Tiger Woods: Great at Golf, Stupid at Life

Everyone else in the world is talking Tiger right now, so I might as well chime in too.

Tiger Woods is arguably the greatest golfer to ever play the game.

He's the first billion-dollar athlete, has endorsements out the back nine, an impeccable smile and it seems about as much smarts as a sack of marbles.

This will not be a lecture about infidelity; the shit happens and that's life. It sucks, I don't condone it, but such is life.

Instead, let's focus on how cosmically retarded a mistake this is for Tiger.

First off, look at Elin.

If you're married to some horrible hosebeast with wonky eyes, a collection of some'r teeth and more facial hair than you have, seeing what else is available at least seems somewhat understandable.

However, when you're married to a smokin' hot Swedish chick who you were set up with because she used to be Jesper Parnavick's nanny, you're not going to be trading up any time soon.

Cheating on a woman as ridiculously attractive as Elin Woods (nee Nordegren) is like marrying George Clooney and then having an affair a few years in...

Two - you're worth someone in the neighborhood of a bazillion dollars.

D'you know what happens if she decides your philandering ways are more than she cares to put up with anymore?

You become worth closer to a billion dollars because she's getting a large portion of whatever isn't protected in a pre-nup and so much money every month that you'll need Brinks to drop it by the house for her.

Now, going from a bazillion to a billion isn't the end of the world, I'll admit, but I got $27.00 to my name and couldn't imagine parting with $13.50, so half a bazillion has got to hurt a little.

Comment the Third: You're Tiger effin' Woods!

Seriously - if just about every unknown schmuck in the world who runs around on the missus ends up getting caught in one way or another, how in the fuck did you expect this to end?

The chippy (chippies?) on the side we're just going to say thanks and laugh about it over wine with their friends, never expecting a dime?

Are you kidding me? You're Tiger effin' Woods... if you accidentally brushed against my wife's ass I would be trying to get a couple hundred grand out of you, so how much do you think the side bets are trying to score now?

Maybe instead of spending so much time on the practice range, Tiger should have, I dunno, smartened the fuck up...

Cheating is wrong and bad and shitty.

How he possibly thought this would end any other way is beyond me.

Somewhere, he accountant is ready to drive Tiger's balls... and I ain't talkin' golf.

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In a Way, I Hate Myself

Technically speaking, I am part of the media.

No, not because I operate this here blog o'goodness, but because someone pays me to write things that are accessible to millions, though only about 47 people ever read them.

Over this weekend, listening to and reading all the coverage of The Masters has made me very,very angry with the media.

Therefore, I was very, very angry with myself, in a way. See how that works?

Now, the truth of the matter is that I called my peers out on this yesterday over at Epic Carnival and have done so again today with a follow up piece reminding everyone that Trevor Immelman won, as opposed to Tiger losing.

But this isn't confined to golf. Or sports. It's an all-encompassing epidemic and it's taken over mass media.

The biggest names get the biggest coverage even when their story is of the least significance. I know this is because the biggest names draw the most attention and yield the most dollars for the companies and conglomerates who produce the product, but that doesn't mean I have to accept it.

This is the same kind of machine I was raging against earlier this year when I started my Press Coverage series at Epic; drawing attention to the stories that are worthy of our attention, instead of just the arrested athletes and boozy trainwrecks of the world.

What happened to that segment? It fell by the wayside because (a) there just aren't enough great stories in sports over a week that you can find coverage of and (b) readership wasn't that strong because none of the articles involved sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Pushing positive is a precarious position.

Don't get me wrong - I love my Pop Culture and know all the scoops and all the stoies; it's just that I also know about the shady electoral results in Zimbawae and the Seal Hunting Scandal back East, which makes Pop Culture the junk food in my information diet, not the main course.

The big names may sell the most issues, but when the big names aren't doing big things, why not focus on the little people who are?

At least Esquire called themselves on it with their current cover - the picture may be Jello For Brains Jessica, but the words tell you they "used this picture to get your attention" so you read the story of an American soldier in Iraq that is outstanding. For now, I'll take these little victories.

For now...

