Things I Learned This Week

1. A Few Less Headaches

Moving is a stressful process, so it was great to get a couple of the headaches out of the way earlier this week by finding a place to live and discovering that we have pretty solid landlords who will be living above us with their pug named Chili.

Additionally, getting great reviews of the neighbourhood from friends and family that have frequented Victoria over the past few years helps too; nothing worse than thinking you found a great place to live and ending up in a stinkhole.

Now all we have to do is coordinating getting everything out there with spending a couple days in Vancouver.

2. My Time Will Come

I'm still super impatient, but this week yielded a couple great interviews and a few chances to talk to people in the MMA industry, reaffirming my belief that writing about the sport will eventually become my sole career.

It was great to hear "Showdown" Joe Ferraro echo some of the thoughts and feelings I have, both about the growth of the industry and future opportunities, as well as some fighters to keep an eye on.

There is no better way to know you're on track than to have someone who has made it that you look up to and respect saying the same things as you.

3. I'm An Uncle Again!

Charlie Olivia Kyte was born on Wednesday and I'm happy to report that both mother and daughter are doing well.

I would have told you sooner, but no one called to tell me... not my brother (the dad), not my mom (the doting grandmother), no one.

How can I be out of the loop inside my own family circle?

4. Step-Mother-in-Law

Additional congratulations go out this week to my father-in-law Garry and his now fiancee Theresa. While step-mother-in-law is easily the most awkward title a person can hold, T is awesome and I'll be happy to spit out that mouthful of a moniker over the coming years.

These two are actually nauseatingly cute; they text each other all the time, talk three or four times a day and are like school kids around each other, all giddy and silly and in love... makes me sick!

Congratulations guys... may I suggest somewhere warm in the winter for the wedding?

5. Dedication is For Suckers... Sometimes

I like to consider myself a hard-working guy and someone who does whatever is needed of him at work, covering shifts, doing the little extras and all that stuff that should get a person ahead.

Turns out, I was just a chump.

Back to the slower season and what has my hard work through last ski season and all summer gotten me? Wednesday and Thursday days on the bar, where a grand total of 23 customers could possibly turn up.

The guy who left for the summer gets more shifts than me. The woman who works "when she needs to" gets more shifts than me and the one who showed up loaded every weekend all summer long gets more shifts than me.

Super...

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Spike Lee Was Wrong

I'm a big fan of Spike Lee despite his undying love of the Knicks and turncoat dalliance with Kobe and the Lakers this season.

To this day, Do The Right Thing is one of my favorite movies. Great soundtrack, outstanding cast, and a powerful message and commentary on race relations.

However, the title of the film isn't applicable in real life.

It appears to me that doing the right thing is for suckers and I am a Class One sucker.

I'm the dude who shows up to work every day ready to smash it out; positive attitude, work ethic in tow, ready to earn my keep.

When the phone rings to fill shifts, unless something is already planned, I'm in attendance quicker than you would have imagined.

I literally do the right things, like paying attention to my customers and engaging them in conversation, making their experience the best I can 99 times out of 100.

What has that gotten me?

Nothing but a headache.

The halfwits makes as much money as me by doing half the work, no one gets on the case about slacking on the job and chumps like me end up running around twice as much and for what?

Instead of getting the odd perk here and there, I'm working even more, including randomly having my shifts changed from time-to-time without my knowledge or consent.

"We don't need to cover that shift 24 hours from now in the bar even though we know the scheduled bartender won't be here. Spence is in, we'll just move him up there and work the crap out of him."

This isn't even an exaggeration. Two weeks ago, this exact thing happened.

No thanks, no "lemme buy you a beer" and no help scoring an impromptu day off after slugging it out hardcore for the last two weeks.

See?

Doing the right thing is for suckers... and I'm done being a sucker.

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The Rundown: Forecasting the Future

The last week has been insane on a number of levels for me, and has gotten me thinking about the future a great deal.

Not the future like "Will we ever get to have flying cars like the Jetson's?" or "What if we really do live in The Matrix?" but more in a sense of the direction my life is heading and all that good stuff.

You would think a guy who spends a combined six hours a day (most days) sitting at his computer in basketball shorts writing and playing UFC Undisputed wouldn't have much to think about, but you'd be wrong.

Why would you go and think something like that about me in the first place? Do you want to hurt my feelings? Just kidding ...

Five Future Thoughts Dominating My Thinking

5. There Are Better Jobs Than This, Right?
Slugging away at a restaurant at an uninhabited ski resort over the summer isn't really proving to be the most rewarded experience life has to offer. But in the last couple years, these are the only kind of jobs that have been coming my way.

Between Blockbuster, Montana's and Kelsey's, I've been a chain store chump for the last couple years and I'm starting to think it's all I'm cut out for. I don't want to be wearing crappy uniforms and slinging mediocre food you can get at any one of 47 other chain restaurants a year from now...

4. What I Want to be Doing is Getting Paid to Write
Why else do you think I spend six hours a day sitting at this here computer, pounding away on the keys, writing blog posts and articles and chapters for my still-unaccepted-by-an-agent book that would be literary gold?

As much as there have been some breakthroughs and progress in the last month or so (cool interviews, offers to cover events), there still isn't anyone willing to put my name on a bi-weekly piece of paper that says how much money they just turned over to Sarah on my behalf.

Hopefully, someone will start doing that in the next year or so.

3. Kids?
Let's face it: I ain't gettin' any younger.

Sorry, I just always wanted to say that because, well, it's one of the most ridiculous routinely-used phrases out there. No one is getting any younger, so just stop saying it.

Anywho, I've always said I didn't want to be too old to play with my kids and by play, I don't mean fall asleep in the chair at 6:00 pm so they can draw on me in permanent markers. I mean get out there and whip their asses at basketball, coach their soccer teams (though I have no stategic knowledge of soccer whatsoever) and do the fun things my old man did when I was growing up.

Clearly, I've been thinking about this a little. Don't worry - Sarah knows.

