Bullying, Homophobia and Oprah

So when I woke up from my customary afternoon nap and after I watched Around the Horn and PTI, I watched Oprah. Not intentionally, in the, "Oh Oprah's on!" nature, but it caught me as I was flipping by.

She was talking with the families of two young males who had killed themselves after dealing with bullying and name-calling in school. Both reported frequently being taunted with calls of "fag" or "gay," which one of the experts on the show claimed to be some of the most harmful things you can say to an adolescent male.

Two things struck me and had me glued to the television for the rest of the hour:

1. How is it that in 2009, being called "fag" or "gay" is one of the most harmful things you can say to an adolescent male?
Honestly? Maybe I'm more open-minded than some, but being gay or called gay doesn't carry the same stigma it did decades ago when homosexuality was such a taboo lifestyle. Shit, Sean Penn just won an Oscar for playing Harvey Milk and Ellen is one of the most widely beloved people on the planet...

2. Having shows like this actually does more harm than good for gay rights in my opinion.
Spending an hour talking about how young men become suicidal when repeatedly called a fag gives the impression that being called a fag is something horrible, like being called a murderer or rapist or pedophile.

Now, I know I'm probably taking a much more different angle at this than some and I, of course, have not spent a minute in the circumstances any of these parents have been in, but if your kid is telling you how much they hate school and never want to go back, regardless of their wishes that you don't go to the school to investigate further, get your ass to the school.

Back in my day, my old man used to call the parents of this kid I constantly fought with to see if there was some way they could mutually work out the situation for us. Some of these parents didn't even take that step and that is unbelievable to me.

Even more crazy to me was the assertion one of the parents made that cyber-bullying is even more dangerous and harmful than actual face-to-face confrontation.

I'm sorry, can you not turn off your goddamn computer? Can you not stop going on Facebook and MySpace? I agree that repeatedly being called names sucks balls big time, but it's not as bad - IMO - as getting punched in the head or slammed head-first into a steel door, trust me.

And I have no understanding of how life can ever be so bad that you want to kill yourself. I'm sorry, I just don't, especially not when you're 12,13,14-years-old.

If your kid is that depressed, alienated and / or removed from normal social life, get them as much help as humanly possible, starting with you as parents doing everything you possibly can. The school councilor or a shrink you're paying X dollars an hour isn't going to care for your kid as much as you are, at least I hope not.

I know I've probably stoked the fire with a few people on this one and maybe pissed a few more people off with my views, but to me, that's what life is all about. Discussion, expanding viewpoints and seeing things from another perspective.

I'd love to hear what you think, as always...

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Soundtrack of My Life

Song: Dear Mr. President
Artist: P!nk
Album: I'm Not Dead (2006)

It's no secret that I love P!nk. Love her. Insanely. She's forever awesome in my eyes.

Songs like this are a big reason why.

While mainstream radio blares catchy, funny tracks like "Stupid Girls" and "So What?" - both songs I find entertaining but tire of fairly quickly - not many people seem to realize that the spunky girl with the sometimes pink hair has some very important things to say in her songs from time to time.

While this track is pointed straight for George W. Bush, there are aspects of it that can use questions that should resonate with all of us. Though most of us haven't "come a long way from whiskey and cocaine," there are loads of issues brought up in this song that each and every one of us can spend a little time thinking about.

War, homosexuality, abortion / reproductive rights and homelessness all come up in the song, all with thought-provoking questions attached to them.

Part of why I chose this song today stems from a link my man Deuce sent me yesterday. It was of Jon Stewart interviewing former Arkansas Governor and presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee and discussing same sex marriages.

My feelings on this issue have been stated a couple times in the past here at iBlog, so without getting to far into it, it just baffles me that there are still people who have these cast-iron beliefs and views about poignant issues like this and the ones P!nk addresses in this song.

I'm not saying we all have to have the same views and they have to be the ones that I believe, but I think we're at a stage in our existence as a people that being close-minded and so stringently opposed to issues like these is ridiculous.

Now that I'm off my soapbox, click the link, listen to the song and enjoy.

I promise, next week will be some harmlessly fun Hip Hop track with very little soapbox preaching from me...

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Just When You Think We're Moving Forward...

