There have been a number of occasions over the two-year run of iBlog where I have slagged Hollywood for their general lack of creativity when it comes to television and films.
From everything to horrible reality shows featuring Jackson siblings you don't care about (and may never have heard of before... I'm talking to you Jackie!) or talk show hosts becoming judges on singing competitions (even So You Think You Can Dance would make more sense), everything to this point has just been about my elitist view that Hollywood simply doesn't have the right creative people around to cook up fresh, new ideas any more.
Yes, part of it is that I wish I could write movies or television shows or whatever because the stuff they are making is crap. There... I said it... happy?
Anyway, when it comes to the film industry, website /film.com has come through with my evidence!
We're a solid nine-and-a-half years into the decade. D'you know how many of the Top 50 grossing movies of this millennium are original works?
Nine.
Nine, as in, "I can count them all on my hands!"
They are: Finding Nemo, Kung-Fu Panda, The Incredibles, Hancock, Ratatouille, The Day After Tomorrow, Madagascar, Monster Inc. and WALL-E.
How Hancock made that list absolutely astonishes me; I guess some people really love Will Smith.
Anyway, the remaining 41 films are all based on previous material of some kind. There are adaptations of television shows (The Simpsons Movie), books (LOTR Trilogy), comics (Spiderman, Iron Man, etc.) and sequels, which could maybe get a pass in my books, but still.
Even with the sequels to films like Shrek and Ice Age off the list, we're still talking about more than 75% of the films on the list being spun from the original ideas of someone else.
What is even more alarming than the number of knock-offs and new interpretations hitting the list is the alarming lack of quality original material for actual living, breathing actors.
Apparently, only animation studios can come up with their own ideas that are unique and entertaining for people, as all but two of the aforementioned nine films are animated features.
Perhaps I am being too picky; some of these sequels and retreads have actually been pretty good, but if we're being honest and I had a choice between a new spin on the telling of a familiar tale and sitting down to watch an well-crafted original work like The Usual Suspects or Seven, I'm taking the originals every time.
Tell me what you think: is creativity on hiatus in Hollywood or have we simply gotten to a point where people want remake, refried, retread entertainment more than having to think about something new?
Monday, November 16, 2009
Originality is Dead: I Have Proof!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
How Did This Take So Long?
Pretty soon, the good people who bring you The Love of Sports will be launching another site, The Love of Movies and I'll certainly be doing some contributing.
Thinking about the movies that came out recently and are coming out soon enough led me to thinking about The Wrestler, Darren Aronofsky's latest flick that won two Golden Globes and might earn Mickey Rourke an Academy Award.
How did no one ever think of making an actual dramatic film centered around the world of professional wrestling before?
There have been documentaries (Beyond the Mat is pretty solid) and comedies (Ready to Rumble was a TBS staple) but never anything that actually looked at the difficulty and struggle that being a professional wrestler undoubtedly places on a person.
Now I haven't seen the film myself and living in BF, Idaho means that there is a good chance I won't see it until it makes it's way to the shelf at Black Bear (my movie joint out here), but when Hollywood is rolling out biopic after biopic of every dead musician they can and bringing us mindless crap like Bride Wars, seeing something with wholly original that is extremely well done (from all accounts) is refreshing.
I won't get a chance to see The Wrestler for six months, but I'll have ample opportunity to see Dance Flick when it comes out...
Sometimes, I hate living here.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Best News Ever!
Posting some of my work over at Yardbarker earlier today, I trolled through the MMA posts and came across this gem that is easily the best thing to ever happen to Mixed Martial Arts.
Hung Lo Dojo found a story on gossip site Just Jared about Heidi & Spencer of The Hills "fame" making a foray into MMA for some new reality show Captain Douchebag (that's Spencer...) is going to be doing.
AWESOME!
That's exactly what the sport needs, this jerkoff spending too much time watching Entourage and wanting to be a real-life E and help Kevin Casey (2-1 career record, pictured) make it in the world of Mixed Martial Arts.
We already have a show like that where unknowns fight to make the UFC and even though it's run by the people in charge of the biggest and best organization in the business, even it's getting tired and losing fans. But it doesn't have Spencer...
