Things I Learned This Week

1. The Breakthrough is Coming
Call me crazy, but having two of my original articles appear on Sports Illustrated's MMA & Boxing page in a seven day span is a positive step.

In under four months, Keyboard Kimura and my work as an MMA writer have grown exponentially, thanks in large part to my willingness to shamelessly self-promote wherever I can, but also because the level of work continues to climb.

After what feels like an eternity of spinning my tires and not being overly excited about what I was writing, things are finally starting to take shape and I've found my niche. All that's missing is a regular paycheck.

2. Hello, My Name is Sally
What the hell has happened to me? I used to be able to go out and drink myself stupid, get a couple hours of comatose-like sleep and be ready to take on the world.

Now, a long night of work leaves me laying on the couch in a heap for the better part of the day. When did I become such a Sally?

Granted, I did tend bar at a wedding for 12 hours last night,working into the wee hours of the morning, and getting to sleep at 4:00, but how in the name of all things right with the world can I remain totally sober and still feel like a complete and utter sack of hammers?

Even I want to make fun of me.

3. Four Months? Already?
Happy Anniversary Mrs. Kyte!

How it's already been 1/3 of a year is beyond me, but believe me, I'm not complaining. Well, not right now. I'm sure I will later, probably about something inconsequential.

4. Continuing to Excel at the Completely Meaningless
Last week I told you about the outstanding seasons my Fantasy Baseball teams are putting together, building momentum as the playoffs approach.

Since September is rolling around, that means one things: Football. As such, a couple Fantasy Football drafts have already been completed and while one didn't go as well as I would have liked, I will say right now, before a single meaningful snap has taken place that one of my teams - Team Canada (original, I know...) - will absolutely dominate this season.

And to the victor goes... absolutely nothing. Why must I be good at totally useless things?

5. The Word Star Gets Thrown Around Awful Liberally These Days
There is no more perfect example than this Ryan Jenkins guy who has apparently fled here to Canada after murdering his girlfriend.

They keep referring to him as a Reality TV Star. Funny, I've never heard to this murderous douchebag. Turns out he's on some VH-1 Bachelorette rip-off, which makes him the equivalent of one of the love interests of Tila Tequila and we all know what kind of superstars we're dealing with there.

If he's a star, what do people who are famous and talented now get qualified as? Mega-stars? Superstars?

6. I Need to Write for TV
Why? Apparently there is an insane lack of talent, forcing networks to move forward with such wonderful fall additions as:

• CSI Los Angeles starring Chris O'Donnell and LL Cool J.
• Brothers starring former NFL'er Michael Strahan as a retired player (big stretch) who returns home and hangs out with his wheelchair-bound brother.
• I can only assume there will be more seasons of Survivor, The Amazing Race, various "this single person wants to find a partner" crap and 47 more cooking challenge shows as well.
  

By the way, when did it become okay for the guy in the wheelchair to be the center of all the jokes?

Did I miss a memo or something?

He's a paraplegic, so smashing him in the legs with a door is funny because he can't feel it... really?

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Things I Learned This Week

1. 24 Hours Just Isn't Enough
Sleep surely takes up anywhere from four to nine of those hours. Usually it's somewhere in the middle, like six. 18 hours left to my own devices may sound like plenty of time, but really, it's not enough. Not when you drop in a shift at work - anywhere from two to seven hours - and time doing domestic duties like washing the dishes, preparing meals and spending quality time with The Missus.

A day like today is the perfect example. Sarah's at work, which means dinner is on me. Additionally, I have a ton of writing to do, but a shift opening the bar also beckons, a shift that quite frequently turns into getting home six hours after I left. Mix in walking the dog before and after work and I'm left with a two or three hour window at best to get my work done.

Bottom line: I need another two or three hours in the day ... or someone to pay me to write so I don't have to go to work any more.

