10 Things I Learned This Week

My first full week back in the mountains has been an interesting affair to say the least.

As per usual, I feel the need to share it with you, no matter how embarrassed it makes Sarah...

1. The Deer are Not Alone
I've officially gotten over my "Look at the deer" wonderment of how cool it is that they are everywhere. I'm sick of them and you can add elk to that list too. Without exaggeration, we saw 150 deer and a couple herds of elk yesterday along the TCH (Trans Canada Highway) coming home from Calgary, including the stupid, massive elk in the middle of the other lane. Them fuckers don't just ruin your car, either.

2. We'd Have Been Home Sooner But...
There was a bit of a lost property issue. Namely, Sarah's wallet. Now, lemme start by saying my new wife is the type who will leave her wallet sitting in the shopping cart then walk off to look at things. This is how I wound up carrying around a wallet yesterday. She also managed to unload all the goodies we picked up and return the cart with her wallet still in the cart. Thankfully, she figured it out while we were across the street, not on the way home and they had it for us at the store. What makes it all the more awesome is that she had an over the shoulder bag with her, but it stayed in the car where it was most useful.

3. Customer Service Excellence
So when I walked back in to Home Outfitters to inquire about Sarah's wallet, the lady who was serving us did a cursory check of her area, ask one person and wished us luck in our search. When I went back in to leave our contact information and get the number for the credit card companies, she handed me the Calgary phone book. We had accepted defeat. Fifteen minutes down the road, the store manager called and said she had Sarah's wallet. Turns out, no one had thought to ask her, something she was wickedly sarcastic about when we met her back at the store. Good to see people helping people in action.

4. We Got a Ton of Stuff for $9
This whole Calgary misadventure came about because we were registered at Home Outfitters and had gifts to pick up. Yes, Calgary is the closest store. -1 for the East Kootenays, yes. Anyway, we also received $150 in Gift Cards from various people, so in the end, we had a trunk and backseat full of gear - all wonderful by the way - and all it cost us was $9. Plus gas, food and my mild heart attack when Sarah "lost" her wallet, but still... $9.

5. Rediscovered Passion
Taking nearly three weeks off writing was hard; necessary, but hard. Since returning, the fire is back and Keyboard Kimura has a lot to do with that. Yes, I'm plugging my new blog again. Having a daily outlet for the sport I love makes me want to sit at this computer and once I get flowing, I could go for hours. Not that writing here isn't inspiring, but there is so much about MMA that I want to address and talk about and rant on and whatever that creating that site should have happened six months ago when I first thought up the name.

6. A Brief Clarification
This is for everyone who has ever said, "Why don't you just write a book" to me since I've taken up this craft. Trust me, I absolutely want to and have finally started down that road. That being said, do you have any idea how long a process it can be? It's not like I can sit for a couple days and viola - book is done, especially when I have other commitments. I'd love to take six months and sit here for 10 hours a day, but (1) I have to work and (2) I have a life to live. Yes, writing is a huge part of it, but not more so than my wife and my dog. It's going to take time, but it's going to get done.

7. One Month, Only a Couple Smokes
I didn't want to say anything because, well, you've heard it time and time again. However, in the last month, I've had three smokes. Three! Sure, there were cigars in Samana - and one in Ty's backyard the other night - but after being a smokerson for nearly 15 years, three darts in a months is awesome, even if I am the only one who thinks so.

8. Seriously, What's with the Music?
I listened to an "urban" radio station for the first time in ages yesterday (-2 for the East Kootenays if you're keeping track) and all it did was add to Tuesday's frustrations with the state of popular music. What in the hell is Kiss Me Through the Phone? To their credit, at least the delivered some K'naan and Classified, but the rest of the countdown was garbage.

9. Speaking of 98.5 Vibe in Calgary
How the hell do you have a DJ who actually knows nothing about the artists he's playing? This dude - ON AIR - couldn't remember whether Classified was from the East Coast or West Coast (East Coast...) and rambled on about how K'naan was from The Sudan and what he went through. Too bad he's from Somalia. Killing me!

