The Rundown: While I Wait

I actually did it.

Yesterday afternoon, I sat at this computer and sent off 13 query emails to literary agencies to see if they were interested in being interested in my book. Now, I wait.

If you know me at all, you know that patience isn't one of my virtues. In fact, I think I've written about my ridiculous lack of said virtue here before. That means this next six to eight week stretch is going to be awful trying and I apologize to Sarah in advance for being a neurotic jackass who checks his email 497 additional times a day (for a grand total of 872) just in case someone got back to me.

Clearly, I'm going to need things to occupy my time. I'll run them down after the jump...


Top 5 Distractions to Keep Me From Checking My Email

5. Freecell
I've actually started with this one and have racked up 10 consecutive wins - without "undoing" a bunch of shitty moves to help myself either. I can usually get through four or five games before I am bored and itching to check Hotmail, so this one will be the early morning / late at night distraction.

4. Work
I never thought I would say this, but thankfully I have to be at Kelsey's a great deal over the next month. If I'm there than I can't be here checking my email. Of course, I have my phone synced up to my email account and I can certainly check it there, but hopefully I'll be too busy to remember.

3. Luke
The little tyrant is going to be getting walked and wrestled with more than he had ever imagined in the next couple weeks. A trip out with Cool Hand Luke can last 30 minutes easy and far more if we go for an "off the leash" trek somewhere, while "The Bite Game" is another solid 15 minutes of pre-occupation for the both of us. Any time I'm not in this chair is time I'm not checking my Inbox.

2. Writing
I know - if I'm writing, I'm sitting at the computer and that is like leaving a case of beer in front of an alcoholic. I get that, but I also know that a lot of the time when I sit down to write, I lose myself in what I am doing and nothing else matters. Besides, the more time I spend writing, the more months I can knock off the "Completed manuscript can be submitted within..." section of the proposal and something tells me a quick turnaround will help sell this book.

1. Reading
I can't believe I haven't read a single book since we've been back from the Dominican. Not one. Granted, the only bookstore around seems to carry absolutely nothing of value or interest and I doubt the Kimberley library is packed with titles I'm looking for, but still. I gotta get my hands on Forrest Griffin's Got Fight? and go from there. Anyone interested in helping preserve my sanity who would like to ship it to me, drop me a line and I'll get you the address.

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. No Point in Complaining
I bitch about a lot of things. I bitch about work, I bitch about the shitty job other people do at work and I bitch about just about anything that makes me mad on a given day. I've come to realize that there is absolutely no point. Nothing changes - work is still just okay, nobody makes the slackers work any harder and the rest of the headaches and frustrations aren't going to change because I want them to. So from here on out, Spencer Kyte is now 50% less bitchy!

2. Off to Staples We Go
The weekly groceries run into Cranbrook will have an additional stop on the itinerary today. I need to hit Staples and get them to print several copies of my book proposal. Yes, I'm done and moving to the next step. I can't actually tell you how nervous -slash - excited this makes me. Think positive thoughts.


3. Clay Guida is My New Favorite Fighter
First, he took a massive headkick and pretty much bounced right back up. Then, he took some nasty elbows while in Diego Sanchez' guard and stayed there. At the end of the fight, dude was bouncing around like he could go two more rounds (which would have been awesome). Add the crazy caveman hair and you have one fun fighter to watch, win or lose.

4. Kobe > Shaq
Yeah, I said it and I challenge anyone who disagrees to a debate on the subject in the comments section. Shaq hasn't won anything without a strong #2; he had Kobe riding shotgun in the City of Angels and Flash leading the way in Miaimi. While Pau Gasol is nice, Kobe did most of this on his own and that puts him ahead of the big fella. One last thing: Kobe is one of the Top 5 ever. EVER.

5. Mainstream Sports Media is Ridiculous
I know you can't always be talking about the tough stuff, but how so much time can be spent discussing steroids in baseball and the US Open while the Donte Stallworth situation got one day of play is beyond me. Yes, we need diversions in life and sports certainly provides that break from the bad, but if you'll talk about Sammy Sosa testing positive six years ago for an entire week, why not address something that actually matters for more than 10 minutes?

6. You Need to See Taken
Watched this during the week with the wife and man was it awesome. All kinds of good here. I loved that Liam Neeson was the lead and not some hulked up, macho doofus and I loved that everything that his character did exactly what you would have expected him to do, right down to... I won't spoil it for you, but lemme just say that it was nice to see a movie that stayed true to the way things would actually go from start to finish.