2. Being from "Parts Unknown" is Getting Tired
At Kelsey's, your name tag is supposed to have your hometown underneath your name. Mine says, "Parts Unknown." That's what happens when you've live in three provinces over a span of six months when you start a new job that wants your hometown on your name tag.

Though it's an easy way to spark a conversation with my tables - who then see how charming and entertaining I am, not to mention a terrific server, thereby tipping me more - I'm really, really ready to find a city, settle down and start getting down to taking care of #3 if you know what I mean.

That's why I'm so jacked up about this potential (read: probable) Victoria move. It offers all the things we're looking for, puts us closer to some of our family and has been discussed as the final destination in the whirlwind travels of Sarah & Spencer.

1. Sarah
Tell me you didn't know this was coming?

While I do spend a bunch of time just thinking about my beautiful wife and wondering what she's doing, a lot of the thoughts as of late have been about making her life better, which is where #2 really comes into play.

Her job sucks, the hospital sucks and it's making her doubt herself and that isn't cool with me. She's a terrific nurse and has proven that before, only to have this poorly-run hospital crush her spirit and make her question whether she even really wants to be a nurse at all.

I know she does and I know all she needs is the right environment to be successful and happy. My goal is to provide said environment in any way I can, whether it's moving to Victoria or making a killer dinner.

See? I got a lot on my mind...

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Things I Learned This Week

1. Kenny Florian is a Good Dude and I Can Make Him Laugh
On very short notice Friday, I was given the opportunity to interview the #1 contender for the UFC Lightweight championship and after stuttering and stammering my way through the first five minutes, I asked him if he got into any trouble while training in Montreal with GSP.

He broke out laughing and I calmed right down. The rest of the interview was smooth sailing, including a few more bouts of laughter at my insightful / ridiculous line of questions and comments. Being able to make interviewees laugh is something very important in my line of work (I think), so this was a very good day.

2. Everything Evens Out
Remember that old Seinfeld episode - the one where Jerry says everything in his life always evens out and balance is maintained? As it turns out, the same applies to my careers. When one is in the pooper, the other is off the charts and vice versa.

Since you now know I interviewed one of the very best fighters on the face of the Earth this week, that should tell you where things are at with Kelsey's. If things keep going as they have been, I might actually punch a colleague or two pretty soon.

3. Kenny Florian Isn't My Only Interview
As mentioned Thursday, I've also secured Canadian Krzysztof Soszynski for sometime later this week. Additionally, I'm getting off my ass and trying to convince TSN to do the same and bring in someone (read: me!) as an MMA writer / columnist / expert so that "Canada's Sports Leader" is adequately covering the fastest growing sport in the world.

4. The NFL is a Joke
Not in total, but if they actually suspend Michael Vick for four more games, Commissioner Roger Goddell will have lost my respect. While that certainly won't make him sleep uneasy at night, the fact that the league is punishing Vick again is ridiculous and not just because Terrell Owens says so. Dude already missed an entire year... why does he deserve four more games?

5. I've Got a Little Redneck in Me
How else do you explain me chugging cans of ice cold Old Milwaukee this week? And it's not like someone gave it to me either... I bought it with my own money! Two words - hill... wait for it... wait for it... billy!

6. I Couldn't Be Amish
The power went out for 90 minutes here tonight and I was stuck wondering what to do with myself. No television, no computer, no stove to cook on; what do you expect me to do - talk to the wife? After barbecuing ourselves a pizza, we started to read. Thankfully, the power came back on shortly thereafter, preventing any unnecessary intelligence intake.

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Things I Learned This Week

1. My Resort Doesn't Like Customers
How else can you explain the (a) lack of ability to show the UFC fight cards in our bar at Kelsey's and (b) lack of advertising around the fact that the golf course we operate in conjunction with apparently having UFC 100 last night? The local dive was packed so tight that Sarah and I couldn't find a seat, yet our bar was completely empty. Super.

2. UFC 100 Kicked Ass
Last night's centennial UFC event, though actually UFC 105 if you're counting, was awesome and led me to bring 10 Things over to Keyboard Kimura this morning. Go read the piece to get all my thoughts.

3. Back to the Drawing Board for Baby Names
For two years, Sarah and I have agreed that we were naming our daughter, should we have one, Charlie. Found out yesterday that my brother and his wife have selected that name for their soon-to-be-born daughter. We're always one step behind those two and it's getting ridiculous.

4. I Have No Time for Complainers
Walking the pug this AM, a lady who owns a place up here, but lives in Calgary was out back bitching about the hike in condo fees and whatnot associated with owning her condo here. Does it suck that you're being asked to pay more for a vacation home here than you pay for your mortgage in Calgary? Maybe, but you have a vacation home! Cry me a river... and for once I'm not talking Justin Timberlake.

5. Hello, Hip Hop?
It's me, Spencer. I need you to make an appearance on the popular music scene once again and I'm not talking about your current incarnations like The Black Eyed Peas or Soulja Boy. I'm talking to you Talib Kweli and you Mos Def. Call The Roots, tell them to quit doing Jimmy Fallon and put some serious and legit Hip Hop back on the airwaves or you're going to put me on indefinite hiatus from the music I love.

6. Another Move is in the Works
Not quite sure when and not quite sure where to just yet, but we're definitely getting out of Kimberley sometime soon. As beautiful as it is here, Sarah's job isn't anywhere near as fulfilling and rewarding originally anticipated and since I can do my thing anywhere, why not load up and ship off somewhere that we would actually like to settle down long-term?

That's it for this week's new nuggets of knowledge.

See you back here for more Albert next Sunday.

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The Rundown: While I Wait

I actually did it.

Yesterday afternoon, I sat at this computer and sent off 13 query emails to literary agencies to see if they were interested in being interested in my book. Now, I wait.

