The Rundown: Celebrity Headlines

With all the hulabaloo about Ms. Miley both here and in the media in general as of late, a bunch of ridiculously amusing stories seemed to have cropped up and gone unnoticed... until now!

Top WTF? Celebrity Headlines

5. Roger Clemens... and a 15-year-old Mindy McCready
Has anyone's credibility taken such a hit in such a short period of time than Rocket Roger? Steroid allegations look tiny next to this doozy. Apparently Clemens had a 10-year-affair with the one time country star turned boozehound and pill popper. Of course, Clemens denies every ounce of this story, while McCready has tearfully confirmed the deets... but she's lying too, right Rog?

4. People's Most Beautiful
Took a quick run through the preview photos of the next issue of People, featuring their Most Beautiful list. It's headed by Kate Hudson - you know, the one who cheated on her husband with Owen Wilson - and features a Playboy model (Amanda Beard), the cast of Gossip Girl (yack!) and a Disney teen queen with a thing for Polaroids (Vanessa Hudgens). Of course, no one has anything to say about this, even though Amanda Beard's back is provocatively exposed in her picture.

3. How I Spent My Summer Vacation by Katie Holmes
Tom sent me to Scientology Boot Camp, because apparently I'm not scientologicalized enough. Also, Tom earns extra Air Miles and Levels Up every time he sends someone to camp.

2. Proof Good Charlotte Is, Was and Always Will be Horrible
Lead singer Benji Madden has penned a love song for his girlfriend... Paris Hilton. No word yet on whether it contains any references to her awesome acting skills or talents with a bow staff. Not to be outdone, twin / guitarist Joel Madden will probably write a song for his women, Nicole Richie. Let the chorus be "Baby, can you please eat a sandwich."

1. Mariah Carey is Engaged... to Nick Cannon?!
Crazy Mimi is marrying the dude from Drumline? When the eff did this happen? Wasn't Nick Cannon just hosting his own show on Nickelodeon like two years ago? How is he all of a sudden a certified loverman... and with Mariah? Dude, she's bonkers! Anyone who gets nekkid on Cribs will never get the "Not Insane" stamp on their hand.

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More Miley...

Here is the picture in question for the four people on Earth who haven't seen it yet.

Now let's talk about it.

Is it a little racy? Yes; she's 15 and clutching a sheet to her naked body, offering up a demur look to Annie Leibovitz' lens.

Is it any different than Brooke Shields frolicking topless in Blue Lagoon at the same age? Uh, no. Click for visual proof.

Or her declaring that "nothing comes between me and my Calvin's..."

I could go on and on with the far more dangerous and explicit images of young girls that have been laid out for society over the years I've been on this planet.

In the grand scheme of things, I'm sorry, but this isn't that bad.

Here is my take on why there has been such an uproar over the picture:

Seeing Disney's Perfect Princess taking photos like this scares the hell out of every parent who has encouraged their daughters to be like Miley.

You see, pre-photos, Miley was a perfect role model for the tween set and parents could point to her as the picture of virtue and purity and goodness.

Now, out come these photos - and others on some kids MySpace page - of a not-so-perfectly wholesome Miley doing what millions - literally millions - of kids in that age range do... discovering sex and sexuality.

The problem then becomes that if these parents can't point to wholesome Miley, who are they going to encourage their children to pattern themselves after? What are we to do?

1) You (parents) should be the best role model for your child. Hands down. NQA. I know it's not always the case, just saying...

2) Females - think back to when you were 15... did you start liking boys and experimenting a bit? Why should it be different for anyone else, including Miley Cyrus?

3) Diablo Cody said it best through Allison Janney's "Bren" in Juno: I think kids get bored and experiment with sex. More truthful words could not be uttered, especially in our current over-sexed society.

To draw from the anonymous comment left on yesterday's post, I offer up these thoughts:

You're right that "we" have to educate our children about what is right and wrong, but the "we" is parents and guardians and Miley's parents and guardians gave the thumbs up to these photos before the hoopla came to a head. Do you honestly think Achy Breaky Dad is trying to prostitute his daughter...

