Things I Learned This Week

1. What Time is It? Time to Get My Drank On!
This has been the most outstanding weekend in a long, long time and not just because we've all been various stages of hammered over the last 36 hours.

Whenever you ask Michelle what she wants to do, here response is "Get My Drank On!" and that is awesome. Despite the fact that it's narly 4:00 pm and the day hasn't really started yet due to last night's festivities, my suggestion that alcohol intake probably wouldn't happen to night was met with a resounding, "What?"

Expect drunken status updates on Facebook later.

2. The Dog Likes Advil
Don't worry, this is not information we found out while intoxified or anything like that. We did not feed the dog pain medicine.

He stole the bottle. Noisy, rattling things amuse him. Noisy, rattling things amusing him amuses all of us.

This is what happens when you've been getting your drank on for the better part of two days.

3. Deuce Answers the Phone at All Hours
My man Deuce lives in Newfoundland, three and a half hours ahead of us here in Kimberley. Despite this fact - which we were acutely aware of early this morning - we decided we missed him enough to call and tell him.

Five minutes after leaving our message, a surprisingly awake Deuce returned our call, laughing at the ridiculousness that is drunken Sarah, Michelle and Spencer.

Tim was passed out already by this point. We called Deuce because my clippers died right when we were preparing to shave comatosed Tim's legs...

4. eHarmony Isn't For Everyone
Believe it or not, you can be turned down by eHarmony. How miserable would that make you feel?

The fact that the process of joining eHarmony is very, very labor-intensive (I started yesterday after hearing the story and seeing their adds for a free communication weekend... and yes, my wife knew I was doing so) would just make this even more depressing.

You go through 487 questions and come up with, "Sorry, you're too picky and we don't have a single person who is compatible with you."

Yikes.

5. Getting Some Serious Readership
In non-boozy weekend news, this week has yielded a couple more syndication opportunities for my work at Keyboard Kimura, upping the number of readers I get per day and increasing my exposure even more.

What makes it even better is that neither offer came through the usual means (read: me begging someone to carry my work). Instead, they approached me and being the attention whore that I am, I said yes really quickly and patted myself on the back.

Slowly but surely, we're getting out there and going to be taking over the MMA world...

6. And Still Reigning Scrabble Champion...
Prior to getting mangled last night, we rocked a four-way game of Scrabble, which the wife was running away with.

That is, until I dropped "HISTORY" on the board with my last seven letters, landing on a double word score in addition to collecting my 50 bonus points.

You're winner and still reigning Scrabble Champion of the World...

P.S. I went undefeated in games last night, as Tim and I also won Cranium and he "lost" at very drunken game of Bullshit.

I'm out... time to get our drank on!

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What? It's 2:00?

As cliche as the notion and cheesy as the picture may be, I'm somehow sitting here writing this post at shortly after 2:00 in the afternoon with no idea where the earlier part of the day went.

Admittedly, I got up later than originally planned, but it's not like 9:30 is crazy late or anything. Since then, we took the dog for his morning walk and I've been pounding on the keys every since. How that turned into nearly four hours of my day is beyond me...

What I will say is that the overly quick lapse of time while spent working on all things MMA this morning (and afternoon evidently) should be a clear indication to anyone who thinks it's all fun and games for me and my fellow starving artists trying to craft a career on the Internet.

Sure, I love what I do and wouldn't change it for the world, but I would certainly love to have a couple of those hours back to spend vegging on the couch with the wife or joining her and the dog on a hike, instead of taking four hours to write two articles and continue the Shameless Self-Promotion Tour.

But this is what I have to do to give myself the best chance at making writing my career. Either that, or they need to introduce writing as an Olympic event so that my not getting paid to do what I do would equate to maintaining my amateur status and give me a chance at winning a medal.

Unlike the Mexican bandit leader in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, I need badges!

Or medals or something...

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If You Can't Beat'em...

Join'em and that's exactly what I've done in setting myself up at Bleacher Report.

Let the Shameless Self-Promotion Tour continue!