If you know me at all, you know that patience isn't one of my virtues. In fact, I think I've written about my ridiculous lack of said virtue here before. That means this next six to eight week stretch is going to be awful trying and I apologize to Sarah in advance for being a neurotic jackass who checks his email 497 additional times a day (for a grand total of 872) just in case someone got back to me.

Clearly, I'm going to need things to occupy my time. I'll run them down after the jump...


Top 5 Distractions to Keep Me From Checking My Email

5. Freecell
I've actually started with this one and have racked up 10 consecutive wins - without "undoing" a bunch of shitty moves to help myself either. I can usually get through four or five games before I am bored and itching to check Hotmail, so this one will be the early morning / late at night distraction.

4. Work
I never thought I would say this, but thankfully I have to be at Kelsey's a great deal over the next month. If I'm there than I can't be here checking my email. Of course, I have my phone synced up to my email account and I can certainly check it there, but hopefully I'll be too busy to remember.

3. Luke
The little tyrant is going to be getting walked and wrestled with more than he had ever imagined in the next couple weeks. A trip out with Cool Hand Luke can last 30 minutes easy and far more if we go for an "off the leash" trek somewhere, while "The Bite Game" is another solid 15 minutes of pre-occupation for the both of us. Any time I'm not in this chair is time I'm not checking my Inbox.

2. Writing
I know - if I'm writing, I'm sitting at the computer and that is like leaving a case of beer in front of an alcoholic. I get that, but I also know that a lot of the time when I sit down to write, I lose myself in what I am doing and nothing else matters. Besides, the more time I spend writing, the more months I can knock off the "Completed manuscript can be submitted within..." section of the proposal and something tells me a quick turnaround will help sell this book.

1. Reading
I can't believe I haven't read a single book since we've been back from the Dominican. Not one. Granted, the only bookstore around seems to carry absolutely nothing of value or interest and I doubt the Kimberley library is packed with titles I'm looking for, but still. I gotta get my hands on Forrest Griffin's Got Fight? and go from there. Anyone interested in helping preserve my sanity who would like to ship it to me, drop me a line and I'll get you the address.

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10 Things I Learned this Week

Breaking out a brand new Albert this week. Why? Why not? Let's get to it ...

1. 'Net Working
Over these last seven days, I've really learned the power of working the social networking scene on my computer to the best of my advantage. The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour is still in full force and has thus far yielded a great interview, a couple solid links and a handful of opportunities for the future.

2. My Work Analogy
Saturday night I had no interest in dealing with 95% of the people I work with. I get like that some times. In thinking about it, I came up with the most apt analogy of the situation: work is like high school and I'm the new artsy kid who doesn't really know anyone. I've got a few friends, but for the most part, I don't know the people you're bitching about and I don't care to, so we stay out of each others' way.


3. Too Close?
I've been spending more time than ever before immersed in the world of Mixed Martial Arts and I think my prediction skills are suffering because of it. Saturday night's Strikeforce card yielded a 4-7 record and while I'm doing well tonight with the WEC fights (5-3 with 2 to go), I'm still way under .500 on Keyboard Kimura and that is horrible.

4. Booking My Ticket to Stardom
This week, I'm sending out my book proposal. It's done, as is the query letter and I'm not wasting any time. As many agents as I can possibly find who are accepting the type of manuscript that I'm hawking will be receiving the 22-page offering for their consideration. The more the merrier... and more likely to find someone willing to make like ABBA and take a chance on me.

5. It's Been Seven Months...
So why should it surprise anyone that we're investigating another move? This is what we do. Actually, we're looking because Sarah's job isn't as rewarding or enjoyable as she'd hoped - being 50% over capacity every shift can do that to you - and we know we don't want to spend forever in Kimberley. That means moving sooner rather than later makes the most sense. Feel free to submit your "Move Here" requests in the comments. Or your "Don't Move Here" alerts as well.

6. One More Win
A win tomorrow night and my Detroit Red Wings are once again Stanley Cup Champions. Man, that has a nice ring to it. To the fans of everyone else in the NHL: Suck It!

7. Speaking of the NHL
Listening to Gary Bettman talk about trying to ensure the Phoenix Coyotes remain in Phoenix is so frustrating. You can't cling to a "we don't want to abandon markets" argument when you have a track record of doing it. Winnipeg, Quebec City and Minnesota all got ditched, in part, just because. Fan support was far better in each of those cities than it is in several US markets right now and nothing prevented the Jets from flying to the desert, Les Nordiques from heading to Denver and the North Stars heading to south to Dallas. I'd respect him more if he just admitted it was about money.

8. Been a Great Food Week
Sarah's been off all week, so we've had time to make some serious meals around here and I must say how rewarding and enjoyable they've been. Neither of us are gourmets by any stretch, but even just having some homemade BBQ burgers yesterday was far better than anything Kelseys or the fast food joints could offer, not to mention 3000 times healthier. What makes it more satisfying is that it really doesn't take any longer to make something great and fresh like we've done all week than it does to open a box or order a pizza. I never would have said these things two years ago ...

9. Three Words: Bud Light Lime
I know the naysayers will lobby that it's simply a light beer infused with lime, something you can do to every bottle of beer you ever open. I get that. But I also like something light and refreshing in the summer that I can drink by the case and this hits the spot. To me, it's a higher quality Corona; better beer, hint of lime already there and none of the dangerous Mexican contaminants of los cervezas. I don't care if you think it's stupid - I love it.

10. Working Sucks
To prove this isn't just sour grapes from a guy making no money slinging drinks and piling plates, I've made $300 in the last 24 hours at the restaurant, so no, it isn't about money. It's about being sick of the bitching and the bass-ackwards approach always taken to doing business. Bars shouldn't run out of draft beer, especially not Canadian and you certainly shouldn't be putting the overstocked something else on the that line and calling it Canadian. Don't cut everyone before people have even had a chance to come into and eat; you just end up leaving someone fucked every time. Want to keep labor costs low? Don't have 14 people in the kitchen and keep a couple front of house staff. I can't keep doing this; I'm going insane. Cross those fingers for a book deal people.

