10 Things I Learned This Week

1. We're Not Meant to Have a Car
Or at least, not a used car. Why? One, we're not smart enough to remember to turn off the lights, meaning the battery gets drained and we need a boost about once a month. Two, the three times we've called for a boost from CAA, we have jumper cables in the back all along. Looking would have been too easy. Three, we blew a tire Thursday night heading to Midland. That means that every time we've gone somewhere meaningful in the two months we've had this car, something has happened. It's just not worth the hassle. Oh yeah - that exhaust issue from our trip to Beamsville? $360.00. AWESOME!

2. E. Spencer Kyte, Tire Changer
Sarah didn't think I could do it. I didn't have any doubts in my mind. Never underestimate the power and skills of an angry-as-fuck smokaholic who is forced to change a tire on the side of the 400 Extension at 11PM. A few thousand curse words, a little elbow grease and a we had that tire off and changed in no time.

3. Best Wonderland Day Ever!
Thursday at the theme park was wicked. It ended up being a bright, sunny afternoon, we rode every single ride, literally, and had a killer time. Behemoth was as advertised - there is something really weird about slowly climbing up a hill at an obtuse angle that makes your heart race and your bum-hole pucker... and then you drop. Highlight of the day: My girth helping me win the Crazy Carpet Waterslide Race... I knew being chubby would come in handy one of these days!

4. Cool Hand Luke: Indestructible Dog
Luke spent the afternoon in the Kennel at Wonderland - a cool setup where you pay $6, can visit all you want and we're not forced to risk leaving him at home for 13 hours. He was on the second tier of the kennels and he was so excited when we went to pick him up at the end of the day that he didn't wait for us to grab him and place him on the floor. He jumped. Head first. Into the concrete floor. Man it was a loud thud. Luke, he bounced right up and continued being super excited as if nothing had happened. My dog is invincible.

5. Shaved Head + No Sunscreen = OUCH!
The funny thing is that I covered every other part of my body with SPF 167 so that my pasty white skin would stay pasty white. Do you think I considered running a layer of sun-blocking goodness over my freshly shaved cranium? Of course not. Now it's bright pink. And a little sore. I'm a genius.

6. I'm Not Big on Fireworks
More correctly, I'm not big on large, assembled masses of mouth-breathers collected together in a small area oohing and aahing over colourful explosions in the air, which is what I got the joy of experiencing Tuesday night for Canada Day. Adding to the misery were the geniuses who tried telling people not to stand in certain areas as they could not see - it was a giant parking lot... not reserved seating - and the dueling idiots who (a) try to back the car out amidst all the crowd and (b) the young people who feel the need to antagonize the driver even more by cursing at him, giving him the finger and standing in front of his car. Needless to say, I won't be in attendance next year.

7. My Brother-in-Law is Aces
I finally met Tim on Thursday and while we've only spent one day together, I can say without question that I will have an awesome Brother-in-Law come next April. Besides our shared interest in Guinness and soccer, our personalities work well together and our sense of humour is about the same. While it sucks that I could only spend one day with him on this trip, I'm really looking forward to getting out to Vancouver in September to hang out some more. Then we'll work on convincing him to move to Ontario...

8. Rampage versus Forrest - Can't Wait for the Rematch!
The Main Event of last night's UFC 86 card was better than advertised. These two dudes - both of whom I would put in my Top 5 fighters - went at it for five five minute rounds with Forrest Griffin coming out the new champ. Both landed some wicked blows and a rematch is an absolute must. Other than Josh Koscheck slipping loads of Chris Lytle's blood all over the Octagon was the other highlight.

9. Is It Just Me...
When I do business, I tend to be extremely diligent in my dealings with other people. If they email me, I email them back almost immediately. No one likes being left in a lurch. This week, I've been left hanging a couple times and I have to say that it drives me insane. Here is the problem - I've fulfilled my end of the arrangement but now I'm at the mercy of someone else and that, as we know, isn't a position I like to be in. As I've asked before, is it really that hard to send someone an email?

10. Operation: 185 Starts Tomorrow
Currently, I would be victorious if I was beginning Operation: 204 tomorrow, but I'm not. That means I have 19 pounds to drop to get to my ideal weight. My plan? It all starts with eating properly - not dieting, just eating properly - including all kinds of fruits and vegetables. Step Two is that MMA Training book I mentioned yesterday. Daily workouts, never skipped, no matter. Step Three is sleep. A lot can be said about the benefits of a regular sleep pattern, including how valuable it is to weight loss and better overall health. The best part of all is that I won't be alone in this effort, which is a big plus for anyone trying to get in better shape. Sarah's on board as well - not for the MMA workouts, but everything else. I'll keep you posted here in the 10 Spot from week to week. Wish me luck...

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The Rundown: Wonderland Baby!

Tomorrow is shaping up to be altogether awesome!

First, I'm FINALLY meeting Sarah's brother Tim for the first time. It might take place tonight if he somehow manages to make it through Customs, to the ticket booth and onto a plane in roughly 90 minutes after he lands in Ottawa.

Like I said, I'm meeting him tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it. We've talked a couple times and we have some similar interests (Guinness, soccer) so it will be great to get to hang out and get to know him after nearly two years of dating his sister.

And what better place to bond than Wonderland! Nothing can bring you closer together than being strapped in to the Extreme Sky Flyer as you're forced to pull your own chord and plummet towards the ground shrieking and laughing.

With that in mind, why not celebrate all that is great about Paramount Canada's Wonderland in today's installment of The Rundown...

Top Five Things About Wonderland

5. Funnel Cakes
Do I need to explain?

4. Overpriced Games
One word: Whack-a-Mole!

3. The Water Park
We're fo' shizz hitting up the Water Park tomorrow, as it will be sweltering hot and everyone needs a float in an inner tube down the lazy river after packing back as much food as humanly possible at the All-U-Can-Eat BBQ lunch we're getting. I'm also a huge fan of speed slides and water slides too.

2. Old, Wooden Roller Coasters
The Great Canadian Mindbuster is one of the best roller coasters ever. Not stylistically, not technologically. Hell, even the name is kind of crappy. What it does have going for it is the all-wood design that rattles and hums the whole way along, making you think that at any minute, you're going to be the guy who was on the ride when it finally broke. With the super-harnesses that they strap you in with on rides like Top Gun, you need to feel the frightening experience of sliding back and forth in your seat with nothing but a metal bar that doesn't quite sit low enough as the only barrier between you and death.

1. BEHEMOTH
Have you seen this thing yet? Have you heard about it? $26M of awesomeness and I can't wait to give it a whirl. Or two. Or three. The first drop is 85 degrees at a top speed of 77 mph. Plus they have these new "Open Air" cars where there is no box for you to sit in; it's just you, safety thing jammed into your crotch and away you go. I just might shit my pants...

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