7. Some People are Awful Defensive
Earlier in the week, I left a message on a friend's Facebook wall reminding her that in comparison to Toronto, Kimberley sucks. A couple of my bosses at work took exception to that and busted my balls about it the next time they saw me, with one telling me to move already if I hate it so much. Scenery and nature are great, but the fact that my shopping choices are WalMart or Superstore is all I need to say. I never thought the day would come when I was dying to go to Old Navy and American Eagle!

8. A Lot of Adult Dating Sites are Twittering!
As I've mentioned before, I tweet and each time I sign on, I check to see who is following me. Generally speaking, if you're following me, I'll follow you, simple as that. The exception to that rule are the countless Adult Dating Sites that pop up in my list for a couple days before the Twitter Police remove their accounts. Nothing like being excited to have another person follow my work only to find out it's some Spam-alicious "find a friend in your town tonight" site...

9. Gotta Love Mothers...
I was talking to mine yesterday and mentioned that I once again have a mohawk. Not a ultra-big, dyed pink, punk rock rules mohawk, more of a faux-hawk really, as I still have hair on both sides and it's maybe an inch when spiked. Anyway, as soon as the words came out of my mouth it was like I was 14 again. "Spencer, what are you doing? Why would you do something like that?" and on and on about making smart choices and all the things parents tell their kids... when they're actually children. That being said, I wouldn't change her for the world!

10. This is Getting Harder and Harder Each Week
Honestly, I don't know if I learn 10 things that are worth writing about every week. Maybe we'll cut it down to seven starting next week... or five... or just do something else entirely... have to see.

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10 Things I Learned this Week

Breaking out a brand new Albert this week. Why? Why not? Let's get to it ...

1. 'Net Working
Over these last seven days, I've really learned the power of working the social networking scene on my computer to the best of my advantage. The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour is still in full force and has thus far yielded a great interview, a couple solid links and a handful of opportunities for the future.

2. My Work Analogy
Saturday night I had no interest in dealing with 95% of the people I work with. I get like that some times. In thinking about it, I came up with the most apt analogy of the situation: work is like high school and I'm the new artsy kid who doesn't really know anyone. I've got a few friends, but for the most part, I don't know the people you're bitching about and I don't care to, so we stay out of each others' way.


3. Too Close?
I've been spending more time than ever before immersed in the world of Mixed Martial Arts and I think my prediction skills are suffering because of it. Saturday night's Strikeforce card yielded a 4-7 record and while I'm doing well tonight with the WEC fights (5-3 with 2 to go), I'm still way under .500 on Keyboard Kimura and that is horrible.

4. Booking My Ticket to Stardom
This week, I'm sending out my book proposal. It's done, as is the query letter and I'm not wasting any time. As many agents as I can possibly find who are accepting the type of manuscript that I'm hawking will be receiving the 22-page offering for their consideration. The more the merrier... and more likely to find someone willing to make like ABBA and take a chance on me.

5. It's Been Seven Months...
So why should it surprise anyone that we're investigating another move? This is what we do. Actually, we're looking because Sarah's job isn't as rewarding or enjoyable as she'd hoped - being 50% over capacity every shift can do that to you - and we know we don't want to spend forever in Kimberley. That means moving sooner rather than later makes the most sense. Feel free to submit your "Move Here" requests in the comments. Or your "Don't Move Here" alerts as well.

6. One More Win
A win tomorrow night and my Detroit Red Wings are once again Stanley Cup Champions. Man, that has a nice ring to it. To the fans of everyone else in the NHL: Suck It!

7. Speaking of the NHL
Listening to Gary Bettman talk about trying to ensure the Phoenix Coyotes remain in Phoenix is so frustrating. You can't cling to a "we don't want to abandon markets" argument when you have a track record of doing it. Winnipeg, Quebec City and Minnesota all got ditched, in part, just because. Fan support was far better in each of those cities than it is in several US markets right now and nothing prevented the Jets from flying to the desert, Les Nordiques from heading to Denver and the North Stars heading to south to Dallas. I'd respect him more if he just admitted it was about money.

