and McDonalds. The sooner you shower the better, as this will get you feeling better for a period. Ideally, you eat the McDonalds before the positives of the shower subside. Keep the water going all day. Next time you're feeling like I was yesterday, give this a try. You can thank me later.
9. The Motodanica Commentors
My new pet peeve here at iBlog are the random "promotional commentors" who take on various names and make witty banter about stuff they obvliously don't care about in the comments section. They're always linked to www.motodanica.com - an ad page for some Motorola phone - and pop up once or twice a week. I guess I should be flattered - getting SPAM is the mark of making it, isn't it?
10. Operation: 185 Update
Starting Weight: 204 lbs.
Last Week's Weight: 199 lbs.
Current Weight: 198.5 lbs.
Another half pound down and considering that I injested a great deal of McDonalds yesterday to combat the booze sweats, this is yet another accomplishment. I also think it's the first time in about four years that I have been under 200 pounds for consecutive weeks, so there's that too!
Monday, July 28, 2008
10 Things I Learned This Week
1. There Aren't Enough Hours in the Day
24 hours is not enough time to do all the things I want to do and need to do. That is exactly why I haven't been here in two whole days; the things I want to do (read: write posts here) get outweighed by the things I need to do (read: going to work) and as soon as I get home it's off to sleep, pretty much. Today is going to be interesting because we need to hit the Travel Agent to plan the wedding, but I also have to be at work earlier than normal and close the place tonight.
2. Back Behind The Bar
So I've been helping out on the bar at Montana's the last couple weeks - grabbing my own drinks and helping out when the bartenders get overrun with drinks to make and tables to cover. Friday night, one of our bartenders didn't show up for the 900th time and has now been 86'ed. Guess who they asked to take his place? Obviously, I accepted, as it's the same hours over less days and better money, though it does feel weird to be pouring draft again after more than a year away from the taps.
3. I Should Have Been Tending Bar From the Beginning
Why? Because I made as much money in one shift yesterday as I did working Tuesday, Thursday and Friday combined. Granted, I did work for ten hours, but still, making $150 bucks in one day is aces to me. Mix in a closing shift tonight and a couple more nights on the bar during the week and I could be looking at some pretty decent financial gains between now and the next installment of 10 Things.
4. Dark Knight = AWESOME!
Friday night was crap at The Cookhouse, which normally would make me angry. This week, however, it made me very,very happy as it meant that instead of having to wait until this coming Sunday to see The Dark Knight, we could take it in Friday night. And take it in we did, from the second row... for the 10:45 show... At 1:30 when we walked out of the theatre, I knew I had just finished watching my favourite movie of the year.
5. I'm Really Going to Miss Heath
Seeing the transformed Ledger deliver an amazing performance as The Joker only reminded me of how unfortunate it is that he died earlier this year. His Oscar win - and he will win - won't be because he passed away like some people will undoubtedly frame it, but because his performance was so captivating that you couldn't take your eyes away from him, even when he was just sitting there. We lost one of our generation's best when he died. It would have been incredible to see him continue to evolve as an actor because there is nothing he couldn't do on screen.
6. The List of Future Landing Zones
So Sarah has finally finished her resume and cover letters and is applying for jobs as we speak. The potential destinations of the future Mr. and Mrs. Kyte are: London, Kitchener-Waterloo, Hamilton, Grimbsy, Orillia and St. Catherines. We'll keep you posted on whether we're coming to a town near you...
7. No Longer Questioning My Coolness
A couple of weeks ago, I waxed poetically about whether the style of the time had passed me by. After a day spent shopping on Saturday, the answer is a resounding no... sort of. While the style of the time for teenagers and twentysomethings has passed me by, my style has grown up into much more classy and stylish attire and that is never a bad thing. I never would have imagined a time would come where I would pass up a search announcing my training as a ninja or one of goaltender Jesus making a brilliant grab that reads "Jesus Saves" in favour of a quasi-political, socially aware GAP Inspi(RED) t-shirt, but those days are here and I love them. Look Mom - my jeans aren't hanging off my ass cheeks any more.
