Things I Learned This Week

1. Cris Cyborg Might Be An Actual Cyborg

And that is a very scary prospect for any female looking to make a name for herself in the Strikeforce 145 lbs. division, because the champ is just 24 and an assassin inside the cage.

I thought Gina Carano would be able to stick and move and use technique to counter Cyborg's power. I learned that there is no real counter to Cyborg's power, other than getting smashed in the face so much that the ref mercifully calls an end to things.

And don't feel bad for Carano either; I'm sure there are hundreds of guys will to help nurse her back to health.

2. The Flu Sucks Balls!

I had two days off this week and spent 75% of that time on the couch alternating between being freezing cold and sweating my ass off. How one man can sweat through six shirts in 24 hours is beyond me.

Though I've been feeling better the last couple days, I'm clearly not back to full strength yet either; I won't tell you how I know this other than to inform you I'm still doing a great amount of reading each day on a porcelain reading chair...
3. All This Shameless Self-Promotion is Paying Off

Friday and Saturday, your favorite writer was featured on the MMA page of Sports Illustrated thanks to a well-written little preview from Bleacher Report. I know I've said it before, but that site has been a godsend.

If that isn't cool enough, an emerging organization called the MMA Fight Council contacted me to become a part of their Writer's Guild. It's a collection of some of the best talents in the MMA field... and me.

Now if I could just find some way to make a little money out of all this.

4. The Next Move is Coming Together

Finally some good news for my wife!

By the sounds of things, a move to Victoria and an opportunity at a much more enjoyable position at a much more structured and supported hospital is not much more than a formality.

While it means we have to once again box up all of our worldly possessions, that is a worthy hassle for a chance for Sarah to have the enjoyment of a job the same way I do with all my writing endeavours.

Plus, there is actual shopping and restaurants in Victoria... no more 90 minute drives for sushi!

5. I'm Good At Things That Don't Make Me Money

In addition to being an outstanding volunteer writer, I'm also quite adept at playing Fantasy sports.

All four of my baseball teams reside at or near the top of their respective divisions, with the two that are outside of first place being the hottest teams around and poised to make a move down the stretch.

And now it's time to get started on Fantasy Football, with Draft #1 taking place on Tuesday night.

I really need to find some hobbies that pay better.

6. If You're A Guy and You Don't Love I Love You, Man You Have to Surrender Your Testicles

It's just so awesome. I would argue there isn't a guy around who can't watch that movie and name two friends, one for each role, and remember numerous instances from the movie that happened in their own life.

And it does it without being horribly cheesy and cliche like most movies. Additionally, once we buy a house and actually settle down somewhere, I'm building a man cave like Jason Segel's.

No word yet on whether or not it will have a Masturbation Station.

You're welcome for that...

I'll end there...

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My Case of The Mondays

Yack-fest 2008 continued last night, prompting me to call in sick to work and sack out on the couch like a total stupor as soon as a I got home.

See, I'm the kind of guy that even turns up for work twenty minutes after he was praying to the porcelain goddess, just so as to not overly inconvenience anyone.

Thankfully, Bossman D felt bad enough that he came in and covered my shift for me. Thanks again D!

So I figured that with there being nothing left in my system and a full night of absolute comatose sleep behind me, I would wake up feeling refreshed and invigorated. Uh, not so much.

I'm feeling like Ron Livingstone in Office Space, except I don't hate work - I hate my immune system.

Attempt at Food #1 didn't go so well, so a phone call was placed to work.
(Sorry Lois - thanks for covering for me.)

A shower didn't improve my well-being either.

All that was left to try was more extended time on the couch. So I popped in Season 7, Disc 2 of Friends and...

It's like this disc has magic sleeping powers over me. This is the third time in two days that I've tried to get around to watching "The One with All The Cheesecakes" but I never seem to make it passed "The One with The Holiday Armadillo."

I'm proud to report that Attempt at Food #2 has thus far been a success; you usually can't go wrong with Lipton's Chicken Noodle Soup and Ginger Ale by the gallons. That being said, it's still relatively early.

No matter how I feel, I need to be at work bright and early tomorrow morning. Otherwise, I'll look like the guy who is done in three days and just doesn't want to show up for his last week of work and that is certainly not the case. Honest.

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Today Sucks!

D'you know how annoyed I have to be to get out of bed before 7:30 in the morning even on a good day?

D'you know that the chances of me getting out of bed before 7:30 in the morning when I'm feeling like death warmed over on a Saturday are close to the chances of me being elected Prime Minister of Indonesia?

D'you know that I was up knocking on the door of the lovely people who live above us this morning at roughly 7:30 this morning because that is when the banging started?

Seriously... today sucks.

As the door cracked open, I know that she knew it was me. Who else could be lightly knocking on her door at this hour? Before I even said a word she had started to apologize, despite the fact that her apology doesn't do anything about helping me get back to sleep, a mere four hours after I shut down for the night.

What has made today even more awesome is that I didn't fall back asleep, chiefly because, well, how can I put this? I know - I'm been stuck in the shitter all day. Lord knows what it was, but something I ate last night sure doesn't like me today.

Wait, it gets better yet!

Since about two this afternoon, there has been wrestling practice upstairs. Not literally, as that would actually make all the thunderous bangs that echo through my apartment tolerable. This has been unsanctioned, backyard wrestling, forced inside by the cold temperatures outdoors and involves a child repeated running, jumping, crashing and banging into everything imaginable. For an added bonus, every so often he slams into something unintentionally and let's out a banshee's wail for a solid five minutes. Oh, their friends just came over too. Nothing like a night of mud butt and gut rot with a herd of elephants trampling around above you...

The only way this could get worse is if I threw up a little. Not like a full out puke, then I would feel better, but a nice little throw up in my mouth a little so the taste and smell lingers, making me even sicker. That would be the cherry on the top of this shitty Saturday sundae.

Thankfully I've got a stack of movies and my Wings pounding the Leafs to keep me from going and leaving a flaming bag of poop on their doorstep upstairs. That and Sarah would leave me instantly, regardless of how funny I thought it was.

If tomorrow starts off like today, I'm not even getting out of bed. Just thought I'd tell you now in case you swing by tomorrow and don't see a 10 Things post.

I gotta go though - My ass is ready to explode... again!

(You're Welcome...)

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