8. Been a Great Food Week
Sarah's been off all week, so we've had time to make some serious meals around here and I must say how rewarding and enjoyable they've been. Neither of us are gourmets by any stretch, but even just having some homemade BBQ burgers yesterday was far better than anything Kelseys or the fast food joints could offer, not to mention 3000 times healthier. What makes it more satisfying is that it really doesn't take any longer to make something great and fresh like we've done all week than it does to open a box or order a pizza. I never would have said these things two years ago ...

9. Three Words: Bud Light Lime
I know the naysayers will lobby that it's simply a light beer infused with lime, something you can do to every bottle of beer you ever open. I get that. But I also like something light and refreshing in the summer that I can drink by the case and this hits the spot. To me, it's a higher quality Corona; better beer, hint of lime already there and none of the dangerous Mexican contaminants of los cervezas. I don't care if you think it's stupid - I love it.

10. Working Sucks
To prove this isn't just sour grapes from a guy making no money slinging drinks and piling plates, I've made $300 in the last 24 hours at the restaurant, so no, it isn't about money. It's about being sick of the bitching and the bass-ackwards approach always taken to doing business. Bars shouldn't run out of draft beer, especially not Canadian and you certainly shouldn't be putting the overstocked something else on the that line and calling it Canadian. Don't cut everyone before people have even had a chance to come into and eat; you just end up leaving someone fucked every time. Want to keep labor costs low? Don't have 14 people in the kitchen and keep a couple front of house staff. I can't keep doing this; I'm going insane. Cross those fingers for a book deal people.

See you next Sunday!

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I've Just Been Handed An Urgent Announcement...

No, not cannonball... just that The Rundown has been preempted today for something different.

Don't fret: your favorite Wednesday blog post will be back stronger than ever this time next week, I'm just not feeling it today.

Instead, we're sticking to the theme from yesterday with a little more insight into what makes me tick as a writer right now.


As much as I'm loving the blogging both here and at Kimura, the biggest project around right now is my book proposal. Yes, after years of speculation and telling myself and anyone who would listen that I'm going to write a book, I've actually gotten down to business and am starting to get somewhere.

In case I haven't ever mentioned it fully - and a little for legal reasons so that if someone steals the idea along the way I have legions of followers who can attest to the concept being mine ages ago - let me tell you a little about the book.

The Rules of Engagement: A Guys Guide to Getting Married is a guidebook for everyday guys and the girls who love them as they walk down the aisle. Think it's all hearts and flowers? Think again...

Drawing from my own experiences going through the process from getting engaged to saying "I do," this book will offer up real-life examples of the good, the bad and the ugly and answer the questions that no guy is willing to ask his drinking buddies, as well as shed a little light things you've never thought would come along with getting engaged.

300-some odd pages of self-deprecating, laughter-inducing truth from a guy who has gone down this road and lived to tell about it.

Who would you rather take advice from: some relationship guru with a wall full of degrees and nothing in common with you or the guy at the other end of the bar who was once in the same place you are?

Hopefully, a whole shitload of people pick the latter...

* * * * * * *

So that's the idea. What do you think?

I think it's a winner - but I'm the guy writing the book, so I have to believe in it.

What makes me even more in love with this idea is that no one has to pay me a red cent to write this book. Mind you, I'm going to turn down an advance or anything like that, but regardless of what comes from the proposal process, this book will be written within a year and that is killer to me.

Besides, The Shack was printed at Staples for a few friends and family members and now it's sold over 2 million copies... sometimes, you just never know what is going to happen.

All I can do is write the book and roll the dice.

So that's what I'm going to do.

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Why I Do What I Do

As your notification button on Facebook can attest, I've been pounding the keys a great deal lately and a few people have commented on how impressed they are with the dedication and drive I seem to be showing towards my craft.

I certainly appreciate the comments - we all know I love attention - but there is a much simply truth to why I do what I do every day.

Fear.


I don't want to be the guy who never chased his dreams. When I get old, I don't want to have to tell my kids about the tattoo on my wrist - the one that says "Freelance" - using the words, "I wanted to be a writer," only to have them respond, "But Daddy, you're a used car salesmen?"

There are too many people that I know who go through life hating their jobs and hating where they are and I can't be one of those people. At least not yet. Not without going balls to the wall with this writing thing for the next couple years, before those perplexed children above come along and I get into my mid-30s and realize I've been chasing the dream for far too long without results.

So I hammer away. I pepper your inbox with new blog posts from both sites, publish links of all the articles I've dropped on MMA sites and become friends with everyone I can on Facebook who may have some small way to help me get my foot in the door somewhere. And I write the book.

