Things I Learned This Week

1. What Time is It? Time to Get My Drank On!
This has been the most outstanding weekend in a long, long time and not just because we've all been various stages of hammered over the last 36 hours.

Whenever you ask Michelle what she wants to do, here response is "Get My Drank On!" and that is awesome. Despite the fact that it's narly 4:00 pm and the day hasn't really started yet due to last night's festivities, my suggestion that alcohol intake probably wouldn't happen to night was met with a resounding, "What?"

Expect drunken status updates on Facebook later.

2. The Dog Likes Advil
Don't worry, this is not information we found out while intoxified or anything like that. We did not feed the dog pain medicine.

He stole the bottle. Noisy, rattling things amuse him. Noisy, rattling things amusing him amuses all of us.

This is what happens when you've been getting your drank on for the better part of two days.

3. Deuce Answers the Phone at All Hours
My man Deuce lives in Newfoundland, three and a half hours ahead of us here in Kimberley. Despite this fact - which we were acutely aware of early this morning - we decided we missed him enough to call and tell him.

Five minutes after leaving our message, a surprisingly awake Deuce returned our call, laughing at the ridiculousness that is drunken Sarah, Michelle and Spencer.

Tim was passed out already by this point. We called Deuce because my clippers died right when we were preparing to shave comatosed Tim's legs...

4. eHarmony Isn't For Everyone
Believe it or not, you can be turned down by eHarmony. How miserable would that make you feel?

The fact that the process of joining eHarmony is very, very labor-intensive (I started yesterday after hearing the story and seeing their adds for a free communication weekend... and yes, my wife knew I was doing so) would just make this even more depressing.

You go through 487 questions and come up with, "Sorry, you're too picky and we don't have a single person who is compatible with you."

Yikes.

5. Getting Some Serious Readership
In non-boozy weekend news, this week has yielded a couple more syndication opportunities for my work at Keyboard Kimura, upping the number of readers I get per day and increasing my exposure even more.

What makes it even better is that neither offer came through the usual means (read: me begging someone to carry my work). Instead, they approached me and being the attention whore that I am, I said yes really quickly and patted myself on the back.

Slowly but surely, we're getting out there and going to be taking over the MMA world...

6. And Still Reigning Scrabble Champion...
Prior to getting mangled last night, we rocked a four-way game of Scrabble, which the wife was running away with.

That is, until I dropped "HISTORY" on the board with my last seven letters, landing on a double word score in addition to collecting my 50 bonus points.

You're winner and still reigning Scrabble Champion of the World...

P.S. I went undefeated in games last night, as Tim and I also won Cranium and he "lost" at very drunken game of Bullshit.

I'm out... time to get our drank on!

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Things I Learned This Week

1. Losing Your Luggage Isn't All Bad
My man Deuce, the one with the fire-filled comment directed at John Q. Anonymous a couple pieces back, had his luggage "misplaced" flying home from Vancouver over the New Year. As it turns out, because he used his credit card to book the flight, said credit card company gives him a $100/day clothing allowance for his troubles to a maximum of five days. Needless to say, Deuce is going shopping in the very near future to replace his lost wardrobe. You should maybe go on Tuesday Deuce. I'm off. I could go with you. I'm good at shopping.

2. Get Everything Done Before You Open the First Beer
Because if you don't, you'll finish the first beer and open the second and then next thing you know, you've drank the entire 8-pack of Guinness that was supposed to last you the night, you didn't end up writing that blog post you were planning (Sorry Everyone!) and you're half in the bag by the time you're ready to start making dinner. The moral of the story? I got drunk last night...

3. I Am, In Fact, A Sally
Tapped out somewhere around 12:30 last night. Yep, 12:30. That's it. Deuce was still chugging along and Sarah was well into Drunk Sarah mode where she could drink lighter fluid and not feel a thing. As for me, I had puked a little and was ready to pack it in before the clock hit 1 AM. What the hell has happened to me? I blame working nine days in a row at Blockbuster and being woken up at 9 AM by the rampaging toddler upstairs, but really, that's just the kind of thing a Sally who tapped out before 1 AM would be expected to say. I'll try to do better next time.