See you next Sunday!

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. I'm Good at What I Do
For the last couple months, I've heard a lot of whining at work about not making any money and tips being horrible. In fact, I heard it through most of the winter too. Funny, I seem to make pretty decent cash every time I put on the apron and offer up food and drink. Then again, I'm also visible to my tables and willing to treat them like human beings, as opposed to inconvenient sacks of flesh that force me to earn my wages.

2. Misguided Attention
Somehow, I've spent a lot of time flicking through the channels this week and one thing I've really come to realize is that our media spends an awful lot of time talking about complete and utter bullshit. Headline News dedicates at least 12 hours a day to scandals and murder trials, analyzing it from every possible angle, while TLC is no longer about Learning whatsoever. It's about "Reality" or the fake version of it that works on television. No wonder I've spent so much time on the computer this week - there is nothing good to watch.



3. The Dog's Name is Chase
Yesterday's reports of rescuing a dog named Jake were incorrect; it turns out his name is Chase. That's the only part of the story that wasn't on point though, as talking with the woman yesterday revealed that she was "certain I closed that back door" before heading off to work. Wanna know how to be sure? Lock the damn thing. Easy.

4. Three Wins Away from Fulfilling My Prophecy
After a win in Game 1 yesterday, my Detroit Red Wings are three wins away from once again hoisting the Stanley Cup. Accept it now people: this is going to happen. What they will also do is fulfill my prediction from a few years back that the Wings would win two Cups before the Leafs won one. I didn't say it was rocket science or anything, but I thought it would take longer than three years to prove me right.

5. Pessimists Suck
Understand that I am an insane optimist - things are always going to work out even when there isn't an apparent solution, good things are going to happen and all that jazz. That being said, it still amazes me how negative some people can be about their work and their passions. I know writing is a tough road to travel, but telling that in excruciating detail is not necessary. Thanks for raining on my parade. Luckily, I carry an umbrella, just in case.

6. Somebody Has to be that One in a Million
I know I'm an optimist and making it in this business is a long shot, but doesn't someone have to be that one in a million? Three months ago, no one knew who Susan Boyle was. Now, she has a record deal and is known around the world. The Shack started as a personal project with 20 printed copies for friends and family. Now it's sold more than 2 million copies. You can't win if you don't buy a ticket and just because you don't want to buy tickets anymore doesn't mean I shouldn't start.

7. The Deer Aren't So Bad
Since moving here, people have warned us that the deer are nuts and will actually charge at you instead of running away from you like most woodland creatures will do. On numerous occasions this week, those people have been proven wrong. The pug and I run into at least two deer a day on our walks and by keeping calm and walking slowly, the deer bound down the hill in the opposite direction without any fuss.

8. The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour is Working
Readership is up everywhere. The fan base is growing daily and all the hours I put in networking away on Facebook and Twitter and everywhere else have paid off with my first official MMA interview with light heavyweight prospect Cody "Donnybrook" Donovan.

9. Tiananmen Square Was 20 Years Ago
You know how there are those pictures that will always be burned in your memory? The Tank Man from China's Tiananmen Square Protests in 1989 is one of those images for me. How was that possibly 20 years ago already? Where has the time gone?

10. Patiently Waiting, Though the Patience is Waning
If we're doing this, let's do this, but if we can't, just tell me so that I can find someone who can. Big things are coming and I want to be ready.

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10 Things I Learned

There are some old favorites and some new morsels of information, so settle in and say hello to Albert...

1. I've Finally Started
After talking about the project for what seems like eternity, I got off my ass and started my book this week. Actually, I started the proposal and query letter, but that is more important to be honest. Aiming to have this stage completed by next weekend. Going to take time though.

2. Turns Out I'm Free 'til Friday
Good thing I work at a restaurant without any customers! Instead of continuing to be exceptionally annoyed by the constant strain of "don't worry, you're going to get shifts," only to see two shifts on my schedule, I'm looking at it as a means to finishing the above mentioned project. Thanks for the time off...

3. A New Outlet
No, I'm not still yammering on about Keyboard Kimura, although you should most certainly visit iBlog's sister site as frequently as possible. This is about MMA 4 Real, an MMA site based in North Carolina that now features this guy as a routine poster in the FanPosts section as an audition for bigger and better.

4. Getting the Name Out There
Thanks to all 121 people who have taken part in the Shameless Self-Promotion Tour to this point, joining the Facebook Fan Page and helping circulate my name through your social networks. Believe me when I say that in the near future you'll be able to say, "I knew him when..."

5. Best Commercial Ever
Nothing beats the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World" ad that is running right now. Of course, I might be biased as I am currently enjoying a Dos Equis and have liked the beer since a trip to California seven years ago. Anyway, I too want to live vicariously through myself and have an awkward moment just to know what it feels like. Stay thirsty, my friends!

6. Ghetto Vacations
We've got some serious redneck camping going on in the building across the way from us. A collection of Alberta families has invaded for the long weekend and have setup a patio table in the parking lot. They've also flooded a portion of the lot to allow their children - all 18 of them - to play in the water, instead of, I dunno, buying a $12 plastic kiddy pool at WalMart. Some kids get to go to Disneyland, some get to camp out in a parking lot. You can't make this stuff up.

7. The Blue Jays are Killing Me
Don't get me wrong - I'm happy to see the boys doing well as they earned the series sweep of the White Sox today. But man is it tough to swallow having walked away from them and proclaimed them dead back in January and see them playing so well. My man Chalk assures me that it will all come to an end soon, but right now, I just don't see it. They might have a little something going...

8. My First Mention of the Red Wings All Playoffs
I have been trying not to say anything about my boys from Detroit, but now that they're through to the Conference Finals - for the 8th time in 12 years or something like that - I'd like for everyone to acknowledge the utter dominance of the Red Wings. They may have looked shaky here and there, but in the end, the best team always wins and Detroit is clearly the best team.

