Thursday, November 15, 2007

Writer Available to Telecommute Across Picket Line

Perhaps you've heard that there is a little strike going on South of the Border. It's having a small effect on a couple of shows...

Anyway, in thinking about it, this would be an ideal opportunity for someone like me to make my mark in the writing game, at a time when Studio Execs and Producers are in desperate need of someone to pen the next episode of their cash-cow of a show.

Besides, does it really count as crossing the picket line if I send all my ideas via email? I mean, it's not like I'm going to pull an Ellen and actually walk across the line or anything.

For those execs out there who need a little proof of the skills, here are some sample storyline ideas for some of the big shows.

Grey's Anatomy

  • Grey #1 and McHair will continuing the same song and dance they've been doing for the past three seasons.
  • Angry Chinese doctor will remain angry , but will suck it up and pledge her allegiance to her new female boss. She will also continue with her trend of sleeping with her superiors, or at least try, but the new boss will turn her down because she is an angry, unattractive woman.
  • McPlastic will continue to try to hump anything and everything that walks.
  • Bailey (I use her real character name because she is awesome) will whip the new Interns into shape and clean up the mess Kaleidescope left behind.
  • G.O.G. (Good Ol' George) will still have problems sexing it up real nice with Dr. Hottie, causing all the men subjected to this show by their lady friends to throw empty beer cans at the television and curse his name.
  • Some terrorists or radicals or militia group will threaten the United States and Jack Bauer will be nowhere to be found.
  • The rest of the members of the task force will go on a manhunt for him, ultimately finding him passed out at the wheel of his Ford F150, hammered.
  • The side plot will involve a lot of Elisha Cuthbert swimming, showering and playing in the hose.
CSI (Doesn't matter which of the 43 we're talking about...)
  • The super genius guy (Bill Peterson, David Caruso or Gary Sinise) will solve the case by knowing some ridiculously obscure information about a ridiculously obscure bug / plant / metal / chemical
  • Various smaller characters will scurry about looking tense
  • There will be a whole bunch of fancy schmancy camera shots to make up for the recycled story ideas.
  • Sick of trying to save the world, Super Cheerleader will spend each episode doing tumbling routines in the shortest cheerleader outfit ever seen.
  • Does anyone really care what the rest of the cast is up to?
Of course, Reality TV will go on as normal, since there is nothing at all scripted about that...

So Hollywood - if you need me, call me. I'll be the guy sitting by the phone with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek.

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