I Am a McFatty

So we had to go into Cranbrook today to do some running around and when the question turned to, "What do you wanna get to eat?" McDonald's was the easy choice.

Honestly, I don't care how bad this makes me sound in today's health conscious times, I fuckin' love McDonald's.

Living in Kimberley actually makes me love it more, because unlike all those years of living in fairly close proximity to a store, it has become a luxury item once again and each trip becomes more than a meal. It becomes a feast.

Case and point, today.


Most normal humans purchase a meal and are happy with that. Some supersize the bad boy and score themselves a few extra fries and more soda to wash down the greasy goodness.

Me? I go full on Fatty McSnack. McChicken Meal with the world famous McDonald's orange nuke juice and two - not one, but two - double cheeseburgers.

Sheer greasy delight.

Of course, the downside is that it's been six hours since I ate and I'm still not hungry, not to mention the fact that I'll probably be able to shit through the eye of a needle at forty pace come tomorrow morning.

But none of that matters when you're standing in line at the Golden Arches...

All that matters is the deliciousness!

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. Things Always Seem To Work Out
My man Bucky was to be in town Monday night for some meetings and pints were definitely in order. Unfortunately, Monday night is the night I close at Montana's and passing up a guaranteed $150 bucks would be insane. So I had to cancel with Bucky. Turns out Bucky got to town super late and would be hanging around throughout the day Tuesday. Guess who happened to be off? Nothing better than afternoon beers and wings with an old friend.
2. Blue Jays Jinx Continues
This season, the Jays are 0-3 when I'm in attendance as they dropped Wednesday afternoon's game to Tampa while I was 18 rows up at third. As always, big thanks go out to my man Chris Schiel for the hookup - everyone had a great time... except the Jays.

3. OCD and Me
So, I kind of have a little bit of an issue with schedules and order. See, I like them, a lot and really, really don't do so well when things get thrown off schedule and out of order. Case in point, Wednesday morning. We were supposed to be leaving the house around 9:30 in Garry's car to go to the game. Too bad he took his keys with him when he left at 7:00 AM. Tried to find Sarah at the hospital to get her set, but no one could direct me to her floor. Did I mention it was pouring rain? Soaked and dejected, I got home at 9:50, pouted on the bed for about 3 minutes and drove Shitbox 2 to Toronto. We got into our seats for the bottom of the second. ARGH!
4. Chapters Really Does Have Magic Powers
I've been kind of bummed lately about writing and just work in general; no real reason, just July was a slower month and there hasn't been anything new coming down the pipeline for a few weeks. All that was washed away and the fire rekindled by a Monday trip to Chapters. Twenty minutes of shopping for cheap books (I bought three, have already read Fargo Rock City) and another twenty sitting in the chairs reading the latest issue of Spin - great story on D'Angelo and an interview with Q-Tip - and I was ready to rock the keys again. What can I say, the place just inspires me.

5. Wedding Plans Are Made
In the span of three days, we went from dealing with Lindsay the Halfwit at Flight Center who never got back to us about anything and had no real information to walking into Marlin Travel, meeting Judy (I Love Judy!), telling her what we were looking for and having everything in our hands with final confirmation coming sometime this week. Once we get it all in stone - the exact date and whatnot -you'll be sure to know. If I can give everyone some advice it's this: when it comes to your wedding plans, you want someone who is a bit of a bitch working for you; Judy is great with us but a total bad-ass on the phone and via email getting everything done and we couldn't be happier.

6. 10 Days of No TV
Have to say I'm pretty impressed, because so far it hasn't really been much of anything really. I mean, I wish I could watch Iron Chef: America every night when I get home from work (and Sarah misses Jon & Kate Plus 8) but for the most part it's been no inconvenience at all. I've read more, written about as much as always and it makes going out the door to workout a much easier decision, since I can't sit in front of sports highlights and afternoon baseball.

7. Hangover City
So I decided to have a couple drinks with some people from work on Friday night. Sarah was working at the hospital overnight and having a beer or two chatting with my colleagues sounded like a good idea. When am I going to learn that this is never what ends up happening? A couple beers turned into three Guinness, three vodka waters and tray after tray of shots that left me feeling like someone had kicked the living hell out of me all day yesterday. And then I had to go to work all night...

8. The Hangover Cure Still Works Like a Charm
I could swear I've shared my sure-fire hangover buster formula with everyone before, but just in case I haven't, I need to pass it along because it truly did make all the difference in the world yesterday. Besides the obvious (sleep, Tylenol Extra Strength) the key components are: lots and lots of water, a warm shower and McDonalds. The sooner you shower the better, as this will get you feeling better for a period. Ideally, you eat the McDonalds before the positives of the shower subside. Keep the water going all day. Next time you're feeling like I was yesterday, give this a try. You can thank me later.
9. The Motodanica Commentors
My new pet peeve here at iBlog are the random "promotional commentors" who take on various names and make witty banter about stuff they obvliously don't care about in the comments section. They're always linked to www.motodanica.com - an ad page for some Motorola phone - and pop up once or twice a week. I guess I should be flattered - getting SPAM is the mark of making it, isn't it?