2. I Have Limited Abilities at Predicting the Future
Unfortunately, they're limited to knowing when certain people won't show up for work, not anything useful like lottery numbers or what the next big money-making invention the world will stupidly scoop up in massive quantities like the ShamWow is going to be.

Thankfully, I'm smart enough to use this gift to my benefit, getting out in front of the call-ins I know will happen to ensure that my phone doesn't ring as the desperate scramble to cover the vacated shift goes down.

3. Fedor to the UFC Isn't Happening
Honestly, this one really bummed me out for a couple days.

You would think that with the demise of Affliction, the UFC would be a slam dunk for the dominant Russian heavyweight; the organization with the deepest pockets and best collection of fighters to challenge the man on an eight-year winning streak.

Not so much. Too many hurdles and too much animosity and mistrust between all the parties have led to Fedor remaining a pseudo-free agent and the UFC all but washing their hands of trying to lure him into the fold.

This is precisely why I refuse to recognize him as the best Pound-for-Pound fighter on the planet: he doesn't really want to fight the best guys out there.

4. How Do You Not See This?
Read an article in this month's GQ about a Wisconsin high school student who convinced the boys in his school he was a girl over Facebook and got them to send him intimate snapshots if you will, only to turn around and use said pictures to blackmail them into having various relations with him.

The article is outstanding, right up until the moral outrage of the parents and the shocking reaction they have to the lack of trauma this has caused "the victims." I use quotes not to diminish the situation, but how much of a victim are you if you're the one snapping the self-portraits and sending them off to random "girls" over Facebook?

Open your eyes parents: these aren't your childhood years! Your 13-year-old knows more about sex now than you did at 21 and there is at least a 50/50 chance that he or she has already gone around the bases a time or two.

And don't blame TV and movies either; it's as much your fault as it is the cast of Friends or various Hollywood hits.

5. I Might Be Getting Married Again
No, Sarah and I haven't gotten divorced and yes, we're technically married, but it turns out the process of getting that made legal here in Canada could end up being more hassle than just having a second quickie ceremony at City Hall might be.

After all, it's not like you can just start checking the "Married" box on applications and forms without some kind of legal record of said marriage being on file somewhere. Translating our Spanish documents and going through the various steps on that path could be costly and lengthy, whereas standing in front of a Justice of the Peace and exchanging "I Do's" a second time would be quick and painless, not to mention a funny story for down the road.

I'll keep you posted.

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Way Too Similar

It really is scary just how similar my brother and I are. He's the one on the left if you're wondering.

Beyond looking like twins for our entire adolescence and all the shared traits and mannerisms, it turns out we're eerily similar in terms of a number of other things as well.

We've both taken very odd paths to find the careers we want and the work that makes us most happy. Pete was on his way to stardom and success as a horse racing analyst and host before leaving it all behind to get more hands-on with the ponies. Now, he's found a great mix, working as an agent (he buys and sells horses for people) and being back behind the mic at Fort Erie and Tioga Downs.

If you've been here more than a minute, you know my story, so no need to say more than after years of trying to figure out what I wanted to do, I stumbled upon writing, fell in love with it and now you're reading the 509th post in iBlog history.

The most interesting - and also frustrating - similarity between mon frere et moi has to do with marriage and children.

I had everything planned out to propose to Sarah. We were having a weekend getaway at a beautiful hotel and I was going to do the "propose over dinner" like so many men before me. About three weeks before we went on our little trip, Pete popped the question. Not wanting to step on his toes, I pushed things back a month.

Then, whilst in the middle of getting everything coordinated and finalized for our beautiful destination wedding (and while in the process of moving here to Kimberley), an impromptu wedding announcement hit my Inbox. Pete and Brooke were making it official in Vegas at the start of November.

Now, Faye (our mom) calls me this morning to catch up. In the course of the discussion, she tells me that Pete and Brooke have selected a name for their daughter who will be entering the world some time in late September.