Bleacher Report is much like all the other places I'm currently plying my trade, except with one great advantage: a bunch of the stuff that gets written over there finds a way onto major sports sites like ESPN, Sports Illustrated and the like and that's the kind of exposure a promising but unknown Mixed Martial Arts writer like myself needs.


I started thinking about taking this step last week when I read a couple pieces over at SI that had been penned at Bleacher Report and contained factual and grammatical errors. While we're all prone to a mistake here and there, it pains me to see people with incorrect information getting published on SI while I research the hell out of some stuff and manage 47 hits.

I'm not even kidding - it drives me insane. I know part of that is my ridiculously inflated sense of self, but it's not called the Shameless Self-Promotion Tour without good reason.

Then earlier today I was chatting with a guy on Facebook about various things MMA. He said he liked my post on Thiago Alves being Georges St-Pierre's toughest test to date and I mentioned the other places I write and told him to check them out.

He said he wrote for Bleacher Report.

A load of other people write MMA for Bleacher Report and seem to get far more readers than little old me, a guy who fancies himself a writer by trade. Seriously, the leading MMA writer is a Registered Nurse. I gots to be able to drum up some attention and followers if an RN is leading the way...

So I joined and will be posting there with reckless abandon moving forward. And by reckless abandon, I mean copying everything I write at Keyboard Kimura onto Bleacher Report.

What? You thought I was going to write new stuff and spend even more time on this bloody computer?

Like Scrooge McDuck always said, "You've got to work smarter, not harder!"

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For Love of the Game ... And Other Reasons

A day after channeling Jerry Maguire, I'm back in the sports movie business becoming Billy Chapel, Kevin Costner's aging pitcher in the horrible For Love of the Game, minus the perfect game.

While I would most certainly still accept cash payment from just about anyone for doing what I do, yesterday yielded three new opportunities and I've taken up each offer despite the fact that they pay a grand total of zero dollars and zero cents annually.

Mostly, I'm doing it because I absolutely love spending my days pounding these keys talking about Mixed Martial Arts. Mostly ...


Added to the resume yesterday were dedicated MMA sites Watch Kalib Run and MMA Ratings, as well as my man Goldie's site The Other Fifteen. All three will give me the opportunity to rant and rave about the sport I love to a wider target audience than I currently have at Keyboard Kimura. That being said, K2 isn't going anywhere.

While the majority of my decision to take on these offers pro bono was made out of my sheer passion for writing, especially about MMA, there certainly was a part of the decision made for selfish reasons. After all, what better way to carry on The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour than by adding three more venues to the itinerary?

The only way to get noticed is to put yourself out there and expressing my opinions and insights on all things MMA on four sites is far better than one. The fact that other people want to have me penning my points for their sites has to account for something, right? Maybe there is a complete lack of writers willing to work for pocket lint or maybe these guys actually think what I'm doing has merit.

Who knows, one of these opportunities could lead to something bigger, like say, I dunno, becoming TSN's voice on MMA (they're getting a letter this week ...) or maybe they just become further outlets for my opinions and outbursts.

Either way, I get to do what I love more frequently than I was and more people will have the opportunity to get to know me as a writer.

Outside of a little cash, I couldn't ask for anything more ...

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Channeling Jerry Maguire

As great a compliment as it is to have people tell me they like my work and would love for me to write for their site, I gotta break out the Tom Cruise as Jerry Maguire here and deliver an emphatic, "SHOW ME THE MONEY!"

I'm not even talking about enough money to pay the rent or even my alarmingly high cellphone bill, just a little somethin' somethin' to help buy the Starbucks every once in a while would do. But that ain't ever the case in the blogging business.


Everyone loves your work.

Everyone thinks you could be doing so much more than just writing your own blog on a homemade Blogger site.

The sales pitch always follows. "We'd love to have you write for us," or something along those lines, citing the size of their site and stronger following as selling points. Most utilize the "a bunch of people writing together in one place is better than being scattered everywhere" angle too.

But when you get down to brass tax, nobody's got a dime with your name on it. And if they do, it ain't for long.