You just have to know that the creation of this project came together in some boardroom brainstorming session where a bunch of retarded television executives were shooting down Pratt's ideas and then pulled the old, "That Mixed Martial Arts sure is popular. You should do something about that..."
And now we have a show where this moron who really, really needs to shave plays sports management guy in the world of MMA.
I say it again... AWESOME!
Someone shoot me...
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Will It Ever End?
How many spoof movies have to come out and fail miserably before the people in Hollywood realize that nearly ten years have passed since Scary Movie was funny and novel and a really well executed idea?
I ask this because the Wayans Brothers - Shawn and Marlon, not the actually funny ones like Damon and Keenen - will bring Dance Flick to theatres sometime soon, lampooning films like Save the Last Dance, Step Up and You Got Served.
For the record, my dislike of this idea has nothing to do with the fact that I own several dance infused films and everything to do with the fact that Scary Movie 2 through 96, Date Movie, The Comebacks, Superhero Movie and the rest of the useless spoof garbage that takes up space on shelves at Blockbuster absolutely suck.
Adding to my early morning frustration with the fine folks of Hollywood is a report that a Karate Kid remake is in the works too... starring Will Smith's son Christopher.
1) There will never be another Daniel LaRusso
2) There will never be another Johnny Lawrence
3) Mr. Miyagi died some time ago, so the whole "wax on, wax off" thing is out the window too.
Basically, my ultimate question of the day is this: How damn hard is it to come up with an original idea in Hollywood these days?
I know movies have been around since Christ was a cowboy but you can't tell me there aren't smart people out there penning quality scripts or adapting entertaining books.
Why must we suffer through remakes and rehashing over and over and over again?
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Proof People in Hollywood are Retarded
It's been reported that Disney has agreed to pay Johnny Depp upwards of $60M to reprise his role as Captain Jack Sparrow in a fourth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise.
Um, why?
At The End of the World didn't leave any lingering questions or unfinished business after three very long hours and both Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley aren't expected to have any part in the film.
So basically, Disney is going to through more money than any studio has ever thrown at one actor to bring back a character that they'll have to create something brand new for and go from there.
I could see it if it was just a regular movie, but this is the Pirates franchise we're talking about - and Disney for that matter - so you know there are going to be FX out the wazzu on this one and a budget somewhere, I'm guessing here, in the $200M range.
Yes this has been an absolute cash cow of a franchise, but you have to expect that people are going to tire of the same old routine at some point and start looking for something more than pirates.
Like ninjas. Everybody loves ninjas. Make a ninja movie. That I'd go see.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Why, Because Your Other Career Moves Are Going So Well?
So one of my favourite girls of all-time, the incomparable Lindsay Lohan has apparently turned down a nearly $750,000 offer from Playboy to pose nude for their upcoming 55th Anniversary Issue.
Apparently being a pseudo-closeted lesbian who no one wants to hire because you're box office poison is working out far to well for Linds to jeopardize it by getting paid to do something she has done time and again for free in the past.
To her credit, she has been much more low key since she began dating stick figure Samantha Ronson. Gone is the cracked out, gant looking Lindsay, replaced by the curvy, big boobed girl we all fell in love with, but none of that has helped her land a job, so why not take the pay cheque while you can?
It's not like Heff wants you to do a pictoral with a horse or anything. In fact, the layout is said to be right up Lindsay's "Borrow from the Past" Alley, as she was been asked to recreate Ann Margaret's shoot entitled "Kitten in the Wind" from the 60's.
Recreating Marilyn she'll do, but posing in a pictoral of the person you most closely resemble in cinema history for a monster payday? Never.
Even though she's seamingly straightened up - pun very much intended - I still don't understand this girl...
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Complete and Utter Randomness
Nothing meaningful on my mind today, so why not delve through the debris that currently clutters my melon?
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I saw a preview for a new movie called the other day.
The movie's tagline is "In a world gone blind, what if you were the only person who could see?"
Answer: Score for me, but still a little creepy.
While I could do whatever I wanted - both legally and illegally - it would be more than a little strange to be the only person who could see the sunset or what other people looked like.