9. Thoughts on Dana White
UFC President Dana White has been in the news all week after a segment about the foul-mouthed figurehead of the MMA giant aired on ESPN's E:60. While I don't always agree with the things that White says or the colorful language that he prefers, I have no problem with him as the head of the biggest organization in the sport I love. If we had a Roger Goodell or a David Stern in charge, MMA would have failed long before it got to the point they're at now. Could he clean up his language and stop the tirades at members of the media? Sure, but that is who Dana is and for better or worse, he's great for the sport.

10. I Forgot to Tell You Last Week...
But X-Men Origins: Wolverine was awesome! Just awesome. They did a great job with the relationship between Logan and Victor "Sabretooth" Creed, Deadpool was wicked and you could barely recognize Ryan Reynolds when he came out and there are sure to be more Origins flicks or spin-offs in the near future and I'll be seeing every one.

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The Picture Says It All

From a work perspective, the picture couldn't be more appropriate.

None of this should surprise me, mind you, since having everything going well in my life is like Ralph Wiggum failing English... unpossible.

Nope, got the family thing down, got the house, got the dog, all that is great.

Work? Work sucks, on all fronts.

Anti-Ski Season has begun in earnest at Kelsey's meaning I have no shifts. Zero. Not a one this week. I had one, but it was on Monday, you know, when I was still in Ontario. Awesome.

Now I knew that spring - slash - summer would mean a decrease in customers and therefore hours, but five hours a week just doesn't cut it. I know they'll be more down the road a couple weeks from now and that's great, but in the meantime, there are some hard pills to swallow.

Like the fact that I was hired as a full-time bartender. I'm basically a casual server right now, so this stings.

Not as much as seeing the mouth-breathers who clearly hate their job getting four shifts a week while I sit by the phone hoping someone comes down with the Swine Flu so I can work a couple extra hours.

What makes it all worse is that The Love of Sports looks like it's coming to an end too.

The paycheck that was promised when I took on the editorial position lasted two months and now we're at another "crossroads" with a directional change impending. That change is to less content and more of a focus on mediocre shit from what I have seen since I came home from the Dominican.

Neither of which are very appealing to me at this stage of my stagnant career.

The only good thing, the one silver lining, is that I will have a load of free time on my hands from the looks of things. Time that can be used to finally get off my ass and get a book proposal written and sent off to every publishing house in the country, as well as some in the nearby States like Montana and Washington.

And as if the day didn't suck enough before, we forgot to take the garbage out when we ran into town to get the mail and Senor Pug Dog destroyed another green garbage bag all over the kitchen.

Super!

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A Day Late...

But certainly not a dollar short... Here's the Ten Things I Learned This Week!

1. FINALLY!
Everyone is booked and confirmed for the Dominican. While this was also the case a couple weeks ago when the carrier pulled out, I'm trying to stay positive and believe that we're all good to go now.

2. A-Rod Cheated
Just like so many other baseball players did during the same span, Alex Rodriguez used Performance Enhancing Drugs. I don't know why this was a surprise to me at all, but it was. I will say this: even though his interview with Peter Gammons was rehearsed and full of half-truths, kudos to Alex for getting out in front of this now and taking whatever lumps may come his way.

3. Found a New Favorite Restaurant
The Old Baurnhaus is just down the hill from our place and is awesome. It's the quintessential sit and relax for a two hour dinner kind of place that I love and the food is incredible. To put it into perspective for you, I ate beets. I hate beets. I never eat beets. But the way the Baurnhaus did beets, I ate every last one.

4. Tougher Than I Expected
Being one of the editors for The Love of Sports is a harder job than I actually thought. We're currently publishing about ten articles a day, three of which I write myself near the end of all the sporting events of the day. On that pace, we're looking at around 300 articles a month, give or take or as Sarah pointed out, about less than 50 cents an article. It's fun just getting started and making no money...

5. Some People Get It, Some People Don't
I work at a ski resort and fully expect the weekends to be a complete madhouse from the time we open the doors until I am told to go home. I know I need to come in ready to get slammed by customers all day long. Unfortunately, some of my colleagues still don't get this and come in hung over to the gills, uninterested in doing any work whatsoever and just generally pissy and it makes me want to choke them.

6. So I Got Me a Weekly Column
While it's true that I'm not getting paid to write said column, I personally don't care. I also don't care that it's in the smallest newspaper known to man. It's still a weekly column and it's still something I can cut out and add to my scrapbook. Relaying the Message comes to the Kimberley Daily Bulletin starting next Wednesday.

7. Chris Brown is the New Ike Turner?
Not to make light of a possible assault or anything like that, but I never would have pegged Chris Brown as the type to get booked on assault with a deadly weapon charges. And I would have bet less money on Rihanna playing the part of Tina...

8. You All Failed Your Homework Assignment!
A couple weeks ago, I asked for some book suggestions. Newt told me he's been reading stuff I most certainly had already read (and I had BTW) and no one else said boo. You all fail. Big old F's all around... and I'm calling your parents too!

9. I Missed the Grammy Awards
Do you know how long it's been since I missed the Grammy Awards? Well, it's only been a year, but the Grammy's used to be a staple on my Awards Show viewing schedule. For the most part, I've stopped caring because the winners are generally crap to begin with and I just don't care about most of the music being made right now. Outside of a handful of acts, it's garbage...

10. That Being Said...
M.I.A., Kanye, Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and T.I. absolutely killed "Swagger Like Us" last night. For all of you who still have no clue about M.I.A., you need to go find out... she is insanely good.

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The Rundown: Just a Pilot?!

Remember those Halls Fruit Breezer commercials from a few years back, where the guy dressed as the candy ripped anyone with just one job to shreds because he did two things at once and he did so with a Jamaican accent?

Fruit Breezer Guy: What does your boyfriend do?
Female: He's a pilot.
FBG: Just a pilot?! I got two jobs!

