Saturday, August 23, 2008

Dishonour Roll: Gwen Stefani

Technically, Gavin Rossdale should be getting lumped in here too, but since I'm certain Ms. Hollaback Girl is the one who wears the pants in the relationship, she's taking the heat solo.

What has landed Ms. Stefani on the always popular Dishonour Roll today?

Naming her second child Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale.

Be advised, there is profanity ahead...

What in the fuck are you thinking?

How do you actually look at your child and think, "You know what would be a good name? Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. I like that."

This one actually takes the cake over all the other horribly retarded celebrity-named spawns out there like Suri Cruise and Apple Martin and Peaches Geldoff.

Fuck it, this one tops the Frank Zappa Collection of Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuuhka Rodan and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen.

Well maybe it doesn't top The Zappa Kids, but still.

Where the fuck do parents get off dropping these kinds of names on their children? I know I've ranted and raved about this before, but then something like this happens to give credence to the argument that there should be some kind of regulatory board parents have to apply to in order to name their child.

Not that this kid - or any of the other celebrity spawns with stupid names - are ever going to live quiet, normal lives in the first place, but naming your kid Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale is a whole different ballgame.

Remember how your face scrunched up when you heard Gwyneth and Chris Martin named their kid Apple? "It's fruit, not a name," were the first words out of my mouth. Not so bad now, huh?

What makes this all the more incredible to me is that I'm one of those people who doesn't want to saddle his children with generic, boring ass names once they get here. They also will not receive the trendy (read: overused) monikers like Madison or Mackenzie, Caleb or Aidan either. But nothing we're thought up (yes, we've discussed baby names...) even comes close to comparing with Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale.

Maybe I should start using that in my arguments for some of the names I like.

"How about Zuma Nesta Rock Kyte? No? Makes Xavier sound a whole lot better thought, doesn't it?"


Newt said...

Definitely worthy of the Dishonour Roll prize.

Anonymous said...

Gwen's kids' names are inspired by Bob Marley - his middle name is Nesta and her first child, Kingston is named after Bob Marley's birthplace.

E. Spencer Kyte said...

As great as Bob Marley was, why not name your kids after, I dunno, your parents instead of Bob Marley? And couldn't they have just named either of the kids Bob or Marley, instead of Kingston and Zuma...

Newt said...

Now the names make sense! Oh, wait... no they doesn't.
You name pets, animals and cars stupid names... not your kids.