4. Canadian Sports Media Sucks
D'you know what's awesome? When the two best teams in all of hockey face off against one another, one of them being from the Nation's Capital, the other being my Red Wings, and every sports outlet in this country leads with the litany of problems plaguing the Toronto Maple Leafs. Are you shitting me? I don't care that you're the biggest city in the country and have the most loyal fans in the world. The Leafs are shit and everyone, especially Leafs fans, need to start realizing this.

5. You Like Me! You Really Like Me!
This ode to Sally Field brought to you by the nine - count'em 9! - Fans of E. Spencer Kyte on Facebook. Much thanks to Sarah Cole, AJ Godson, Lance Doucette, Erin Dillon, Ashley Clements, David Chalk, Mark Townsend and Bryan Buchanan for signing up. A bigger shout out goes to Chalk's friend Galina who is the only person not connected to me in some way, shape or form who has joined. You guys and gals rock! To the rest of you, what the fuck is the matter with you? Join already bitches... especially you Smitty!

6. Sarah's Scrabble Supremacy is Failing
I've got two wins in a row and counting. She'll tell you I have one win in a row and we quit the game before that, but the truth is she lost interest and started chatting on MSN for the simple reason that she was getting her ass handed to her and is so competitive that she would rather quit than actually admit defeat.

7. I Hate The Simpson Sisters
Ashley is engaged to Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy, whose heartbroken tales of suburban emo misery I greatly enjoy. How can one write about being miserable and having a shitty life if you in fact aren't miserable and don't have a shitty life? Fall Out Boy will never be the same. Big sister Jessica could be the blame for an even bigger screw up if things don't go well for the Dallas Cowboys this afternoon. Should her current boyfriend Tony Romo and his teammates shit the bed against the New York Football Giants, it won't be the Giants who get credit for playing well, it'll be Yoko Simpson taking the blame for dragging Tony off to Cancun this week when he should have been focusing on football. Us media types are retarded... Jessica also makes me puke a little in my mouth for introducing the world at large to Nick Lachey, which in turn made his stupid little brother Drew a C-List Celebrity.

8. Kevin Smith Doesn't Reply to MySpace Messages
So there is a push to get the man who is responsible for Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy et al out to Memorial University for a Q&A a la his An Evening With series. Proving that Facebook is taking over the world, there is a group for it. Yes, I'm a member of said group. I am also a former MySpace user and have Kevin Smith on my friend list, so I thought I would send him a message to see if I could drum up some information on how one would go about sorting something like this out. That was ten days ago and I've got nothing. I'm sure there is a logical explanation - namely that he is a busy man who gets thousands of messages a day polluting his Inbox - but still. I'll keep you posted on the status... ten days and counting.

9. Apparently, Writing A Funny Movie that Lasts Longer Than 96 Minutes is Hard Work
Brought home three new comedy releases this weekend - Mr. Woodcock, Good Luck Chuck and The Ten. None of them are more than 96 minutes long and none of them are all that funny. Woodcock was decent enough. Billy Bob plays a bastard pretty well and Amy Poehler needs to get even more work as she is one of the funniest women around. You all know how I feel about Dane Cook, so that doesn't need to be rehashed and The Ten was just plain shitty. I suppose I should be thankful that none of them cost me more than an hour and a half of my life, but I mean, is it really that hard to come up with a new, funny idea and make it work for, heaven forbid, 120 minutes?

10. The People of New Hampshire Are Racist
While it's probably not very truthful, I need some kind of explanation of why Hilary Clinton won the NH Primary and not The Next President of the United States Barack Obama. Playing the race card seems like the most ridiculous notion, so I'll go with that. On a sad note, it's hilarious to me that I care a lot more about US Politics than I do Canadian Politics. Maybe it's because of the sorry state of Canadian Politics. I mean, who doesn't love powerless Minority Governments?!

