Going Grumpy

That's me - third from the left, or second from the right if you'd like.

At least, more and more that is becoming me, a more distinguished gentlemen who surely has a choice opinion on everything from President Obama (good) to Kate Gosselin (not so good) and everything in between (varies depending on the topic).

What's interesting (at least to me) is that I'm increasingly becoming someone I never thought I would become; I'm that guy who shakes his head at innovation and says things like, "We didn't have that when I was growing up."

Holy shit sports fans... I'm a Grumpy Old Man.

I fully realized this last night when a commercial for some new car came on and details the features found inside the vehicle.

Seriously, do we really need a 40-gig computer in a car now? Voice-activated GPS? Digital radio that syncs up to your iPod or home computer so you can listen to only the music you want all the time without the annoyances of talking or commercials?

I know? What 30-year-old in his right mind doesn't want this stuff?

Well, me, if you decide to count 31-year-olds in the above category.

When I was growing up we had maps and tape decks and radio stations that either played great music or had amusing DJ's (but not both), not built-in DVD players and some robotic women telling me to turn left in 800 metres.

Honestly, have we really become that lazy that we can't put a CD into a CD player or have whoever is riding shotgun desperately trying to find where we turn left to get to the mall?

We've literally innovated everything imaginable... except the things that actually matter.

Cars are now entertainment centers on wheels with computerized everything, but we can't put new computers in schools. That would cost too much money.

Millions of dollars have been pumped into making cars safer, cooler, more entertaining, but access to life-saving technology like an MRI and CAT scan still cost all the money in Scrooge McDuck's money tower and take four-to-six months before there is an opening.

I know I have been harping on this a lot lately, but it's because I just don't understand...

As cool as cars are these days - and there are some pretty kick-ass options out there - couldn't we be innovating something a little more important than a Ford Focus?

See?

I'm going grumpy...

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Things I Learned This Week

1. Our Movers Suck!

First, they agree to a date for pickup. Then they tell us we're going to have to change that to accommodate their schedule. We sort things out, come to a compromise and our things get put on a truck.

Seven days later, they're still not here and the phone call we were told we'd get today as an update still has materialized.

For anyone out there considering a move, especially one of a great distance and with time constraints, this is why you pay the extra money to go with one of the big boys... you get your stuff when on time.


2. Maybe We Shouldn't Travel

The more I think about it, the more I realize that every trip we plan to make has some element of frustration beyond the usual, acceptable "sat next to a guy who smelled funny on the plane" type of annoyances.

In the last two years, we've had an appendix up-end Christmas in Vancouver, a collision with a deer derail a road trip back to Newfoundland, headaches galore with our wedding in the Dominican and the current travel situation that has us living like squatters with nothing more than an air mattress and the clothes on our backs.

Something tells me we need to take a break from trying to go places and just enjoy exploring the surroundings of Victoria.

3. Trying to be a Better Person

I've had a lot of windbags chiming in on pieces over at Bleacher Report lately, launching personal attacks at me and others just for the sake of having something to say, and I just don't get it.

What good comes from pissing in someone's cereal or calling someone "trailer trash" when you actually know very little about them? We're all guilty of it at one point or another, myself included, but I'm doing my best to stop. I really just don't see the point.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions and can think whatever they want about just about anyone. But if all you can add to the conversation is namecalling and nonsense, why open your mouth in the first place? Because really, none of us are perfect...

4. Liking Victoria

This is exactly the type of city for me; lots to do, the things I like and want in close proximity and plenty of space and scenery to enjoy all rolled into one.

Instead of having to drive 30 minutes to buy clothes from the terrific trio of Zellers, Wal-Mart or Superstore, I can drive ten minutes, roam through all kinds of quality stores in the mall and pick up a Starbucks while I'm there... stopping on the way home to grab some sushi.

I get why some people love quiant little places like Kimberley as much as they do; it's a great town, just not for me. I need life, some traffic and options on every corner and so far, Victoria is coming through in spades.

5. Future YouTube Sensation

One of these days, I'm going to bring my camera outside and tape Luke wrestling with Chili, the pug from upstairs.

It's priceless and if David After the Dentist and Charlie Bit My Finger can become YouTube sensations, than Pug MMA can certainly follow suit, especially if I can capture the times that Chili bites onto Luke's chubby little cheeks and starts dragging him off the concrete and back onto the grass.