My friend and pseudo-editor Smitty said to me today that I'm one of the only people he knows who chases his dreams of writing with such vigor. He didn't use those exact words, but you know what I mean.

The real truth is that I'm tired.

I'm tired of talking about my ideas and my dreams.

I'm tired of working shitty jobs that don't pay anything.

I'm tired of writing for sites that don't pay me and putting in work that goes unnoticed.

Most of all, I'm tired of being afraid that all this is never going to amount to anything of consequence and have been a big waste of ten years.

So I write.

I write every day and I write with a renewed motivation and inspiration, in hopes of making a better life for me, my wife and those confused children that will certainly come along one of these days.

And for everyone who laughs when I pepper your inboxes and add "friends" I don't even truly know: check out Keyboard Kimura on Friday when I roll out my interview with light heavyweight prospect Cody "Donnybrook" Donovan...

He's one of those "friends" I just happened to make on The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour and now he's also my first official Mixed Martial Arts interview.

Chase your dreams while you can kids ...

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10 Things I Learned

There are some old favorites and some new morsels of information, so settle in and say hello to Albert...

1. I've Finally Started
After talking about the project for what seems like eternity, I got off my ass and started my book this week. Actually, I started the proposal and query letter, but that is more important to be honest. Aiming to have this stage completed by next weekend. Going to take time though.

2. Turns Out I'm Free 'til Friday
Good thing I work at a restaurant without any customers! Instead of continuing to be exceptionally annoyed by the constant strain of "don't worry, you're going to get shifts," only to see two shifts on my schedule, I'm looking at it as a means to finishing the above mentioned project. Thanks for the time off...

3. A New Outlet
No, I'm not still yammering on about Keyboard Kimura, although you should most certainly visit iBlog's sister site as frequently as possible. This is about MMA 4 Real, an MMA site based in North Carolina that now features this guy as a routine poster in the FanPosts section as an audition for bigger and better.

4. Getting the Name Out There
Thanks to all 121 people who have taken part in the Shameless Self-Promotion Tour to this point, joining the Facebook Fan Page and helping circulate my name through your social networks. Believe me when I say that in the near future you'll be able to say, "I knew him when..."

5. Best Commercial Ever
Nothing beats the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World" ad that is running right now. Of course, I might be biased as I am currently enjoying a Dos Equis and have liked the beer since a trip to California seven years ago. Anyway, I too want to live vicariously through myself and have an awkward moment just to know what it feels like. Stay thirsty, my friends!

6. Ghetto Vacations
We've got some serious redneck camping going on in the building across the way from us. A collection of Alberta families has invaded for the long weekend and have setup a patio table in the parking lot. They've also flooded a portion of the lot to allow their children - all 18 of them - to play in the water, instead of, I dunno, buying a $12 plastic kiddy pool at WalMart. Some kids get to go to Disneyland, some get to camp out in a parking lot. You can't make this stuff up.

7. The Blue Jays are Killing Me
Don't get me wrong - I'm happy to see the boys doing well as they earned the series sweep of the White Sox today. But man is it tough to swallow having walked away from them and proclaimed them dead back in January and see them playing so well. My man Chalk assures me that it will all come to an end soon, but right now, I just don't see it. They might have a little something going...

8. My First Mention of the Red Wings All Playoffs
I have been trying not to say anything about my boys from Detroit, but now that they're through to the Conference Finals - for the 8th time in 12 years or something like that - I'd like for everyone to acknowledge the utter dominance of the Red Wings. They may have looked shaky here and there, but in the end, the best team always wins and Detroit is clearly the best team.

9. Thoughts on Dana White
UFC President Dana White has been in the news all week after a segment about the foul-mouthed figurehead of the MMA giant aired on ESPN's E:60. While I don't always agree with the things that White says or the colorful language that he prefers, I have no problem with him as the head of the biggest organization in the sport I love. If we had a Roger Goodell or a David Stern in charge, MMA would have failed long before it got to the point they're at now. Could he clean up his language and stop the tirades at members of the media? Sure, but that is who Dana is and for better or worse, he's great for the sport.

10. I Forgot to Tell You Last Week...
But X-Men Origins: Wolverine was awesome! Just awesome. They did a great job with the relationship between Logan and Victor "Sabretooth" Creed, Deadpool was wicked and you could barely recognize Ryan Reynolds when he came out and there are sure to be more Origins flicks or spin-offs in the near future and I'll be seeing every one.

