One Step Forward, One Step Sideways, and One Step into the Poor House

Today was supposed to be a momentous day, one filled with positive news, answers to very important questions and unbridled enthusiasm about the future.

In the end, I got positive news, a pat on the back and asked to reschedule the answers to very important questions, and a karmic reminder that unbridled enthusiasm about the future should be discouraged at all times.

The moral of the story: driving a shitbox can take the wind out of your sails in a heartbeat, no matter how excited you might be.

And now, the story - and I'll even start with the happy part.

Who's got two thumbs and works for Armageddon Fighting Championships? This guy!

You can't see it, but I've got my thumbs up and am pointing back at myself, like Rob Van Dam used to do. I miss RVD.

Anyway...

As of a sweet lunch meeting today at Red Robin (Chicken Ranch Club... delicious), I'm the jack-of-all-trades Media and Public Relations guy for the AFC.

Basically, I write things, try to find things, suggest things and am one of three employees of the organization, though technically, I'm a contracted employee. The technicality is there just so that if I ever do anything stupid, Darren and Jason can disavow me without penalty or repercussion, from me or the law.

Still, technicalities aside, I work for an emerging Mixed Martial Arts organization and get to be pretty hands-on from here on out.

That is the one step forward.

The one step sideways came literally ten seconds after I walked in the door from that meeting.

Yesterday was supposed to be my "contract negotiations" with Heavy.com for the new year. I use the quotes because really - and don't tell them this - outside of them offering me less money, I'm staying put, but you know, only after playing some hardball first.

Anyhow, it got bumped yesterday and rescheduled for today.

Long story short, it got rescheduled again for early next week. While some positives came from the brief phone conversation with my new editor - he likes my work, sees the dedication and talent, wants me as part of the core team - I have no idea what kind of money I'll be making, which means tomorrow's joyous resignation from Islands West Produce isn't happening.

For now...

Interestingly enough, my editor calling wasn't who I was expecting on the other end of the phone. I was expecting Canadian Tire.

For my 17 American readers out there, Canadian Tire would be like if your local Mienke had a store attached to it that sold everything from hardware and electronics, to sporting goods, lighting and seasonal items.

True story - our '93 Honda Shitbox was leaking gas. Not really sure for how long, but long enough that today was the day we finally decided to check if it was our car after convincing ourselves for the last couple weeks that it had to be the boat in the driveway, Monica's car or something Derek spilled while filling up his snowmobile.

Turns out, it was the Civic and we really shouldn't have been driving.

Sidenote: good thing I quit smoking. One flicked cigarette blown the wrong way and I wouldn't be here writing this... Smoking can kill in so many ways. God I miss smoking...

The call from Crappy Tire eventually came, along with an estimate for roughly $500, depending on how bad things are.

It's a '93 Civic with decent amounts of rust around the back wheel wells, over 190,000 klicks on the dial, and we've spent a good 50% of what we paid for it fixing things in the year-and-a-half we've owned it.

The chances of "depending on how bad things are" coming back as not too bad at all are slim and none.

Ah, I see you have a vacancy at The Poor House. I'll take a room. Thanks.

Win some, lose some, throw a whole bunch of money at some.

Or as I like to call it... Tuesday.

Continue reading ...

I So Confused

D'you know what my new favorite thing this holiday season is?

Constant job postings for positions that either (a) don't exist or (b) aren't being hired until 2010.

Nothing like giving a guy a glimmer of hope only to kick him in the crotch shortly thereafter.

The same restaurant here in Victoria has officially posted - on the Services Canada Job Bank - the same position three different times in the last four weeks.

I've applied... twice.

Last week - the second time I applied - I sent my resume via email to the contact person, since going into the restaurant and speaking with one of the managers didn't seem to work.

Wrote a charming email (as you would expect) and even reminder her how easy it would be to remember my name, as her last name is Spencer. Witty, I know.

The result? Nothing...

So I just got off the phone with her, seeing as said position is once again on the Job Bank. Turns out they're just collecting resumes and have no real idea when they will actually be hiring.

Here's a novel idea - instead of posting that the position is needed to start immediately, hows about mentioning that you're just collecting resumes so I don't think I am the least skilled waiter in the world or my references are sabotaging me for their own amusement!

Also awesome is the always enjoyable, "Gimme a day or two to talk to our Front of House Manager and I'll get back to you" I've also received from another restaurant who has numerous postings littered all over the web.

That was a week ago.

What makes it all the more pleasurable is that I currently work with said GM's close friend who knows I've applied and desperately want to stop working nine hour shifts picking produce. Nothing makes me feel all the more wanted than knowing the GM and his friend have discussed me on a number of occasions only to have my phone consistently not ring.

Boo - urns!

Continue reading ...

Monday Night Raw

No, this isn't a post about wrestling and the WWE.

This is an uncensored vent session from the frustrated guy on the other side of the keyboard... consider yourself warned.

* * * * * * * *

As much as being unemployed sucks, being under-employed sucks more.

Starting tomorrow, I'm the newest member of the afternoon shift at Islands West Produce, picking orders in a freezer to be shipped all over the island.

It's an honest day's work for solid money... and there is nothing outside of the steady paycheck that has me interested in the least.

But there is nothing else out there and that is painful.

Me, my university degree and countless years of experience - both managerial and front line - can't get a job outside of the brother of a recent acquaintance helping me out because he knows I'm in a pinch.

There is no "office job" to magically go find as some people have pondered, and restaurants and bars are cutting staff, not hiring, since people aren't going out nearly as much any more.

