I So Confused

D'you know what my new favorite thing this holiday season is?

Constant job postings for positions that either (a) don't exist or (b) aren't being hired until 2010.

Nothing like giving a guy a glimmer of hope only to kick him in the crotch shortly thereafter.

The same restaurant here in Victoria has officially posted - on the Services Canada Job Bank - the same position three different times in the last four weeks.

I've applied... twice.

Last week - the second time I applied - I sent my resume via email to the contact person, since going into the restaurant and speaking with one of the managers didn't seem to work.

Wrote a charming email (as you would expect) and even reminder her how easy it would be to remember my name, as her last name is Spencer. Witty, I know.

The result? Nothing...

So I just got off the phone with her, seeing as said position is once again on the Job Bank. Turns out they're just collecting resumes and have no real idea when they will actually be hiring.

Here's a novel idea - instead of posting that the position is needed to start immediately, hows about mentioning that you're just collecting resumes so I don't think I am the least skilled waiter in the world or my references are sabotaging me for their own amusement!

Also awesome is the always enjoyable, "Gimme a day or two to talk to our Front of House Manager and I'll get back to you" I've also received from another restaurant who has numerous postings littered all over the web.

That was a week ago.

What makes it all the more pleasurable is that I currently work with said GM's close friend who knows I've applied and desperately want to stop working nine hour shifts picking produce. Nothing makes me feel all the more wanted than knowing the GM and his friend have discussed me on a number of occasions only to have my phone consistently not ring.

Boo - urns!

Continue reading ...

10 Things I Learned This Week

1. I'm Good at What I Do
For the last couple months, I've heard a lot of whining at work about not making any money and tips being horrible. In fact, I heard it through most of the winter too. Funny, I seem to make pretty decent cash every time I put on the apron and offer up food and drink. Then again, I'm also visible to my tables and willing to treat them like human beings, as opposed to inconvenient sacks of flesh that force me to earn my wages.

2. Misguided Attention
Somehow, I've spent a lot of time flicking through the channels this week and one thing I've really come to realize is that our media spends an awful lot of time talking about complete and utter bullshit. Headline News dedicates at least 12 hours a day to scandals and murder trials, analyzing it from every possible angle, while TLC is no longer about Learning whatsoever. It's about "Reality" or the fake version of it that works on television. No wonder I've spent so much time on the computer this week - there is nothing good to watch.



3. The Dog's Name is Chase
Yesterday's reports of rescuing a dog named Jake were incorrect; it turns out his name is Chase. That's the only part of the story that wasn't on point though, as talking with the woman yesterday revealed that she was "certain I closed that back door" before heading off to work. Wanna know how to be sure? Lock the damn thing. Easy.

4. Three Wins Away from Fulfilling My Prophecy
After a win in Game 1 yesterday, my Detroit Red Wings are three wins away from once again hoisting the Stanley Cup. Accept it now people: this is going to happen. What they will also do is fulfill my prediction from a few years back that the Wings would win two Cups before the Leafs won one. I didn't say it was rocket science or anything, but I thought it would take longer than three years to prove me right.

5. Pessimists Suck
Understand that I am an insane optimist - things are always going to work out even when there isn't an apparent solution, good things are going to happen and all that jazz. That being said, it still amazes me how negative some people can be about their work and their passions. I know writing is a tough road to travel, but telling that in excruciating detail is not necessary. Thanks for raining on my parade. Luckily, I carry an umbrella, just in case.

6. Somebody Has to be that One in a Million
I know I'm an optimist and making it in this business is a long shot, but doesn't someone have to be that one in a million? Three months ago, no one knew who Susan Boyle was. Now, she has a record deal and is known around the world. The Shack started as a personal project with 20 printed copies for friends and family. Now it's sold more than 2 million copies. You can't win if you don't buy a ticket and just because you don't want to buy tickets anymore doesn't mean I shouldn't start.

7. The Deer Aren't So Bad
Since moving here, people have warned us that the deer are nuts and will actually charge at you instead of running away from you like most woodland creatures will do. On numerous occasions this week, those people have been proven wrong. The pug and I run into at least two deer a day on our walks and by keeping calm and walking slowly, the deer bound down the hill in the opposite direction without any fuss.

8. The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour is Working
Readership is up everywhere. The fan base is growing daily and all the hours I put in networking away on Facebook and Twitter and everywhere else have paid off with my first official MMA interview with light heavyweight prospect Cody "Donnybrook" Donovan.

9. Tiananmen Square Was 20 Years Ago
You know how there are those pictures that will always be burned in your memory? The Tank Man from China's Tiananmen Square Protests in 1989 is one of those images for me. How was that possibly 20 years ago already? Where has the time gone?

10. Patiently Waiting, Though the Patience is Waning
If we're doing this, let's do this, but if we can't, just tell me so that I can find someone who can. Big things are coming and I want to be ready.

Continue reading ...

The Rundown: Just a Pilot?!

Remember those Halls Fruit Breezer commercials from a few years back, where the guy dressed as the candy ripped anyone with just one job to shreds because he did two things at once and he did so with a Jamaican accent?

Fruit Breezer Guy: What does your boyfriend do?
Female: He's a pilot.
FBG: Just a pilot?! I got two jobs!

Well, that guy can kiss my ass because I'm juggling five jobs right now. Yeah, you read that right, FIVE JOBS! For those who don't believe me, I've decided to detail them in today's Rundown.

