Sunday, January 6, 2008

Things I Learned This Week

You know what? This has actually been a fairly mild mannered week all things considered. I mean, I didn't hit anymore deer, we're all moved in and work wasn't actually that bad. Still, life is always educational.

1. I Have The Ability To Change People
Contrary to the popular belief that people can only change if they want to, I present my girlfriend, Sarah, as my exhibit that I have transformative powers, if transformative is even a word. When we met, she was quiet, never swore and was financially responsible. Seventeen months later, she's only quiet when she is uncomfortable, swears with great regularity - especially at the computer - and has developed an affinity for spending money. To hell with popular beliefs... I have the power!

2. Exercise Blows
Yeah, this isn't so much a "Thing I Learned This Week" as it is an "Affirmation of Something I Already Knew," but either way, it fits. I now walk to and from work pretty much every day. It's not that far, doesn't take that long and is probably going to help me with that whole get in shape resolution of mine. But still, I hate it. I hate the cold to begin with, so knowing that I have to trudge my fat ass up hill 50% of the way each way in the bitter cold of The Rock isn't very appealing. Doesn't help that my new boots aren't worn in yet either, so I get to work and have a bloody mess of a heal every day. Stupid deer ruining our car and making me exercise!

3. New Year, Same Morons Part I
2008 hasn't decreased the amount of mouth-breathing idiots that flock to Blockbuster on a daily basis. In fact, thus far, 2008 has been a banner year for morons. Example 1: The Crotchety Old Lady who pays no attention to the fact that there is a lineup, walks up to my cash and demands to know where our Prison Section is, as if we have an entire area devoted to three crappy Steven Seagal prison movies and Blood In, Blood Out. What makes her even better is that she kept at it for twenty minutes, demanding I pick out some prison movies for her as if I have them all committed to memory before she told someone on the other end of her cell phone that I was being an asshole. Yes, I was standing right next to her when she said it. Wicked, eh?

4. New Year, Same Morons Part II
A Random Guy who came in yesterday and asked if we had a section of adult magazines. What The Fuck Dude? I could understand asking about skin flicks - and it happens with some frequency - but what part of our store being called Blockbuster Video makes you think we would possibly have a stack of spank mags tucked away in a corner of the store, maybe next to the kid's section just for shits and giggles? Seriously...

5. My Fan Base Stands at 2
Now you and I know that that isn't exactly true, because I know exactly how many people have visited this here site in the past couple weeks and it's a lot more than two, but I have this little Facebook Exercise in Narcissism set up where people can click a link and "Become a Fan of... E.Spencer Kyte, Writer" and there are currently two such people. One is Sarah, who strongly objected to the exercise and joined only because she knew I would hold a grudge against her until she did and the other is my friend AJ from Bugs & Cranks. My question to you reading this with a Facebook Account - which is pretty much everyone in the world now, no? - is what the hell are you waiting for?

6. Anonymous Commentors Piss Me Off
Since I started this little venture, no one had posted a comment anonymously, until some douchebag dropped one on the Dishonour Roll: Phil Kyte post criticizing my slagging the Old Man in - gasp - a blog post! Here's what comes to mind: it's either (a) a member of my extended family who disagrees with my slagging the Old Man in general, yet alone on my blog or (b) some fuckwad who likes to comment on what other people do from the shadows of anonymity because he/she doesn't want anyone to know who they are. Grow a sack and identify yourself Anonymous one, then we can talk.

7. I Don't Miss TV
I thought this Writer's Strike would have screwed things up for me a little, but really, I haven't missed television at all. The shows I like - aside from Grey's - have remained on the air and since I've been working a great deal and doing a ton of unpacking, writing and playing NBA Live 08, I haven't missed it all that much. That being said, I'm pumped that Grey's is back as on Thursday.

8. If This Writing Thing Doesn't Work Out, I'm Becoming a Chef
Nothing compares to the feeling I get after completing a piece and seeing it take off, either in print in Passion or getting hits and votes on the 'Net. The only thing mildly similar is how satisfying it is to whip up a delicious meal from scratch, sit down and enjoy it. Fired off a couple nice ones in the last ten days of being in the new house and should writing not pan out, becoming a chef is an option. Of course, writing is going to pan out... but I might just take a couple cooking classes on the side anyway.

9. I'm A Walking Pop Culture Quote Machine...
And very few people have any idea what the hell I'm talking about half of the time. I use lines from Friends on a daily basis and have to put them in context even for the Friends Die Hards I'm surrounded by (Sarah, Ash, Erin & Kim). When someone calls Blockbuster and refuses to speak, I break out the "Baxter? Is that you? Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee" and everyone looks at me like I'm an idiot. Admittedly, I am a bit of an idiot, but still.

10. I Don't Understand Why People Are Shocked When I Know What Movie They're Talking About
I spend 40 hours a week at Blockbuster goddamn Video and have been a movie buff for a long time before that, so why is it so shocking that I know which movie you're looking for when you tell me who is in it, what it's about and roughly when it came out? This is what I do people. It works with music and sports too. Feel free to challenge me whenever you're bored...


Captain Nemo said...

Dude, a fuckwad is someone who calls out his own father in public. Either work that shit out or let it be. Don't piss people off unnecessarily.

And why get your panties in a bind over some commenter with no name?

E. Spencer Kyte said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
E. Spencer Kyte said...

Yes, I deleted my own comment because I didn't want to be overly angry about this. So here is the last I have to say about it all:

(1) I've tried to work that shit out many times and it won't ever happen. You don't know the story so please don't think it's as easy as making a phone call.

(2) The only person who seems to be pissed off about this is you, unless you know of others who are mad too. If so, lemme know, kay?

(3) I'm frustrated by the no names because this space is here for me to be open and expressive and chastising my actions without being willing to identify yourself isn't what this site is about for me. You can say whatever you want, but at least lemme know why me "calling out" my old man angers you so...

Besides, this wasn't a calling out. This was mild...