Even the goddamn Brannigan's around the corner that has like 14 tables and was advertising as hiring hasn't called me back, that's how grim the situation is for me these days.

While I've finally got my foot in the door with a solid company in terms of my writing, the $20.83 per article I receive isn't quite enough to retire on. Not to mention the fact that until that first paycheck hits the bank, it's all just promises and they've been broken a time or two already in my writing career.

Brutal.

All I want is an opportunity to do what I'm clearly good at and earn a very modest living doing so, but that isn't happening.

Neither is the all-time backup plan of waiting tables and slinging drinks.

Neither is friggin' Blockbuster goddamn Video or anything else.

So I'm picking produce in the freezing cold and I'm none to happy about it.

FML.

Continue reading ...

This Is Where I'm Going to End Up...

I'm not even joking right now... how sad is that?

In all likelihood, I will be taking myself out to every fast food joint in the neighborhood over the next couple of days and dropping off resumes, because it seems that despite a University degree, outstanding communication skills and a wealth of experience, I can't get a goddamn job.

Now, it certainly doesn't help that there is the square root of fuckall out there on the market right now, thanks to the miserable economy and the fact that there are more people than ever looking for jobs in the service industry as a result, but still...

D'you know I applied back to Blockbuster the other day?

Submitted a resume to be Assistant Manager of Off the Wall at the Mayfair Mall? It's a goddamn 'tweens clothing store... that's how desperate I am right about now.

What makes it all the better is that you and I both know what I should be doing with my life - writing - but there ain't nobody hiring in that industry either.

Sure there are lots of places willing to give me exposure and a couple of bucks here and there, but for the most part, the money isn't there and exposure doesn't pay the bills.

Better still are the people who simply won't return your emails.

I'm not talking about companies or business that I've riffled off unsolicited emails to; I'm talking about the friend of a friend who works for a local newspaper who said, "Sure, have your friend email me, no problem," only to refuse to email me back answering any of my questions.

Why say yes in the first place?

Honestly, this blows.

If you're reading this and you know of a job opening anywhere in Victoria, British Columbia, let me know.

Doesn't matter what it is any more... I'm interested.

Continue reading ...

Things I Learned This Week

1. A Few Less Headaches

Moving is a stressful process, so it was great to get a couple of the headaches out of the way earlier this week by finding a place to live and discovering that we have pretty solid landlords who will be living above us with their pug named Chili.

Additionally, getting great reviews of the neighbourhood from friends and family that have frequented Victoria over the past few years helps too; nothing worse than thinking you found a great place to live and ending up in a stinkhole.

Now all we have to do is coordinating getting everything out there with spending a couple days in Vancouver.

2. My Time Will Come

I'm still super impatient, but this week yielded a couple great interviews and a few chances to talk to people in the MMA industry, reaffirming my belief that writing about the sport will eventually become my sole career.

It was great to hear "Showdown" Joe Ferraro echo some of the thoughts and feelings I have, both about the growth of the industry and future opportunities, as well as some fighters to keep an eye on.

There is no better way to know you're on track than to have someone who has made it that you look up to and respect saying the same things as you.

3. I'm An Uncle Again!

Charlie Olivia Kyte was born on Wednesday and I'm happy to report that both mother and daughter are doing well.

I would have told you sooner, but no one called to tell me... not my brother (the dad), not my mom (the doting grandmother), no one.

How can I be out of the loop inside my own family circle?

4. Step-Mother-in-Law

Additional congratulations go out this week to my father-in-law Garry and his now fiancee Theresa. While step-mother-in-law is easily the most awkward title a person can hold, T is awesome and I'll be happy to spit out that mouthful of a moniker over the coming years.

These two are actually nauseatingly cute; they text each other all the time, talk three or four times a day and are like school kids around each other, all giddy and silly and in love... makes me sick!

Congratulations guys... may I suggest somewhere warm in the winter for the wedding?

5. Dedication is For Suckers... Sometimes

I like to consider myself a hard-working guy and someone who does whatever is needed of him at work, covering shifts, doing the little extras and all that stuff that should get a person ahead.

Turns out, I was just a chump.

Back to the slower season and what has my hard work through last ski season and all summer gotten me? Wednesday and Thursday days on the bar, where a grand total of 23 customers could possibly turn up.

The guy who left for the summer gets more shifts than me. The woman who works "when she needs to" gets more shifts than me and the one who showed up loaded every weekend all summer long gets more shifts than me.

Super...

Continue reading ...

The Rundown: Countdown to Victoria

Now that we've found a place and confirmed moving dates with the the guys who are hauling our stuff to the island, all that is left to do is pack and think about all the things I'm looking forward to with this move to Victoria.

While I'm certainly going to miss aspects of life here in Kimberley, the simple truth of the matter is that despite my one year sabbatical to the quiet outdoors of British Columbia, I'm a city boy at heart and Victoria has more of what I'm looking for.

What are those things? Keep reading because they're the topic of today's Rundown.

Top 5 Things I'm Looking Forward to About Victoria

5. SUSHI
I don't think I can say this enough - I love sushi!

As much as the drive to Fernie makes for a nice evening out with the wife, spending three hours in the car to enjoy my favorite food just isn't worth it. Instead of having sushi once in a blue moon, we'll be able to walk around the corner and pick up dinner whenever we want.

Fast food will be a thing of the past; sushi will replace all on-the-fly meals and that is absolutely awesome.