You read that California voted Yes on Proposition 8 yesterday, reversing the legalization of Gay Marriage in the state.

I'm warning you now - if you don't like this issue and don't want to hear what I have to say, come back tomorrow, because I'm livid right now after reading this and need to jump on my soapbox and rant...

Personally, a law like this is an absolute joke to me, especially coming on the heels of the monumental achievement of Barack Obama's election last night. The election of the first Black President is something they will teach in history classes until the end of time, as I said yesterday, and now I hope that the archaic beliefs about sexuality and the institution of marriage held by 52% of voters in the State of California (and all other homophobes throughout the world) can be the next major change.

Honestly, what gives any other person the right to say who can and cannot be married? And how can you make it illegal for two men or two women or two transgendered individuals to get married? Illegal. Two dudes who love each other getting married is now against the law... same as murder and theft and selling crack.

Those in favour of this newly passed bullshit cling to the notion that marriage is at the "fundamental core of how society is organized" and that marriage should be "between a man and a woman" to "establish a family unit."

Where do I begin?

First, claiming that marriage is at the fundamental core of how society is organized is ridiculous. If marriage truly is the fundamental core of how society is organized, why do we allow people to enter into marriage flippantly and have a divorce rate hovering around 50%? This isn't my grandparents era where marriage truly was a lifetime commitment and the core of the family unit. I would wager everyone knows ten people who either are divorced themselves or have parents who are divorced, unlike even when I was a kid and I knew one kid and it was a big deal.

As for the second part - "between a man and a woman" - you've got to be kidding me. What in the name of all things holy is the difference between two men being in love with each other and willing to commit themselves to one another and a man and woman doing the same? The answer is nothing, accept that homophobic and fundamentalist belief that being gay is not acceptable continue to exist in large numbers in our world.

Harsh as this sounds, I always think about what someone who helped passed this law would do if their child came to them with a same sex partner. Then what do they do? Do you cast aside your child because of your beliefs or do you cast aside your beliefs because it's different now that it affects you personally? I count myself lucky because I will never have to make that decision. Gay, straight, bi or whatever - my kids are my kids and they can be whoever they want to be with the knowledge that they will be loved unconditionally.

The final little blip from the LA Times piece that marriage is about "establishing a family unit" is also faulty on numerous levels.

One - not all married couples have kids. Some can't, some choose not to, some just don't get around to it.

Two - why is a man and a woman adopting and "establishing a family unit" that way any different than two women doing the same? Again, it's not.

Three - all that matters, really, in the establishment of a family unit is love. Two dads, two moms, two dads and two moms or one of each, as long as those parents love their child and do everything in their power to provide for them, that is the only thing anyone should truly care about.

Beyond being an issue about marriage, this is an issue about human rights.

Because you're gay you're not allowed to get married?

How in the fuck can anyone say that is just and how is it any different than saying because you're a woman you can't do this or because you're Latino you can't do that?

I'd love to hear the difference between the two because to me there aren't any and I look forward to the day when who you choose to love is no longer an issue.

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. There Aren't Enough Hours in the Day
24 hours is not enough time to do all the things I want to do and need to do. That is exactly why I haven't been here in two whole days; the things I want to do (read: write posts here) get outweighed by the things I need to do (read: going to work) and as soon as I get home it's off to sleep, pretty much. Today is going to be interesting because we need to hit the Travel Agent to plan the wedding, but I also have to be at work earlier than normal and close the place tonight.

2. Back Behind The Bar
So I've been helping out on the bar at Montana's the last couple weeks - grabbing my own drinks and helping out when the bartenders get overrun with drinks to make and tables to cover. Friday night, one of our bartenders didn't show up for the 900th time and has now been 86'ed. Guess who they asked to take his place? Obviously, I accepted, as it's the same hours over less days and better money, though it does feel weird to be pouring draft again after more than a year away from the taps.

3. I Should Have Been Tending Bar From the Beginning
Why? Because I made as much money in one shift yesterday as I did working Tuesday, Thursday and Friday combined. Granted, I did work for ten hours, but still, making $150 bucks in one day is aces to me. Mix in a closing shift tonight and a couple more nights on the bar during the week and I could be looking at some pretty decent financial gains between now and the next installment of 10 Things.