I have to give serious love and respect to my man Jesse from Bugs & Cranks here, because from Day One, homeboy made sure his writers were getting paid. While it was never anything mind-blowing for me, people were making okay cash month-to-month from the very beginning and that is a beautiful thing. Epic Carnival offered some cash too. Why did I leave these places?

While increased exposure is certainly a strong selling point, increased exposure with five bucks for my pocket is an even better one, but no one is making those kind of offers, leaving me to think about what to do.

Roll the dice and see what kind of exposure adding another site to my writing resume does for the career or keep rocking as a solo artist and driving the bus on The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour and see if I can't make something happen by myself?

What do you think?

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10 Things I Learned this Week

Breaking out a brand new Albert this week. Why? Why not? Let's get to it ...

1. 'Net Working
Over these last seven days, I've really learned the power of working the social networking scene on my computer to the best of my advantage. The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour is still in full force and has thus far yielded a great interview, a couple solid links and a handful of opportunities for the future.

2. My Work Analogy
Saturday night I had no interest in dealing with 95% of the people I work with. I get like that some times. In thinking about it, I came up with the most apt analogy of the situation: work is like high school and I'm the new artsy kid who doesn't really know anyone. I've got a few friends, but for the most part, I don't know the people you're bitching about and I don't care to, so we stay out of each others' way.


3. Too Close?
I've been spending more time than ever before immersed in the world of Mixed Martial Arts and I think my prediction skills are suffering because of it. Saturday night's Strikeforce card yielded a 4-7 record and while I'm doing well tonight with the WEC fights (5-3 with 2 to go), I'm still way under .500 on Keyboard Kimura and that is horrible.

4. Booking My Ticket to Stardom
This week, I'm sending out my book proposal. It's done, as is the query letter and I'm not wasting any time. As many agents as I can possibly find who are accepting the type of manuscript that I'm hawking will be receiving the 22-page offering for their consideration. The more the merrier... and more likely to find someone willing to make like ABBA and take a chance on me.

5. It's Been Seven Months...
So why should it surprise anyone that we're investigating another move? This is what we do. Actually, we're looking because Sarah's job isn't as rewarding or enjoyable as she'd hoped - being 50% over capacity every shift can do that to you - and we know we don't want to spend forever in Kimberley. That means moving sooner rather than later makes the most sense. Feel free to submit your "Move Here" requests in the comments. Or your "Don't Move Here" alerts as well.

6. One More Win
A win tomorrow night and my Detroit Red Wings are once again Stanley Cup Champions. Man, that has a nice ring to it. To the fans of everyone else in the NHL: Suck It!

7. Speaking of the NHL
Listening to Gary Bettman talk about trying to ensure the Phoenix Coyotes remain in Phoenix is so frustrating. You can't cling to a "we don't want to abandon markets" argument when you have a track record of doing it. Winnipeg, Quebec City and Minnesota all got ditched, in part, just because. Fan support was far better in each of those cities than it is in several US markets right now and nothing prevented the Jets from flying to the desert, Les Nordiques from heading to Denver and the North Stars heading to south to Dallas. I'd respect him more if he just admitted it was about money.

8. Been a Great Food Week
Sarah's been off all week, so we've had time to make some serious meals around here and I must say how rewarding and enjoyable they've been. Neither of us are gourmets by any stretch, but even just having some homemade BBQ burgers yesterday was far better than anything Kelseys or the fast food joints could offer, not to mention 3000 times healthier. What makes it more satisfying is that it really doesn't take any longer to make something great and fresh like we've done all week than it does to open a box or order a pizza. I never would have said these things two years ago ...

9. Three Words: Bud Light Lime
I know the naysayers will lobby that it's simply a light beer infused with lime, something you can do to every bottle of beer you ever open. I get that. But I also like something light and refreshing in the summer that I can drink by the case and this hits the spot. To me, it's a higher quality Corona; better beer, hint of lime already there and none of the dangerous Mexican contaminants of los cervezas. I don't care if you think it's stupid - I love it.

