Congratulations - You're Forever Izzie!

Being on a popular and successful television show is one of the aims of every working actor out there. Nobody wants to be that person who always has a new pilot in the works and might be getting a deal on ABC for a mid-season replacement show.

Of course, there is a downside too.

Why don't you give Jason Alexander a call about it? Maybe the entire cast of Friends could tell you a thing or two?

And now, you can add Katherine Heigl to that list.

From now until the end of time, every appearance of Katherine Heigl in a major motion picture will be the equivalent of Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens playing the role of the smart, blonde female lead.

Case in point, The Ugly Truth.

For the record, avoid it like the plague. Bad doesn't seem like a strong enough word.

Anyway, despite only watching Heigl and Gerard Butler go back and forth on film two nights ago, I can't tell you the name of Heigl's character.

Why? Because regardless of whatever her name was, she was Izzie, playing the part of a character in a very mediocre movie.

Now, this has happened to countless people in the past, including the poor souls mentioned off the top. I mean, Matt LeBlanc has officially fallen off the face of the Earth because he will forever be Joey Tribiani, and nothing he does will ever change that.

For Heigl, it's going to take a dramatic departure from every role she's ever played for people to not see Izzie Stevens starring in another craptacular romantic comedy coming soon to a theatre near you.

I say blood-thirsty serial killer with short dark hair and all goth'ed up on Criminal Minds...

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Good Times, Good Times

So the rain and misery that was supposed to accompany Tim & Michelle's visit to the booming metropolis of Kimberley has yet to materialize, which means we're getting out and about today.

However, we'll be a little slower than normal since we hammered back a bunch of booze last night.

Not anything gross - no one puked, no one is on their death bed this morning - but enough that I can officially say that moving to Victoria just became a whole lot more awesome because we'll get to spend far more time hanging out with these two.

And when we do hang out, I know what three of us (Sarah, Michelle and this guy) will be drinking: Parrot Bay Vodka coolers.

Goddamn them things are good!

Not ultra-sweet like the thousands of brands of Bitch Pop out there, and not horribly tasteless of bland like so many other canned or bottled drinks you can get out there. These things are effin' awesome.

I'd tell you more, but the day awaits. Someone has to make breakfast, Michelle and I need to start on the Caesars and then we're off to float down the river...

See you tomorrow.

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The Rundown: Favorite Friends

Some of you may know this and some of you won't, but I'm a major, major fan of Friends. Major to the point that Sarah and I own every season and keep them on in rotation whenever there is nothing else on the go.

Put it this way: we've already ran through all ten seasons once since we've been out here and we're on Disc 2 of Season 9 right now.

Seeing as I watch so many episodes a week, I thought today I would narrow down my list and fill you in on my favorite episodes. Everybody has favorites and these are mine.

Top 5 Friends Episodes

5. Any one with flashbacks to Fat Monica
I know how horrible that sounds, but you can't tell me that Courtney Cox in a fat suit isn't funny. Whether it's the episode with Dr. Boring or visiting Ross at college, Fat Monica is always enjoyable.

4. The One with the Male Nanny
We have adopted the name of one of Freddie Prinze Jr.'s sock puppets as the reference to whichever member of the house is being a grumpy bastard. That person is automatically The Grumpus...

3. The One Where No One is Ready
Nothing beats Joey decked out in all of Chandler's clothes doing lunges.

2. The One with the Ultimate Fighting Championship
Some of the best lines ever come from this episode. My two personal favorites:
(1) One day, kids are going to argue about who would win a fight, me or Superman. I'm not saying I can beat Superman, just, you know, kids are stupid.
(2) See this circle I'm marking, this is my Circle of Terror.

1. The One with the Embryos
The game for the apartment is easily the most entertaining episode in the history of the show. Big Fat Goalie. Maurice, Space Cowboy. Ms. Chanandeler Bong. Need I go on? I think not.

