Maybe Now You Can Get Back to Being Awesome

In another one of those news events that you can file in the "Water is Wet" category, the announcement came out earlier this week that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting a divorce.

As a longtime Guy Ritchie fan, all I can say is "Thank God!"

Before "The Material Girl" came into the picture, Guy Ritchie was on the fast track to Awesomeville.

Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels was a monster. People (read: guys, mostly) absolutely loved it and it was the catalyst to successful careers for both Jason Statham and Vinnie Jones.

And then came Snatch.

Brilliant!

Everyone who was worried about the sophomore jinx found out real quickly that there was nothing to worry about in Camp Ritchie.

It's one thing when you get a whole bunch of big timers to be in your movie, but many a movie loaded with stars have tanked at the box office.

Snatch was not one of those movies.

Guy Ritchie was at his peak. He was so incredibly wicked that he could marry a broad like Madonna.

Then it all went south.

Swept Away is quite possibly the worst movie ever made. I honestly can't think of anything else made by an accomplished director that is worse.

I'll put it this way: Waterworld is 300 times better than Swept Away.

Waterworld.

There was a glimmer of hope with the extremely delayed release of Revolver to DVD. While it was a fairly odd flick, it was gangsters and guns in true Guy Ritchie fashion and showed that he hadn't completely lost the plot.

His latest, Rocknrolla, which opens next week, looks to be a full-fledged return to Ritchieville and I couldn't be happier.

Dude was set up to be the director that made movies guys everywhere looked forward to seeing and instead, he became Mr. Madonna.

Now that she's moved on to A-Rod and Guy is readying for a monster divorce settlement payday, hopefully he can get back to making bad ass movies and being awesome.

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One of the most painful parts of moving is the first grocery shop.

We did our's today.

$280 and that's without buying any kind of bullshit. Just flat out groceries that we needed in this place.

$280.

God damn that's a lot of money!

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As promised yesterday, here is the video walkaround of the new digs.

The Guest Room is always open...

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You Might Have Banged Madonna, So What?

There has been all kinds of coverage as of late about the possible affair between New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez and the Material Girl.

Earlier today, Alex's estranged wife Cynthia filed for divorce, citing the Madonna thing as the last straw.

My question to all of you is: Is banging Madonna really that big of an accomplishment?

See that picture to the left? The one with Madonna's exposed breast? Recognize that dude feeding her from behind?

It's Vanilla fucking Ice! Go White Boy, Go White Boy, Go indeed...

The truth of the matter is that while Madonna is a pretty damn fit fortysomething, she's seen more shaft than an elevator and should we ever be surprised when one celebrity cheats on their spouse with another celebrity?

And don't feel all that bad for Cynthia Rodriguez either; she's been getting consoled by Lenny Kravitz, though she failed to mention that in bashing her soon-to-be ex-husband.

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The Rundown: Beyond A Bad Idea

So, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are dating again. How cute?

There is even talk that Kate wants to get a place with "The Butterscotch Stallion" in New York. Can't blame her on that one - rent is a bitch!

But really, am I the only one who sees this a horrible, horrible idea? I'm no psychic but I can tell you right now that this ends badly. Not Owen back in the hospital because he's tried to kill himself again badly, but badly enough that someone needs to slap the two of them upside the head for thinking this could work out.

She's going in undoubtedly loaded with guilt - now that she's done humping the likes of Dax Sheppard and Owen isn't loco anymore - and wants to make the relationship work, but trust me, doing things because you're feeling guilty isn't a good starting point.

As for him, he gets what he has wanted all along. He wanted her when she was married to Jesus Impersonator Chris Robinson, he wanted her when they were together initially and he wanted her when she broke things off the first time. How is rewarding the guy with his track record and some serious dependency issues a good idea?

But this is Hollywood, man. These people are celebrities. This type of bad idea is a daily occurrence. Someone in Hollywood is having a horrible idea right now. There is nothing we can do to stop it. Or is there?

Top Five Bad Celebrity Ideas

5. "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days 2: Fool's Gold"
Just because a pairing catches lightning in a bottle once doesn't mean that it's sure to happen every time you put them opposite each other on the screen. And no, I didn't intentionally use Kate Hudson here, it's just the most recent example of Hollywood stupidity that came to mind.

4. Madonna's New Album... Produced By Timbaland
Listen, I'm a huge fan of Tim Mosley - have been from the jump with Aaliyah's second album - but his teaming up with JT and making the best album of the last five years (I said it!) doesn't mean that he can revive your aging career. Madge was great and is an icon. That being said, she needs to make like Ric Flair and hang'em up. Retire to the English countryside and work on her not failing marriage while raising her kids. No one needs a woman who turns 50 in the summer prancing around in a unitard trying to be hip. Think I'm being overly cruel to The Material Girl? Go back and listen to her rapping on American Life and get back to me, m'kay...

3. Katie Holmes' Haircut
Unless she is trying to look more like her husband, the short bob thing she has going on is absolutely awful. Yeah, I'm being a catty bitch today, I know. It's just one of those days...

2. A New Kids On The Block Reunion
A couple thoughts on this:
a) Making your first appearance together in years on the Today Show: Your former fans are all at work. Their mothers and grandmothers will be glad to TiVo the segment for them though.
b) At what point do you have to stop using the word kids in your name? I know they tried to grow up and switch to NKOTB, but that K still stands for kids. Seriously... you're all pushing 40!
c) No one really cares, so why bother... or are you all broke?

1. Being Dane Cook
It's been some time since I kicked the dumb bastard in the balls, so why not fire off another round of crotch shots today, seeing as a pair of Boston area DJ's have named Dumb Fuck Chuck the "Unfunniest Comic" on the face of the Earth? D'you know what makes it all okay though? Knowing that in a year or two, the rest of the world will catch on and Dane Cook will be on Surreal Life or some show full of washed up has-beens, longing for the days when frat boys and ditzy blonds thought he was funny.

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