Seriously, it's hilarious... you'll see.

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Signs of The Apocalypse

The world is coming to an end, just as pictured above.

How do I know this?

Not because the Mayans said that 2012 would be the last year existence and someone has made a very big budget movie out of the premise that is coming to theatres soon.

No, I have other reasons.

Jon and Kate Gosselin are two of the biggest stars in the world right now, that's reason #1. Here are two people who are ostensibly famous because they had six kids at once and have eight kids in total.

Wow... too bad my great grandparents were born when they were. They had 11 kids and surely would have made for some quality TLC programming.

Next, we're a nation of hypochondriacs or at the very least, pansies.

Acid reflux isn't a disease like the latest commercial for a "cure" tries to convince you. Polio is a disease. Cancer is a disease. Diseases can't be cured by a pill you can buy off the shelf at your local drugstore.

Acid reflux is a pain in the ass reaction to hammering back way too much spicy food or what causes Ashley Simpson to sing the wrong song on Saturday Night Life, but it is certainly not a disease.

DeVry is now a university. While it used to be the place you turned when community college wasn't even an option, now you can roll into one of forty thousand former DeVry Institutes in the world and get the same degree I spent $10,000 earning at the University of Waterloo.

Granted, I didn't work all that hard and couldn't tell you where my actual degree is right now, but still, DeVry is not a university.

Lady Gaga is one of the top-selling artists in the world, everything is created so that it can be used or viewed on your iPhone, and they now how shows to discuss shows after the initial show is aired.

Seriously, is there really a need to have a bunch of people sitting around, talking about what just happened on The Hills or The City or The Bachelor?

How else do you explain it than the coming of the apocalypse?

It's either the apocalypse or we're slowly becoming a nation of complete morons.

Either way, I hope it ends soon.

Note: sorry we're so late today... the Internet has been being stupid around here lately. Won't happen again.

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Just Wanna Make Sure I Got This Straight

Donte Stallworth kills a man while driving under the influence and gets 24 days in jail.

Plaxico Burress shoots himself in the leg and gets two years behind bars.

How's that right?

By no means am I trying to defend Burress here; the guy is a first-rate moron for bringing a loaded handgun into a club and should be thankful that no one else got hurt, but still.

Run a man over while drunk, ending his life: 24 days in jail.

Shoot yourself in the leg: 2 years.

And somehow Michael Vick spends nearly two years in jail for killing dogs and people want him to never be allowed to pursue a living again...

Totally ridiculous, all of it.

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An Off-Shoot of Yesterday

Another evolution that has seemed to have taken place in our society over the last decade is how everyone is now an authority and to-be-respected critic of at least one thing or another.

Right along with the ability to make random accusations about people and the undying desire to tear down anything remotely positive, we're littered with pseudo-critics with little to no basis for giving advice or commentary.

I'm not Gil Grissom - I don't know absolutely everything about absolutely everything. I know a little about a lot and a lot about a select few things, like MMA, song lyrics, Pop Culture and maybe writing.

So, I feel qualified to discuss those things and give my opinions and critiques of them because I can back them up with sound reasoning and evidence.

That doesn't seem to be the case much anymore.

I hear from 462 critics who offer ways to improve my writing on sites like Bleacher Report everyday, only to remember that they're not critics, they're just people on the other side of a monitor who feel the need to feign superiority and knowledge over others.

One of the things I've been working on the most in my writing is avoiding confrontation in comments and debates. I used to get all fired up and just lose it and I'm trying better now.

So you can understand how much energy it takes when some random guy who I have never met or talked to before decides to call me by my last name (I hate that if we're not friends or we're not having attendance taken) and drops a couple "people like you" comments followed up by the always appreciated "you need to do this to make yourself better blah blah blah..."

I calmly asked him to keep the advice and guidance to himself until I could review his resume and see his journalistic qualifications.

Normally I'd have just called him "Slapnuts" and told him to fuck off.

Growth... I need it more than ever apparently because everyone is a critic and an unqualified expert.

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I Need To Get This Off My Chest

I'm double-dipping today because an afternoon of writing and talking MMA after last night's UFC 100 has got me fired up...

Let me start with this: Brock Lesnar's post-fight antics and comments were horrible. Nothing funny, entertaining, or appreciable in what he said and what he did. Kudos to Dana White for immediately acknowledging that Lesnar was out of line and telling the big man just that once he got into the dressing room.

