The Rundown: Yes, I Enjoy Reading

I find it incredible how many people think of reading as one of the most painful acts on the face of the Earth. To some people, if you gave them the option of sitting down and reading a 300 page book or having an anal probe, they would scoff at the notion of opening a book and bend over. To me, that just seems wrong.

All of this came to light again today as I sat in the bar at work, just hanging out, waiting to see if Juice (one of my managers) was going to need me to start. I had opened the bar as a "training exercise" and volunteered to sit tight in case we got busy. To occupy my time, I brought Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs.

Note: Not bad so far, especially when I only paid $4 for it at Chapters last week. Really, how bad would a book have to be to not be worth $4?

Of the collection of people in the restaurant at the time, one shared my love of books and Chapters, two were entirely non-committal and two were astounded that anyone would choose to open a book of their own free will, let alone make it through 56 pages in roughly an hour.

While I know my stance on this might be skewed by the fact that I intend to make my living (and hopefully a modest one at that) off people being interested in reading, the fact that reading makes some people's skin crawl is mind-blowing to me.

As the NBA taught me years ago through All-Star laden Public Service Announcements, Reading is Fun-damental!

Without reading, I never would have become a writer, because I never would have encountered the subjects of today's Rundown.

All-Time Top Five Books

5. Rebels of the Backlot by Sharon Waxman
As has been mentioned a time or two, I like movies. I also like books about movies or books that become movies, as you'll see shortly. This effort is a behind-the-scenes look into the careers of six of the biggest and brightest directors in Hollywood today - Tarantino, Sodderberg, David O. Russell, Spike Jonze and Paul Thomas Anderson. If you don't know these names, you (a) have missed some really good movies and (b) would absolutely hate this book. If you have any interest in Hollywood, the film industry or what it would be like to get into an argument with George Clooney while filming Three Kings, find this book and read it.

4. Everything Bad is Good for You by Stephen Johnson
As part of the video game, music video, Reality TV generation, I've been told countless times how all of today's technology and entertainment mediums and everything else in the world is making me dumber. Finding a book that actually proves that we're becoming smarter and more intellectually advanced as a result of all these things is outstanding. Seriously, this book is a well-researched middle finger to parents everywhere who told their kids that watching too much TV or playing too much Nintendo would rot their brains.

3. High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
Seeing the movie made me want to read the book. I loved the movie - it's #1 on the All-Time Top Five if you recall - and since the old standing truism is that the book is always better than the movie, I had to find out for myself. Since reading High Fidelity, I've read everything else Hornby has put out, except for his most recent effort Slam, since it's geared to teens and I'm painfully far removed from the teenage demographic. Anyway, the book was better than the movie, though not by much. Then again, it's my favourite movie ever, so being even a ounce better is pretty damn impressive.

2. Thank You For Smoking by Christopher Buckley
Back-to-back book to movie adaptations near the top of the charts, where both hit the Top Five on my movie list too. While the movie rankings for these two efforts are reversed, Buckley's book has a lot more to offer that wasn't brought to the screen and therefore bests Hornby's best effort. Maybe having seen Aaron Eckhart play Nick Naylor so perfectly on screen influenced my enjoyment of the book. But if biases came into play, I would have hated the character Heather Holloway because Katie "Kate Cruise" Holmes brought her to life on camera and I downright loathe the former Joey Potter. That wasn't the case though. I loved everything about this book, including Ms. Holloway, dirty, scheming tramp that she is.

1. Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman
Imagine opening a book and finding everything you have ever thought of on the pages before you. That is what this book is to me. I've wondered about the suddenly enormous amounts of "Housewife Sluts" willing to pose nude since the rise in cultural relevance of the Internet. I too have known since I first saw Say Anything that every woman wants to be with a guy like Lloyd Dobbler and I would never quite make it to his level of excellence. Klosterman seemingly tapped into my brain - or that of every other Pop Culture Obsessive with the attention span of a gnat - when putting together this collection. Everything he has done has struck a chord with me, but this one was first and it will probably always remain that way.

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Time to Start a New Addiction

I've always known that The Wire was arguably the best show on television.