8. Movie Lengths - An Opinion Piece
So the last two movies I've watched (Vantage Point and Dark Knight) had a time difference of nearly 90 minutes. Another way of looking at it is that I could have watched Vantage Point twice in the time I watched The Dark Knight, but I would never do that. What I don't get is why someone in Hollywood thinks 90 minute movies work. For the most part, they don't, unless they are cheese-tastic comedies with little to no plot. Vantage Point was rolling along nicely until it seems like they got near their 90 minute cap and ended it horribly. Like I've said since Friday night / Saturday morning - I would rather sit through nearly three hours of The Dark Knight and how no stone unturned than watch 90 minutes of uselessness that leaves me wondering why they left parts unfinished.
9. A T-Shirt, An Idiot and A Little Perspective
So I had a guy sit at one of my tables yesterday with a black t-shirt on that said "I Oppose Gay Marriage." Yesterday was the London Pride Parade, so it made a little sense. But this wasn't "here are my feelings on a t-shirt" in a nice, polite way; this was a biker dude who I also overheard using the words "faggots," "queers" and other slurs repeatedly. I actually asked if I could refuse to serve him. I was told no for the record. Anywho, I got to thinking as I dealt with him and his four neanderthal friends - social monogliods like them get to live their lives, hating people for who they love, believing in all their stereotypes and "we're better than everyone else" bullshit, so what the fuck is their problem with guys who like guys or girls who like girls? You don't see anyone walking around in "I Oppose Gay-Dashing Biker Morons" t-shirts...
10. Operation: 185 Update
Starting Weight: 204 lbs.
Last Week's Weight: 201 lbs.
Current Weight: 199 lbs.
So I've dropped two pounds - and not just overnight or anything. I've maintained the 199 for the most part over the course of the week and have now refined my training into a much more balance (read: no more near hernia-inducing overdoing of the ab portion of the program) routine where it's two on, one off, two on, two off and no body part gets overly taxed on back to back days. Five down, fourteen to go...
Sunday, July 20, 2008
10 Things I Learned This Week
1. Josh Hamilton Smashes Home Runs
What a display on Monday night! I took some extra pleasure in watching it happen as I have been a huge Hamilton supporter since he started on his road back last season. Dude is killing it and I, for one, think it's outstanding.
2. But Not Everybody Does
There are people out there who don't think Josh Hamilton is a good story or an inspiring story or a story worth telling at all. Well pfffffft to them! He's overcome a crack addiction to make it back to the Majors. Beyond that, he's clobbering the baseball. In our world where we're hit with so much bad news and so many horrible stories, can't we just enjoy this one without picking it to shreds? Get the latest B&C take on the situation here and here and here.
3. Why Did I Install PokerStars?
Seriously, I have done pretty much nothing other than play poker during the spare minutes of my days since I installed the stupid thing. I even stayed up until about 4 AM the other night playing some Free Money tournament for a good three hours. I could see if I was winning money, but it's actually just a great big waste of time... and still I play!
4. Engagement Party Update
This little shindig is about a month away and it can't get here soon enough. Not because I'm super excited for it, but so that it can be over. Don't get me wrong, I'm really looking forward to seeing the people who are coming and it's going to be a nice day, but for a party that someone else is throwing for us and that we didn't ask for, it sure is causing us a lot of goddamn headaches.
5. So I Bought Me a Medicine Ball...
Not those giant ones you had in Gym Class growing up - one of the four pound ones that is like a weighted basketball. It's the newest wrinkle to the Training for Warriors program that I am undertaking. Lemme tell you how insane using this thing is? You want an arm workout? Forget lifting weights, buy one of these things and fire it off the wall in 8-10 different positions and whole whack of times. And don't forget about the crunches, figure eights, pushups and everything else you can do with it...
6. Yeah Me!
It's two weeks into this and I haven't quit. That in itself is an accomplishment. Mix in the fact that I'm still eating right and it's a success. So what is it when you add the fact that I haven't bought a pack of smokes in nearly three weeks and have had about four in the last two weeks? A small miracle and a major victory.
