Thursday, May 22, 2008

Dishonour Roll: eLearning

That's right. It's back! At least for today, anyways...

Whoever came up with the idea of eLearning needs to be kicked in the crotch, regardless of gender.

This is quite possibly the worst invention ever and makes my list of reasons why I want to be a full-time writer, just after "Getting dressed for work means putting on underwear" and right ahead of "Watching crappy Daytime TV on a regular basis."

With the move to Montana's comes 23 online instructional video sessions to sit through.

No, I'm not exaggerating, there really are 23 videos.

Besides being voiced by some constipated tool who speaks like you've hit the slow motion button, they are nothing more than a time-suck filled with obvious information and common sense logic that companies are forced to force upon their staff because some dipshit thought trying to catch a falling knife was a good idea...

The best part though, is that no matter what position you're in, you have to do all of the training. So here's me, Johnny Server, spending two hours last night clicking through the Safe Knife Handling session when the only time a knife will ever be in my hands is in my own kitchen. And should I want to wipe that knife on my pants or chop both meat and vegetables with it, the eLearning Police aren't going to come barging through my door... are they?

I suppose I shouldn't be mad at Montana's or even the fact that I have to do this mind-numbing nightly exercise since they do pay me for it.

I should really be mad at the dumb sacks of hammers who make some of the ridiculous mistakes they illustrate in these sessions, because you know somewhere along the line, some jackass actually handed a knife to a colleague blade side out or stabbed himself while improperly sharpening a knife.

At least it's not as bad as Home Depot - they wouldn't even let me go near a cash register until I had complete 20 hours of this shit. Can have someone working as a cashier unless they understand the science of scanning a barcode...


Ashley said...

I worked at walmart once for 3 days and i had to watch all their videos about lifting shelving!
Stupid Stupid Stupid!

jennifer said...

1 perk and ONLY 1 PERK about blockbuster.. NO ELEARNING.. but then again, there are those workbooks.. which after 2 years of working there I have YET to complete. HAHAHA