I've known this for three reasons:
(1) I've seen a couple dozen episodes myself and loved them
(2) my man Smitty swears by the show and Smitty is one of the most intelligent people I know
(3) HBO does gritty drama better than anyone

After months of deliberation, a couple good nights of tips from Montana's and an afternoon stop at Best Buy, I begin my foray into the Cops and Robbers world of Baltimore one episode at a time starting the minute I finish typing this piece.

Let me apologize right now for all the pieces about how awesome The Wire is or referencing characters that only me, Smitty and the people smart enough to have enjoyed this show during it's five year run will understand.

Time to go kick back, relax and get hooked.

B-More here I come...

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How Much For Our Precious Family Memories?

D'you know what I love seeing as I'm standing in line at the grocery store, ready to have the lady with the haired lip and wonky eye look mysteriously at my produce purchases trying to decide what kind of apples I've bought (Royal Gala) and what the long cucumber-looking thingy in the bag is?

The thing in the bag is zucchini (for Sarah - I think it's nasty) and the thing I love is all the magazine covers shouting about Exclusive! First Photos of (Insert Celebrity Name Here) and their baby!

This week, of course, is the week of the newest members of the Brangelina Family, Vivienne and Knox, on the cover of a couple glossy-paged mags. But they are far from the first as anyone who has bought groceries in the last half-decade knows.

Everyone has been doing this as of late and I have to say that I think it is the most ridiculous thing in the entire world.

Now, the celebs themselves will cling to the "this way we have control and don't have to worry about the paparazzi" line, except we all know that is a load of crap. It's not like some money-hungry camera jockey isn't still going to follow Brad and Angie around everywhere they go, especially now that there are two new additions to the posse.

What they should really be saying - the celebrities - is something along the lines of, "Well, we figured since these rat bastard photographers are going to make a mint snapping pics of our kids, why shouldn't we too?"

Note: Brad and Angelina netted a cool $14M for these phots. Fourteen Million Dollars!

The other part of it that makes me cringe is that all you ever hear celebrities say about photoshoots is how they're never as glamourous as they end up looking: it's a lot of standing and posing and bending and twisting and getting the shot set up and blah blah blah blah blah.

If it's wholly unenjoyable for a grown-up, how awesome can it possibly be for a kid who only entered the world a handful of weeks ago?

Scariest thought of all: What's next?

Exclusive: OK! Magazine in the Delivery Room, complete with action shots!

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. Things Always Seem To Work Out
My man Bucky was to be in town Monday night for some meetings and pints were definitely in order. Unfortunately, Monday night is the night I close at Montana's and passing up a guaranteed $150 bucks would be insane. So I had to cancel with Bucky. Turns out Bucky got to town super late and would be hanging around throughout the day Tuesday. Guess who happened to be off? Nothing better than afternoon beers and wings with an old friend.
2. Blue Jays Jinx Continues
This season, the Jays are 0-3 when I'm in attendance as they dropped Wednesday afternoon's game to Tampa while I was 18 rows up at third. As always, big thanks go out to my man Chris Schiel for the hookup - everyone had a great time... except the Jays.

3. OCD and Me
So, I kind of have a little bit of an issue with schedules and order. See, I like them, a lot and really, really don't do so well when things get thrown off schedule and out of order. Case in point, Wednesday morning. We were supposed to be leaving the house around 9:30 in Garry's car to go to the game. Too bad he took his keys with him when he left at 7:00 AM. Tried to find Sarah at the hospital to get her set, but no one could direct me to her floor. Did I mention it was pouring rain? Soaked and dejected, I got home at 9:50, pouted on the bed for about 3 minutes and drove Shitbox 2 to Toronto. We got into our seats for the bottom of the second. ARGH!
4. Chapters Really Does Have Magic Powers
I've been kind of bummed lately about writing and just work in general; no real reason, just July was a slower month and there hasn't been anything new coming down the pipeline for a few weeks. All that was washed away and the fire rekindled by a Monday trip to Chapters. Twenty minutes of shopping for cheap books (I bought three, have already read Fargo Rock City) and another twenty sitting in the chairs reading the latest issue of Spin - great story on D'Angelo and an interview with Q-Tip - and I was ready to rock the keys again. What can I say, the place just inspires me.