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I Should Buy Shares In Chapters

The amount of money that I spend in that place is absolutely ree-dick-you-lous!

Our plan for the day was to head into school so Sarah could sort out her exam situation and then meet Chad and Jeremy - two guys from her nursing class - at Starbucks / Chapters for a coffee and chit-chat. Surprisingly, we were on time and that was even with a mid-morning nap session on the couch for the recuperating one.

We even got there before Jeremy, who arrived sans Chad as he apparently hit the bar somewhere around 1 o'clock... I knew I liked that crazy hippie for a reason.

Anywho, post Venti Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha, we trolled the aisles. A couple weeks ago, we picked up this free gift card that had a mystery value attached to it for you to redeem whenever you spent $50 plus. Since we're boarding a plane later this week, we decided to make this our in-flight reading acquisition day which means I was in heaven, free to spend copious amounts of money on my favourite addiction not named cigarettes.

After helping Jeremy find the Cormac McCarthy books - he too wants to give No Country a read before seeing the movie - I'm quick to grab the items on my wishlist. Always been a big fan of the James Patterson Alex Cross series, so finding a paperback copy of Cross with a 30% off sticker is a great start. Knowing that Sarah's Mom will be sending us money to spend at Chapters early in the New Year since our VanCity trip has was demo'ed by the whole appendix thing, I decide pleasure reading is the best course of action and opt to leave the John Prendergast / Don Cheadle Not On Our Watch on the shelf for later. Besides, who wants to read about the genocide in Darfur on their holidays? Not I for one...

So instead I snatched up the latest Kevin Smith offering, My Boring-Ass Life. Been wanting to read it since it came out but just haven't been able to justify dropping $20 on a collection of his blogs, until now, as it's the perfect book for a time like this. Not at all serious, easy to read and something I can put down at any moment without forgetting the plot, as there isn't one. Plus, I'm a devote View Askew guy and this is all about those boys, so it's a good call.

Also picked up Jamie Oliver's latest - Cook with Jamie - which is both cook book and How To manual. It was also 50% off... KA-CHING! Toss in the required nonsense reading for the plane - GQ with Kanye on the cover for me, gossip rag for Sarah, plus a new Marian Keyes for her and we're at the counter with a bag full of books. Seriously, one of the Chapters guys came over and handed me a bag.

Get to the counter and the cashier totally up-sells us and I can't blame her. There was no way we shouldn't have scored an iRewards card and I have a laugh in my head about how easy the sale was, knowing what it's like after shilling Rewards Memberships by the dozens at The Block. Total comes to silver shy of sixty bones, with something like forty bucks worth of savings after redeeming our $5 giftcard (not surprisingly), iRewards discounts and sticker promo savings. This is the most money I have spent in one sitting in quite some time that didn't involve me thanking a waiter for their service afterwards.

* * * * *

So I've decided that once we get back, I'm going to take the time to sit down with someone and hash out where I can save money as a writer. Since I'm certain there are tax loopholes that I can work in my favour, it'll easily be worth the afternoon spent in some office figuring out what I can call "work related" from things like rent, money spent at Chapters (research?) and my Internet bill...

* * * * *

The asterisk as page break thing is a direct rip off of my man Dan Tobin at Bugs & Cranks. He's our BoSox writer, which means he was an arrogant prick throughout October, but on the whole, he's aces. Writes a mean blog himself too. Anyway, I mention this because I told him a couple weeks (months?) ago that I was going to steal something from his site; namely his Books I Read This Year list.

Admittedly, his is far more impressive than mine will possibly be, but that's because Dan is smarter than I am. Though we both read Hornby - everyone should - he also reads Gabriel Garcia Marquez while I read Silent Bob...