10. Working Sucks
To prove this isn't just sour grapes from a guy making no money slinging drinks and piling plates, I've made $300 in the last 24 hours at the restaurant, so no, it isn't about money. It's about being sick of the bitching and the bass-ackwards approach always taken to doing business. Bars shouldn't run out of draft beer, especially not Canadian and you certainly shouldn't be putting the overstocked something else on the that line and calling it Canadian. Don't cut everyone before people have even had a chance to come into and eat; you just end up leaving someone fucked every time. Want to keep labor costs low? Don't have 14 people in the kitchen and keep a couple front of house staff. I can't keep doing this; I'm going insane. Cross those fingers for a book deal people.

See you next Sunday!

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Why I Do What I Do

As your notification button on Facebook can attest, I've been pounding the keys a great deal lately and a few people have commented on how impressed they are with the dedication and drive I seem to be showing towards my craft.

I certainly appreciate the comments - we all know I love attention - but there is a much simply truth to why I do what I do every day.

Fear.


I don't want to be the guy who never chased his dreams. When I get old, I don't want to have to tell my kids about the tattoo on my wrist - the one that says "Freelance" - using the words, "I wanted to be a writer," only to have them respond, "But Daddy, you're a used car salesmen?"

There are too many people that I know who go through life hating their jobs and hating where they are and I can't be one of those people. At least not yet. Not without going balls to the wall with this writing thing for the next couple years, before those perplexed children above come along and I get into my mid-30s and realize I've been chasing the dream for far too long without results.

So I hammer away. I pepper your inbox with new blog posts from both sites, publish links of all the articles I've dropped on MMA sites and become friends with everyone I can on Facebook who may have some small way to help me get my foot in the door somewhere. And I write the book.

My friend and pseudo-editor Smitty said to me today that I'm one of the only people he knows who chases his dreams of writing with such vigor. He didn't use those exact words, but you know what I mean.

The real truth is that I'm tired.

I'm tired of talking about my ideas and my dreams.

I'm tired of working shitty jobs that don't pay anything.

I'm tired of writing for sites that don't pay me and putting in work that goes unnoticed.

Most of all, I'm tired of being afraid that all this is never going to amount to anything of consequence and have been a big waste of ten years.

So I write.

I write every day and I write with a renewed motivation and inspiration, in hopes of making a better life for me, my wife and those confused children that will certainly come along one of these days.

And for everyone who laughs when I pepper your inboxes and add "friends" I don't even truly know: check out Keyboard Kimura on Friday when I roll out my interview with light heavyweight prospect Cody "Donnybrook" Donovan...

He's one of those "friends" I just happened to make on The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour and now he's also my first official Mixed Martial Arts interview.

Chase your dreams while you can kids ...

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. I'm Good at What I Do
For the last couple months, I've heard a lot of whining at work about not making any money and tips being horrible. In fact, I heard it through most of the winter too. Funny, I seem to make pretty decent cash every time I put on the apron and offer up food and drink. Then again, I'm also visible to my tables and willing to treat them like human beings, as opposed to inconvenient sacks of flesh that force me to earn my wages.

2. Misguided Attention
Somehow, I've spent a lot of time flicking through the channels this week and one thing I've really come to realize is that our media spends an awful lot of time talking about complete and utter bullshit. Headline News dedicates at least 12 hours a day to scandals and murder trials, analyzing it from every possible angle, while TLC is no longer about Learning whatsoever. It's about "Reality" or the fake version of it that works on television. No wonder I've spent so much time on the computer this week - there is nothing good to watch.



3. The Dog's Name is Chase
Yesterday's reports of rescuing a dog named Jake were incorrect; it turns out his name is Chase. That's the only part of the story that wasn't on point though, as talking with the woman yesterday revealed that she was "certain I closed that back door" before heading off to work. Wanna know how to be sure? Lock the damn thing. Easy.

4. Three Wins Away from Fulfilling My Prophecy
After a win in Game 1 yesterday, my Detroit Red Wings are three wins away from once again hoisting the Stanley Cup. Accept it now people: this is going to happen. What they will also do is fulfill my prediction from a few years back that the Wings would win two Cups before the Leafs won one. I didn't say it was rocket science or anything, but I thought it would take longer than three years to prove me right.

