Tuesday, July 29, 2008

When Will These Kids Learn?

So American Idol winner Jordan Sparks has made a Virginity Vow.

Isn't that sweet?

In a word, no.

It's stupid. Don't you know you Pop Starlet History Jordan?

See that vampy, trampy thing to the right?

Yeah, you remember her: that's Britney before Kevin, two kids and a redneck meltdown that has been raging on for the last three years.

What you'll also remember is that she public declared that her legs would remain like The Go-Go's (and Duff Sisters') lips - sealed.

Guess what didn't happen?

Other young and chaste stars like The Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus sport Purity Rings much like Sparks does to remind themselves of the commitment they've made (to themselves) to not have sex.

A couple things come to mind, neither of which are going to make me sound like a great guy, but in actually, it's just the cold, hard truth and some entertaining copy for everyone to enjoy:

1. Purity Rings, much like Wedding Rings unfortunately, can be taken off whenever you want. They aren't soldered onto your hand or etched into you skin like a tattoo (See how I did that? Worked Jordan Spark's song title into the piece... brilliant!), they are a piece of jewelry that you remove when you wash your hands. Or get naked.

2. I went to a Catholic church college affiliated with the University of Waterloo. In the Women's Residence, there were a lot of young Sparks-esque women, intent on saving themselves for marriage. I even dated a couple of them. Please feel free to draw your own conclusions...

3. Sure you don't want to have sex now, but wait a couple years. You're 16. Only tramps and Bady Daddies in Training are getting naked and frisky at 16*. But by the time you're 18 and you've made a load of money from the music biz, probably done a movie and are dating the Usher-in-Training of the time, you might have a different outlook on things.

* I'm just kidding by the way. A lot more people than tramps and BDIT are doing it at 16 and while that's a little scary to me, that's the world we live in.

While I don't encourage Jordan Sparks or any other songstress to go the Xtina Aguilera Route, buy some ass-less chaps and get Drrty, I would also recommend keeping all things regarding your private parts private.

That way, when you break this vow, no one gives a rat's ass.

Now you've just set yourself up for a fall and that's never a smart career move.

Ask Britney.

3 comments:

Cali Angel said...

Well i think that what the younger stars need are more positive female role models, like Danica Patrick for example. She is the first female to win an Indy car race series, get her own talk show spoof video, and she looks fantastic! I think she is a fantastic role model and inspiration to women and kids everywhere.

Newt said...

A ring, vow or even chastity belt is no match for teen hormones. Think back and let me know if you disagree.
hahaha...the thought of a young Spencer tearing up the womens catholic dormitory makes me laugh my ass off!

Anonymous said...

Wow, how pessimistic. It can be done. I know several young women and men who have saved themselves for marriage. I think it's quite admirable in this society of anything goes that some don't want to let it go. If more were like that and had that commitment, there probably wouldn't be so many babies born without a stable family.