Why Are You Crying?

Over the weekend while riding the couch in between shifts at The Block and movies with Sarah, I managed to squeeze in some quality time with the highlight pack on The Score. As we were sitting eating breakfast yesterday morning - homemade Egg McMuffins - they ran the highlights (lowlights... boo-urns!) from the Maryland -UNC basketball game, complete with the shots of the crowd, painted in Carolina blue, crying.

"I don't understand that. Why the hell are they crying?" Sarah asked.

The answer?

It beats the hell outta me!

What is that? Who does that? Somebody explain this to me.

I went to many a UWaterloo basketball and football games and never once was a tear shed following a defeat. In fact, I don't think I have ever cried about losing in a sporting event ever, even when I was a little tyke playing Tee Ball or Rec League basketball. It's a friggin' game for chrissakes... deal with it.

And for the record, the only thing worse than fans crying after the game, is players. Like when Adam Morrison broke down on the court during the NCAA Tournament a couple years ago. If ever there was a surefire "Don't Draft This Guy" sign, that was it for me. Crybaby...

This phenomenon doesn't just apply to sporting events either though. You see it at concerts. Watch the footage from a concert - any concert - and you always see those morons in the front row getting crushed against the steel barriers bawling their eyes out. Now, if they're crying because they're being mashed into an immovable steel barrier by thousands of other douchebags eager to get a little bit closer to the artist on stage, that makes sense. But that isn't ever the case.

These are the same chuckleheads that are crying their eyes out standing in front of the hotel the object of their obsession might be staying at. They're the ones who fall to the ground like they've been shot when said stalker-iffic musician tosses an obligatory wave from a window far away from the weeping masses below.

Honestly, what gives? Am I missing something? Is there something wrong with me?

I get it with movies. I can't get through The Notebook without shedding a tear. I actually challenge anyone to and if you can, you have no soul.

P.S. I Love You reduced the woman sitting behind us in the theatre to a big ball of tears almost instantaneously. Beaches used to kick the shit outta Faye (My Mom) and her BFF Ena (My Other Mom), or maybe that had something to do with the copious amounts of Brandy Slush they would gulp back watching The Divine Ms. M do her thing...

The same goes for TV and books, more or less. Stirring emotional images or words or crafted images in your head from the words can illicit strong reactions. I get that. But losing a basketball game? C'mon... Seeing your favourite band live? Gimme a break...

Here is the challenge: Someone really needs to explain this to me. If you're a crier, I need to hear from you. Explain yourself. Help me see where the tears come from. Like I said, movies get a pass. Everything else is fair game. Enlighten me.