5. Wedding Plans Are Made
In the span of three days, we went from dealing with Lindsay the Halfwit at Flight Center who never got back to us about anything and had no real information to walking into Marlin Travel, meeting Judy (I Love Judy!), telling her what we were looking for and having everything in our hands with final confirmation coming sometime this week. Once we get it all in stone - the exact date and whatnot -you'll be sure to know. If I can give everyone some advice it's this: when it comes to your wedding plans, you want someone who is a bit of a bitch working for you; Judy is great with us but a total bad-ass on the phone and via email getting everything done and we couldn't be happier.

6. 10 Days of No TV
Have to say I'm pretty impressed, because so far it hasn't really been much of anything really. I mean, I wish I could watch Iron Chef: America every night when I get home from work (and Sarah misses Jon & Kate Plus 8) but for the most part it's been no inconvenience at all. I've read more, written about as much as always and it makes going out the door to workout a much easier decision, since I can't sit in front of sports highlights and afternoon baseball.

7. Hangover City
So I decided to have a couple drinks with some people from work on Friday night. Sarah was working at the hospital overnight and having a beer or two chatting with my colleagues sounded like a good idea. When am I going to learn that this is never what ends up happening? A couple beers turned into three Guinness, three vodka waters and tray after tray of shots that left me feeling like someone had kicked the living hell out of me all day yesterday. And then I had to go to work all night...

8. The Hangover Cure Still Works Like a Charm
I could swear I've shared my sure-fire hangover buster formula with everyone before, but just in case I haven't, I need to pass it along because it truly did make all the difference in the world yesterday. Besides the obvious (sleep, Tylenol Extra Strength) the key components are: lots and lots of water, a warm shower and McDonalds. The sooner you shower the better, as this will get you feeling better for a period. Ideally, you eat the McDonalds before the positives of the shower subside. Keep the water going all day. Next time you're feeling like I was yesterday, give this a try. You can thank me later.
9. The Motodanica Commentors
My new pet peeve here at iBlog are the random "promotional commentors" who take on various names and make witty banter about stuff they obvliously don't care about in the comments section. They're always linked to www.motodanica.com - an ad page for some Motorola phone - and pop up once or twice a week. I guess I should be flattered - getting SPAM is the mark of making it, isn't it?

10. Operation: 185 Update
Starting Weight: 204 lbs.
Last Week's Weight: 199 lbs.
Current Weight: 198.5 lbs.

Another half pound down and considering that I injested a great deal of McDonalds yesterday to combat the booze sweats, this is yet another accomplishment. I also think it's the first time in about four years that I have been under 200 pounds for consecutive weeks, so there's that too!

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Soundtrack of My Life

Song: Something to Believe In
Artist: Poison
Album: Flesh & Blood (1990)

Dropping Slaughter earlier in July was just because the song was fitting to my current state.

Pulling out some Poison is an ode to The Hair Metal Days that everyone went through - whether for or against - and it's all Chuck Klosterman's fault.

I'm currently reading Klosterman's first effort - Fargo Rock City - where he chronicles his growing up with Heavy Metal. Like all his work since, it's not one long narrative, but rather fractured, essay type pieces on different, related topics, including one simply titled "Poison."

I used to draw the Poison logo on just about everything. I loved these guys. How could you not?

Okay - you could easily have not, but still, I did and while there were more popular songs (Nothin' But A Good Time), better karaoke tunes (Every Rose...) and ridiculous up-beat stupidity (Unskinny Bop), this track actually has something to say.

For a Hair Metal / Glam Metal / Whateveryouwanttocallthem Metal band like Poison, that's pretty heady stuff.

I drive by the homeless sleeping on a cold dark street
Like bodies in an open grave
Underneath the broken old neon sign
That used to read jesus saves

A mile away live the rich folks
And I see how theyre living it up
While the poor they eat from hand to mouth
The rich is drinkin from a golden cup

And it just makes me wonder
Why so many lose, so few win

While the band went into serious decline following this album's release - and despite Rock of Love being a VH1 smash - Poison's best years are long behind them. Now they're that band you get to wax nostalgic about like I am now.

I remember when Poison was on top of the world - Get out your hair spray!

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