10. They're Having a Girl, As Predicted
Pete & Brooke are pregnant (I think I told you that before) and they found out this week that they're having a girl. Faye and I both predicted this in the Dominican. Not by the way Brooke is carrying or any kind of science; we roll on the simple basis that we want Pete to be tortured as much as possible and well, having girls will do that to him. Emily Grace is going to be plenty once she grows up, now there will be another.

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. There Aren't Enough Hours in the Day
24 hours is not enough time to do all the things I want to do and need to do. That is exactly why I haven't been here in two whole days; the things I want to do (read: write posts here) get outweighed by the things I need to do (read: going to work) and as soon as I get home it's off to sleep, pretty much. Today is going to be interesting because we need to hit the Travel Agent to plan the wedding, but I also have to be at work earlier than normal and close the place tonight.

2. Back Behind The Bar
So I've been helping out on the bar at Montana's the last couple weeks - grabbing my own drinks and helping out when the bartenders get overrun with drinks to make and tables to cover. Friday night, one of our bartenders didn't show up for the 900th time and has now been 86'ed. Guess who they asked to take his place? Obviously, I accepted, as it's the same hours over less days and better money, though it does feel weird to be pouring draft again after more than a year away from the taps.

3. I Should Have Been Tending Bar From the Beginning
Why? Because I made as much money in one shift yesterday as I did working Tuesday, Thursday and Friday combined. Granted, I did work for ten hours, but still, making $150 bucks in one day is aces to me. Mix in a closing shift tonight and a couple more nights on the bar during the week and I could be looking at some pretty decent financial gains between now and the next installment of 10 Things.

4. Dark Knight = AWESOME!
Friday night was crap at The Cookhouse, which normally would make me angry. This week, however, it made me very,very happy as it meant that instead of having to wait until this coming Sunday to see The Dark Knight, we could take it in Friday night. And take it in we did, from the second row... for the 10:45 show... At 1:30 when we walked out of the theatre, I knew I had just finished watching my favourite movie of the year.

5. I'm Really Going to Miss Heath
Seeing the transformed Ledger deliver an amazing performance as The Joker only reminded me of how unfortunate it is that he died earlier this year. His Oscar win - and he will win - won't be because he passed away like some people will undoubtedly frame it, but because his performance was so captivating that you couldn't take your eyes away from him, even when he was just sitting there. We lost one of our generation's best when he died. It would have been incredible to see him continue to evolve as an actor because there is nothing he couldn't do on screen.

6. The List of Future Landing Zones
So Sarah has finally finished her resume and cover letters and is applying for jobs as we speak. The potential destinations of the future Mr. and Mrs. Kyte are: London, Kitchener-Waterloo, Hamilton, Grimbsy, Orillia and St. Catherines. We'll keep you posted on whether we're coming to a town near you...

7. No Longer Questioning My Coolness
A couple of weeks ago, I waxed poetically about whether the style of the time had passed me by. After a day spent shopping on Saturday, the answer is a resounding no... sort of. While the style of the time for teenagers and twentysomethings has passed me by, my style has grown up into much more classy and stylish attire and that is never a bad thing. I never would have imagined a time would come where I would pass up a search announcing my training as a ninja or one of goaltender Jesus making a brilliant grab that reads "Jesus Saves" in favour of a quasi-political, socially aware GAP Inspi(RED) t-shirt, but those days are here and I love them. Look Mom - my jeans aren't hanging off my ass cheeks any more.

8. Movie Lengths - An Opinion Piece
So the last two movies I've watched (Vantage Point and Dark Knight) had a time difference of nearly 90 minutes. Another way of looking at it is that I could have watched Vantage Point twice in the time I watched The Dark Knight, but I would never do that. What I don't get is why someone in Hollywood thinks 90 minute movies work. For the most part, they don't, unless they are cheese-tastic comedies with little to no plot. Vantage Point was rolling along nicely until it seems like they got near their 90 minute cap and ended it horribly. Like I've said since Friday night / Saturday morning - I would rather sit through nearly three hours of The Dark Knight and how no stone unturned than watch 90 minutes of uselessness that leaves me wondering why they left parts unfinished.