Why am I telling you this? I've got two books on the go and two more ready to knock out, so I'm starting the list now.

* * * * *

Sarah beat me at Scrabble again and this one stings more than normal.

I started the game with Bingo. For you non-Scrabble geeks, a bingo is when you use all your letters to make a word, thereby getting an extra 50 points. So yeah, I was out to a nice little lead and she slowly but surely clawed her way back into contention before dropping QUIZ on a double word score right at the end of the game.

Final Score: Sarah 276, Spencer 256... at least I have Monopoly.

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Things I Learned This Week

It's been an interesting week to say the least.

1. Being the Bigger Person Sucks!
You know when those situations come up where someone does something stupid to you and all you want to do is lose it but you can't? That was my Friday afternoon. Even worse is when you can't even spend 24 hours avoiding the bullshit because your stuck going to work and the issue is obviously going to come up. It's not like you can refuse to shake someone's hand when they apologize, even when their apology is the most hollow, self-serving thing you've ever heard.

2. I Have a Different View of Apologies than Some
I dunno, but to me, saying "I'm sorry" is more for the person who screwed up than the one who was slighted. While uttering those two little words makes the person who effed up feel better, it doesn't do anything for the person who was wronged in my eyes. What really matters is seeing after the fact that you understand what you did wrong and you don't do it again. Sure it's nice to hear, but I'd rather see you do better than hear those words.

3. Sarah Really is the Scrabble Champion
We sat down to play this afternoon and at one point I cheated - switched up a couple letters while she wasn't in the room so I could make a better word. I know... I'm a horrible person. Anyway, she still ended up beating me by 20 points. Even when I stack the deck, she still gets pocket rockets and cleans me out.

4. Some People Have No Social Etiquette
When a group of people are all buying drinks, isn't it customary for everyone to just take turns? And another thing: if you're going out - even if it wasn't all that planned - have some money in your pockets or go to the bank. Bringing five bucks to the table just doesn't cut it.

5. Our Vacation Couldn't be Coming at a Better Time
I just really need to get away from this island for a while. Besides the whole situation vaguely described in #1 & #2, it's supposed to sleet all week, The Shitbox is on her last legs and I'm craving a little time in a more metropolitan area. So heading to Van City next weekend is just what the doctor ordered...

6. If this is the Voice of Pop Culture in Canada, we're screwed!
I picked up Naked Eye magazine this week, who claims to be the voice of Pop Culture in Canada or something like that. I know there are difficulties to staying current when you're a quarterly magazine, but nothing should stop you from making sure there are no spelling / grammar mistakes in your final published product.

7. Consequently, My Future Got a Little Brighter
Not that it wasn't bright already, but c'mon, knowing that "The Voice of Pop Culture in Canada" put out a shitty mag with dated stories, grammatical errors and some of the same stuff that I covered in this month's issue of Passion very much works in my favour.

8. No Grey's Really Threw Me Off This Week
Yes, I watch Grey's Anatomy; religiously actually. This week was a rerun and I had no idea what to do with my Thursday night. Apparently I've become that regimented when it comes to this show that when it's not on, I'm a little lost. Thankfully, I work 9-5 Thursday and will be home for the conclusion to the "Seth Green's Neck Exploded" Episode.

9. My Mind Works in Mysterious Ways

1. A couple came in on Saturday night looking for "a Christmas movie about a bunch of girls. Well it's not really a Christmas movie but it's always on around Christmas because there is a Christmas scene. D'you know what it's called?" If your first thought was Little Women, we're a lot alike... you would have been right too.
   
2. My friend Kory Steward's name on MSN yesterday was God Shamgod and I was the only one who got it. Apparently no one else remembers 5'10" NYC Point Guards who played at Providence and had a cup of coffee in The Association....

10. You know you're domestic when...
Someone asks you what you want for Christmas and your first thoughts are new towels, a Scrabble Dictionary, a couple of books and some new wine glasses. When did I stop asking for money, clothes and CDs? Where did that guy go?