Well, that guy can kiss my ass because I'm juggling five jobs right now. Yeah, you read that right, FIVE JOBS! For those who don't believe me, I've decided to detail them in today's Rundown.

The Five Jobs of E. Spencer Kyte

5. Proofreader, Fight! Magazine
Spencer Kyte - Grammar Police. They send me the file, I make sure everything looks good.

4. Freelance Writer
Bugs & Cranks now pretty much falls here as I haven't posted anything in over a month, in part because the Jays have done nothing, but also because, well, I'm too effin' busy. There are also the little side gigs I've been approached about here, like writing a story on my friend Luke's Heli-Golf Tour company...

3. Media Representative, Kimberley Relay for Life
The newest addition to the squad, this one, like most jobs I've taken that involve writing, pays the base salary of $0.00/hour with monthly bonuses of $0.00. But I'll be writing a weekly column in the local paper, doing some radio and local TV promoting the event and well, it makes me feel good to do something productive instead of bitching about Britney Spears.

2. Server / Bartender, Kelsey's Restaurant
Considering the temperature here is above freezing and we've gotten exactly one day of snow in the last six weeks, it's a testament to my skills in this role that I come home with $100 every night. It also doesn't hurt that I have no shame, will suck-up to just about anyone and always volunteer to be the guy who stays latest.

1. Editor, The Love of Sports
I have a serious Love/Hate relationship with this job and it's only been one real day in the role. Time consuming as shit, an organizational headache and full of new things I need to learn, the plus side is that I get to help build the site, improve my skills as a writer and editor and see some return for my efforts down the line.

There you have it... FIVE JOBS! Think about that next time you're bitching about working that Sunday shift at Blockbuster or relaxing on your couch after a tough day at the office.

I would, but I'll be busy working!

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. Holy Stressful Batman!
These wedding plans and headaches are driving me bonkers. Our former agent has a bunch of our arrangements all banged up and that is making our life wicked stressful, as we want to have everything planed and organized and ready to roll soon so we can just kick back and count down the days. Tomorrow should be a telling day, as we're supposed to be talking with the Regional Manager to sort some of this stuff out. That being said, we've been waiting to deal with him since Wednesday...

2. I'm an Awesome Server / Bartender
Yeah, I'm tooting my own horn again... so what? We're in a bit of a lull period right now on the hill with Christmas and everything being done and people trying to save a little cash this month, but still I manage to make $100 every day without fail. Now, sometimes that means I have to work five or six hours, but considering no one else is really pulling in that kind of money consistently, there can only be one conclusion... I'm Awesome!

3. Good Old Nintendo Thumb
Remember when you used to spend hours upon hours playing Nintendo and your thumb would develop that soreness that verges on becoming a full-blown callous? I'm dealing with that right now thanks to two days spent finishing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed and six amateur fights on Fight Night Round 3. Impressively enough, I'm still banging out articles galore this week too.

4. Missing Magazines
Sarah and I signed up for some magazine subscriptions a couple weeks back through one of those "Get 3 magazines for $6" type of deals. Canadian Living arrive a while back, but we're still waiting on Self (for her) and GQ (for me), except they were all supposed to have been sent out at the same time. Something tells me that our friendly local post office either (A) put them in the wrong mailbox and the people didn't bother returning them or (B) decided to keep them for themselves. I hope I'm wrong on both fronts, especially because I want my Jennifer Aniston issue of GQ!

5. Speaking of Jennifer Aniston...
We're back around to Season One of Friends - we watch them in succession - and I have to admit that I really miss that show. There hasn't been anything that has made me commit to watching it every week on the sitcom front since Friends left the air. I know it's kind of hokey and whatever, but for my money, the stupidity of Joey Tribiani will always be hilarious.

6. False Promises
So a while back I told you about me getting a proofreading job with Fight! Magazine. I don't think it's happening... I emailed the Editor a couple weeks back and have yet to receive anything back. Was it just a case of telling a disgruntled reader what they wanted to hear or did I slip his mind? I'm not sure, but one thing I do know is that they could still use me because there are more mistakes in the current issue...

7. Elk are HUGE
Saw a bunch of them driving home from Marley and Me this time last week and sweet merciful crap would those big bastards ever do a number on our poor '93 Honda Civic! I mean, we wrote off the Corolla smacking into a deer, so I could only imagine what kind of carnage would ensue slamming into one of these monsters. D'you know what's worse? There are caribou and moose that are around these parts and even bigger still...

8. Sharp as Marbles
I don't expect to be surrounded by MENSA candidates working in a restaurant, but some of the brilliant questions that get shot my way are amazing. Questions: How do I make lime water? Is France on the ocean? What's a jiggaboo? Answers: mix bar lime and water, sort of and a very derogatory term for black people that if you say again I'm going to knock your teeth out.

9. Exciting News from the UFC
Dana White said earlier this week in a press conference that he's working on bringing the UFC to... wait for it... wait for it... VANCOUVER! Sarah has already been informed that regardless of date and cost, I will be in attendance at this event.

10. College Football is Equal Parts Awesome and Annoying
There were some great games this week - Texas and Ohio State was outstanding - but in the end, when all was said and done, there was controversy and it annoys the bejesus out of me. How there still isn't a playoff system in place to determine one unquestioned champion is beyond me. Yes Florida won the BCS Championship, but Utah went undefeated and crushed Alabama. And they still ended up 4th in the AP Poll!

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Six of One, Half Dozen of the Other

When I was leaving work this evening, I told my supervisor that I would give her a call in the morning once the restaurant opened to see how busy we were and find out if she needed me to come in for my shift at noon.

Her face lit up; she was thrilled with my selfless act to help her keep labor costs down and provide an opportunity for my fellow servers to make a little money, so I let her roll with it.

Why am I really going to call tomorrow morning, besides not having to drag my ass down the hill in the rain? They're threefold.