9. A T-Shirt, An Idiot and A Little Perspective
So I had a guy sit at one of my tables yesterday with a black t-shirt on that said "I Oppose Gay Marriage." Yesterday was the London Pride Parade, so it made a little sense. But this wasn't "here are my feelings on a t-shirt" in a nice, polite way; this was a biker dude who I also overheard using the words "faggots," "queers" and other slurs repeatedly. I actually asked if I could refuse to serve him. I was told no for the record. Anywho, I got to thinking as I dealt with him and his four neanderthal friends - social monogliods like them get to live their lives, hating people for who they love, believing in all their stereotypes and "we're better than everyone else" bullshit, so what the fuck is their problem with guys who like guys or girls who like girls? You don't see anyone walking around in "I Oppose Gay-Dashing Biker Morons" t-shirts...

10. Operation: 185 Update
Starting Weight: 204 lbs.
Last Week's Weight: 201 lbs.
Current Weight: 199 lbs.
So I've dropped two pounds - and not just overnight or anything. I've maintained the 199 for the most part over the course of the week and have now refined my training into a much more balance (read: no more near hernia-inducing overdoing of the ab portion of the program) routine where it's two on, one off, two on, two off and no body part gets overly taxed on back to back days. Five down, fourteen to go...

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Change Clothes

Yeah, I'm channeling Shawn Carter here alright and with good reason.

The man the world knows as Jay-Z is a fashion icon and someone that a lot of men out there could stand to pay a little attention to, not just on wax either.

Some time ago, Mr. Beyonce Knowles decided to trade in the throwbacks and crooked hats for dapper duds and double Windsor knots. The uniform of white sneakers and white t-shirts, on top of wife beaters that Talib Kweli speaks of in "Get By" used to be the daily attire of Jay too, but somewhere along the way something changed.

The lead single from his outstanding "retirement record" The Black Album and title of this missive serves as an infommercial on attire:

Ma, I don't shop what the rest buy
Oh no Ma please respect my
Jiggy this is probably purple label
Or that BBC or it's probably tailored
But y'all niggas acting way too tough
Throw on a suit, get it tapered up, and let's just
(Change Clothes and go...)

So why am I sharing all of this with you?

Tonight is Sarah's Nursing Ball, a chance for her and those in her class to dress it up and have a nicely dressed night next to equally elegant significant others. We're dressing up and stepping out tonight...

Last year, I was the envy of the other boyfriends in the room, as Sarah is the greatest girlfriend a man could ask for an okayed my wearing jeans, sneaks and an untucked dress shirt under a jacket...

Yep, this time last year I was sporting the Douchebag Uniform. I told you I was a culprit too.

So when we hit the mall a couple weeks ago to pick up gear for tonight, I started with pieces - a great pinstriped vest, crisp white shirt, dynamite black tie and some sweet grey wool pants. I thought I was set. Then I watched Revolver.

"See? Everyone always looks good in a suit," I said as Jason Statham and his Turtle-less entourage stepped from an elevator in one of the opening scenes. Since then, all I could think about was suiting up for the evening, styling it up even more than originally scheduled. And that is just what I'm going to do tonight.

Black Pinstripe - three piece - freshly clipped hair, clean shaved and ready for pictures.

I joke about my metrosexuality on occasion and am an admitted fashion fan. As such, I want to pass on this nugget of advice to any and every man who has stuck around and gotten to this point of the prose:

Whenever you can - dinner out somewhere, drinks, a date or a party like I'm hitting tonight - style it up as much as you can.

ZZ Top wasn't lying all those years ago; every girl is crazy for a sharp dressed man.

(The love of shopping has returned... you've got a sidekick if you need one Newt!)

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. My Brother is Engaged
"Pistol Pete" popped the question to his girlfriend Brooke upon her return from a Dominican vacation. I'd like to congratulate them on this event in their life and wish them all the best now and in the future. No date is set as of yet.

2. My Brother and I Aren't Close
It sucks when you learn about your brother's engagement via a mass email. Sucks isn't the right word; hurts is the word. Realizing that you're no longer important enough to warrant a personal email, yet alone a phone call, from the person you idolized until you were twelve hurts.