4. BEST FRIEND FOR LUKE
This may sound silly to some, but since we aren't at the "having kids" stage of life, Cool Hand Luke gets treated like our child and everyone wants their kids to have friends.

With this move, the little puggy bastard will have a built in best friend right upstairs. The little ball of energy will be able to hop out into our fenced backyard and hang out with Chili, our landlord's pug.

While we'll certainly still play "The Bite Game" and go for some marathon walks to tire him out, it's going to be real nice to just open the door and let him expend some energy without having to stop everything to entertain the dog.

3. COVERING LIVE MMA EVENTS
In addition to making a long weekend out of the UFC's proposed trip to Vancouver this coming summer, Victoria is home to Armageddon Fighting Championships.

Being able to get out and cover events in person will be a great way for me to continue my development as an MMA writer and foster some new relationships within the industry.

Maybe the newspaper will be interested in having someone cover these events for them...

2. BETTER OPPORTUNITIES FOR SARAH
I love my jobs and I want the same for my wife.

Right now, she hates work and it's making her question her chosen career path. That makes me angry.

Hopefully, this move to a bigger and better hospital with actual opportunities for growth and improvement, not to mention support and stronger management, will result in a renewed faith in her abilities as a nurse and a long and fruitful career of helping others.

1. CIVILIZATION
Shopping. Restaurants. Museums. Movie Theatres.

Nothing personal Kimberley, but having a choice between buying my clothes at Wal-Mart, Zellers or Superstore just doesn't cut it for me.

I need a place with malls and stores and more than four restaurants and a big-ass movie theatre that shows all the new movies and museums and Chapters and Starbucks...

You get the point.

Continue reading ...

Things I Learned This Week

1. C'mon End of October
As much as I hate moving, this move can't get here fast enough.

Simply put, I'm over it here. Not that I won't miss certain people and the beautiful surroundings, but I need a city.

I need a place where people go out to eat for lunch and the guy who is stuck working during the day can actually earn some money.

And I need sushi.

2. Newspapers Don't Return Emails
Or at least not unsolicited emails from people telling them they need to improve their MMA coverage.

Between the Victoria Times-Colonist, the National Post and the Globe and Mail, you would think that one of them would at least send a "Thanks for you input, we'll be in touch" type email, knowing that if I'm willing to cold email two of the biggest newspapers in the country, a response email would make me do cartwheels.

Alas, no cartwheels this week; guess all that "slow and steady" advice I've been getting is the way I'm going to have to go.
3. Another Shining Moment for the US Justice System
Plaxico Burress started serving his two-year sentence for shooting himself earlier this week.

While I certainly agree that his decision to bring a concealed, loaded handgun into a club was moronic, am I the only one who thinks this feels like if the cops showed up in 8 Mile and hauled Cheddar Bob off to the clink when he shot himself?

He's an idiot, not a threat to society...
4. All Things Considered, Business is Good
As much as I'm over-anxious and anti-patience, my move to writing about MMA has been outstanding and business is good.

In just shy of five months, I've gone from starting Keyboard Kimura as an outlet for myself to being syndicated on four strong sites, interviewing a number of talented fighters and MMA personalities and garnering well over 1,000 reads per day.

Even if nothing else changes between now and May, I'll easily break the 300,000 page views mark and that is pretty damn impressive if you ask me.

Continue reading ...

Gone for a Minute, Back on the Grind Now

"Thought I was finished (Nope) / Not Jerry Seinfeld"

The lyrics to my man Classified's 2006 single "Find Out" serve as the title and kick off this return of sorts because, well, let's be honest... it's been a while since I dropped by iBlog.

Sorry... it won't happen again.

Here's a quick update of what's been taking up my time as of late and what I've skipped over in ignoring my duties here for the past week:

• I'm now officially addicted to Criminal Minds
• Got myself an advertising deal for both iBlog and Keyboard Kimura
• House hunting in Victoria from Cranbrook sucks
• Work is a veritable ghost town, but I still have to go in regularly
• Newspaper editors don't return emails... ever

That's about the extent of things really.

The advertising will be coming soon and is far from a financial windfall, but still cool nonetheless.

Criminal Minds is my brother-in-law Timothy's fault; we watched a marathon the day they were set to leave here a couple weeks back, and since then I can't miss an episode. I watch four hours of the damn show Friday and Sunday on A&E and caught the season premier earlier this week.

Thanks Timmay...

Anyway, from here on out, I'll be doing my best to get back to the daily delivery that got all 47 of you hooked in the first place, complete with Rundowns on Wednesdays, Soundtrack on Friday and all the random goodness you've come to know and expect from me here.

Time to tackle Keyboard Kimura for the day and look for more houses, then go to work for the night.

See you tomorrow... I promise.

Continue reading ...

Things I Learned This Week

1. I'm Not Quite Ready for Some Football
Slept through most of today's action, despite the fact that it was the opening weekend and I have five fantasy teams to keep tabs on.

Personally, I blame the first half of the Minnesota - Cleveland game and that unretiring bastard Brett Favre. Nothing exciting happened and the Vikes looked like they weren't planning on running the ball much, so I took a nap.

Wake up, AP has gone for 180 and three scores and I missed it all. I'll try to be more awake for next week.

2. Ryan Loco Has a Fitting Last Name
Most interviews I conduct last in the 15 - 20 minute range, stick to the script and leave me feeling like I did my job.

Talking to the star of The Loco Life took around an hour, went on several different tangents and left me feeling like I would have a couch to sleep on if I was ever stranded in Encinitas, California.

Oh... and the guy is totally off his rocker! When you've got 30 minutes to kill, go read the interview and get your daily dose of laughter.