Now, what the hell is with the masses of people who would much rather fire baseless accusations at people and pray one of very few negative elements from an otherwise outstanding evening instead of celebrating the achievements and giving a person his due?

Since I'm sure a lot of people are out in left field right now, here we go.

I've read countless accusations today of Brock Lesnar being a 'roid-raging meathead and causing the UFC and MMA as a whole to lose any footing they had in regards to becoming more mainstream.

The first part of that statement sickens me and not because I like Brock Lesnar as a fighter. During the course of his athletic career, Brock Lesnar has been submitted to steroid tests more time than these keyboard jockeys have gone to the dentist, resulting in zero positive test and not even a shred of evidence to the contrary.

Now, either he has the most intricate masking system in the world and has been made away of each random test he's taken over the last ten years far enough in advance that he's never gotten caught or... he isn't the 'roid-raging meathead some people would rather he be.

How someone can have zero knowledge, proof or evidence to support a statement like that - one that is making it's rounds today amongst the anti-Lesnar contingent - is sickening to me, but sadly, it has become all too commonplace in society these days.

Secondly, just because some members of the media want to make Brock Lesnar the current poster boy for Mixed Martial Arts and use him as an example of all that is wrong with MMA doesn't mean it is accurate.

Those of us who love the sport - we follow it with dedication, write about it with passion and integrity and work to educate people about the beauty and artistry and respect involved at the highest levels - would never point to Lesnar as our Chosen One. He wouldn't be our Chosen 47 to be honest.

His antics last night were reprehensible, but his were the only unprofessional antics of the entire night. The rest of the way before that fight and in the one match afterwards, nothing but the highest levels of respect, sportsmanship and integrity were shown.

Our real poster boy is a guy like Georges St-Pierre, who routinely spends a few minutes after each fight huddled up with his opponent, thanking them for a great fight and showing nothing but the utmost respect and appreciation for a hard-fought battle.

The truth is that the vast majority of Mixed Martial Artists operate on that same level of respect, integrity and sportsmanship - the ancient idea of Bushido - as GSP, with very few taking the same path Lesnar chose to take last night.

Yet here we are this morning and across the Internet today, with countless people using Brock Lesnar as the basis for their continued dislike of Mixed Martial Arts and launching unfounded attacks against a guy who has time and again came up clean against the mud these people are throwing.

Too bad our society has become a place where scandals and failures, unfounded allegations and trying to tear something down has replaced good news and success, evidence and building people up.

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She Wouldn't Be Alone Now

I remember when this really was an accurate representation.

Now, at least 50% of that graduating class would have more than their legs dangling for all to see and it's amazing -slash - ridiculous to me.

Let me clarify my use of the word amazing. I don't mean amazing in a "hell yeah, look at all these sluts! I love sluts!" kind of way. More of a "where in the fuck did all these sluts come from?" fashion.

When I was growing up, my elementary school had exactly one slut. Her name was Tamara. Back then, the definition of slut meant she let you touch her boobs and slide your hand inside her Levis if you were lucky. (Note: I didn't even try to be lucky back then...)

High school wasn't much different either and not just because I was sitting far, far away from the cool kids. There were ninja sluts - girls who only operated as sluts in the shadows, appearing "normal" on the outside - but the number of overt skanks was far less numerous than it is today.

You can't drive down the street without potentially running over at least four or five skanks every per block!

Seriously... where did they all come from?

Did some law get passed that made it illegal to not have your tits hanging out at every possible moment and the only pants females under the age of 25 are allowed to wear are either (1) black stretchy pants or (B) jeans that are just a little small so your underwear and/or ass hangs out for all to see every single time you bend down to get something?

Who's going to buy the cow when they get the milk for free 397 times a day?

And for all those people who are now going to bitch about my making sweeping generalizations and dressing a certain way doesn't mean anything, you like to look nice, blah blah blah blah blah, I say this:

If it looks like a slut, walks like a slut and is surrounded by several other slut-like creatures, chances are she's going to be sucking dick way earlier than her parents would like too...

While it certainly doesn't just stay in the land of the ladies - there are males sluts too; I was once one of them - there are a couple key distinctions that need to be made for all the "this is such a double standard" believers out there:

1) Yes, it's a double standard. Sluts versus Studs. Been that way for a while. Deal with it already.