They're going to name her Charlie Olivia. Immediately, I started swearing.

Take a guess at what Sarah and I have always discussed and planned on naming our daughter, should we have one?

Yep... Charlie.

Technically, we were going to name her Charlotte and call her Charlie, but it's the same damn thing and now the version of me that is two years older and still not shaving on a regular basis has gone and Bogart'ed our name. Grrrrrr!

What's next?

Is he going to shave a mohawk into his head and start writing about MMA?

Maybe develop a fondness for tattoos and get some ink?

How's about moving to British Columbia?

Seriously, it's incredible how much alike the two of us are. Maybe that's why we fight like cats and dogs just about every time we see each other.

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Joining the Jon & Kate Debate

Just finished watching the Jon & Kate Plus 8 premiere and thought I would give my thoughts on the show, the controversy and all things Gosselin.

Yes, I watch Jon & Kate Plus 8... get over it.

So, if you've been in any kind of store lately, you've seen Jon and Kate on the cover of nearly every tabloid amidst tales of infidelity on both parts, rumors of divorce and most recently, for show regular and Kate's sister-in-law Jody calling for a boycott of the show.

Now, Jon led off the show saying he didn't cheat on Kate. My old man always said he never cheated on my mom too, but that wasn't the case, so I'm not fully convinced. That being said, consider me on Team Jon, provided he wasn't playing hide the pickle.

We've watched the show from the jump and in the five years, Kate has gone from being the doting mother who didn't care about fashion and appearances to a celebrity who happens to have kids. From where I've been sitting, she comes off as someone who has really gotten caught up in being a celebrity, loves the attention and doesn't want to be anything other than that.

Jon, on the other hand, wants none of it. He wants to be a dad and have a somewhat normal life. While that isn't entirely possible any longer, you can't really blame him. After five televised years of not being able to finish your own sentences, getting criticized for just about everything and having decisions made for you, I'd be at my tipping point too.

While they chose to let the public into their lives and therefore have to live with the consequences, there seems to be such a huge rift between the two in terms of what they want moving forward that an amicable solution doesn't seem possible and that is sad.

Although there is no way that they will ever escape the glaring eye of the paparazzi and have a "normal life" like you and me, you can choose to minimize your exposure and it comes off like that is a choice Jon would like to make, while Kate does not want to relinquish her place in the spotlight. She's not Kate the mother of 8 anymore; she's Kate Gosselin, author, speaker and celebrity mom and that isn't what it should be about.

You've gained a great deal - and undoubtedly sacrificed a lot too - and I would wager that your kids are set for life right about now, so why not walk away and try to salvage the marriage, the family and the bond that everyone fell in love with in the first place?

I don't know...

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. Lyoto Machida is a Bad, Bad, Man
"The Dragon" destroyed Rashad Evans last night and I don't think there is currently anyone in the UFC Light Heavyweight ranks that could stop him. And no, Anderson Silva doesn't count because they would never fight each other.

2. The Dream is Getting Closer
Frustrated by the sheer lack of customers and workable hours at the restaurant, I sat down this week to start my book proposal. My goal, as mentioned last week, was to have it done by Friday. It was done on Thursday. You make your own opportunities and I'm making mine.

3. One Month? Already?
Somehow, Sarah and I have been married for a month. That means we've been home for nearly three weeks. This just doesn't seem possible to me and makes the fact that we have yet to send out Thank You cards a little more ridiculous. Guess what we're doing tomorrow night?

4. So Long First Place
If not for a random Jon Papelbon collapse yesterday, the Red Sox would have overtaken the Blue Jays for first place in the American League East. Not that I wish ill upon my fine, feathered flock, but you knew the other shoe had to drop at some point. That vaunted offense has gone away, leaving quality pitching to earn hard-luck loses the rest of the way.