Clearly, the film is set up to be a psychological thriller and they aren't expecting people to think being the sole sight-seeing survivor on Earth is an awesome stroke of luck, but you have to admit that the pros outweigh the cons.
Sure no one else can see, but you can, so what's the big deal?
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I saw some douchebag driving down the street today in an Orange Lexus.
Why would someone do that to a Lexus? I say "do that" because it's quite obvious that Lexus wouldn't have created a luxury orange on wheels themselves and this guy clearly painted the car himself - perhaps even with spray paint - in order to display his utter disdain for quality vehicles.
Making it even better were the orange dual exhausts and gold decals.
Seriously - what's with some people?
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Speaking of retarded, there is a lady in our neighbourhood who walks her cat on a leash.
Again I ask you - what is with some people?
Cats aren't leash-walking animals.
If they are allowed out, they go out on their own to roam free and return home whenever they please. And if they aren't to go outside, then keep them inside. Don't degrade your poor pet by making it look stupid in some harness as you try to drag it down the street, angry that it isn't obeying your every command.
You take dogs for a walk. Leashes are made for dogs. Not cats. Or ferrets, rats or children.
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In having watched one and a half seasons of The Wire in the last week, I really don't understand how more people didn't pay attention to this show. It really is awesome.
Unlike Network Television dramas that recycle plots over and over after about a year of being on the air - Tonight on Grey's Anatomy: an Emergency at Seattle Grace and Relationship Drama between two or more characters! - every year of The Wire focuses on a different area of Baltimore, complete with new characters and plot lines.
Sure they carry over characters from season to season and keep things running that way, but each episode is 100% fresh without feeling forced. So while Season Two still has subplots involving Season One's antagonist Avon Barksdale and his drug crew, as well as my personal favourites Omar and Bubs the Heroin-fiend Informant, there is also the new main plot surrounding The Docks to build a whole new set of circumstances around.
All I know is that I can't wait to finish Season Two so I can justify dropping another $60 on Seasons Three and Four.
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Luke hates our Cleaning Lady.
By "our" I mean Garry's and by "hates" I mean completely and utterly detests. It's to the point that we leave the house with him before she shows up and try to to stay away for the duration of her time in the house.
This wouldn't be such a task if it didn't take her four hours to get everything done.
There are only so many laps of the path at the dog park one can do before both dog and owner get bored.
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Don't ask me why, but I just love the picture for this post. I can't explain it, it's just cool to me.
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Let's call it a day for now... check back later in case I stop having mental diarrhea and write something meaningful!
Monday, August 11, 2008
Please Don't Let Me Have Daughters
No one ever believes me when I tell them that come October 30th, I'll be turning the Big 3-0. Maybe it's because I still don't have to shave every day.
That part is a familial / genetics thing because my brother Pete will be turning 32 in September and if he shaves twice a month it's generally one too many times. The baby face is genetic too. Dude is going on 32 and could reasonably pass for early 20s. I'm not even kidding.
Anyway, age has been on my mind for the last little while because working at Montana's has totally skewed my ability to accurately gauge the ages of the people around me. More correctly, I have no idea how old girls are anymore.
This is what happens when you're surrounded by a large female population anywhere between the ages of 16 and 25; they all just blend together and you either look like an idiot for thinking someone is too old or make yourself feel a little creepy when you find out that the tall, attractive young hostess is half your age... literally.
I may not look 30, but at least I couldn't get you thrown in jail!
Two things:
- I've just stopped answering when people ask me how old I think they are because I always end up getting it wrong
- Please Don't Let Me Have Daughters!
It's bad enough now as an innocent bystander and occasional horribly bad guesser. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't spend part of my shift wondering why in the hell these girls come into work decked out like they're going out. And not just to some shit-shack, hole in the wall either.
They come in decked like they're off to the VIP after work, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the fragrant aromas of Montana's are going to linger in their near lingerie. Nothing like heading out for a night on the town smelling like ribs!