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Stuck

I have to go to work tonight.

Not a major event, I know, but it's eating away at me.

In the two days I've Rocked the Block London-style, I've served maybe 25 customers. Maybe. Sure, that was daylight hours and people got jobs, but still. I had to call the store last night and the report was that the tumbleweeds were rolling down the aisles. This is what happens when the sunshine comes out.

For the first time in since I've been here, I really just feel like staying where I am right now and putting fingers to keys for the duration of the night.

Actually, I finally feel like putting fingers to keys for the duration of several nights, weeks even and getting my much-talked about, much-delayed book out of my head and into words on the 19" flat screen before me. Stupid Josh Harnett, making we want to display my developing voice.

I know: WTF?

Last night I watched Resurrecting The Champ, a flick that stars the doe-eyed Harnett as a second generation sports writer who hasn't found his voice, or himself for that matter, who stumbles upon a homeless man who claims to be a former heavyweight champ. Said homeless man is portrayed by a dreadlocked Samuel L. Jackson, with a voice very similar to Tyrone Biggums. With every line, I waited for a "I don't know if you know this Joe Rogan - I Smoke Rocks!"

Anyway, point is, that over the course of this flick - which I recommend to everyone once it hits shelves Tuesday - Harnett sorts out who he is, what he is and what is most important to him. He finds his voice. Which got me to reflecting.

I have my voice, or at least I think I do. And I have my subject matter. I know my plotlines and I know the arc of the story. So what the hell is topping me?

Up until yesterday evening I would have told you any number of things: from Blockbuster to being tired to spending way to much time watching shitty Blue Jays games where they can't hit with runners in scoring position. But none of that is actually the truth.

I'm stopping me.

I'm scared to write my book.

It's way easier to sit here being the sarcastic blogger with a couple other gigs who can slag on Blockbuster Video without ever taking the chance to see if I actually have what it takes. Plus, the security of a job, regardless of how much I hate it, means that I don't ever feel a sense of panic to change things, because I can always tell myself and others that I haven't just said, "Fuck it" and reached for the brass ring because I have responsibilities.

Responsibilities aren't holding me back.

I am and I don't know how to get out of my own way.

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Dishonour Roll: Phil Kyte

This one is sort of long over due, but I just never wanted to tell you about it because I didn't want to be that person that just blurts out all their personal crap at the start of a relationship and makes the other person freak out. Yes, what we have here is a relationship. And yes, I got some demons just like everyone else.

Unlike previous Inductees, I know this one. At least, I used to.

I haven't spoken with my old man in over two years. In fact, we've spoken once in the last five years and that was at his mother's funeral a couple Novembers ago when I bombed into Cornwall for an afternoon to pay my respects. That's just how it is now.

Long story short, my old man spent the duration of his marriage to my mom cheating on her. There were stretches where he was a good boy and didn't stray, but for the most part, given the opportunity, he would make the wrong decision. I only learned all this in 1999 when Faye finally got tired of all the bullshit and filed for divorce.

After they split, I toughed it out and stayed in his life as best I could, coming home for visits, going golfing, staying at his place, but he just wasn't happy with his situation and moved back to his family home in Cornwall where at least he would have his brothers and sister around as support. He took up with some woman, but that didn't last long and after one final shouting match in a bar when I was home for my Uncle Jack's funeral, ties were severed.

Phil Kyte could have been so much more than he is today. He was smart, charming, witty and well-liked, but he didn't like himself and has some serious issues that he never wanted to deal with properly. Now I have no idea where he is or what he is up to. He will never meet his granddaughter Emily Grace, and he has missed out on the better part of the last five years of my life. That's part of the reason I intend to make my leap into literary stardom on the back of our story... because he could have been a real part of it had he wanted to be, but that, like everything else in life, was too hard for him.

The reason I am telling you this, and featuring him in the Dishonour Roll, was my mentioning of writing a book yesterday as one of my resolutions. The book is about him. Actually, the book is about my relationship with him and the situation as it has now become. It was originally titled "Superman is Dead" but I figured Our Lady Peace would sue me for using the name of one of their songs as the title of my book. Perhaps DC Comics would have been a little mad too...

A long time coming and probably the most fitting of all thus far.
Welcome to the Dishonour Roll Phil... wherever you are.

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