2) D'you know what happens to guys walking around showing off more skin than is covered up? They get mercilessly ridiculed by every other man on the face of the Earth until they put on more clothes. Why do you think guys who wear Speedos tend to hang out with other guys who wear Speedos? They're the only idiots who think they look good...

3) Conversely, a girl walking around with more flesh than fabric is not only the target of catty comments from skanks and non-skanks alike, but she also draws the attention of Pervy Perverson, the 46-year-old guy who can't look her in the eyes when she's interacting with him at work. Or worse...

And don't even get me started on the Internet. Everyone with a webcam and a heartbeat has some skanked up picture(s) of themselves and the number of "adult dating services" or "chatrooms" combine to outnumber the remaining websites in existence.

Someone needs to do a study on this and figure out where all these sluts came from.

Or at least get them to cover up every once in a while.

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Someone Tell Me How This Makes Sense?

This has nothing to do with my being an Atlanta Falcons fan or the owner of a Michael Vick jersey and everything to do with how mangled the justice system of the United States of America - and the ridiculous acceptance levels of the general public - have become.

On the left, of course, is Michael Vick, the former NFL superstar who was recently released from United States Penitentiary- Leavenworth after serving 18 months for operating a dog fighting ring on his property in Virginia.

On the right is Donte Stallworth, a wide receiver with the Cleveland Browns. Just a few days ago, Stallworth was sentenced to 30 days in jail, 8 years probation and 2 years of house arrest for DUI Manslaughter in the death of Mario Reyes.

Let me give you those numbers again: Vick served 18 months in the prison that one held "Machine Gun" Kelly and is the current home of King Tone, the leader of the Latin Kings gang, while Stallworth will serve 30 days in a South Beach jail.

How is this right?


Now, Stallworth took ownership of the situation right away, while Vick denied everything until he was cornered and that counts for something. But could it really count for that much?

Yes, what Michael Vick did was a heinous act of cruelty and certainly deserved to be punished. That being said - and as much as Cool Hand Luke is one of my best friends in the entire world - he killed dogs. Dogs, not people.

Stallworth, on the other hand, struck a pedestrian between the hours of 7:00 and 8:00 AM with a blood alcohol level of 0.12. While admitting to officers that you had been drinking the night before and being cooperative should count for something, if you blow 0.12 in the morning, you were either drinking fairly recently or were still pretty damn drunk when you decided to cruise down a busy street.

Again, allow me to repeat: Stallworth was drunk behind the wheel sometime before 8:00 AM and hit another human being with his car.

I don't care that the deceased was running outside of the crosswalk; he was trying to catch a bus after a long night at work. The fact that Stallworth flicked his lights only goes to show me that he knew the situation could potentially be dangerous.

What makes all this worse, in my eyes, is how quick some members of the media and society in general have been willing to accept the punishment handed out to Donte Stallworth. Many of these same people were aghast when the revelations about Michael Vick's dogfighting ring came to light, yet news of Stallworth's 30 day sentence and sundry other penalties has been met with a feeling of "that's fair" and "if everyone agreed to it, it's okay by me."

Neither action - Vick's dogfighting or Stallworth's DUI - are acceptable, but let me be brutally honest: how do we place stiffer punishments on a man who was responsible for the murder of a family pet greater than a man who killed a father and husband?

Have we become so desensitized to the murder - and make no mistake, that is true crime committed by Stallworth, regardless of what the charges laid against him read - that we offer up no resistance when a human life is exchanged for 30 days in a county jail, yet seek the harshest penalties imaginable when animals are hurt and killed?

Donte Stallworth knew he was intoxicated when he got behind the wheel of his Bentley and took another man's life. If you or I were in the same position, we would be facing an extended stay in prison.

There is absolutely nothing anyone can tell me - factual or stipulated - that will make this right for me.

Sadly, this is the world we live in; a world where the life of a dog is placed at a higher value than that of a father and husband.

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Just When You Think We're Moving Forward...

You read that California voted Yes on Proposition 8 yesterday, reversing the legalization of Gay Marriage in the state.

I'm warning you now - if you don't like this issue and don't want to hear what I have to say, come back tomorrow, because I'm livid right now after reading this and need to jump on my soapbox and rant...