5. This is How Bad It's Gotten...
Tomorrow morning, I'm going into work at 8:00 AM to pressure wash the patio and get it ready for the "busy summer season." Seriously; with the complete lack of customers and therefore complete lack of money, I'm actually graciously accepting opportunities to do manual labour first thing in the morning for a few extra bucks.

6. D'You Know What's Awesome?
Boil Water Advisories. As in, Spencer can't drink the free stuff that comes out of his tap because it's got something funky in it right now, so he has to spend the little money that he does have on the most renewable natural resource on the planet. Super.

7. Better Than Da Vinci
But Angels and Demons still wasn't outstanding or anything. It was good. It was entertaining. With far less reliance on dialogue, it was way better than the verbose Da Vinci Code, but it was still missing something.

8. Apparently I'm Getting Old
I've gone to bed before midnight every night this week. I can't stay awake for more than ten minutes of a movie from the time my head hits the pillow. While I'm not quite at the walker-slash-adult diaper stage, it's pretty damn sad that I can't make it past midnight without force...

9. Evidently, The Above is a Good Thing
As if he knows we're going to bed earlier and earlier these days, the world's greatest dog has become a fan of early morning barking fits around 3:00, 5:30 and 7:00 AM. Since Sarah has been on days this week, that means I've been up and out of bed shortly after that 5:30 barking spree most of the week. No wonder I've gotten so much done...

10. Pretty Much Smoke Free
It's been seven weeks since I bought a pack of darts and in that time, I think I've had maybe 10, tops. Not bad for Sir Smokesalot. I'm even getting my lung capacity back and everything.

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Getting Down to Business

With the revelations about work coming earlier in the week, there is an abundance of time at my mercy, with which I could do any number of things.

Copious amounts of televisions and / or XBox 360 would certainly be entertaining, but could result in a prolonged stay on the couch during non-television hours, if you know what I mean.

There are countless books that I would like to read and a library full of them at my disposal, but seeing as I knocked off four during the vacation (three from James Patterson's Alex Cross series and Chris Jericho's autobiography), I think a break from the books isn't too bad.

Which leaves writing.

Yes, I am going to eschew hours of Food TV and MLB 2K Sports Front Office Manager to spend serious time crafting my masterpiece. In fact, I started while we were away, seeing as things have now come full circle and I am a married man.

We've got most of the housework that needed to be done checked off the list and shifts at the restaurant are spread out neatly to allow for numerous hours of typing madness in the coming weeks.

First up - proposal letters.

Shouldn't take long and could result in someone being willing to pay me to write this thing, which is always better than investing all my time and hard work for the low, low price of SFA.

As always, I'll keep you posted.

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10 Things I Learned This Week

In all honesty, this week was pretty quiet. No real uproars, no real breakthroughs, just a regular old week of edumication and experiences.

Let's get to them, shall we?

1. One Down, Countless More to Go

Sorry about yesterday folks, but goddamn Guitar Hero is crazy addictive. Round One of being a bass player is complete, which means there are only three more levels to go. Plus four levels on guitar. And four on vocals. And four more on drums once we buy a drum kit. Maybe I need to change that "this is the year I write my book" statement from a few months back...

2. Just Kidding

I actually got started on that there project earlier this week and I did so instead of picking up Bunny (that's my guitar's name...) and things are starting out smoothly. The objective is to get as much done in the next couple weeks before the Ski Season kicks off and I get busy at work (or so they tell me) so that I can focus on work for a four month stretch before focusing on the book once we get back from our little trip down South.

3. I'm Getting Married in Five Months

Exactly five calendar months from now, I'll be a married man. Everything is sorted out and the invoices even went in the mail earlier in the week. Now we just need to make some final selections with the people at the resort. With the weather starting to turn cold - although there is no real snow - thinking about the sun and sand in Samana warms me up.

4. Furniture in 4-6 Weeks

We scored a few pieces this week already, including an awesome stack bookcase. But in a couple more weeks, our bedroom set will get here and so will the killer high-top kitchen table with U-shaped connective booth-like stools. If you can't picture it, don't worry - there'll be pictures once it arrives. Now all we're missing is a coffee table.