3. Creativity is Dead in Hollywood
Confirmation came this week when I realized we're maybe a year away from their being nothing but remakes (Melrose Place, 90210) and multiple versions of the same show (CSI: Boise and NCIS: Wichita ... Coming Soon!) joining Reality TV left to watch.

Can no one come up with a decent, original idea these days? Do we really need to bring back Melrose Place?

Couldn't we have brought back something better?

4. August Promises Don't Pan Out in September
This should have come as no surprise, seeing as I was hired a year ago as a full-time bartender and have never had more than three shifts on the taps in a week, but the "we'll get you more shifts when so-and-so leaves" I heard in August have turned into two shifts a week for September.

Even better is that we keep bending over backwards and rewarding the people who need accommodating, while the guy who came in whenever he was called and does a good job 99 times out of 100 is no the Wednesday / Thursday day bartender.

Nothing like being able to make $40 over two days to help pay for a move...

5. Jay-Z is Still the Man
Don't believe me? Go out and get a hold of The Blueprint 3 or wait 'til Friday when "Run This Town" shows up in Soundtrack.

"D.O.A." stands for Death of Auto-Tune and is vintage Jay telling you what he thinks, whether it's what you want to hear or not.

Until he truly retires, Jay-Z is still the baddest MC in the game.

Continue reading ...

Spike Lee Was Wrong

I'm a big fan of Spike Lee despite his undying love of the Knicks and turncoat dalliance with Kobe and the Lakers this season.

To this day, Do The Right Thing is one of my favorite movies. Great soundtrack, outstanding cast, and a powerful message and commentary on race relations.

However, the title of the film isn't applicable in real life.

It appears to me that doing the right thing is for suckers and I am a Class One sucker.

I'm the dude who shows up to work every day ready to smash it out; positive attitude, work ethic in tow, ready to earn my keep.

When the phone rings to fill shifts, unless something is already planned, I'm in attendance quicker than you would have imagined.

I literally do the right things, like paying attention to my customers and engaging them in conversation, making their experience the best I can 99 times out of 100.

What has that gotten me?

Nothing but a headache.

The halfwits makes as much money as me by doing half the work, no one gets on the case about slacking on the job and chumps like me end up running around twice as much and for what?

Instead of getting the odd perk here and there, I'm working even more, including randomly having my shifts changed from time-to-time without my knowledge or consent.

"We don't need to cover that shift 24 hours from now in the bar even though we know the scheduled bartender won't be here. Spence is in, we'll just move him up there and work the crap out of him."

This isn't even an exaggeration. Two weeks ago, this exact thing happened.

No thanks, no "lemme buy you a beer" and no help scoring an impromptu day off after slugging it out hardcore for the last two weeks.

See?

Doing the right thing is for suckers... and I'm done being a sucker.

Continue reading ...

Things I Learned This Week

1. Kenny Florian is a Good Dude and I Can Make Him Laugh
On very short notice Friday, I was given the opportunity to interview the #1 contender for the UFC Lightweight championship and after stuttering and stammering my way through the first five minutes, I asked him if he got into any trouble while training in Montreal with GSP.

He broke out laughing and I calmed right down. The rest of the interview was smooth sailing, including a few more bouts of laughter at my insightful / ridiculous line of questions and comments. Being able to make interviewees laugh is something very important in my line of work (I think), so this was a very good day.

2. Everything Evens Out
Remember that old Seinfeld episode - the one where Jerry says everything in his life always evens out and balance is maintained? As it turns out, the same applies to my careers. When one is in the pooper, the other is off the charts and vice versa.

Since you now know I interviewed one of the very best fighters on the face of the Earth this week, that should tell you where things are at with Kelsey's. If things keep going as they have been, I might actually punch a colleague or two pretty soon.

3. Kenny Florian Isn't My Only Interview
As mentioned Thursday, I've also secured Canadian Krzysztof Soszynski for sometime later this week. Additionally, I'm getting off my ass and trying to convince TSN to do the same and bring in someone (read: me!) as an MMA writer / columnist / expert so that "Canada's Sports Leader" is adequately covering the fastest growing sport in the world.

4. The NFL is a Joke
Not in total, but if they actually suspend Michael Vick for four more games, Commissioner Roger Goddell will have lost my respect. While that certainly won't make him sleep uneasy at night, the fact that the league is punishing Vick again is ridiculous and not just because Terrell Owens says so. Dude already missed an entire year... why does he deserve four more games?

5. I've Got a Little Redneck in Me
How else do you explain me chugging cans of ice cold Old Milwaukee this week? And it's not like someone gave it to me either... I bought it with my own money! Two words - hill... wait for it... wait for it... billy!

6. I Couldn't Be Amish
The power went out for 90 minutes here tonight and I was stuck wondering what to do with myself. No television, no computer, no stove to cook on; what do you expect me to do - talk to the wife? After barbecuing ourselves a pizza, we started to read. Thankfully, the power came back on shortly thereafter, preventing any unnecessary intelligence intake.

Continue reading ...

The Rundown: While I Wait

I actually did it.

Yesterday afternoon, I sat at this computer and sent off 13 query emails to literary agencies to see if they were interested in being interested in my book. Now, I wait.

If you know me at all, you know that patience isn't one of my virtues. In fact, I think I've written about my ridiculous lack of said virtue here before. That means this next six to eight week stretch is going to be awful trying and I apologize to Sarah in advance for being a neurotic jackass who checks his email 497 additional times a day (for a grand total of 872) just in case someone got back to me.

