Thursday, May 29, 2008

Sex in the Theatre

Tomorrow is Friday, May 30, 2008, a day women everywhere have been waiting for since February 22, 2004.

Conversely, it's a day men have been dreading for just about the same length of time.

Sex and the City
opens tomorrow.

Gentlemen, you can hand over your testicles at the ticket window. If you're watching this - and I don't care how hot she is or how much nasty sex she has promised you - you're no longer a man.

This show used to be awesome. Past tense.

When it first came out, it was a breath of fresh air for television - a show that was fun and entertaining, well written and poignant, with cougarlicious Kim Cattrall and Prim-and-Proper Kristin Davis serving as reason enough for men to tune in. Notice there is nothing in here about SJP or Big Red...

Now? It's old news. It jumped the shark a long time ago and no big screen adaptation / continuation is going to save it from the fate it already has.

Can I just be honest for a second?

SJP is kinda creepy looking. She's not hot. In the picture above, she looks kind of like a tranny... crossed with a horse.

And Cynthia Nixon is just, well, Cynthia Nixon and she's the one who gets most naked in this film guys, in case you had your hopes up for some excessive Kristin Davis flesh.

Of course, none of this matters. Nothing is going to stop millions of shopaholic Carrie Bradshaw wannabes from flocking to theatres from Kamloops to Kalamazoo to watch the Ultimate Chick Flick and think it is the greatest movie in the history of movies. This movie will be to women what The Godfather, Scarface and Slap Shot are to men...

Movies of television shows just don't work, unless it's Star Trek. A Friends movie would be brutal, because really, what more can be done? This crap that comes out tomorrow is no different.

If the plot was so great that it just had to be done - as opposed to being an opportunity to capitalize on merchandising and people's allegiance to a once great show - than it would have appeared while the show was enjoying it's outstanding run, wouldn't it?

D'you know what makes all this even better?

The first one isn't even out yet and ol' Horseface is already talking about a sequel...



Ashley said...

I'm a bit hesitant about how well the movie is going to do because it has been 4 years! I'm dying to see it because from what I can gather it's going to tie up some loose ends ( like do Carrie and Big get married and whether or not Samantha ever settles down). I'm watching it Sunday afternoon and I really hope it doesn't let me down!
p.s don't be mean to Sarah Jessica...she defines awesomeness!

jennifer said...

WOW Spence WOW.. This blog hurt a little.. I LOVE SEX AND THE CITY!!
Me, I can't wait to see it..


Newt said...

I will admit I used to watch Sex and the City in the past. A long time ago. It got to the point that I really couldnt tell if I was watching a re-run or a new episode. I think the movie is going to wreck was was already too much of a good thing. haha... horseface... thats funny.

Deuce said...

nice piece spence...and in regards to SJP. i think family guy said it best when Peter says:

"They let Sarah Jessica Parker on TV, and she looks like a foot!"

Ashley said...

The only thing wrong with Sarah Jessica Parker is that she's married to Michael Broderick!
And the show was a meant to be a comedy....No need for the plot to be continuous from one episode to the next!