1) Sarah is on nights tomorrow, so going to work all day would mean zero together time. While it's true that she's likely going to sleep all day regardless of my decision, the persistence of a certain pug will get her up at one point or another, so we could share a little breakfast during the afternoon if I stayed put.

2) Writing is way more enjoyable. Work is in a lull period now that the holidays are over and while I've still been pulling in a yard (read: $100) a shift in tips, it's been over five hours of work and that doesn't sound as pleasurable to me as sitting in this chair penning some pieces for The Love of Sports and getting another Soundtrack song up earlier for all of you to download.

3) Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. I don't care how much of a geek I sound like - and I know video games + Star Wars = Huge Geek - but there is something really fun about walking around massacring Stormtroopers and Imperials alike with Force Lightning that would be more fun on a Friday afternoon than serving four tables and standing around bored.

But hey, if my supervisor wants to think I'm just being a good guy, who am I to tell her otherwise?

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iBlog On Hiatus

Just until tomorrow though...

Busy entertaining the In-Laws and working at the bar.

Sorry for depriving you of your favourite blog.

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. Exactly Why I Love MMA
I may have had my predictions for last night's UFC 92 card and those predictions may have been wrong 7 times out of 10, but in truth, that's why I really love Mixed Martial Arts. While I had my picks and still have the guys that I follow and cheer for, never really knowing what is going to happen is what makes MMA so appealing to me and all the other fans out there. You can't say that about most other sports.

2. Work Isn't So Bad
Turns out I just needed to get through all that time before ski season for this place to turn into a place I could really enjoy working. We've been pretty busy all week long and the average day has gone from two hours and $30 to six hours and $100. I could certainly handle three more months of this.

3. Visits Delayed
Garry and Theresa were supposed to get here last night. Weather out of Toronto made them fifteen minutes late for their connection in Calgary, but you would think Air Canada would hold a connection flight to Cranbrook when there is only five people on the plane. You would think, wouldn't you? Not so much... Garry and T got shipped to Vancouver for the night and will be touching down around the time I start work.

4. Cold Outside, Hot Inside
We really do have good luck when it comes to apartments and heating. We never turned on the heat at Crosby Road in Newfoundland and barely did so on Wexford as well. Out here, the heat was on for maybe a week when it was -30 outside and no one else was living in the building. Now that there is a full house, our place gets to be sweltering at night and we haven't touched the thermostat.

5. New Opportunities
My people at Lovin Life Media (the guys responsible for The Love of Sports) are set to launch a couple more sites in the next week including one I will undoubtedly be a part of - The Love of Movies. Could there be a better site for the former Blockbuster employee? I don't think so. I've also got an angle on freelancing a piece for Inside Golf Magazine through a colleague at work. I'll keep you posted on that one once I get more info...

6. Luke Has a Love / Hate Relationship with Snow
When it's crushed up and run over and just under his paws, he loves it. Loves to run on it, loves to eat it, loves to smell it and pee on it. But when it's all thick and fluffy, perfect for running and jumping in (or skiing), count him out. We have to encourage him every three or four bounding steps to keep going.

7. We're Witnessing History in Detroit
No, not with the automotive companies or even my Red Wings; we're seeing history with the inept Detroit Lions. They are bound to go winless for the year as they play in Green bay this afternoon, a place they haven't had a victory this decade. Even when they finish cleaning house after the season, there are still a number of holes and flaws in this team, which could lead to continued losing into next season.

8. Wedding Update
So we're waiting to hear from an agent in town to let us know what kind of deals she can find for us down to the Dominican so we can dump our freak show of an agent back home. Even if we can't get anything better out here, chances are the London-based agent is going to way of the dinosaur...

9. Mr. Top Five
I've had five Fantasy Football teams this season and today marks the final game of my last league. With four complete, I've got two silvers, a bronze and a fifth while I play in the finals today against my man Bucky. I also finished in first place in the regular season with three of those five teams. If only there was a way to make money playing Fantasy Sports...

10. Dammit! It's Almost Resolution Time
Three more days and I have to start trying not to smoke and working out again, not to mention ensuring I put extra time into writing my book and building the portfolio. Where did 2008 go?

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Dear God, Please Don't Let Me Have Daughters

Moving to a small town only reaffirmed for me that in no way will I be capable of dealing with a teenage daughter in the future.

I mean, sure, she could turn out perfect and I would do everything in my powers to teach her positive values and how to appreciate herself, but I'm pretty sure the parents of the skanky little 17-year-old Puck Bunnies I work with would tell you they've tried their best too.

For those who have never lived in a town centered around hockey, a Puck Bunny is a girl who lives to be with a hockey player, even if they are merely a 16-year-old kid playing Junior B. hockey in a ghost town like Kimberley.

To put this in perspective, I spent some of my formative years in Chatham, Ontario, a smallish city where hockey is everything. The Micmacs - now back to being the Maroons - were gods amongst mortals. D'you know how many of them amounted to much of anything on the ice? About three over the five years I lived in Chatham.

That's the same level of hockey the Kimberley Dynamiters play here in town and these little tramps I work with are all over them like they're the next Sidney Crosby.

While I've been forced to come to grips with the whole "16-year-olds showing up to work with their tits hanging out for all to see in stretchy pants" thing, hearing about the previous night's exploits makes me want to puke.

All I can think about is that one day, this could be my kid and I would go ballistic if she was out doing half the things these girls are doing on a weekend by weekend basis. I'm not saying you have to be a Puritan or anything like that, but have some self-respect.

It wasn't like this in my time.

When I was their age - you know, when they were 3 or 4 - there was one slut to every eight or ten regular girls and everyone wanted the regular girls.

Now, that ratio is flipped and the number of wannabe sluts vastly outnumbers the regular girls. What makes it worse is that it seems like with each passing year, the age for skankdom kicking in keeps getting lower and lower and lower and lower.

And do you know what the worst part of all of this is? The dirty old bastards that I work with who stand around soaking it all in, feeding into the systems, re-enforcing that dressing like sluts, going out and getting bombed every weekend and working your way through the third line of the local Junior B team is perfectly acceptable behaviour for a bunch of 17-year-old girls.