7. Oh That Silly Lohan Family
So the latest, if you didn't already know, is that Linds is a lesbo and living with Sam Ronson, DJ'ing sister of one of my favs Mark Ronson. She (Lindsay) seems happy and hasn't been making any bad news since this relationship started. What's the rest of the family got to say about it? They're all in denial! Supermom Dina and little sister / Lindsay clone Ali swear they're just friends. Yeah, friends who like to go down on each other!
8. I'm So Pumped for The Dark Knight
There hasn't been a movie that I have been this stoked to see in ages. I can't even tell you the last thing that I was so excited about going to the theatre to see. Maybe nothing. Ever. Everyone I know who has seen it is raving. Now all I need is a night off with Sarah so we can take it in.
9. Anderson Silva is a Bad Motherfucker!
Watched UFC Fight Night last night with great anticipation of seeing Anderson Silva, the best pound-for-pound fighter on the face of the Earth, take on James Irvin, a dude with scary punching power. I thought Silva would win. I didn't think it would be as insane as it was. 1:01. That's it. Caught his leg on a kick, right hand, over. 8 more punches landed before the ref stopped it and Irvin was gashed bad under his eye. There isn't fighter on the planet that I wouldn't take Silva over right now.
10. Operation: 185 Update
Starting Weight: 204
Last Week: 201
This Week: 201
This isn't a setback - you never lose as much in Week Two as you do in Week One - and I'm writing this before getting in a workout or heading to work, so chances are that by the end of the day that number will be lower. Even if it isn't, we're good. With the addition of the aforementioned Medicine Ball, there are a whole bunch of other exercises I can do to continue dropping libs and toning my flabby physique into the rock-solid sculpture I'm gunning for for next April.
Have a great week everybody!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
10 Things I Learned This Week
It's been a strange and beautiful week, so let's get right to it, shall we?
1. Holy Shit I'm Outta Shape
If you've been here at all in the last seven days, you know this week was the kickoff of Operation: 185 and my foray into the Martin Rooney Training for Warriors program. Sweet merciful Christ I was sore on Tuesday and Wednesday. Turning the pages made me sweat, that's how out of shape I am. But so far, I've pushed through and haven't skipped a day yet.
2. I Don't Care for Brett Favre Anymore
D'you know who un-retires? My mom. Every May, she announces her retirement from the working world, spends the summer on the boat and then September rolls around and she's back looking for work. Both my mom and Brett Favre need to make a decision, one way or the other, and stick with it. This flip-flopping is just annoying.
3. Luke: Cool Hand, Iron Stomach
Not only is my dog indestructible like Matthew Good, but he can and will eat anything, literally. Except celery. Am I the only one who likes celery? This week, Luke has eaten half of his black blanket, a quarter of his white blanket, two pairs of socks (entirely), a bunch of rope and some newspapers. I'm torn between seeing what else the little trash compactor can eat and not wanting to be the guy that killed his dog by feeding him a pop can...
4. Garry Has a Girlfriend
I can't explain how beneficial it is to my life that my eventual father-in-law / current landlord has found himself a lady friend. Combined with his four day weekends every week between now and September, it means that the bulk of Garry's time will be spent in Midland. While I enjoy his company a great deal and we get along really well, we're too alike on too many things and that makes for random tension and no one needs that.
5. Welcome New Readers!
There is a possibility that some of the folks from Montana's will be stopping by this here site in the future and I figured I should welcome them to the fun. Anything to keep pumping those daily numbers - and my closely linked self-esteem - higher and higher.
6. Customers of the Week Update
I think karma kicked me in the ass last night at work, because after penning (keying??) yesterday's post on my awesome customers from earlier in the week, I had even more superstars last night. I got shutout again, had two tables of German traveler who I'm pretty sure thought the tip was included in the bill (read: I got peanuts from them too!) and someone complained about me for no real reason. At one point, I had delivered $110 worth of food and been rewarded with $1.00 in tips. Stupid karma...
7. Who'd Like to See a Movie I've Written?
Well it could be a possibility down the line as I began work this week on my submission for the Canadian Short Screenplay Competition. First prize is your movie getting made and some cash, but getting the movie made would be worth way more than any monetary sum. The deadline for submissions isn't until December, so this one is a long-term investment of time. As with everything, I'll keep you updated.