3. Michael Musto Cares About His Readers
After penning my Musto on Lohan on Marilyn piece earlier in the week, I sent a quick email and link to the Village Voice columnist, just because. Saturday morning I read an email from Musto, thanking me for my message and piece and sharing a couple of laughs over the "bimbettes" of the world. Michael Musto is good people!

4. Still Waiting
Conversely, Kevin Smith has never once replied to anything I have sent him. Nor has Jayson Stark, the ESPN Baseball writer who agreed to an interview with me for Bugs & Cranks during the season last year. He said yes, I emailed questions, he got ghost. Michael Musto wouldn't do a thing like that to his readers...

5. Job Hunting Isn't As Bad As I Remember
I applied for two jobs this week - the one with The Score that I've told you about before and one as a Sports Reporter with the Kitchener Record, a daily newspaper where I went to university. In previous employment searching experiences, it wasn't this prosperous. Normally I don't find anything and get discouraged. This time, I actually think there is a chance that I get a job I enjoy. Imagine that!

6. March is a Busy Month
Somehow, it's March 9th already. My flight back to Ontario is exactly one month away. Zero packing has been done, we've got three weekends booked solid with events and there is that little inconvenience known as work that I still have to attend five days a week until I leave. This could get hectic.

7. There Is An Easy Way Out of Customer Disputes
Use big words. When people want to argue with you about stupid things like $2 Restocking Fees on movies, use the biggest words in your vocabulary when answering them, even if you use them improperly. Most of the customers won't know the difference and if you can do it with an even temper and a straight face, they'll just let it go and be on their way. I had some fun with this one last night...

8. Peter Cetera Was Right
Saying "I'm Sorry" or some variation of such is really, really difficult for a lot of people. I mean, no one likes to admit they were wrong, but if you made a scene, dropped a couple F-bombs on minimum wage employees who were just doing their job and then realized you were the one who had made the error, don't you think you could say, "Listen, sorry about the F-bombs. My mistake" or something like that? At the very least, don't call and tell me you found the movie in question under your couch and then proceed to question why we never reminded you about it not being returned...

9. One Free Jose Reyes Bobblehead Doll Coming My Way
One of the perks of preparing merchandise for rental is five finger discounting some of the little flyers and inserts that are inside. Major League Baseball 2K8 came with a website for the bobblehead in question. I've placed my order and am now accepting offers for this little piece of memorabilia. How much you give me B-Rad?

10. Me and Shopping Are No Longer BFF
I know how incredibly gay that sounds, but at least it is past tense gay... not that there is anything wrong with that. See, I used to be a shopaholic, sending whatever money didn't go towards bills went to buying things. No specific things, just things. We went shopping Friday night for some new clothes for YT and it was somewhat painful. I used to walk in, find what I needed instantly, try it on and roll. Now, I stagger around the store unsure of everything. Even picking out a black tie was a bit of a chore. I guess it's a good thing - saving money and all that - but still, part of me is a little sad...

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Things I Learned This Week

1. Losing Your Luggage Isn't All Bad
My man Deuce, the one with the fire-filled comment directed at John Q. Anonymous a couple pieces back, had his luggage "misplaced" flying home from Vancouver over the New Year. As it turns out, because he used his credit card to book the flight, said credit card company gives him a $100/day clothing allowance for his troubles to a maximum of five days. Needless to say, Deuce is going shopping in the very near future to replace his lost wardrobe. You should maybe go on Tuesday Deuce. I'm off. I could go with you. I'm good at shopping.

2. Get Everything Done Before You Open the First Beer
Because if you don't, you'll finish the first beer and open the second and then next thing you know, you've drank the entire 8-pack of Guinness that was supposed to last you the night, you didn't end up writing that blog post you were planning (Sorry Everyone!) and you're half in the bag by the time you're ready to start making dinner. The moral of the story? I got drunk last night...