Between jeans so tight you can't put a quarter in your pocket to call your Mom when you need her to pick you up and slathering on the makeup so that your teenage skin looks old and weathered like a battle-hardened booze hound, I can't walk into work without shaking my head and praying to whoever is in charge up there that one day there will be a wholesome, Girl Next Door Renaissance.
Those were the days - when natural was pretty, what your boobs actually looked like remained a mystery and fifteen year old hostesses looked like fifteen year old hostesses, not Heidi fucking Klum.
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Here's Me on My Soapbox
The "Older Than You Are" thing only lasts so long, then it becomes the "Younger Than You Are" thing. Neither of which is very beneficial.
We parade out late teen / early twenties actors to play 14, 15 and 16-year-olds and then wonder why our kids want to grow up so fast. Only then, we turn around and cast 30-year-olds as the twentysomething inhabitants of shows like Friends.
Here's a novel idea: Why not give people an honest portrayal of age for once?
Don't rush the 15-year-old supermodel onto the stage in the latest from Gucci.
Cast 16-year-olds to play 16-year-olds and 27-year-olds to play 27-year-olds for that matter too.
Stop trying to accelerate childhood only to slow down aging.
Life is a marathon, not a sprint and 19 is still going to be there, even when you're 16 and it seems so far away.
And when you're 37, understand that 19 was a long time ago, so stop stealing your daughter's clothes!
* * * * * * * * * * Continue reading ...
Saturday, August 9, 2008
When Writer's Block Attacks
Now some people will tell you that Writer's Block doesn't really exist; that the writer who feels "blocked" simply isn't coming up with anything and needs to just stay at it.
I want to kick those people in the nuts, provided they have some, because for the last three weeks I've been sitting here twiddling my thumbs trying to come up with a premise for my short screenplay and all I got is better at Chess Titans.
While I haven't reached the stage of "All Work and No Play Makes Jack a Dull Boy" or anything like that as of yet - something I attribute to not residing in a creepy hotel created in the brilliant mind of Stephen King with my horribly ugly wife - I'm having thoughts about going the Hamlet 2 route.
Hollywood does it all the time - sometimes without any continuity at all - so why can't I? Pick some flick or storyline that everyone is familiar with and just start fresh from where the last guy left off. Mix in a failed actor and you have the actual premise for Hamlet 2. No wonder it's getting crushed by critics. Then again, David Arquette is in it, so how good could it be?
Since I've still sans television - which means sans UFC tonight... ARGH! - and will be sans Sarah for the next two evenings as well, the plan is to put my ass in this chair and my fingers to these keys.
If all goes well, 10 Things tomorrow will include a progress report.
Otherwise, I'll tell you how good I'm getting at Chess Titans.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I Beg You - Don't Do This!
Yeah, that's Pete "Maverick" Mitchell you see above giving you the thumbs up.
Am I the only one who thinks this should be the lasting image we have of the character?
Apparently, no one in Hollywood agrees with me because hot off the successes of Indiana Jones comes reports of Tom Cruise being in discussions to reprise his role from 22 years ago, this time with Maverick as the older, attractive flight school instructor and some hot-shot female fighter pilot doing his old routine.
Here, in my opinion, are all the things that are wrong with this idea:
1. Tom Cruise isn't cool enough to be Maverick anymore.
Sure, in 1986 when Top Gun came out, he was the greatest thing since sliced bread - cool enough for guys to like him and the star of many females fantasies - but now, he's creepy Tom Cruise the Scientology guy who auditions wives, settles on Joey Potter and gets the same haircut as she sports.
2. "You've Lost That Loving Feeling"
Easily one of the most memorable moments of the movie, all the pilots standing around singing this classic as Mav serenades Kelly McGillis' character. Well, we've lost that loving feeling for Top Gun. Not the original because it's always going to be awesome in a "Remember when Tom Cruise wasn't a freak?" or "See, I told you the guy from ER was in Top Gun!" kind of way, but you can't wait 22 years to dust off the old characters (or character as it would likely be) and expect people to love it. That's why Indiana Jones wasn't as successful as Hollywood would have you think. Everyone I know who saw it said it blowed... Top Gun II would too.