5. Gettin' Paid to Write... Regularly

I mentioned a little something about this earlier this month, but now that it's official, I'll give you the full scoop. Every week, provided I submitted ten pieces to my people at The Love of Sports, I'ma get paid. Nothing that breaks the bank, but a little something something that provides incentive and encouragement to keep doing what I'm doing. And like my man Gerrit at TLOS said earlier this week, if you think filing ten pieces a week is tough, I had that number made... by Thurdsay.

6. They Tell Me It Snows Out Here

But so far, I don't believe it. London caught 70 cm earlier in the week and here I am living on a ski hill and all I have is the hum of the snowmakers running 24/7 a month before the resort goes live sot that it at least looks like you could use a snowboard or skis around here. If it don't snow, I ain't gonna make any money... and I like making money. C'mon snow!

7. Great Quote of the Week

Watched Strombo interview Russell Peters on The Hour this week. Peters is a huge hip hop head who used to spin before his standup career took off. So he's sitting in his chair in a corduroy suit when Strombo asks him about his love of hip hop and Peters delivers something along the lines of, "I don't look the part, but I am. I mean, you eventually have to grow up and stop dressing like an idiot." I couldn't have said it better myself. Just because my pants aren't around my ankles, doesn't mean I don't still love my hip hop.

8. Kids These Days...

I work with a lot of 16 to 21 year olds up here at Kelsey's. All they ever do is bitch about working, talk shit about one another and discuss plans for getting drunk and stoned. This is going to make me sound like the crusty old man, but what in the hell is with these kids these days? How can you be so brash as to call your weed hookup from the hostess stand, have a screaming match with the chick working Expo while standing in the In Door and show up to work so hungover that you spend 95% of your shift in the bathroom puking while I make my own drinks? We were bad, but we weren't this bad... were we?

9. Congratulations Abound

Congrats to my cousin Jamie and his fiancee Brianne on finding out they'll be having a beautiful baby boy five months from now. Yeah, they're due the same day we'll be getting hitched. Kinda cool if you ask me. And congratulations to Amanda Buchanan, the little sister of my man Bucky, who got married today.

10. Opening My Own Place in the Future Keeps Looking Better

Not just because I get real pissy working for other people - and I do - but because if Kelsey's can do the business they currently do in spite of the challenges I see then I could make myself some money with a cosy little bistro somewhere that is run correctly. Oh, I could serve the delicious Spicy Thai Soup with shrimp that I made yesterday too...

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. The Kyte Family is One Person Bigger
I'd like to start off by welcoming Brooke Smith to the Freak Show on a full-time basis. On Tuesday afternoon in Vegas Baby Vegas, Brooke and my brother Peter were married. Congratulations to both my brother and my new sister-in-law!

2. It's Official
Sarah is officially a nurse! She passed her nurses exam (as if there was any doubt) and is now a part of the workforce 100%. Congratulations Baby... enjoy the next 40 years of work!

3. As A Present to Herself...
Sarah purchased an Xbox 360 with Guitar Hero World Tour and two guitars last night. That's the best present that I've ever received and it wasn't even for me! After five hours of button mashing madness last night, we finally shut things down around 1:00 AM due to exhaustion and freshly forming callouses.

4. Interestingly Enough...
I'm off Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday this week. I won't, however, be shredding on my guitar all day long. I'm starting the book Tuesday morning, in hopes of getting a good chunk of work done so that I can send a portion out for feedback and to gauge interest. After a couple months of making notes and scribbling in the idea book, it's time to get down to work.