8. Polk-A-Roo Strikes Again!
So my friends Shelby and Mark have taken to calling Sarah Polk-A-Roo, since they have yet to meet her in the ten weeks that we've jointly resided in London. Then we found a perfect way to make it happen; we were going to join Shelby, Mark and her parents for dinner in Port Stanley before taking in the play she's directing that night. A really nice Thursday evening, I must say. Too bad Sarah can't go. Turns out this Thursday is the only day in the next two months where her "Four On, Five Off" Rotation at the hospital isn't in play. Damn that Polk-A-Roo!
9. Where Has The Year Gone?
It's July 13th.
When the fuck did that happen?
How have I been back in Ontario for three and a half months already?
The weeks honestly just fly by in a blur now...
10. Operation: 185 Update
When I started this last week, I weighed 204.
My current weight? 201.
It's been as low as 197.5 this week, but that was after a seven hour sweat-fest at Montana's with no dinner. Regardless, three pounds in the first week is pretty solid and very encouraging.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
You Have To Want It
Yesterday was Day #1 of Operation: 185, my quest to shed some extra pounds and get into better overall health not just for next year's big event, but life in general.
Pictured to the right is my new bible. Note the lack of capitalization so I don't get struck down for blaspheming or anything like that.
Martin Rooney's book is a comprehensive training program not just for the body, but also for the mind and contains everything from motivational sections to dietary plans, both of which I am taking advantage of throughout this effort.
The biggest thing I have already learned from my one day journey is that doing something like this - exercise and eating right - has to be something you truly want to do.
Like most people, I've had gym memberships before and started out with the best intentions. Four times a week for the first month, then twice a week for a couple weeks, then something comes up and you haven't gone in a year and a half, despite the fact that GoodLife Fitness still gets $50 from you every month.
Unlike those times, I actually got out of bed yesterday looking forward to feeling stiff and sore today from my first workout in years. Surprisingly, I'm not that stiff and I'm also still really geared up about following through with this program.
Groceries today was all about good stuff - fresh fruits and vegetables from SunRipe Market, snack foods are now Melba Toast and Granola Bars instead of chips and dry roasted peanuts and beverages are pretty much either water - I'm drinking about 5L a day now - natural juices or V8 so that I get some extra veggies in there.
I know it's early in the efforts and things could very easily change as I step up to the higher intensity workouts and feel twice as sore tomorrow - second day is always worse, right? - but as of right now, things are great and that makes me excited.
As hokey as it sounds, there really is truth to the adage that "You have to want it."
I've found the things that I want, now it's time to keep after them.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
10 Things I Learned This Week
1. We're Not Meant to Have a Car
Or at least, not a used car. Why? One, we're not smart enough to remember to turn off the lights, meaning the battery gets drained and we need a boost about once a month. Two, the three times we've called for a boost from CAA, we have jumper cables in the back all along. Looking would have been too easy. Three, we blew a tire Thursday night heading to Midland. That means that every time we've gone somewhere meaningful in the two months we've had this car, something has happened. It's just not worth the hassle. Oh yeah - that exhaust issue from our trip to Beamsville? $360.00. AWESOME!
2. E. Spencer Kyte, Tire Changer
Sarah didn't think I could do it. I didn't have any doubts in my mind. Never underestimate the power and skills of an angry-as-fuck smokaholic who is forced to change a tire on the side of the 400 Extension at 11PM. A few thousand curse words, a little elbow grease and a we had that tire off and changed in no time.
3. Best Wonderland Day Ever!
Thursday at the theme park was wicked. It ended up being a bright, sunny afternoon, we rode every single ride, literally, and had a killer time. Behemoth was as advertised - there is something really weird about slowly climbing up a hill at an obtuse angle that makes your heart race and your bum-hole pucker... and then you drop. Highlight of the day: My girth helping me win the Crazy Carpet Waterslide Race... I knew being chubby would come in handy one of these days!
4. Cool Hand Luke: Indestructible Dog
Luke spent the afternoon in the Kennel at Wonderland - a cool setup where you pay $6, can visit all you want and we're not forced to risk leaving him at home for 13 hours. He was on the second tier of the kennels and he was so excited when we went to pick him up at the end of the day that he didn't wait for us to grab him and place him on the floor. He jumped. Head first. Into the concrete floor. Man it was a loud thud. Luke, he bounced right up and continued being super excited as if nothing had happened. My dog is invincible.