Now your turn... tell me your favorites.

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. Never Strain a Muscle in Your Chest
Unless you want to know what having someone kicking you in the same spot over and over and over feels like. I have no idea how I managed this, but I've done something to something in my chest and it effin' kills. Breathing hurts. Sleeping is damn near impossible, at least comfortably and there is only so many Advil you can take in a day. Off to the clinic tomorrow...

2. Spencer Kyte - Podcast Guest!
Later on tonight, I'll be taping my podcast debut with the guys from Drunk Jays Fans and lemme tell you - it's not going to be pretty. Saying we don't see eye-to-eye is a bit of an understatement. We're like Israel and Palestine, except without the suicide bombers. It'll go up on TheScore.com later in the week, so be sure to check it out...

3. Best Horse Ever
I got home from work last night in time to watch the North American Cup, one of the premiere harness races around and witnessed the sheer dominance of Somebeachsomewhere. "The Beach" is an absolute machine - 8 for 8 so far in his career - and beat everyone last night with minimal urging. Word from my harness connections is that this might be the best horse ever. Sadly, no one outside of the harness racing industry has any idea what I'm talking about.

4. Sad State of Cinema
Frequent follower Newt left a comment yesterday about have free movie passes that he hasn't used in over a year. Sarah and I copped some a couple weeks back too and so far there hasn't been one movie where we've thought about using them. What does that say about the movie business? There is nothing I want to go and see, even when it's free.

5. Where My Newfies At?
The Blockbuster Crew has been curiously absent around here as of late... whatta ya at ladies? I need some updates and info on what's going down out there! That goes for you too Deuce!

6. I May Become a Beer Snob
The days of Coors Light and Canadian and everyday, run of the mill beers may be over for me. I think my beer snob stage of life is about to begin. Went to a get together last night with a pack of Mill Street Stock Ale - loved it - and was provided with the best tasting beer I've ever had. It's called Innis & Gunn - it's Scottish, it's aged in oak barrels and it is outstanding, well worth the $3 a bottle you pay... I don't think I can ever drink anything generic again.

7. Good Times, Good Friends
Hung out with my friends Mark & Shelby last night and have to say that I think this is one of those friendships that is going to stick with me for a while. D'you know how some people are just good people? That's them. Plus, the currently refer to Sarah as Polk-a-roo since they have yet to meet her and that kills me.

8. I Was Thinkin' Arby's
So I indulged for the first time in years the other night. Lemme tell you how good it was! Curly fries are always awesome, but the two Beef n' Cheddars that I hammered back... MAN! Is it just me or does cheese sauce make everything better?

9. Wallets: Still Used or Have We Moved On?
I barely ever carry one. Sometimes when I do need it, I've left it at home and I don't even have a "proper" wallet. I use one of those fold in the middle, slotted card holder jobs... What do you think?

10. Happy Father's Day!

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Sex in the Theatre

Tomorrow is Friday, May 30, 2008, a day women everywhere have been waiting for since February 22, 2004.

Conversely, it's a day men have been dreading for just about the same length of time.

Sex and the City opens tomorrow.

Gentlemen, you can hand over your testicles at the ticket window. If you're watching this - and I don't care how hot she is or how much nasty sex she has promised you - you're no longer a man.

This show used to be awesome. Past tense.

When it first came out, it was a breath of fresh air for television - a show that was fun and entertaining, well written and poignant, with cougarlicious Kim Cattrall and Prim-and-Proper Kristin Davis serving as reason enough for men to tune in. Notice there is nothing in here about SJP or Big Red...

Now? It's old news. It jumped the shark a long time ago and no big screen adaptation / continuation is going to save it from the fate it already has.

Can I just be honest for a second?

SJP is kinda creepy looking. She's not hot. In the picture above, she looks kind of like a tranny... crossed with a horse.

And Cynthia Nixon is just, well, Cynthia Nixon and she's the one who gets most naked in this film guys, in case you had your hopes up for some excessive Kristin Davis flesh.