Personally, a law like this is an absolute joke to me, especially coming on the heels of the monumental achievement of Barack Obama's election last night. The election of the first Black President is something they will teach in history classes until the end of time, as I said yesterday, and now I hope that the archaic beliefs about sexuality and the institution of marriage held by 52% of voters in the State of California (and all other homophobes throughout the world) can be the next major change.

Honestly, what gives any other person the right to say who can and cannot be married? And how can you make it illegal for two men or two women or two transgendered individuals to get married? Illegal. Two dudes who love each other getting married is now against the law... same as murder and theft and selling crack.

Those in favour of this newly passed bullshit cling to the notion that marriage is at the "fundamental core of how society is organized" and that marriage should be "between a man and a woman" to "establish a family unit."

Where do I begin?

First, claiming that marriage is at the fundamental core of how society is organized is ridiculous. If marriage truly is the fundamental core of how society is organized, why do we allow people to enter into marriage flippantly and have a divorce rate hovering around 50%? This isn't my grandparents era where marriage truly was a lifetime commitment and the core of the family unit. I would wager everyone knows ten people who either are divorced themselves or have parents who are divorced, unlike even when I was a kid and I knew one kid and it was a big deal.

As for the second part - "between a man and a woman" - you've got to be kidding me. What in the name of all things holy is the difference between two men being in love with each other and willing to commit themselves to one another and a man and woman doing the same? The answer is nothing, accept that homophobic and fundamentalist belief that being gay is not acceptable continue to exist in large numbers in our world.

Harsh as this sounds, I always think about what someone who helped passed this law would do if their child came to them with a same sex partner. Then what do they do? Do you cast aside your child because of your beliefs or do you cast aside your beliefs because it's different now that it affects you personally? I count myself lucky because I will never have to make that decision. Gay, straight, bi or whatever - my kids are my kids and they can be whoever they want to be with the knowledge that they will be loved unconditionally.

The final little blip from the LA Times piece that marriage is about "establishing a family unit" is also faulty on numerous levels.

One - not all married couples have kids. Some can't, some choose not to, some just don't get around to it.

Two - why is a man and a woman adopting and "establishing a family unit" that way any different than two women doing the same? Again, it's not.

Three - all that matters, really, in the establishment of a family unit is love. Two dads, two moms, two dads and two moms or one of each, as long as those parents love their child and do everything in their power to provide for them, that is the only thing anyone should truly care about.

Beyond being an issue about marriage, this is an issue about human rights.

Because you're gay you're not allowed to get married?

How in the fuck can anyone say that is just and how is it any different than saying because you're a woman you can't do this or because you're Latino you can't do that?

I'd love to hear the difference between the two because to me there aren't any and I look forward to the day when who you choose to love is no longer an issue.

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Honestly?

It takes a lot to make me cringe these days.

Not that I have some sort of insane tolerance for things, but let's face it: in the world we live in with media coverage of pretty much everything, the Internet providing access to whatever sick, twisted and depraved material people are searching for, I'm just generally never surprised at the things that people are into any more.

Why am I telling you this?

Well, I got an email today and it made me cringe. Please note: I didn't even open the message.

I have a friend who sends out roughly 963 emails a week, generally from one of two categories: twisted shit (accidents, violence, etc.) or porn. And ladies, you're in luck, he's single!

Anyway, most of the time I simply delete anything he sends me because I'm not a nearly 40-year-old guy who doesn't realize that the people I email can just as easily access porn as I do without flooding their inbox with boobs on a daily basis.

Clicking around, I heard that familiar ping signaling a new message and went to check it out. It was from this friend. Let's call him Bas.

Anyway, Bas' latest forward to me - The Police Scanner audio from the Greyhound Bus decapitation.

Who in the fuck wants to listen to that? I sure don't.

The thing that gets me about messages like this is what goes through someone's head before they (a) listen to the thing themselves and (b) decide it's something they need to send to everyone they know.

Personally, hearing people undoubtedly screaming in horror during an incredibly horrific event isn't my cup of tea. If it's yours, I don't know if we can be friends.

It's like the premise of the movie Untraceable, where the more people that log onto a website the faster the victim dies. Me, I'm never logging onto that website because I'm not one for watching someone die. In this case, the same goes for hearing it.

Somebody has violently lost their life.

A family has lost one of it's members.

Lives have been eternally changed.

And I've got some douchebag friend that is flipping the audio of the whole thing to everyone he knows.

Maybe you think about that before you hit that "Send" button next time...

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