5. Shaved Head + No Sunscreen = OUCH!
The funny thing is that I covered every other part of my body with SPF 167 so that my pasty white skin would stay pasty white. Do you think I considered running a layer of sun-blocking goodness over my freshly shaved cranium? Of course not. Now it's bright pink. And a little sore. I'm a genius.
6. I'm Not Big on Fireworks
More correctly, I'm not big on large, assembled masses of mouth-breathers collected together in a small area oohing and aahing over colourful explosions in the air, which is what I got the joy of experiencing Tuesday night for Canada Day. Adding to the misery were the geniuses who tried telling people not to stand in certain areas as they could not see - it was a giant parking lot... not reserved seating - and the dueling idiots who (a) try to back the car out amidst all the crowd and (b) the young people who feel the need to antagonize the driver even more by cursing at him, giving him the finger and standing in front of his car. Needless to say, I won't be in attendance next year.
7. My Brother-in-Law is Aces
I finally met Tim on Thursday and while we've only spent one day together, I can say without question that I will have an awesome Brother-in-Law come next April. Besides our shared interest in Guinness and soccer, our personalities work well together and our sense of humour is about the same. While it sucks that I could only spend one day with him on this trip, I'm really looking forward to getting out to Vancouver in September to hang out some more. Then we'll work on convincing him to move to Ontario...
8. Rampage versus Forrest - Can't Wait for the Rematch!
The Main Event of last night's UFC 86 card was better than advertised. These two dudes - both of whom I would put in my Top 5 fighters - went at it for five five minute rounds with Forrest Griffin coming out the new champ. Both landed some wicked blows and a rematch is an absolute must. Other than Josh Koscheck slipping loads of Chris Lytle's blood all over the Octagon was the other highlight.
9. Is It Just Me...
When I do business, I tend to be extremely diligent in my dealings with other people. If they email me, I email them back almost immediately. No one likes being left in a lurch. This week, I've been left hanging a couple times and I have to say that it drives me insane. Here is the problem - I've fulfilled my end of the arrangement but now I'm at the mercy of someone else and that, as we know, isn't a position I like to be in. As I've asked before, is it really that hard to send someone an email?
10. Operation: 185 Starts Tomorrow
Currently, I would be victorious if I was beginning Operation: 204 tomorrow, but I'm not. That means I have 19 pounds to drop to get to my ideal weight. My plan? It all starts with eating properly - not dieting, just eating properly - including all kinds of fruits and vegetables. Step Two is that MMA Training book I mentioned yesterday. Daily workouts, never skipped, no matter. Step Three is sleep. A lot can be said about the benefits of a regular sleep pattern, including how valuable it is to weight loss and better overall health. The best part of all is that I won't be alone in this effort, which is a big plus for anyone trying to get in better shape. Sarah's on board as well - not for the MMA workouts, but everything else. I'll keep you posted here in the 10 Spot from week to week. Wish me luck...
Thursday, April 10, 2008
D'You Know What I Did Today?
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Things I Learned This Week
You know what? This has actually been a fairly mild mannered week all things considered. I mean, I didn't hit anymore deer, we're all moved in and work wasn't actually that bad. Still, life is always educational.
1. I Have The Ability To Change People
Contrary to the popular belief that people can only change if they want to, I present my girlfriend, Sarah, as my exhibit that I have transformative powers, if transformative is even a word. When we met, she was quiet, never swore and was financially responsible. Seventeen months later, she's only quiet when she is uncomfortable, swears with great regularity - especially at the computer - and has developed an affinity for spending money. To hell with popular beliefs... I have the power!
2. Exercise Blows
Yeah, this isn't so much a "Thing I Learned This Week" as it is an "Affirmation of Something I Already Knew," but either way, it fits. I now walk to and from work pretty much every day. It's not that far, doesn't take that long and is probably going to help me with that whole get in shape resolution of mine. But still, I hate it. I hate the cold to begin with, so knowing that I have to trudge my fat ass up hill 50% of the way each way in the bitter cold of The Rock isn't very appealing. Doesn't help that my new boots aren't worn in yet either, so I get to work and have a bloody mess of a heal every day. Stupid deer ruining our car and making me exercise!