Of course, none of this matters. Nothing is going to stop millions of shopaholic Carrie Bradshaw wannabes from flocking to theatres from Kamloops to Kalamazoo to watch the Ultimate Chick Flick and think it is the greatest movie in the history of movies. This movie will be to women what The Godfather, Scarface and Slap Shot are to men...

Movies of television shows just don't work, unless it's Star Trek. A Friends movie would be brutal, because really, what more can be done? This crap that comes out tomorrow is no different.

If the plot was so great that it just had to be done - as opposed to being an opportunity to capitalize on merchandising and people's allegiance to a once great show - than it would have appeared while the show was enjoying it's outstanding run, wouldn't it?

D'you know what makes all this even better?

The first one isn't even out yet and ol' Horseface is already talking about a sequel...

Super!

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Leaving on a Jet Plane

Today really sucks.

Tomorrow is going to suck even more.

Everything except the things we're each bringing on our respective flights is packed and ready to be picked up, which means I'm sitting here in a big-ish empty house surrounded by boxes and even though I've done it more times than I care to count, it still gets to me.

Leaving Newfoundland is a lot harder for me than some of you may believe.

I know I bitch about things out here fairly regularly on this space, but the truth is that the best two years of my life, relationship wise and professionally, have taken place since I landed on the shores of Dear Ol' Newfoundland.

Coming here to be with Sarah was a huge leap of faith; a belief that the feelings we shared in our three weeks together before she returned for school were real and that the beautiful weekend we had at my cousin Rob's wedding that Thanksgiving could be duplicated.

Seventeen months later, I can't imagine being without her, even for this next month and know that the decision I made in October 2006 was easily the smartest decision of my life.

But Newfoundland has been about more than Sarah.

This is where my writing talents flourished and found homes.

I found Bugs & Cranks sitting in our apartment on Crosbie Road while scouring the Craigslist Toronto website one day. Passion Magazine happened the same way. Epic Carnival came from my work at Bugs.

And this little number right here was born out of an evening of drinks and dinner for my birthday at Fog City.

All the future success that may come via the pen or the keyboard originated in Newfoundland and that makes getting on a plane tomorrow with an indefinite return date a very hard thing to do.

What makes it a little easier is knowing that the friends I've made here are going to be friends for life.

They don't have a choice... I'll Facebook Stalk them!

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My Case of The Mondays

Yack-fest 2008 continued last night, prompting me to call in sick to work and sack out on the couch like a total stupor as soon as a I got home.

See, I'm the kind of guy that even turns up for work twenty minutes after he was praying to the porcelain goddess, just so as to not overly inconvenience anyone.

Thankfully, Bossman D felt bad enough that he came in and covered my shift for me. Thanks again D!

So I figured that with there being nothing left in my system and a full night of absolute comatose sleep behind me, I would wake up feeling refreshed and invigorated. Uh, not so much.

I'm feeling like Ron Livingstone in Office Space, except I don't hate work - I hate my immune system.

Attempt at Food #1 didn't go so well, so a phone call was placed to work.
(Sorry Lois - thanks for covering for me.)

A shower didn't improve my well-being either.

All that was left to try was more extended time on the couch. So I popped in Season 7, Disc 2 of Friends and...

It's like this disc has magic sleeping powers over me. This is the third time in two days that I've tried to get around to watching "The One with All The Cheesecakes" but I never seem to make it passed "The One with The Holiday Armadillo."

I'm proud to report that Attempt at Food #2 has thus far been a success; you usually can't go wrong with Lipton's Chicken Noodle Soup and Ginger Ale by the gallons. That being said, it's still relatively early.

No matter how I feel, I need to be at work bright and early tomorrow morning. Otherwise, I'll look like the guy who is done in three days and just doesn't want to show up for his last week of work and that is certainly not the case. Honest.

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