3. I Am, In Fact, A Sally
Tapped out somewhere around 12:30 last night. Yep, 12:30. That's it. Deuce was still chugging along and Sarah was well into Drunk Sarah mode where she could drink lighter fluid and not feel a thing. As for me, I had puked a little and was ready to pack it in before the clock hit 1 AM. What the hell has happened to me? I blame working nine days in a row at Blockbuster and being woken up at 9 AM by the rampaging toddler upstairs, but really, that's just the kind of thing a Sally who tapped out before 1 AM would be expected to say. I'll try to do better next time.

4. Canadian Sports Media Sucks
D'you know what's awesome? When the two best teams in all of hockey face off against one another, one of them being from the Nation's Capital, the other being my Red Wings, and every sports outlet in this country leads with the litany of problems plaguing the Toronto Maple Leafs. Are you shitting me? I don't care that you're the biggest city in the country and have the most loyal fans in the world. The Leafs are shit and everyone, especially Leafs fans, need to start realizing this.

5. You Like Me! You Really Like Me!
This ode to Sally Field brought to you by the nine - count'em 9! - Fans of E. Spencer Kyte on Facebook. Much thanks to Sarah Cole, AJ Godson, Lance Doucette, Erin Dillon, Ashley Clements, David Chalk, Mark Townsend and Bryan Buchanan for signing up. A bigger shout out goes to Chalk's friend Galina who is the only person not connected to me in some way, shape or form who has joined. You guys and gals rock! To the rest of you, what the fuck is the matter with you? Join already bitches... especially you Smitty!

6. Sarah's Scrabble Supremacy is Failing
I've got two wins in a row and counting. She'll tell you I have one win in a row and we quit the game before that, but the truth is she lost interest and started chatting on MSN for the simple reason that she was getting her ass handed to her and is so competitive that she would rather quit than actually admit defeat.

7. I Hate The Simpson Sisters
Ashley is engaged to Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy, whose heartbroken tales of suburban emo misery I greatly enjoy. How can one write about being miserable and having a shitty life if you in fact aren't miserable and don't have a shitty life? Fall Out Boy will never be the same. Big sister Jessica could be the blame for an even bigger screw up if things don't go well for the Dallas Cowboys this afternoon. Should her current boyfriend Tony Romo and his teammates shit the bed against the New York Football Giants, it won't be the Giants who get credit for playing well, it'll be Yoko Simpson taking the blame for dragging Tony off to Cancun this week when he should have been focusing on football. Us media types are retarded... Jessica also makes me puke a little in my mouth for introducing the world at large to Nick Lachey, which in turn made his stupid little brother Drew a C-List Celebrity.

8. Kevin Smith Doesn't Reply to MySpace Messages
So there is a push to get the man who is responsible for Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy et al out to Memorial University for a Q&A a la his An Evening With series. Proving that Facebook is taking over the world, there is a group for it. Yes, I'm a member of said group. I am also a former MySpace user and have Kevin Smith on my friend list, so I thought I would send him a message to see if I could drum up some information on how one would go about sorting something like this out. That was ten days ago and I've got nothing. I'm sure there is a logical explanation - namely that he is a busy man who gets thousands of messages a day polluting his Inbox - but still. I'll keep you posted on the status... ten days and counting.

9. Apparently, Writing A Funny Movie that Lasts Longer Than 96 Minutes is Hard Work
Brought home three new comedy releases this weekend - Mr. Woodcock, Good Luck Chuck and The Ten. None of them are more than 96 minutes long and none of them are all that funny. Woodcock was decent enough. Billy Bob plays a bastard pretty well and Amy Poehler needs to get even more work as she is one of the funniest women around. You all know how I feel about Dane Cook, so that doesn't need to be rehashed and The Ten was just plain shitty. I suppose I should be thankful that none of them cost me more than an hour and a half of my life, but I mean, is it really that hard to come up with a new, funny idea and make it work for, heaven forbid, 120 minutes?

10. The People of New Hampshire Are Racist
While it's probably not very truthful, I need some kind of explanation of why Hilary Clinton won the NH Primary and not The Next President of the United States Barack Obama. Playing the race card seems like the most ridiculous notion, so I'll go with that. On a sad note, it's hilarious to me that I care a lot more about US Politics than I do Canadian Politics. Maybe it's because of the sorry state of Canadian Politics. I mean, who doesn't love powerless Minority Governments?!

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