Boston Celtics Update: 14-2, 9-0 at Home... I know, I'm a moron!

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Things I Learned This Week

1. Sarah is The Scrabble Champ
Seriously, I've beaten her once in roughly 20 games. She is incredible. If there is an open double or triple, she'll find a word to make there and it's usually something good. I've even recruited her as my Scrabble coach when I'm playing on Facebook with the other word game geeks I know.


2. I Am Definitely Allergic to Cats
All this week I was waking up in the middle of the night having coughing fits and I said it was due to our roommate's cat Shabby having taken up residence in our room as of late. Sarah, the future nurse, thought there were additional causes, namely my being a smokey bastard. So last night we banished the cat from the room, washed all the sheets and settled in to bed and d'you know what happened? Nothing... I slept like a baby. Stupid cute cat...

3. My Car Knows I'm Getting Rid of Her
Yes, my car is a female. Anyway, Sarah's dad has been kind enough to give us his car (kind meaning he gets to buy a new car) which means the old Shitbox is no longer needed and I think she has figured it out. We're driving our new, used car out from Ontario in two weeks and over the last two days, The Shitty has been making some awful scary sounds. Hopefully she'll last the next fourteen days.

4. I Have a Serious Coffee Problem
And by problem, I mean addiction. Is four coffees a day too much? I don't think there is a time of day that I would say no to grabbing a coffee, whether it is made here at the house in the morning, purchased at the Timmy's across the street from work or served up with a fancy name from the baristas at Starbucks. I've had two today already and I know a third will be acquired on my way to work...

5. Having a Schedule Makes Things Easier
As you may or may not have noticed, there are a few more weekly segments popping up around here and I have to tell you, it sure does make coming up with something to write a whole lot easier. I mean, sure, I still have to come up with a top five list for Wednesdays and a song every Friday, but that's easier than picking from any of the random thoughts traveling through my head. Who am I kidding? I'm just lazy.

6. Joe Kennedy's Death Scares the Shit Outta Me
The former Devil Ray, Rockie, Athletic and Blue Jay died suddenly earlier in the week at the age of 28. He was a Major League Baseball player, which means he was probably in fairly good shape. I'm a 29-year-old who has been smoking for 13 years and no one would ever utter the words "In Pretty Good Shape" in reference to me. Always makes me a little worried when stuff like this happens... but I still haven't quit smoking.

7. Update: Boston Celtics, 11-1...
Yep, seems like putting those three guys who haven't won anything individually together is working just fine. In other news, I'm an idiot!

8. Sarah Really Loves Christmas
We were walking through the mall yesterday looking for a bridal shower gift for one of her friends when, in HomeSense, I saw a miniature Christmas tree and suggested we buy it for our room. I've never seen her face light up so quickly - not when I first told her I loved her, not when I told her I was moving out to this frozen wasteland, never. As soon as we got home, on went the Christmas music, out came the lights and up went the tree. She hasn't stopped smiling yet either.

9. I Really Don't Understand How People Don't Like Sushi
Out with some friends yesterday - before hitting the mall - the idea of going to grab some sushi came up and we headed down to Sun's. Lemme tell you, it was perfect: Miso soup, Green Tea, a Red Dragon Roll and a 6 piece platter with California Rolls. How anyone can dislike sushi is beyond me. It doesn't taste fishy, it's fairly good for you and you don't end up getting the McSweats afterwards. Not liking sushi is definitely a non-starter from here on out.

10. Launch is in TWO DAYS!
To quote Blue Rodeo, "Hey, hey, I guess it hasn't hit me yet..." but I'm sure it will when I head to Chapters after work Tuesday. For the first time ever, I'll be able to pick up a magazine off the rack, open it up and see something I have written, not to mention a picture and bio as well. I'll tell you all about it Tuesday night after we get back from our Celebration Dinner.

That's All Folks! Play nice...

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