Clearly, I'm going to need things to occupy my time. I'll run them down after the jump...


Top 5 Distractions to Keep Me From Checking My Email

5. Freecell
I've actually started with this one and have racked up 10 consecutive wins - without "undoing" a bunch of shitty moves to help myself either. I can usually get through four or five games before I am bored and itching to check Hotmail, so this one will be the early morning / late at night distraction.

4. Work
I never thought I would say this, but thankfully I have to be at Kelsey's a great deal over the next month. If I'm there than I can't be here checking my email. Of course, I have my phone synced up to my email account and I can certainly check it there, but hopefully I'll be too busy to remember.

3. Luke
The little tyrant is going to be getting walked and wrestled with more than he had ever imagined in the next couple weeks. A trip out with Cool Hand Luke can last 30 minutes easy and far more if we go for an "off the leash" trek somewhere, while "The Bite Game" is another solid 15 minutes of pre-occupation for the both of us. Any time I'm not in this chair is time I'm not checking my Inbox.

2. Writing
I know - if I'm writing, I'm sitting at the computer and that is like leaving a case of beer in front of an alcoholic. I get that, but I also know that a lot of the time when I sit down to write, I lose myself in what I am doing and nothing else matters. Besides, the more time I spend writing, the more months I can knock off the "Completed manuscript can be submitted within..." section of the proposal and something tells me a quick turnaround will help sell this book.

1. Reading
I can't believe I haven't read a single book since we've been back from the Dominican. Not one. Granted, the only bookstore around seems to carry absolutely nothing of value or interest and I doubt the Kimberley library is packed with titles I'm looking for, but still. I gotta get my hands on Forrest Griffin's Got Fight? and go from there. Anyone interested in helping preserve my sanity who would like to ship it to me, drop me a line and I'll get you the address.

Continue reading ...

10 Things I Learned This Week

1. No Point in Complaining
I bitch about a lot of things. I bitch about work, I bitch about the shitty job other people do at work and I bitch about just about anything that makes me mad on a given day. I've come to realize that there is absolutely no point. Nothing changes - work is still just okay, nobody makes the slackers work any harder and the rest of the headaches and frustrations aren't going to change because I want them to. So from here on out, Spencer Kyte is now 50% less bitchy!

2. Off to Staples We Go
The weekly groceries run into Cranbrook will have an additional stop on the itinerary today. I need to hit Staples and get them to print several copies of my book proposal. Yes, I'm done and moving to the next step. I can't actually tell you how nervous -slash - excited this makes me. Think positive thoughts.


3. Clay Guida is My New Favorite Fighter
First, he took a massive headkick and pretty much bounced right back up. Then, he took some nasty elbows while in Diego Sanchez' guard and stayed there. At the end of the fight, dude was bouncing around like he could go two more rounds (which would have been awesome). Add the crazy caveman hair and you have one fun fighter to watch, win or lose.

4. Kobe > Shaq
Yeah, I said it and I challenge anyone who disagrees to a debate on the subject in the comments section. Shaq hasn't won anything without a strong #2; he had Kobe riding shotgun in the City of Angels and Flash leading the way in Miaimi. While Pau Gasol is nice, Kobe did most of this on his own and that puts him ahead of the big fella. One last thing: Kobe is one of the Top 5 ever. EVER.

5. Mainstream Sports Media is Ridiculous
I know you can't always be talking about the tough stuff, but how so much time can be spent discussing steroids in baseball and the US Open while the Donte Stallworth situation got one day of play is beyond me. Yes, we need diversions in life and sports certainly provides that break from the bad, but if you'll talk about Sammy Sosa testing positive six years ago for an entire week, why not address something that actually matters for more than 10 minutes?

6. You Need to See Taken
Watched this during the week with the wife and man was it awesome. All kinds of good here. I loved that Liam Neeson was the lead and not some hulked up, macho doofus and I loved that everything that his character did exactly what you would have expected him to do, right down to... I won't spoil it for you, but lemme just say that it was nice to see a movie that stayed true to the way things would actually go from start to finish.

7. Some People are Awful Defensive
Earlier in the week, I left a message on a friend's Facebook wall reminding her that in comparison to Toronto, Kimberley sucks. A couple of my bosses at work took exception to that and busted my balls about it the next time they saw me, with one telling me to move already if I hate it so much. Scenery and nature are great, but the fact that my shopping choices are WalMart or Superstore is all I need to say. I never thought the day would come when I was dying to go to Old Navy and American Eagle!

8. A Lot of Adult Dating Sites are Twittering!
As I've mentioned before, I tweet and each time I sign on, I check to see who is following me. Generally speaking, if you're following me, I'll follow you, simple as that. The exception to that rule are the countless Adult Dating Sites that pop up in my list for a couple days before the Twitter Police remove their accounts. Nothing like being excited to have another person follow my work only to find out it's some Spam-alicious "find a friend in your town tonight" site...

9. Gotta Love Mothers...
I was talking to mine yesterday and mentioned that I once again have a mohawk. Not a ultra-big, dyed pink, punk rock rules mohawk, more of a faux-hawk really, as I still have hair on both sides and it's maybe an inch when spiked. Anyway, as soon as the words came out of my mouth it was like I was 14 again. "Spencer, what are you doing? Why would you do something like that?" and on and on about making smart choices and all the things parents tell their kids... when they're actually children. That being said, I wouldn't change her for the world!