So I've taken to ridiculing the fuck out of the Puck Bunnies and throwing out High Fives to the normal ones...

It's okay to not be a skank!

This has been a public service announcement from ESKimo Enterprises.

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. People Love Albert!
While some people clearly aren't very perceptive, the Albert being mentioned in comments this past week is Einstein, the regular picture that comes with your Sunday dose of iBlog. Love Albert all you want, but you still can't call the future wife "that broad in a hoodie" no matter what... thems fightin' words!

2. About the Dominican...
We're still going, it just might be with an entirely different provider. We're doing everything we can to get away from Marlin Travel and recoup some of the money that we've already shelled out for their craptacular service and have a local agent looking into things for us from this end. Words don't fully convey how angry I am about all this...

3. So Work Sucks
Back in September when I was hired out here, it was as a full-time bartender. Here is what that means to me: 30-40 hours a week predominantly behind a bar. Here is what it actually means: anywhere from 7-20 hours serving, occasionally in the bar. Ski season kicked off in earnest yesterday and while I worked a solid 4.5 hours, the $30 bucks I brought home in tips wasn't worth it.

4. Changing Directions
Yesterday being so crappy and the hours / tips ratio being what it's been out here got me to doing a lot of thinking last night. What I came up with is that all my spare time, every waking moment, has to be devoted to making money from my writing. That means an even stronger presence on The Love of Sports and a focus on my book and less time, unfortunately, some of the other places, this blog not included. I couldn't deprive you of your daily Spencer fix...

5. In the Words of Dr. Evil...
It's Frickin' Freezing! We've been getting slapped upside the head with a killer cold front for the last ten days and the temperature hasn't climbed above -20. Let me put it to you this way: when I take the dog for a walk, my fingers still get that burning cold sensation in them even though I have monstrous snowboarding gloves on. On a positive note, we still don't have much heat on in the condo and it's not that cold in here...

6. Speaking of the Condo...
She's pretty close to finished! Purchased our couch on Tuesday, they drop her off on Friday and we're all re-arranged and setup the way we like and it looks good. Pictures coming soon to Facebook.

7. Thursday is Christmas?
Where the hell did December go? Did we really move out here more than two months ago? 2008 is just about over? Was I in a coma for part of the year? How it's already been a year since the Bambi Incident is beyond me...

8. For All the Bitching I Did...
I really miss my crew from Montana's. I've stayed in touch with a bunch of them and now that I'm working in a similar enviro with different people, I realize how awesome it was to go into work with people you enjoyed seeing and hanging out with. Not that I don't like a couple people out here, but as a whole, the Montana's Crew kicked some serious ass!

9. By The Way, I Fell Off the Wagon
But I'm guessing you all knew that as soon as I stopped bragging about how well I was doing with the smokes. What can I say? I love to smoke... cough cough cough cough cough

10. 2008 has been the Best Year Yet
In every aspect of my life, this was the best year of them all. I got engaged, got a dog, got some great opportunities and met some great people. Here's hoping the pattern continues and 2009 turns out even better!

Have a safe and happy holidays everyone!

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Discovering a New Species

I'm no anthropologist, but I do believe I discovered a new species while at work yesterday:

Cheapis Bastardus Voucherificus.

Commonly known as Cheap Bastards that use Vouchers when paying for their bills, they are only seen in a restaurant setting and strongly resemble regular people until it becomes time to settle their bills.

At this point, they produce a small ticket that entitles them to $13.00 worth of food where no remaining funds are able to be transferred to the individual looking after them.

The strongest of the pack is notorious for ordering nearly twice as much food as the small ticket covers and leaving without covering the cost of the rest of the bill, leaving the poor, defenseless server to incur a loss.

Incidentally, their actions are not limited to food, as they tend to behave in a similar fashion when they are simply enjoying liquid refreshment as well.

Instead of ingesting nourishment along with the rest of the pack in the middle of the day, some of the Cheapis Bastardus Voucherifici choose to wait until later in the day and use the little ticket for beverages only, something that isn't technically allowed, but whatareyougonnado?

Most impressive is watching the pack disband, as members of the collective slowly make their way to their own dwellings, offering to cover just a small segment of the pack's intake and leaving no extra reward for the individual who has been shouted at repeatedly for more refreshments.

Finally, when the last of the group is set to leave, they are forced to put out more monies than originally anticipated because their fellow Cheapis Bastardus Voucherifici have left them more than they bargained for, the only moment of pleasure for the uniformed individual who has spent the afternoon as their humble servant.

And still, not a penny extra is left.

Let this be a warning to all you in the service industry:

Be on the lookout for a pack of CBV in your establishment and avoid them at all costs.

Interaction with this species will leave you tired, frustrated and questioning whether you want to remain in your current vocation.

* * * * * * * *

Seven hours worked, $1100 in sales, $70 bucks made... including the $30 left to me by a table of Yuppies from New York...

Stupid Cheap Bastards!

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Honestly - I'm Not Retarded

While it wasn't quite as bad as twenty hours of eLearning about how to greet a table, but my training shift on the bar tonight came awful close.

What part of "I have been bartending off and on over the last eleven years including at two bars that I managed and another Cara Foods establishment" suggested to our Bar Manager that I would need to spend a night learning the ropes?

I can pull on a draft handle. I make a mean Caesar. Opening bottles of wine isn't a challenge for me.

Regardless, there I was tonight, spending three hours behind the bar as Troy's bitch, doing all the work while he yakked it up and made all the money. I can't be mad - I'd have done the same damn thing too.

What makes it even better is that (a) I was hired as a full-time bartender and this is the first time I've been behind the bar and (b) they must have some confidence in my skills without this training since I open on Monday and am slotted to work New Year's Eve.

Never fails though: the new guy shows up and everyone thinks he's a retard. At least it only took two months to convince them I'm not...

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