3. Ken Loggins Doesn't Want to be a Part of This Crap
Now I don't know if that is true at all, but I tell you what - if Loggins doesn't want to write another song for the film or re-record "Highway to the Danger Zone" for this sequel, they shouldn't do it. That song kicked ass!
4. Did I Mention Tom Cruise is a Freak Now?
5. If You Want to Make Garbage, Make Original Garbage
Don't make some bullshit sequel that pisses on the grave of an iconic 80's film for the sake of cashing in on the name and hopes that guys like me who grew up wanting to be Maverick for a minute or two get all jacked up for more Tom Tom at Flight School. We won't. We know he's a weirdo. Hell, I'd rather see Top Gun II: The Mis-Adventures of Ice Man starring Val Kilmer than whatever they're proposing right now and Val Kilmer is one freaky dude in his own right.
As I scower the rumour lines and learn more about this development, I'll keep you posted. Now I have to got to Rogers and rent Top Gun...
(Yes, I do my movie renting at Rogers Video now... I can't walk into a Blockbuster without feeling dirty and sick to my stomach!)
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
The Rundown: Beyond A Bad Idea
So, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are dating again. How cute?
There is even talk that Kate wants to get a place with "The Butterscotch Stallion" in New York. Can't blame her on that one - rent is a bitch!
But really, am I the only one who sees this a horrible, horrible idea? I'm no psychic but I can tell you right now that this ends badly. Not Owen back in the hospital because he's tried to kill himself again badly, but badly enough that someone needs to slap the two of them upside the head for thinking this could work out.
She's going in undoubtedly loaded with guilt - now that she's done humping the likes of Dax Sheppard and Owen isn't loco anymore - and wants to make the relationship work, but trust me, doing things because you're feeling guilty isn't a good starting point.
As for him, he gets what he has wanted all along. He wanted her when she was married to Jesus Impersonator Chris Robinson, he wanted her when they were together initially and he wanted her when she broke things off the first time. How is rewarding the guy with his track record and some serious dependency issues a good idea?
But this is Hollywood, man. These people are celebrities. This type of bad idea is a daily occurrence. Someone in Hollywood is having a horrible idea right now. There is nothing we can do to stop it. Or is there?
Top Five Bad Celebrity Ideas
5. "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days 2: Fool's Gold"
Just because a pairing catches lightning in a bottle once doesn't mean that it's sure to happen every time you put them opposite each other on the screen. And no, I didn't intentionally use Kate Hudson here, it's just the most recent example of Hollywood stupidity that came to mind.
4. Madonna's New Album... Produced By Timbaland
Listen, I'm a huge fan of Tim Mosley - have been from the jump with Aaliyah's second album - but his teaming up with JT and making the best album of the last five years (I said it!) doesn't mean that he can revive your aging career. Madge was great and is an icon. That being said, she needs to make like Ric Flair and hang'em up. Retire to the English countryside and work on her not failing marriage while raising her kids. No one needs a woman who turns 50 in the summer prancing around in a unitard trying to be hip. Think I'm being overly cruel to The Material Girl? Go back and listen to her rapping on American Life and get back to me, m'kay...
3. Katie Holmes' Haircut
Unless she is trying to look more like her husband, the short bob thing she has going on is absolutely awful. Yeah, I'm being a catty bitch today, I know. It's just one of those days...
2. A New Kids On The Block Reunion
A couple thoughts on this:
a) Making your first appearance together in years on the Today Show: Your former fans are all at work. Their mothers and grandmothers will be glad to TiVo the segment for them though.
b) At what point do you have to stop using the word kids in your name? I know they tried to grow up and switch to NKOTB, but that K still stands for kids. Seriously... you're all pushing 40!
c) No one really cares, so why bother... or are you all broke?
1. Being Dane Cook
It's been some time since I kicked the dumb bastard in the balls, so why not fire off another round of crotch shots today, seeing as a pair of Boston area DJ's have named Dumb Fuck Chuck the "Unfunniest Comic" on the face of the Earth? D'you know what makes it all okay though? Knowing that in a year or two, the rest of the world will catch on and Dane Cook will be on Surreal Life or some show full of washed up has-beens, longing for the days when frat boys and ditzy blonds thought he was funny.
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