10. This is Getting Harder and Harder Each Week
Honestly, I don't know if I learn 10 things that are worth writing about every week. Maybe we'll cut it down to seven starting next week... or five... or just do something else entirely... have to see.

Continue reading ...

Soundtrack of My Life

Song: Grindin'
Artist: Clipse
Album: Lord Willin' (2001)

Easily the best single word description of what it is I'm out here doing everyday trying to make a living...

Grindin'.


In the film Rounders, they described a grinders as a guy who never goes after the big play; instead, he makes money where he can and as he needs. It's not about hitting it rich, it's about paying bills. That's me and that's this song.

Now, Malice and Pusha T certainly aren't talking about serving drinks to drunk golfers or hammering away on as many websites as possible trying to make a living, but the meaning is still the same - we do what we do because we have to.

What makes my connection and love of this song even stronger are some of the lyrical gems that get delivered, whether they continue to reiterate the main reason behind the grind (My grind's 'bout family, never been about fame), paying respect to forgotten basketball legends (The jewels is flirtin', be damned if I'm hurtin', legend in two games like I'm Pee Wee Kirkland) or providing the best description of my personality that I didn't come up with (cocky something that I just can't help).

Clipse kind of went AWOL for a while after this album; arguments with their record label let to a life on the mixtape circuit and eventual change in scenery. Regardless of their lesser profile and failure to fully follow up on the success of this album, Grindin' has been a mixtape staple in my collection from the get-go and will continue to be.

Now if you'll excuse me, I got more work to do.

"I'm just grindin' man, y'all never mind me..."

Continue reading ...

10 Things I Learned This Week

1. Lyoto Machida is a Bad, Bad, Man
"The Dragon" destroyed Rashad Evans last night and I don't think there is currently anyone in the UFC Light Heavyweight ranks that could stop him. And no, Anderson Silva doesn't count because they would never fight each other.

2. The Dream is Getting Closer
Frustrated by the sheer lack of customers and workable hours at the restaurant, I sat down this week to start my book proposal. My goal, as mentioned last week, was to have it done by Friday. It was done on Thursday. You make your own opportunities and I'm making mine.

3. One Month? Already?
Somehow, Sarah and I have been married for a month. That means we've been home for nearly three weeks. This just doesn't seem possible to me and makes the fact that we have yet to send out Thank You cards a little more ridiculous. Guess what we're doing tomorrow night?

4. So Long First Place
If not for a random Jon Papelbon collapse yesterday, the Red Sox would have overtaken the Blue Jays for first place in the American League East. Not that I wish ill upon my fine, feathered flock, but you knew the other shoe had to drop at some point. That vaunted offense has gone away, leaving quality pitching to earn hard-luck loses the rest of the way.

5. This is How Bad It's Gotten...
Tomorrow morning, I'm going into work at 8:00 AM to pressure wash the patio and get it ready for the "busy summer season." Seriously; with the complete lack of customers and therefore complete lack of money, I'm actually graciously accepting opportunities to do manual labour first thing in the morning for a few extra bucks.

6. D'You Know What's Awesome?
Boil Water Advisories. As in, Spencer can't drink the free stuff that comes out of his tap because it's got something funky in it right now, so he has to spend the little money that he does have on the most renewable natural resource on the planet. Super.

7. Better Than Da Vinci
But Angels and Demons still wasn't outstanding or anything. It was good. It was entertaining. With far less reliance on dialogue, it was way better than the verbose Da Vinci Code, but it was still missing something.

8. Apparently I'm Getting Old
I've gone to bed before midnight every night this week. I can't stay awake for more than ten minutes of a movie from the time my head hits the pillow. While I'm not quite at the walker-slash-adult diaper stage, it's pretty damn sad that I can't make it past midnight without force...

9. Evidently, The Above is a Good Thing
As if he knows we're going to bed earlier and earlier these days, the world's greatest dog has become a fan of early morning barking fits around 3:00, 5:30 and 7:00 AM. Since Sarah has been on days this week, that means I've been up and out of bed shortly after that 5:30 barking spree most of the week. No wonder I've gotten so much done...

10. Pretty Much Smoke Free
It's been seven weeks since I bought a pack of darts and in that time, I think I've had maybe 10, tops. Not bad for Sir Smokesalot. I'm even getting my lung capacity back and everything.

Continue reading ...

10 Things I Recently Learned

It's been a few weeks since Albert made an appearance, so the time frame of knowledge expands to encompass those missing weeks. Besides, I learned a lot while I was away and sharing it with you is important to me.

1. I Am Incredibly Lucky
I know many people say this, but I truly do have the best wife in the world. Over our nearly three years together, she's put up with a lot of headaches, uncertainty, frustration and questions and through it all, she's stood by me. There have definitely been good times too, but she never wavers in her support of me and what I want to do with my life and that reminds me every day how lucky I am to have her. I love you Baby!

2. Life Isn't That Bad... Ever
While being in the Dominican was restful and full of fun, it was also an educational experience for me. Seeing the same cast of characters working every day with a smile on their faces, knowing they were making what we consider pocket change really opened my eyes. The frustrations I experience on a daily basis are nothing compared to what it could be like; a busy day at the restaurant puts more money in my pocket in a day than these guys make in a week, so what am I complaining about? Perspective is a very cool thing.

3. Emily Grace is Awesome!
My niece is without a doubt the cutest child on the face of the Earth. Devilish grin, big brown eyes and just enough vocabulary for everything to be insanely cute and make your heart melt. The nightly "Hi Shermie. Good night. See you soon," followed by a kiss was too cute, not to mention the refrain of, "Bucky, horses!" that accompanied our ride to the airport last Saturday. She is going to be a heartbreaker one day.