These aren't random photos found on Chester the Molesters hard drive, so therefore, they are different. It's not child porn masquerading as art. It is a goddamn photo shoot and thousands like it took place before this one without anyone batting an eye.

Is this really the biggest issue for us to be dealing with right now? I mean shit - it's a goddamn picture exposing her back. It's not like she's facing the forward doing the old "hand bra" technique or anything. But this is waaaay more important than the wars going on all over the world, the fact that people everywhere are without food, The Terminator runs California, Global Warming...

Have a little perspective, that's all I ask.

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One Standard Isn't Good Enough. Make It a Double.

As I'm sure you know, there has been a great big uproar in the media about the forthcoming Vanity Fair article and photos featuring Miley Cyrus.

Disney, whom brought Miley to megastar status via Hannah Montana, is calling out Vanity Fair.

Miley says she's embarassed and sorry.

Vanity Fair says it's all crap.

In this one, as I would in many cases, I'm siding with Vanity Fair and not just because I would love to work at the Conde Nast Building.

First of all, it's her back for chrissakes. Her back!

Yes she's 15, but when did the media become a bunch of puritans who think a little ankle is too much skin? Then, of course, there are the years and years and years of far-more-horrible images that the media have made oodles and oodles of money on the back of. See how I did that there?

I know Disney is wholesome and wonderful and nice and clean and respectful and on and on and on, so I see their play in this. Their wholesome cash cow showing a little skin at 15 could turn some parents off letting their daughters spend gazillions on the myriad Hannah Montana marketing materials on the market.

Miley is in a dangerous spot here because she agreed to the shoot and her people (read: Achy Breaky Dad et al) were present the whole time. Now that there is a little scandal, they're trying to throw Vanity Fair under the bus. This is a bad spot for Miley no matter what. You either alienate Disney or Vanity Fair. Since Disney tends to end for people around, I dunno, say, 16, pissing off Vanity Fair may not be the career move you wish to make.

As for VF, they're still golden. This doesn't change anything for them. If anything, it sells more magazines, as if they need help. Annie Leibovitz did the photos and she's an icon, not some hack or scam artist who slying whispered in Miley's ear to show a little more back. Also, it's her back!

Which brings me to the main argument here. In case you've missed it thus far, people are in uproar over a young girls back.

Where the hell is the uproar when starlet after starlet puts their vagina on display heading to the clubs?

Or when these crotch-flash fanatics are rolling out to clubs long before they hit the legit limit? No one seems to be up in arms about that.

Why does the back of Miley Cyrus now become an issue?

Is it because she's the image of wholesomeness and young grace that parents want their daughters to aspire to? Because not that long ago, they wanted their daughters to grow up to be like Britney the Virgin, until she decided the sweet innocence routine wasn't paying enough and adopted her slutty hillbilly baby factory persona she rocks today and no one says a goddamn word about Britney and those like her.

We're never going to escape this. There is always going to be the ridiculous double standard where sex sells but scores of people, including those who gain from the selling sex, get angry about things that they perceive as sexual.

I just didn't know that we were back in the old days where seeing a little back was enough to drive man into a sexual frenzy.

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10 Things I Learned This Week

I learned that I kind of shot myself in the foot for an easy three points rambling on about the recent developments of my life yesterday... d'oh!

1. Everyone Should See the Film Operation: Filmmaker
Easily the best documentary I've seen in a while. I watched it last night and haven't stopped thinking about it since. Just go watch it. Seriously.

2. I Jinxed the Jays
They haven't won a game since I set foot in the Rogers Centre for the first time this year. Hopefully, they win one before my next visit, since I don't know when that is going to be.

3. My Life Has Gotten A Lot Busier
This is a good thing, as now there isn't time for sitting around watching movies or just sacking out on the couch for the entire day. I have interviews to conduct for the Trot Magazine article, somehow have to find a way to sit down (on the phone) with Michael Musto, as well as my commitments to Bugs and Epic and writing this blog everyday. And two more weeks at Blockbuster. Then whatever shifts I have at Montana's. The summer is going to fly by.

4. Six More Sleeps...
Don't think that I forgot spending time with Sarah in the above list, because I didn't. She gets her own section. I pick her up next Saturday - or as Faye said last night, "Already?" Yes, already. We're both going to be super busy, but that is going to make all the time we do get to spend together and all the excursions we do go on even more enjoyable, because for the first time ever there is no studying or exams or homework or classes... just work and play. Again, this summer is going to fly by!