4. Dark Knight = AWESOME!
Friday night was crap at The Cookhouse, which normally would make me angry. This week, however, it made me very,very happy as it meant that instead of having to wait until this coming Sunday to see The Dark Knight, we could take it in Friday night. And take it in we did, from the second row... for the 10:45 show... At 1:30 when we walked out of the theatre, I knew I had just finished watching my favourite movie of the year.

5. I'm Really Going to Miss Heath
Seeing the transformed Ledger deliver an amazing performance as The Joker only reminded me of how unfortunate it is that he died earlier this year. His Oscar win - and he will win - won't be because he passed away like some people will undoubtedly frame it, but because his performance was so captivating that you couldn't take your eyes away from him, even when he was just sitting there. We lost one of our generation's best when he died. It would have been incredible to see him continue to evolve as an actor because there is nothing he couldn't do on screen.

6. The List of Future Landing Zones
So Sarah has finally finished her resume and cover letters and is applying for jobs as we speak. The potential destinations of the future Mr. and Mrs. Kyte are: London, Kitchener-Waterloo, Hamilton, Grimbsy, Orillia and St. Catherines. We'll keep you posted on whether we're coming to a town near you...

7. No Longer Questioning My Coolness
A couple of weeks ago, I waxed poetically about whether the style of the time had passed me by. After a day spent shopping on Saturday, the answer is a resounding no... sort of. While the style of the time for teenagers and twentysomethings has passed me by, my style has grown up into much more classy and stylish attire and that is never a bad thing. I never would have imagined a time would come where I would pass up a search announcing my training as a ninja or one of goaltender Jesus making a brilliant grab that reads "Jesus Saves" in favour of a quasi-political, socially aware GAP Inspi(RED) t-shirt, but those days are here and I love them. Look Mom - my jeans aren't hanging off my ass cheeks any more.

8. Movie Lengths - An Opinion Piece
So the last two movies I've watched (Vantage Point and Dark Knight) had a time difference of nearly 90 minutes. Another way of looking at it is that I could have watched Vantage Point twice in the time I watched The Dark Knight, but I would never do that. What I don't get is why someone in Hollywood thinks 90 minute movies work. For the most part, they don't, unless they are cheese-tastic comedies with little to no plot. Vantage Point was rolling along nicely until it seems like they got near their 90 minute cap and ended it horribly. Like I've said since Friday night / Saturday morning - I would rather sit through nearly three hours of The Dark Knight and how no stone unturned than watch 90 minutes of uselessness that leaves me wondering why they left parts unfinished.

9. A T-Shirt, An Idiot and A Little Perspective
So I had a guy sit at one of my tables yesterday with a black t-shirt on that said "I Oppose Gay Marriage." Yesterday was the London Pride Parade, so it made a little sense. But this wasn't "here are my feelings on a t-shirt" in a nice, polite way; this was a biker dude who I also overheard using the words "faggots," "queers" and other slurs repeatedly. I actually asked if I could refuse to serve him. I was told no for the record. Anywho, I got to thinking as I dealt with him and his four neanderthal friends - social monogliods like them get to live their lives, hating people for who they love, believing in all their stereotypes and "we're better than everyone else" bullshit, so what the fuck is their problem with guys who like guys or girls who like girls? You don't see anyone walking around in "I Oppose Gay-Dashing Biker Morons" t-shirts...

10. Operation: 185 Update
Starting Weight: 204 lbs.
Last Week's Weight: 201 lbs.
Current Weight: 199 lbs.
So I've dropped two pounds - and not just overnight or anything. I've maintained the 199 for the most part over the course of the week and have now refined my training into a much more balance (read: no more near hernia-inducing overdoing of the ab portion of the program) routine where it's two on, one off, two on, two off and no body part gets overly taxed on back to back days. Five down, fourteen to go...

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10 Things I Learned This Week

Back on my own computer, sitting in my newly established "office" and ready to deliver.

Come and get it, bitches!

