Things I Learned This Week

1. Losing Your Luggage Isn't All Bad
My man Deuce, the one with the fire-filled comment directed at John Q. Anonymous a couple pieces back, had his luggage "misplaced" flying home from Vancouver over the New Year. As it turns out, because he used his credit card to book the flight, said credit card company gives him a $100/day clothing allowance for his troubles to a maximum of five days. Needless to say, Deuce is going shopping in the very near future to replace his lost wardrobe. You should maybe go on Tuesday Deuce. I'm off. I could go with you. I'm good at shopping.

2. Get Everything Done Before You Open the First Beer
Because if you don't, you'll finish the first beer and open the second and then next thing you know, you've drank the entire 8-pack of Guinness that was supposed to last you the night, you didn't end up writing that blog post you were planning (Sorry Everyone!) and you're half in the bag by the time you're ready to start making dinner. The moral of the story? I got drunk last night...

3. I Am, In Fact, A Sally
Tapped out somewhere around 12:30 last night. Yep, 12:30. That's it. Deuce was still chugging along and Sarah was well into Drunk Sarah mode where she could drink lighter fluid and not feel a thing. As for me, I had puked a little and was ready to pack it in before the clock hit 1 AM. What the hell has happened to me? I blame working nine days in a row at Blockbuster and being woken up at 9 AM by the rampaging toddler upstairs, but really, that's just the kind of thing a Sally who tapped out before 1 AM would be expected to say. I'll try to do better next time.

4. Canadian Sports Media Sucks
D'you know what's awesome? When the two best teams in all of hockey face off against one another, one of them being from the Nation's Capital, the other being my Red Wings, and every sports outlet in this country leads with the litany of problems plaguing the Toronto Maple Leafs. Are you shitting me? I don't care that you're the biggest city in the country and have the most loyal fans in the world. The Leafs are shit and everyone, especially Leafs fans, need to start realizing this.

5. You Like Me! You Really Like Me!
This ode to Sally Field brought to you by the nine - count'em 9! - Fans of E. Spencer Kyte on Facebook. Much thanks to Sarah Cole, AJ Godson, Lance Doucette, Erin Dillon, Ashley Clements, David Chalk, Mark Townsend and Bryan Buchanan for signing up. A bigger shout out goes to Chalk's friend Galina who is the only person not connected to me in some way, shape or form who has joined. You guys and gals rock! To the rest of you, what the fuck is the matter with you? Join already bitches... especially you Smitty!

6. Sarah's Scrabble Supremacy is Failing
I've got two wins in a row and counting. She'll tell you I have one win in a row and we quit the game before that, but the truth is she lost interest and started chatting on MSN for the simple reason that she was getting her ass handed to her and is so competitive that she would rather quit than actually admit defeat.

7. I Hate The Simpson Sisters
Ashley is engaged to Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy, whose heartbroken tales of suburban emo misery I greatly enjoy. How can one write about being miserable and having a shitty life if you in fact aren't miserable and don't have a shitty life? Fall Out Boy will never be the same. Big sister Jessica could be the blame for an even bigger screw up if things don't go well for the Dallas Cowboys this afternoon. Should her current boyfriend Tony Romo and his teammates shit the bed against the New York Football Giants, it won't be the Giants who get credit for playing well, it'll be Yoko Simpson taking the blame for dragging Tony off to Cancun this week when he should have been focusing on football. Us media types are retarded... Jessica also makes me puke a little in my mouth for introducing the world at large to Nick Lachey, which in turn made his stupid little brother Drew a C-List Celebrity.

8. Kevin Smith Doesn't Reply to MySpace Messages
So there is a push to get the man who is responsible for Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy et al out to Memorial University for a Q&A a la his An Evening With series. Proving that Facebook is taking over the world, there is a group for it. Yes, I'm a member of said group. I am also a former MySpace user and have Kevin Smith on my friend list, so I thought I would send him a message to see if I could drum up some information on how one would go about sorting something like this out. That was ten days ago and I've got nothing. I'm sure there is a logical explanation - namely that he is a busy man who gets thousands of messages a day polluting his Inbox - but still. I'll keep you posted on the status... ten days and counting.

9. Apparently, Writing A Funny Movie that Lasts Longer Than 96 Minutes is Hard Work
Brought home three new comedy releases this weekend - Mr. Woodcock, Good Luck Chuck and The Ten. None of them are more than 96 minutes long and none of them are all that funny. Woodcock was decent enough. Billy Bob plays a bastard pretty well and Amy Poehler needs to get even more work as she is one of the funniest women around. You all know how I feel about Dane Cook, so that doesn't need to be rehashed and The Ten was just plain shitty. I suppose I should be thankful that none of them cost me more than an hour and a half of my life, but I mean, is it really that hard to come up with a new, funny idea and make it work for, heaven forbid, 120 minutes?

10. The People of New Hampshire Are Racist
While it's probably not very truthful, I need some kind of explanation of why Hilary Clinton won the NH Primary and not The Next President of the United States Barack Obama. Playing the race card seems like the most ridiculous notion, so I'll go with that. On a sad note, it's hilarious to me that I care a lot more about US Politics than I do Canadian Politics. Maybe it's because of the sorry state of Canadian Politics. I mean, who doesn't love powerless Minority Governments?!