10. Operation: 185 Update
Starting Weight: 204 lbs.
Last Week's Weight: 199 lbs.
Current Weight: 198.5 lbs.

Another half pound down and considering that I injested a great deal of McDonalds yesterday to combat the booze sweats, this is yet another accomplishment. I also think it's the first time in about four years that I have been under 200 pounds for consecutive weeks, so there's that too!

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. There Aren't Enough Hours in the Day
24 hours is not enough time to do all the things I want to do and need to do. That is exactly why I haven't been here in two whole days; the things I want to do (read: write posts here) get outweighed by the things I need to do (read: going to work) and as soon as I get home it's off to sleep, pretty much. Today is going to be interesting because we need to hit the Travel Agent to plan the wedding, but I also have to be at work earlier than normal and close the place tonight.

2. Back Behind The Bar
So I've been helping out on the bar at Montana's the last couple weeks - grabbing my own drinks and helping out when the bartenders get overrun with drinks to make and tables to cover. Friday night, one of our bartenders didn't show up for the 900th time and has now been 86'ed. Guess who they asked to take his place? Obviously, I accepted, as it's the same hours over less days and better money, though it does feel weird to be pouring draft again after more than a year away from the taps.

3. I Should Have Been Tending Bar From the Beginning
Why? Because I made as much money in one shift yesterday as I did working Tuesday, Thursday and Friday combined. Granted, I did work for ten hours, but still, making $150 bucks in one day is aces to me. Mix in a closing shift tonight and a couple more nights on the bar during the week and I could be looking at some pretty decent financial gains between now and the next installment of 10 Things.

4. Dark Knight = AWESOME!
Friday night was crap at The Cookhouse, which normally would make me angry. This week, however, it made me very,very happy as it meant that instead of having to wait until this coming Sunday to see The Dark Knight, we could take it in Friday night. And take it in we did, from the second row... for the 10:45 show... At 1:30 when we walked out of the theatre, I knew I had just finished watching my favourite movie of the year.

5. I'm Really Going to Miss Heath
Seeing the transformed Ledger deliver an amazing performance as The Joker only reminded me of how unfortunate it is that he died earlier this year. His Oscar win - and he will win - won't be because he passed away like some people will undoubtedly frame it, but because his performance was so captivating that you couldn't take your eyes away from him, even when he was just sitting there. We lost one of our generation's best when he died. It would have been incredible to see him continue to evolve as an actor because there is nothing he couldn't do on screen.

6. The List of Future Landing Zones
So Sarah has finally finished her resume and cover letters and is applying for jobs as we speak. The potential destinations of the future Mr. and Mrs. Kyte are: London, Kitchener-Waterloo, Hamilton, Grimbsy, Orillia and St. Catherines. We'll keep you posted on whether we're coming to a town near you...

7. No Longer Questioning My Coolness
A couple of weeks ago, I waxed poetically about whether the style of the time had passed me by. After a day spent shopping on Saturday, the answer is a resounding no... sort of. While the style of the time for teenagers and twentysomethings has passed me by, my style has grown up into much more classy and stylish attire and that is never a bad thing. I never would have imagined a time would come where I would pass up a search announcing my training as a ninja or one of goaltender Jesus making a brilliant grab that reads "Jesus Saves" in favour of a quasi-political, socially aware GAP Inspi(RED) t-shirt, but those days are here and I love them. Look Mom - my jeans aren't hanging off my ass cheeks any more.

8. Movie Lengths - An Opinion Piece
So the last two movies I've watched (Vantage Point and Dark Knight) had a time difference of nearly 90 minutes. Another way of looking at it is that I could have watched Vantage Point twice in the time I watched The Dark Knight, but I would never do that. What I don't get is why someone in Hollywood thinks 90 minute movies work. For the most part, they don't, unless they are cheese-tastic comedies with little to no plot. Vantage Point was rolling along nicely until it seems like they got near their 90 minute cap and ended it horribly. Like I've said since Friday night / Saturday morning - I would rather sit through nearly three hours of The Dark Knight and how no stone unturned than watch 90 minutes of uselessness that leaves me wondering why they left parts unfinished.