5. Pessimists Suck
Understand that I am an insane optimist - things are always going to work out even when there isn't an apparent solution, good things are going to happen and all that jazz. That being said, it still amazes me how negative some people can be about their work and their passions. I know writing is a tough road to travel, but telling that in excruciating detail is not necessary. Thanks for raining on my parade. Luckily, I carry an umbrella, just in case.

6. Somebody Has to be that One in a Million
I know I'm an optimist and making it in this business is a long shot, but doesn't someone have to be that one in a million? Three months ago, no one knew who Susan Boyle was. Now, she has a record deal and is known around the world. The Shack started as a personal project with 20 printed copies for friends and family. Now it's sold more than 2 million copies. You can't win if you don't buy a ticket and just because you don't want to buy tickets anymore doesn't mean I shouldn't start.

7. The Deer Aren't So Bad
Since moving here, people have warned us that the deer are nuts and will actually charge at you instead of running away from you like most woodland creatures will do. On numerous occasions this week, those people have been proven wrong. The pug and I run into at least two deer a day on our walks and by keeping calm and walking slowly, the deer bound down the hill in the opposite direction without any fuss.

8. The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour is Working
Readership is up everywhere. The fan base is growing daily and all the hours I put in networking away on Facebook and Twitter and everywhere else have paid off with my first official MMA interview with light heavyweight prospect Cody "Donnybrook" Donovan.

9. Tiananmen Square Was 20 Years Ago
You know how there are those pictures that will always be burned in your memory? The Tank Man from China's Tiananmen Square Protests in 1989 is one of those images for me. How was that possibly 20 years ago already? Where has the time gone?

10. Patiently Waiting, Though the Patience is Waning
If we're doing this, let's do this, but if we can't, just tell me so that I can find someone who can. Big things are coming and I want to be ready.

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The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour Rolls On

Tossing up a Wedding Day shot in case any of you have yet to see them. Don't we look good?

Anyway...

At the start of the month, I put everyone on notice that I was making like Jay-Z and would like for you to "allow me to re-introduce myself" for your consumption.

Some of you have gotten the messages in other ways, maybe others have not, so on a slow Thursday, I thought I'd lay it all out there and have The 2009 Shameless Self-Promotion Tour roll through iBlog.

Here's where you can catch me:

• Keyboard Kimura - the new MMA website, started a couple weeks ago and delivering Mixed Martial Arts news and views each and every day.
  
  
• MMA4Real - another MMA site where I make sporadic appearances, usually delivering sarcastic news like the impending deterioration of my marriage or how to instantly ruin your own credibility.
  
  
• Twitter - Yes, I tweet. If you don't, you're not cool. Simple as that. I don't make the rules, I just follow them.
  
  
• Facebook Fan Page / Networked Blogs - Two Facebook options that allow you to get all your E. Spencer Kyte info without straying from the still-addictive social networking giant. All you have to do is join the Fan Page or click the "Follow this blog" box over on the right hand side and you'll get your info in your Facebook feed.

There is one other place in the works, but it's not ready yet. I know I've been saying cryptic things like this for some time now, but this is how things work. Everything takes time.

Check out the sites, join the following and get on board now.

The book proposal is just about done and once it gets out there, you'll want to be able to claim me as your own before the masses catch on!

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All Me To Reintroduce Myself...

If it can work for Jay-Z, it can work for me!

After having spent the last number of months working on other people's projects and not putting myself out there as much as I could, today marks the rebirth of E. Spencer Kyte, shameless self-promoter.

Since there is no one else who is going to promote my work with more insight, passion and drive than I can myself, why wouldn't I get down to business?

I'm Twitter'ing, a new and improved Facebook Fan Page is in the works and you'll be seeing my stuff pop up anywhere and everywhere I can get it, especially the stuff from over at Keyboard Kimura.

C'mon - you had to know I wasn't going to get through a post about self-promotion without mentioning the new site...

Welcome to the re-launch of E. Spencer Kyte.

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