4. Positive Spins
Less hours at the restaurant and the decline of The Love of Sports would normally have made me really, really angry and frustrated. While I'm still kind of crusty about the restaurant, the added time it will be providing me is a good thing. I get to do the things that truly make me happy; cooking dinners for Sarah, hanging out with Luke and working on my personal projects, both written and around the house. Life is too short to be surly all the time.

5. Didn't Miss Much
Before we left, sports was a very, very integral part of my daily routine. I mean, I wrote about the damn stuff countless times a day and spent hours on ESPN and various other sites. After being away from it for the last couple weeks, I'm kind of wondering what the big deal was to begin with? I love what I do, but not much really changed in two weeks. The stories are pretty much the same today as when I left. Clearly, I can spend less time with the sports page and more time with the pug dog than I was before hand. And Sarah too...

6. I Know My MMA
One thing I did miss was UFC 97 and I wish I hadn't, simply because it proved I know my shit when it comes to Mixed Martial Arts. Chuck Liddell got knocked the fuck out, proving a point I made a couple weeks back that his time has come and gone. Furthermore, Anderson Silva was wholly unimpressive yet again, earning a decision win over Thales Leites that Dana White called "disappointing" or something like that. Wonder if anyone else is thinking my claiming GSP as the best fighter on the planet makes a bit more sense now?

7. Exploring the Options
Even though I'm old hat at moving, I truly hate doing it. Packing sucks, lugging furniture makes me sore and I just dislike upheaval. That being said, we're on the lookout for better options once again. Not that we don't like it here - we love our place and are finally just getting everything situated and laid out the way we like it - but the economic realities and opportunities are more important than a great view, so we're keeping our eyes on the rental properties in Cranbrook. Half the rent for the same kind of space and closer to work for Sarah just makes too much sense... and cents.

8. Congratulations Jamie and Brianne!
Not only did my cousin and hi super-fantastic woman get hitched, but they also welcomed Calvin James into the world just before we left for our trip. Congratulations you two (now three) - we couldn't be more happy for you!

9. See You in November
Since the above mentioned family members couldn't make it to our festivities for obvious reasons, we're planning a trip to them in early November. Albuquerque here we come! Did I mention that I might also be able to work an MMA interview at one of the best fighting teams in the world into the equation if we get down there?

10. Rapid Reader, As Long As I Like It
I tore through Chris Jericho's autobiography (pretty enjoyable if you like wrestling) and three Alex Cross series books while we were on vacation, as mentioned yesterday. That's a combined 2000+ pages which, considering there was a ton of other stuff to do too, is pretty impressive. It also makes it pretty funny that I couldn't get through more than 50 pages of the book everyone from work told me was awesome and a must-read. Tyler (my boss) lent me Wilbur Smith's River God and within 50 pages it was decided that I didn't have any interest in fighting through it. Fantasy tales set in ancient Egypt just aren't my thing. Suplexes and serial killers sounds better to me.

Continue reading ...

The Picture Says It All

From a work perspective, the picture couldn't be more appropriate.

None of this should surprise me, mind you, since having everything going well in my life is like Ralph Wiggum failing English... unpossible.

Nope, got the family thing down, got the house, got the dog, all that is great.

Work? Work sucks, on all fronts.

Anti-Ski Season has begun in earnest at Kelsey's meaning I have no shifts. Zero. Not a one this week. I had one, but it was on Monday, you know, when I was still in Ontario. Awesome.

Now I knew that spring - slash - summer would mean a decrease in customers and therefore hours, but five hours a week just doesn't cut it. I know they'll be more down the road a couple weeks from now and that's great, but in the meantime, there are some hard pills to swallow.

Like the fact that I was hired as a full-time bartender. I'm basically a casual server right now, so this stings.

Not as much as seeing the mouth-breathers who clearly hate their job getting four shifts a week while I sit by the phone hoping someone comes down with the Swine Flu so I can work a couple extra hours.

What makes it all worse is that The Love of Sports looks like it's coming to an end too.

The paycheck that was promised when I took on the editorial position lasted two months and now we're at another "crossroads" with a directional change impending. That change is to less content and more of a focus on mediocre shit from what I have seen since I came home from the Dominican.

Neither of which are very appealing to me at this stage of my stagnant career.

The only good thing, the one silver lining, is that I will have a load of free time on my hands from the looks of things. Time that can be used to finally get off my ass and get a book proposal written and sent off to every publishing house in the country, as well as some in the nearby States like Montana and Washington.

And as if the day didn't suck enough before, we forgot to take the garbage out when we ran into town to get the mail and Senor Pug Dog destroyed another green garbage bag all over the kitchen.

Super!

Continue reading ...

The Rundown: Shut Up Already!

In life, there are those things you come to hear over and over again.

Parents telling you to eat your vegetables as a child, warning you that masturbating will make you go blind, instructing you to stop picking your nose ... you know, that stuff.

Once you hit adulthood, it really doesn't change. Sure, maybe it's not your parents anymore - maybe it is, I dunno - but there is still a long line of people telling you the same crap you've heard over and over and over again to the point that it makes your ears bleed and thoughts of grabbing an uzi and bell tower cross you mind.

For me, this is a regular occurrence and I thought I would share with you today.

