Things I Learned This Week

1. 24 Hours Just Isn't Enough
Sleep surely takes up anywhere from four to nine of those hours. Usually it's somewhere in the middle, like six. 18 hours left to my own devices may sound like plenty of time, but really, it's not enough. Not when you drop in a shift at work - anywhere from two to seven hours - and time doing domestic duties like washing the dishes, preparing meals and spending quality time with The Missus.

A day like today is the perfect example. Sarah's at work, which means dinner is on me. Additionally, I have a ton of writing to do, but a shift opening the bar also beckons, a shift that quite frequently turns into getting home six hours after I left. Mix in walking the dog before and after work and I'm left with a two or three hour window at best to get my work done.

Bottom line: I need another two or three hours in the day ... or someone to pay me to write so I don't have to go to work any more.

2. I Have Limited Abilities at Predicting the Future
Unfortunately, they're limited to knowing when certain people won't show up for work, not anything useful like lottery numbers or what the next big money-making invention the world will stupidly scoop up in massive quantities like the ShamWow is going to be.

Thankfully, I'm smart enough to use this gift to my benefit, getting out in front of the call-ins I know will happen to ensure that my phone doesn't ring as the desperate scramble to cover the vacated shift goes down.

3. Fedor to the UFC Isn't Happening
Honestly, this one really bummed me out for a couple days.

You would think that with the demise of Affliction, the UFC would be a slam dunk for the dominant Russian heavyweight; the organization with the deepest pockets and best collection of fighters to challenge the man on an eight-year winning streak.

Not so much. Too many hurdles and too much animosity and mistrust between all the parties have led to Fedor remaining a pseudo-free agent and the UFC all but washing their hands of trying to lure him into the fold.

This is precisely why I refuse to recognize him as the best Pound-for-Pound fighter on the planet: he doesn't really want to fight the best guys out there.

4. How Do You Not See This?
Read an article in this month's GQ about a Wisconsin high school student who convinced the boys in his school he was a girl over Facebook and got them to send him intimate snapshots if you will, only to turn around and use said pictures to blackmail them into having various relations with him.

The article is outstanding, right up until the moral outrage of the parents and the shocking reaction they have to the lack of trauma this has caused "the victims." I use quotes not to diminish the situation, but how much of a victim are you if you're the one snapping the self-portraits and sending them off to random "girls" over Facebook?

Open your eyes parents: these aren't your childhood years! Your 13-year-old knows more about sex now than you did at 21 and there is at least a 50/50 chance that he or she has already gone around the bases a time or two.

And don't blame TV and movies either; it's as much your fault as it is the cast of Friends or various Hollywood hits.

5. I Might Be Getting Married Again
No, Sarah and I haven't gotten divorced and yes, we're technically married, but it turns out the process of getting that made legal here in Canada could end up being more hassle than just having a second quickie ceremony at City Hall might be.

After all, it's not like you can just start checking the "Married" box on applications and forms without some kind of legal record of said marriage being on file somewhere. Translating our Spanish documents and going through the various steps on that path could be costly and lengthy, whereas standing in front of a Justice of the Peace and exchanging "I Do's" a second time would be quick and painless, not to mention a funny story for down the road.

I'll keep you posted.