1. Patience
Seriously, I learned to be patient this week. Actually, somewhat overnight. Yesterday I was in a funk, stuck with the lingering thought that I won't ever get off my ass and write my book and might not amount to anything more than a movie jockey at Blockbuster who does a little writing on the side. Then I got off my ass this morning and hit Staples to get my portfolio put together and wrote two pieces for Bugs. Now I'm here doing this little number and it's not even 1:00 yet. I needed to feel miserable in order to remember that things aren't going to happen overnight and I can't control the written universe. I know - I'm a bit dramatic sometimes, eh?

2. My Head Isn't In It
There is no part of me that is conscientious about working at Blockbuster now. It is merely a distraction that interferes with every other aspect of my life. Case in point, I drove to work yesterday without my keys to lock up at the end of the night. Normally, I'm an anal retentive, overly prepared freak show who turns up for work 20 minutes early to see if there is anything I can help with. Now, here, I show up totally unprepared five minutes before I go on the clock. Not a good sign.

3. A Must Read
I started reading John Howard Griffin's Black Like Me earlier in the week and though I am only a handful of pages in, I feel obligated to tell everyone to read this book. Griffin, a white man, dyes his skin and lives a year as a Black man in the South, starting in October 1959. This could be one of those life changing books for me.

4. Tomorrow, I Relax
And by relax, I mean grab a seat in the upper deck of the Rogers Centre alongside my one-time roommate Beast and a couple friends watching the finale of the Blue Jays - Tigers series. I'm looking forward to this for many reasons: (1) "Beer and a Dog," (2) Beast is one of the funniest people I know and always entertaining, (3) it gives me a chance to price out a retro Blue Jays jersey so I know how much it'll cost when I try to convince Sarah that I really, really need one.

5. After Today, I'm Flying Solo
That ironic twist I told you about a couple weeks ago gets triggered today, as later this afternoon I'll be dropping Garry off at the airport in Hammertown for a three week jaunt to Calgary and Vancouver. While we haven't gotten the month of "bond building" I initially aimed for this to be, we've had a solid ten days and there is no doubt in my mind that this is going to be a smooth and enjoyable summer.

6. What is it with London and Homophobia?
One of the people I work with has insinuated twice that things I do - or don't do - are gay. My owning and drinking from a pink Brita water bottle caught me an awkward glance and curious questions. My refusal to move the two awareness bracelets that have adorned my left wrist for the better part of four years over to my right to cover my tattoo was met with the remark, "Why is it a gay thing?" That one got Person A the stink eye. It's 2008 and for chrissakes! Get over yourself and your hangups already...

7. Dinner Monday Night...
Harvey's! It's been too damn long since I sank my teeth into a bad-ass, made just the way you like it Harvey's Hamburger and Monday is going to be the end of that drought. Bacon Cheeseburger with ketchup, mustard, relish, tomato, hot peppers and pickles... Delicious!

8. Apparently, I Have a Talent for Unpacking
Garry was quite impressed with how "industrious" (his word, not mine) I was on Thursday once my stuff arrived. We bombed it into the kitchen around noon and by the time he came home at five, I had pretty near everything unpacked, the room totally realigned to best optimize space and many of the little "feels like home" touches already in place, like Sarah's Mini Christmas Tree and a couple of framed pictures. This is what happens when you've moved as much as I have.

9. My Name is Spencer and I Have a Caffeine Dependency
Friday on the way to work I declined a coffee. I wasn't feeling well and just knew that a large double-double wasn't the cure that I needed. In my head, not having to go to boring-ass work was the cure I needed. All day long, my headache persisted. Ate food, drank water and nothing. Sitting after dinner, Garry tossed me the keys and told me to go to Starbucks. Twenty minutes later and three chugs into my Venti Komodo Dragon, headache gone. Good ol' caffeine to the rescue. The moral of this story: Coffee has healing powers!

10. How Cool Would It Be...
If I got to interview Ellen Page for the next issue of Passion? We're doing a Celebrity Issue next and in Spencer tradition, I started pitching assignment ideas to my editor a couple weeks ago. Then I watched Juno Tuesday night (and again Wednesday night with the Commentary) and got to thinking, "Hey, Ellen Page fits everything we're looking for. Canadian, celebrity, relevant, even buzz-worthy..." So I sent Nicole an email saying the same and am sitting here clinging to my pipe dream of picking up the phone in the next two weeks and having a conversation with Juno MacGuff. Is it going to happen? Probably not, but shit, what's the harm in hoping?

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