Top 5 Things People Need to Stop Telling Me

5. Making a Living as a Writer is Hard
This is one of Sarah's mom's favorites and lemme tell you how awesome it is to hear. One, I'm the one who has been slaving it out for the last two-plus years trying to make some in-roads. Two, I've done better in two years than some people, so gimme a little credit. Three, you think I don't wish GQ would call and offer me a six-figure salary? Stop beating a dead horse already...

4. That's Just the Way the Schedule Worked Out
Schedules don't work out. They don't create themselves. Humans make them and can do so in whatever fashion they like, so telling me that the schedule just didn't allow for me to have any shifts this week is crap. You didn't schedule me. You scheduled the guy who called the office cursing while hammered at two in the morning and the chick who everyone hates and steals from the company as routinely as she can, but not me. Good thing I've been working hard all winter long...

3. You Say That Now, But Wait 'til You've Been Married for Ten Years
Ten years from now, I'm still going to love Sarah immensely. I'm still going to take care of her when she's sick. I'm still going to want to spend days off with her over anything else in the world. That won't change over time. Just because your marriage did, doesn't mean my marriage is going to. Besides, can't you wait 'til after I'm married to start raining on my parade?

2. You Should Quit Smoking
No shit. But here's the thing: I don't really want to all that much, so why don't you stop telling me and I'll go have a smoke. I know the health risks, I know the stigma and I know how much I enjoy lighting a cigarette six or eight times a day, so fuck off. I'll quit on my own terms whenever I decide. Until then, leave it alone.

1. We're Going to Pay You, We Just Can't Right Now
Ah yes, the greatest line of crap I've ever heard. Everyone has the greatest intentions, but their bank accounts are usually empty. This one actually feeds into #5 really, because if all the people who have said over the years that they're going to pay me or we're going to make it rich every came through, #5 wouldn't be an issue. Alas, no one has really come through consistently yet, so I'm still broke and doing what I do for love and a fleeting hope of one day getting paid.

Continue reading ...

10 Things I Learned This Week

1. Am I Unemployed?
Honestly, it feels a little that way, seeing as I worked three shifts at the bar this week and have only one this coming week. Granted, we're closed tomorrow and I've booked Sunday off for our trip, but still. Seems we planned this vacation at just the right time.

2. One More Game...
My Tar Heels have made it to the National Championship game and history is on our side. They crushed Michigan State on the same floor at the start of the year and while MSU was without one of their starters, he doesn't contribute the 30 point difference in the final score.

3. One More Week...
Then we leave for Ontario, do some shopping, do some relaxing and then head South. After all the headaches and all the frustrations, it's nice to be this close to everything finally coming together and working out. Sadly, I won't be able to let you know how it all turns out until after I get home.

4. I Know I Had a Fiancee Around Here Somewhere
Sarah and I have been on complete opposites lately and I barely get to see her. It's weird; we say hi in the morning when she gets off nights and bye in the evening when she's heading back in. Other than that, she's sleeping when I'm up and vice versa. This is another reason this vacation is so needed... I need to spend time with the wife!

5. How Am I Going to Leave This Dog?
With Sarah and I being on opposites, me and Cool Hand have rekindled our best friend relationship and I have no idea how I'm going to go without my ridiculously cute and entertaining Pug for almost three weeks. Any suggestions?

6. People See What They Want to See
Seems I pissed off a good portion of the population of Kimberley this week by calling out the city on their lack of support for Relay for Life. What's funny is that I didn't say anything about previous and current volunteers or claim all the committee members were behind me on this, but that seems to be the overwhelming reaction. Oh well, it makes writing this week's piece a little easier since I now need to clarify that the column is and always will be all about me.

7. How Bad Is It That I Can't Wait to Go to Chapters?
Seriously, outside of the twenty minutes I spent shuffling around one of the locations in Calgary when I was there a couple weeks back, it's been six months sans Chapters and I'm dying. All I want to do is compile a list of books to read, get a venti from The Bucks and rock the comfy chairs for an afternoon. I don't care if we do anything else while we're in Ontario, so long as I get my Chapters fix.

8. Are You Sick of Social Networking Too?
Remember when Facebook came out and we were all addicted? Are you over that too? Don't get me wrong, I still check it a couple times a day, but I don't poke people, I barely have any friend requests anymore and I don't miss it at all. Same with Twitter. I can't get into it. I'm just done with computer friendship and personal life notifications. Call me, email me, write me a letter...

9. Spring and Summer are Going to be Gorgeous
I don't know this for a fact, but judging by today, I'm going to love being here this summer. It's gorgeous - shining sun, probably not that hot since we're up in the mountains, great natural scenery and golf courses galore. Only detraction is the stupid deer... they aren't even back out en masse yet and I'm already angry with them...

10. Some Good TV Coming Out
A couple new shows I'm looking forward to debut this week. Southland and The Unusuals are both cop shows, but they're very different and both very interesting to me. The bad guy from SWAT is in The Unusuals and Ryan from The OC stars in Southland. Too bad I think they're on the same night...

Continue reading ...

Strange How This Always Works

My life really does have an odd yin and yang to it.

Whenever something good crops up, inevitably something bad follows right along after it and vice versa.

I'm not going to go into details about the bad, because I have too much respect for the people it involves, but what I will say is that things are a lot like Passion Magazine once again and that effin' sucks.

But, just as I was down in the dumps about that development, along came an email from the editor of an MMA magazine to say that he liked my work and looked forward to getting more submissions from me in the future.

The moral of the story: crappy 80's sitcom theme songs are always right...

You take the good, you take the bad and there you have The Facts of Life.

Whatever happened to Tutti and Jo?

Continue reading ...