The Five Jobs of E. Spencer Kyte

5. Proofreader, Fight! Magazine
Spencer Kyte - Grammar Police. They send me the file, I make sure everything looks good.

4. Freelance Writer
Bugs & Cranks now pretty much falls here as I haven't posted anything in over a month, in part because the Jays have done nothing, but also because, well, I'm too effin' busy. There are also the little side gigs I've been approached about here, like writing a story on my friend Luke's Heli-Golf Tour company...

3. Media Representative, Kimberley Relay for Life
The newest addition to the squad, this one, like most jobs I've taken that involve writing, pays the base salary of $0.00/hour with monthly bonuses of $0.00. But I'll be writing a weekly column in the local paper, doing some radio and local TV promoting the event and well, it makes me feel good to do something productive instead of bitching about Britney Spears.

2. Server / Bartender, Kelsey's Restaurant
Considering the temperature here is above freezing and we've gotten exactly one day of snow in the last six weeks, it's a testament to my skills in this role that I come home with $100 every night. It also doesn't hurt that I have no shame, will suck-up to just about anyone and always volunteer to be the guy who stays latest.

1. Editor, The Love of Sports
I have a serious Love/Hate relationship with this job and it's only been one real day in the role. Time consuming as shit, an organizational headache and full of new things I need to learn, the plus side is that I get to help build the site, improve my skills as a writer and editor and see some return for my efforts down the line.

There you have it... FIVE JOBS! Think about that next time you're bitching about working that Sunday shift at Blockbuster or relaxing on your couch after a tough day at the office.

I would, but I'll be busy working!

Continue reading ...

10 Things I Learned This Week

1. Holy Stressful Batman!
These wedding plans and headaches are driving me bonkers. Our former agent has a bunch of our arrangements all banged up and that is making our life wicked stressful, as we want to have everything planed and organized and ready to roll soon so we can just kick back and count down the days. Tomorrow should be a telling day, as we're supposed to be talking with the Regional Manager to sort some of this stuff out. That being said, we've been waiting to deal with him since Wednesday...

2. I'm an Awesome Server / Bartender
Yeah, I'm tooting my own horn again... so what? We're in a bit of a lull period right now on the hill with Christmas and everything being done and people trying to save a little cash this month, but still I manage to make $100 every day without fail. Now, sometimes that means I have to work five or six hours, but considering no one else is really pulling in that kind of money consistently, there can only be one conclusion... I'm Awesome!

3. Good Old Nintendo Thumb
Remember when you used to spend hours upon hours playing Nintendo and your thumb would develop that soreness that verges on becoming a full-blown callous? I'm dealing with that right now thanks to two days spent finishing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed and six amateur fights on Fight Night Round 3. Impressively enough, I'm still banging out articles galore this week too.

4. Missing Magazines
Sarah and I signed up for some magazine subscriptions a couple weeks back through one of those "Get 3 magazines for $6" type of deals. Canadian Living arrive a while back, but we're still waiting on Self (for her) and GQ (for me), except they were all supposed to have been sent out at the same time. Something tells me that our friendly local post office either (A) put them in the wrong mailbox and the people didn't bother returning them or (B) decided to keep them for themselves. I hope I'm wrong on both fronts, especially because I want my Jennifer Aniston issue of GQ!

5. Speaking of Jennifer Aniston...
We're back around to Season One of Friends - we watch them in succession - and I have to admit that I really miss that show. There hasn't been anything that has made me commit to watching it every week on the sitcom front since Friends left the air. I know it's kind of hokey and whatever, but for my money, the stupidity of Joey Tribiani will always be hilarious.

6. False Promises
So a while back I told you about me getting a proofreading job with Fight! Magazine. I don't think it's happening... I emailed the Editor a couple weeks back and have yet to receive anything back. Was it just a case of telling a disgruntled reader what they wanted to hear or did I slip his mind? I'm not sure, but one thing I do know is that they could still use me because there are more mistakes in the current issue...

7. Elk are HUGE
Saw a bunch of them driving home from Marley and Me this time last week and sweet merciful crap would those big bastards ever do a number on our poor '93 Honda Civic! I mean, we wrote off the Corolla smacking into a deer, so I could only imagine what kind of carnage would ensue slamming into one of these monsters. D'you know what's worse? There are caribou and moose that are around these parts and even bigger still...

8. Sharp as Marbles
I don't expect to be surrounded by MENSA candidates working in a restaurant, but some of the brilliant questions that get shot my way are amazing. Questions: How do I make lime water? Is France on the ocean? What's a jiggaboo? Answers: mix bar lime and water, sort of and a very derogatory term for black people that if you say again I'm going to knock your teeth out.

9. Exciting News from the UFC
Dana White said earlier this week in a press conference that he's working on bringing the UFC to... wait for it... wait for it... VANCOUVER! Sarah has already been informed that regardless of date and cost, I will be in attendance at this event.

10. College Football is Equal Parts Awesome and Annoying
There were some great games this week - Texas and Ohio State was outstanding - but in the end, when all was said and done, there was controversy and it annoys the bejesus out of me. How there still isn't a playoff system in place to determine one unquestioned champion is beyond me. Yes Florida won the BCS Championship, but Utah went undefeated and crushed Alabama. And they still ended up 4th in the AP Poll!

Continue reading ...