5. Montana's Is Already Better Than Blockbuster
Went to Orientation this AM and I have to say, being back in a restaurant environment with minimal responsibility and a high-energy atmosphere is so refreshing. Sure there are remedial tasks and there will be slow days, as well as all the usual crap that accompanies any job, but at least at the end of the day I will have tip money to come home and count. Note: This only applies to the London Bklockbuster... I miss the Ropewalk Crew!

6. You Know You Visit Starbucks Too Often When...
The people behind the counter already recognize you. Seriously, I've been here in London for what, two weeks? Once again - My name is Spencer and I have a Starbucks Addiction.

7. Getting the Ink Itch
My friend and tattoo artist Mark Zammit has been posting a bunch of pictures of his work on Facebook over the last couple days and it always ends up in my stalker feed. Consequently, I'm dying to go and get more work done. Every time I see something I like, I clutch at the cross on my arm where the next few pieces are going to go.

8. The Idea
I got the cross a couple years ago now, not really on a whim, but without doing any research or finding something really unique. Not that I don't like it, but it's kind of plain, which isn't me. I don't do vanilla, which got me thinking about what I can do with it to make it more personal and more me. The results? I'm going to add various other pieces of religious iconography to it - Buddha, Star of David, a Hindu deity, etc. - and get the words for "equality" and "understanding" in Islamic script put above and below it. In my mind, it looks awesome. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

9. Can I Write That Off?
Dropped $100 on a digital voice recorder this week so that instead of scribbling away in a notepad while pressing the phone to my ear, I can simply press record and have a conversation with the people I'm interviewing. It also comes with transcription software, you know, because I'm lazy. But dropping that kind of cash on something for work made me wonder if I can write that puppy off at the end of the year? Anyone with a little insight, feel free to let me know.

10. Congratulations Tony & Heather... Hello Baby Jessica!
A new edition to the Ropewalk Blockbuster family arrived this week with the birth of my former ASM Tony's daughter Jessica. Mother and daughter are both doing well by all accounts and Tony has already started polishing his shotgun for the first time some snot-nosed punk comes to pick Jessica up for her first date. She's beautiful guys... congratulations!

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Damn Straight, Sheryl Crow!

A change will do me good and over the last couple of days, a great deal has changed. The goodness of said changes will officially be determined later, but I'm pretty psyched about the possibilities.

The biggest announcement - or at least the one I am happiest about - is that my time at Blockbuster Video is coming to an end.

I gave my two weeks notice earlier today, as instead of asking "Ever heard of our Rewards Program?" I will now be asking "What can I cook for you tonight?" in my Montana's Cookhouse shirt. Spencer the Server is back and I like it!

But I wouldn't be evoking Sheryl Crow for just one thing. One thing is a tweak.

Announcement #2 is my addition to the contributors list at Trot Magazine (Stop Laughing Sarah...) with an initial assignment already sitting on my desk and being worked on in my head.

As much as I love working for Passion and you, me and the intelligent folks in the world acknowledge the validity and quality contributions of blogs and sites like Epic and Bugs, Trot serves as my first foray into a nationally recognized publication in an industry that I have a great deal of knowledge about and have grown up loving.

One is a tweak, two is only an adjustment. A change is three...

Interviewing Michael Musto for the next issue of Passion rounds out the trio of triumphs that leads to referencing Sheryl Crow songs.

This was something I put to my editors and they have agreed, marking the second time in as many issues that I will be putting together something of my own creation for publication.

Musto is one of the best in the celebrity gossip business and has been for years with his La Dolce Musto column and Daily Musto blog at the Village Voice and getting this interview is a huge step forward for my career. Now all I have to do is manage to nail him down for a couple minutes sometime soon to see what he has to say about our current crop of celebrities.

Now that I've put all of this down in words and sat here looking at it, perhaps I've picked the wrong song to riff on. Maybe this should have been The Doors...

Break on through to the other side

Naw, Jim Morrison was as dick and I hate Val Kilmer!

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