As of yesterday, it had been four days sans Starbucks and for a couple of Starbucks whores like Sarah and I, that is too long, so we got delivered to the nearest 'bucks to intake some coffee-liciousness. But before we got coffee, we hit Shoppers.
For our American readers (Chalk, Scrap) Shoppers is Shoppers Drug Mart, a mega-chain drug store that has started to slowly morph into a mini grocery store over the years where you can get everything from laundry detergent and pop to magazines and deoderant. We went in to get some fake nails and hair dye for Sarah and a new magazine (Details) for me since I have exhausted my book collection now that we've spent an extra three days here.
So, after collecting some blondish highlights and French manicures, as well as two venti peppermint mochas that were delicious, we came home and got to work.
It didn't work so well. In fact, Sarah hated it. Pretty certain that it wasn't going to work out, I fired a stripe down the middle of my tennis ball head to make her feel better. She liked my reverse skunk design better than her own.
Which meant that we were back at said Shoppers this afternoon purchasing a darker, full coverage dye to fix / replace yesterday's disaster. I played stylist and again riffled some of the remains into my now striped tennis ball to ensure that if her's didn't work out, I'd look stupid too. You know, aside from the fact that I'm shaving it up again when I get home...
But it work! It really worked! Sarah's hair looks great (thank you, thank you...) and mine looks, well, like my natural hair, which is an improvement on being striped.
Two morals to this story:
(1) Don't dye your hair yourself. It goes with my ideas about why their are plumbers and electricians for me to hire to do my plumbing and electrical... because they are trained and I am not!
(2) Putting a single stripe down the center of your head is always a bad idea. No matter how nice you think you're being and how much your girlfriend appreciates you looking like a jackass, unless you're willing to shave it off, don't do it...
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Two questions: (1) Why didn't I think of this? and (2) Are you fucking serious?
Both of these questions apply to You Porn. Yes, You Porn.
For those of you who have been blissfully unaware, there is in fact a You Tube of Porn out there and, while I kinda wish I had thought of the idea because I'm certain whoever did is raking in some cash right about now, something about it kinda freaks me out.
I know everyone will be calling bullshit on this, but with God as my witness I have never watched a single You Porn clip. Not one. Swear on our love...
Like I said, it kind of freaks me out. Call me old fashion, but I like my porn the way it has been for years and years and years. No, not arty and airbrushed a la Playboy and Penthouse, but the amateur shit just doesn't do it for me, especially not the homemade, dude holding a digital camera while his girlfriend/wife/neighbour gives him a hummer type.
I want a little production value. Even amateur porn isn't really amateur porn. It's usually amateur chicks and that I'm down with. Then there is my other worry...
Seeing someone I know.
Sure, it could happen in any other porn realm - magazine, movie, my pornsite of choice, whatever - but something about seeing a video that someone I know consciously made, whether for distribution or not, creeps me the fuck out.
Plus, I know that our B&C female writer Andrea is a You Porn addict and I don't ever want to start getting into "Hey have you seen this clip?" conversations and emails with her.
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I can't think of an actor I like less than Nicolas Cage. Save for a couple performances - Raising Arizona and Leaving Las Vegas - the guy makes me vomit. Ghost Rider? Con Air? Windtalkers? I actually wish he was Gone in 60 Seconds...
Bad puns aside, my disdain for Cage makes my activity planned for tonight all the more remarkable: I'm going to see National Treasure: Book of Secrets with Sarah and her dad. By choice. Literally, I picked the movie.
Remember how I said I liked a couple of his flicks? NT1 was one of them. A part of it was his sidekick Riley, played by Justin Bartha, and that Sean Bean was the bad guy, but mostly it's that I am a giant geek underneath my freshly dyed hair and afraid of You Porn exterior and the premise of this film interests me to no end. Yes, I like history.
Besides, Bartha is back as Riley, Diane Kruger is still Abigail Chase and now we're adding the always outstanding Helen Mirren and Ed Harris to the mix as well. And they're dealing with the Lincoln Assassination...
I'll let you know tomorrow if I'll ever break one of my rules again.
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Pictured: Lily Allen, striking a perfect pose whilst walking down the street!
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