3. New Year, Same Morons Part I
2008 hasn't decreased the amount of mouth-breathing idiots that flock to Blockbuster on a daily basis. In fact, thus far, 2008 has been a banner year for morons. Example 1: The Crotchety Old Lady who pays no attention to the fact that there is a lineup, walks up to my cash and demands to know where our Prison Section is, as if we have an entire area devoted to three crappy Steven Seagal prison movies and Blood In, Blood Out. What makes her even better is that she kept at it for twenty minutes, demanding I pick out some prison movies for her as if I have them all committed to memory before she told someone on the other end of her cell phone that I was being an asshole. Yes, I was standing right next to her when she said it. Wicked, eh?
4. New Year, Same Morons Part II
A Random Guy who came in yesterday and asked if we had a section of adult magazines. What The Fuck Dude? I could understand asking about skin flicks - and it happens with some frequency - but what part of our store being called Blockbuster Video makes you think we would possibly have a stack of spank mags tucked away in a corner of the store, maybe next to the kid's section just for shits and giggles? Seriously...
5. My Fan Base Stands at 2
Now you and I know that that isn't exactly true, because I know exactly how many people have visited this here site in the past couple weeks and it's a lot more than two, but I have this little Facebook Exercise in Narcissism set up where people can click a link and "Become a Fan of... E.Spencer Kyte, Writer" and there are currently two such people. One is Sarah, who strongly objected to the exercise and joined only because she knew I would hold a grudge against her until she did and the other is my friend AJ from Bugs & Cranks. My question to you reading this with a Facebook Account - which is pretty much everyone in the world now, no? - is what the hell are you waiting for?
6. Anonymous Commentors Piss Me Off
Since I started this little venture, no one had posted a comment anonymously, until some douchebag dropped one on the Dishonour Roll: Phil Kyte post criticizing my slagging the Old Man in - gasp - a blog post! Here's what comes to mind: it's either (a) a member of my extended family who disagrees with my slagging the Old Man in general, yet alone on my blog or (b) some fuckwad who likes to comment on what other people do from the shadows of anonymity because he/she doesn't want anyone to know who they are. Grow a sack and identify yourself Anonymous one, then we can talk.
7. I Don't Miss TV
I thought this Writer's Strike would have screwed things up for me a little, but really, I haven't missed television at all. The shows I like - aside from Grey's - have remained on the air and since I've been working a great deal and doing a ton of unpacking, writing and playing NBA Live 08, I haven't missed it all that much. That being said, I'm pumped that Grey's is back as on Thursday.
8. If This Writing Thing Doesn't Work Out, I'm Becoming a Chef
Nothing compares to the feeling I get after completing a piece and seeing it take off, either in print in Passion or getting hits and votes on the 'Net. The only thing mildly similar is how satisfying it is to whip up a delicious meal from scratch, sit down and enjoy it. Fired off a couple nice ones in the last ten days of being in the new house and should writing not pan out, becoming a chef is an option. Of course, writing is going to pan out... but I might just take a couple cooking classes on the side anyway.
9. I'm A Walking Pop Culture Quote Machine...
And very few people have any idea what the hell I'm talking about half of the time. I use lines from Friends on a daily basis and have to put them in context even for the Friends Die Hards I'm surrounded by (Sarah, Ash, Erin & Kim). When someone calls Blockbuster and refuses to speak, I break out the "Baxter? Is that you? Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee" and everyone looks at me like I'm an idiot. Admittedly, I am a bit of an idiot, but still.
10. I Don't Understand Why People Are Shocked When I Know What Movie They're Talking About
I spend 40 hours a week at Blockbuster goddamn Video and have been a movie buff for a long time before that, so why is it so shocking that I know which movie you're looking for when you tell me who is in it, what it's about and roughly when it came out? This is what I do people. It works with music and sports too. Feel free to challenge me whenever you're bored...
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
The Rundown: Resolutions Abound
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