9. A T-Shirt, An Idiot and A Little Perspective
So I had a guy sit at one of my tables yesterday with a black t-shirt on that said "I Oppose Gay Marriage." Yesterday was the London Pride Parade, so it made a little sense. But this wasn't "here are my feelings on a t-shirt" in a nice, polite way; this was a biker dude who I also overheard using the words "faggots," "queers" and other slurs repeatedly. I actually asked if I could refuse to serve him. I was told no for the record. Anywho, I got to thinking as I dealt with him and his four neanderthal friends - social monogliods like them get to live their lives, hating people for who they love, believing in all their stereotypes and "we're better than everyone else" bullshit, so what the fuck is their problem with guys who like guys or girls who like girls? You don't see anyone walking around in "I Oppose Gay-Dashing Biker Morons" t-shirts...

10. Operation: 185 Update
Starting Weight: 204 lbs.
Last Week's Weight: 201 lbs.
Current Weight: 199 lbs.
So I've dropped two pounds - and not just overnight or anything. I've maintained the 199 for the most part over the course of the week and have now refined my training into a much more balance (read: no more near hernia-inducing overdoing of the ab portion of the program) routine where it's two on, one off, two on, two off and no body part gets overly taxed on back to back days. Five down, fourteen to go...

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. Josh Hamilton Smashes Home Runs
What a display on Monday night! I took some extra pleasure in watching it happen as I have been a huge Hamilton supporter since he started on his road back last season. Dude is killing it and I, for one, think it's outstanding.

2. But Not Everybody Does
There are people out there who don't think Josh Hamilton is a good story or an inspiring story or a story worth telling at all. Well pfffffft to them! He's overcome a crack addiction to make it back to the Majors. Beyond that, he's clobbering the baseball. In our world where we're hit with so much bad news and so many horrible stories, can't we just enjoy this one without picking it to shreds? Get the latest B&C take on the situation here and here and here.

3. Why Did I Install PokerStars?
Seriously, I have done pretty much nothing other than play poker during the spare minutes of my days since I installed the stupid thing. I even stayed up until about 4 AM the other night playing some Free Money tournament for a good three hours. I could see if I was winning money, but it's actually just a great big waste of time... and still I play!

4. Engagement Party Update
This little shindig is about a month away and it can't get here soon enough. Not because I'm super excited for it, but so that it can be over. Don't get me wrong, I'm really looking forward to seeing the people who are coming and it's going to be a nice day, but for a party that someone else is throwing for us and that we didn't ask for, it sure is causing us a lot of goddamn headaches.

5. So I Bought Me a Medicine Ball...
Not those giant ones you had in Gym Class growing up - one of the four pound ones that is like a weighted basketball. It's the newest wrinkle to the Training for Warriors program that I am undertaking. Lemme tell you how insane using this thing is? You want an arm workout? Forget lifting weights, buy one of these things and fire it off the wall in 8-10 different positions and whole whack of times. And don't forget about the crunches, figure eights, pushups and everything else you can do with it...

6. Yeah Me!
It's two weeks into this and I haven't quit. That in itself is an accomplishment. Mix in the fact that I'm still eating right and it's a success. So what is it when you add the fact that I haven't bought a pack of smokes in nearly three weeks and have had about four in the last two weeks? A small miracle and a major victory.

7. Oh That Silly Lohan Family
So the latest, if you didn't already know, is that Linds is a lesbo and living with Sam Ronson, DJ'ing sister of one of my favs Mark Ronson. She (Lindsay) seems happy and hasn't been making any bad news since this relationship started. What's the rest of the family got to say about it? They're all in denial! Supermom Dina and little sister / Lindsay clone Ali swear they're just friends. Yeah, friends who like to go down on each other!

8. I'm So Pumped for The Dark Knight
There hasn't been a movie that I have been this stoked to see in ages. I can't even tell you the last thing that I was so excited about going to the theatre to see. Maybe nothing. Ever. Everyone I know who has seen it is raving. Now all I need is a night off with Sarah so we can take it in.

9. Anderson Silva is a Bad Motherfucker!
Watched UFC Fight Night last night with great anticipation of seeing Anderson Silva, the best pound-for-pound fighter on the face of the Earth, take on James Irvin, a dude with scary punching power. I thought Silva would win. I didn't think it would be as insane as it was. 1:01. That's it. Caught his leg on a kick, right hand, over. 8 more punches landed before the ref stopped it and Irvin was gashed bad under his eye. There isn't fighter on the planet that I wouldn't take Silva over right now.

10. Operation: 185 Update
Starting Weight: 204
Last Week: 201
This Week: 201
This isn't a setback - you never lose as much in Week Two as you do in Week One - and I'm writing this before getting in a workout or heading to work, so chances are that by the end of the day that number will be lower. Even if it isn't, we're good. With the addition of the aforementioned Medicine Ball, there are a whole bunch of other exercises I can do to continue dropping libs and toning my flabby physique into the rock-solid sculpture I'm gunning for for next April.

Have a great week everybody!

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