Thursday, November 20, 2008

Wait... It's Thursday? This Too Is Jimmy Fallon's Fault!

How is it Thursday? When did this happen?

Obviously, it happened at 12:00 this morning but you know what I mean. I was positive that yesterday was Tuesday which is why I dedicated this space to blasting Jimmy Fallon for making The Roots his house band as opposed to delivering my Wednesday staple, The Rundown.

Damn you Jimmy Fallon! You made me let down my 19 loyal readers!

Since things are always pretty free form around here though, there is nothing to say that we can't make up for Fallon'ed time and get to The Rundown today.

In fact, today's Rundown will actually be in honour of the future late night TV host.

The Jimmy Fallon Five: The Unfunniest Comics Around

5. Horacio Sanz
If we're doing the Jimmy Fallon List then it's only right to include Fallon's Comic Sidekick Sanz. No one person in the history of sketch comedy has ever broken character as much as Sanz; the guy couldn't get through the most simple delivery without laughing, which basically means he repeatedly failed at his job. I don't remember a single character Sanz portrayed in his time on SNL. All I remember is him laughing the middle of a skit and me wanting to jump through the TV and strangle him. Apparently Tracey Morgan felt the same way too.

4. Steven Wright
Wright may in fact be one of the funniest people around, except I wouldn't know it. I can't get through four words before the look of the guy just creeps the bejesus out of me. Not only that, but his trademark lethargic, deadpan deliver makes me fall asleep where I then proceed to have dreams about being chased by creepy looking Steven Wright.

3. Larry The Cable Guy
Rednecks were funny in 1993 when Jeff Foxworthy first started with his whole "You Might Be a Redneck" bit. Now, even Foxworthy has moved on and cut off most of his mullet, leaving the throne to an "actual" Redneck. Problem is, nothing this guy says is funny. He's a walking incarnation of people laughing at you, not with you.

2. Kathy Griffin
If "funny" means "annoying and obnoxious" than she's the funniest lady on the planet.

1. Dane Cook
What? You were expecting someone else? He's still a douchebag and I'm still not a Frat Boy, so the opinion hasn't changed. In fact, it's become stronger since I keep seeing him show up in movies playing the same super-douche character (outside of Mr. Brooks) to very unfunny results. My Best Friend's Girl was basically Good Luck Chuck with Cook not being a dentist. To think anyone would buy Dane Cook as a dentist, now that's funny!

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