5. Brock Lesnar: UFC Heavyweight Champion
Not only do I love Brock's win from a fan standpoint of watching the future of MMA at his beginning, but I love this win from a writing standpoint too. I've spent a lot of time writing about MMA lately and predicting this fight correctly - as I did in two pieces at The Love of Sports this week - shows that I know what I'm talking about. In fact, I got the four biggest fights on the card perfect including my man Demian Maia submitting Nate Quarrey.

6. Getting Closer to the Goal
An email this week from The Powers That Be at The Love of Sports has potentially brought me one step closer to my goal of being able to sustain myself solely through my writing. Basically, the more I write, the better chance I have at getting what I want is what it boils down to, so as much as I'd like to practice up on the video game axe during my downtime, time writing today is going to mean time staying home in the future, so Guitar Hero will have to wait.

7. Polygamy is Effin' Crazy!
Sarah is watching the TLC Forbidden Love special on polygamy and just overhearing some of the crap these chicks are saying is nuts. You have to be some kind of whack job to be okay with your husband having seven other wives. Could you imagine? "Hey Honey, I'ma marry this one too and we'll all live together. Tonight I'ma sleep with you, but tomorrow, I'ma sleep with her. Kay?" How does that make you feel loved?

8. I Should Have Kept Playing Baseball
Why did everyone just let me walk away at age 12 like I did? How come no one told me to keep playing, get better and make it to the Majors? The money these teams are throwing around free agents, even a no stick, no mitt, no wheels guy like me would be able to pull in a couple million a season...

9. This Is Where I'm Meant to Be
Now that we've been out here for a month, it's fair to say that the infatuation stage of things is over. That's why I know this area - or at least BC in general - is where I'm meant to be. Everything about the area still makes me smile - the snow-covered mountain peaks in the distance, the friendliness of everyone in town, the fresh air and peaceful surroundings. I never thought I would be able to live away from "The City," but it's really not hard at all. In fact, it's better.

10. One Month, Three Smokes
Not bad for a guy who has been smoking since he was sixteen if you ask me...

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An Engaging Story

We're gettin' hitched!

Saturday night I asked Sarah to marry me and for some reason she actually agreed.

I'll pass along your congratulations - we're both really appreciative of all the support and excitement from the last couple days.

So I know what you're thinking: How'd you do it?

I'm glad you asked.

It starts a year and a half ago - October 2006 - when Sarah came home from Newfoundland for my cousin Rob's wedding. I went to pick her up and had made a sign one night at work that read "Welcome Home Baby!" and held it up like a sappy doofus when she came through the doors at Pearson.

Since then, every time I have had to pick her up at the airport - which hasn't been many, but still - I've brought that sign. Saturday was no different, except...

On the flip side of the cardboard was a brand new sign that simply read, "Sarah - Marry Me! - I Love You," along with a ring, of course.

She walked out of the baggage claim, noticed me, noticed the original sign and gave me a hug. Do you see it anywhere in there that she noticed the new sign? Nope.

I had to draw her attention to it post-hug.

"Look at the sign bub," I said, shaking and holding the ring in front of it.

Look.
Read.
Comprehend.
Astonishment.
Biggest Smile Ever.

Then she kind of just looked at the ring for a minute, smiling uncontrollably and shaking a little, all of which was the anticipated and welcomed reaction, not that I had any worries.

And with that, me and Ms. Cole were engaged.

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Answers to Frequently Asked Questions

1) Do we have a date in mind?
Yes - end of April, early May next year.

2) Where?
We're thinking destination, having found a beautiful resort in the Dominican that we both really like, but nothing is certain... yet. If 1/3 of the guests have to travel (think plane, not car) regardless of where we have it, why don't we all go some place?

3) Is she crazy, marrying me, the starving artist / part-time waiter?
I think so, but it was her decision...

4) Could I be any happier?
Nope, not in a million years!

I'll keep you posted on all things weddingy as they come up...

* * * * * * * * * *

One last thing:

I asked both her parents before proposing.

Guys - trust me on this one - this is a must. Do things the right way. Thank me for it later.

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