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Things I Learned This Week

1. Apparently It Can't Just Be a Discussion
See that's all I was hoping for with the first post of this week - Untitled - about the Kelly Tilghman comments and the reactions. I wanted to talk about the reaction, educate myself and maybe others to where the reactions come from and open a discourse on an important topic. Sadly, that didn't happen, because, well, I don't really know why. In part, it's because of the atrocities committed by racist men in previous generations. It is an immediate barrier to communication, one that I can't get through because of the whiteness of my skin. But I think the other part is that it is easier to angrily discuss the past and the mistakes of others than to examine the future and what needs to be done to make the world a better place.

2. An Interesting Question
One thing that came out of the early week posts was an assertion that an entire race - us light-skinned folks - should be ashamed of the actions of white folks in the past. My question then is this: Should then not everyone living in North America feel ashamed for the treatment of the Native Peoples throughout history? I mean, we flat out took their land and gave them nothing...

Just saying, there are all kinds of sides to this coin.

3. We Focus On The Wrong Things
As there is most weeks, this is more of a "Thing I Continued to Learn" than anything else and I am very much a part of it. I devoted three posts this week to the word lynch - a word with venomous history for some - but a word nonetheless, when there are far more important things going on in the world. And I don't mean the ridiculousness that is Britney Spears, though that seems to get even more coverage than anything else. We all need that diversion from time to time - be it reality TV, gossip mags, sports, whatever - but we could also make a helluva lot of difference if we all wanted to.

4. An Example of The Above
There is this dude I used to work with named Sab. He's a good dude, good intentioned, nice enough, mildly annoying. You know, that guy. Anyway, I get somewhere in the neighbourhood of 50 emails a week from Sab, none of which have any intellectual content whatsoever. Some are YouTube clips of goals or fights I've seen on The Score all morning, some are jokes that aren't overly funny, but for the most part, it's porn. Topless chicks on a beach, the latest silicone queen from the cover of a magazine, you name it. If Sab spent even 10% of the time he spends trolling for and forwarding on porn on anything of remote importance, he might have figured out where bin Laden is hiding already. I'm not saying steer clear of the porn entirely... just maybe ease up a little.

5. I Still Love This Picture, Years After First Seeing It
Some things are always funny. This is one of them.

6. My Mom is a 16 Year Old Girl
Figuratively, of course. See, I got a call from her this week that amounted to the kind of phone calls you had when you were sixteen, wondering if that boy or girl you liked liked you or liked you liked you. Faye's in the same boat.

7. I Really Have Grown Up
My buddy Deuce had a party Friday night at his place. Typical deal - people, drinks, music, etc. - at least, that's what I would imagine happened. We made an appearance at 8:00 and were home on the couch by 10:15 watching What Not To Wear. Now, in my defense, I had to work Saturday morning, but still. Two years ago, this wouldn't have meant squat to me. I rocked a massive hangover on the casino floor more time than I can remember after a night out with Bucky and the Boys. Maybe I really am becoming a Sally...

8. Some People Actually Have No Idea How A Movie Store Works
You'll hear all my gripes about the fine folks who frequent The Block a little later in the week (maybe Thursday, who knows?) but I just gotta get this one out there right now:

It's not like a fast food joint where you go up to the counter, place your order and the people behind the counter go and get it for you!

The only exceptions are if you're (a) a cute, older person (b) disabled in any way or (c) a cute, older person who is disabled in any way.

Notice that being a lazy skeet didn't make the list...

9. No, It Don't Come In English
Me: Thank you for calling Blockbuster where you can Trade & Save
Him: Yeah, uh, we bought dat Pan's Labyrinth movie en it's all in Spanish. Do it come in English?
Me (choking back laughter): No sir, it's a Spanish film.
Him: So I can't turn off the Spanish er nothin?
Me: No sir, unfortunately not.
Him: So it's like that Iwo Jima? I didn't know that wasn't English either. I got that one here too.
Me: I see...
Him: You ain't got an English version of that do yee?

At this point, I usually make the finger guns and pretend to shoot myself with both finger guns under the chin...

10. 1 Month, 1 Cigarette
Yesterday marked one month of "quitting smoking" and in that time, I have had exactly one cigarette. I also had one shitty Pom Pom cigar a couple weekends ago, but that doesn't really count because, well, it just doesn't. ONE CIGARETTE... IN A MONTH! Yes, I want a pat on the back.

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Dishonour Roll: Golfweek Magazine

I had another group lined up for this week's Dishonour Roll, but I've had to put them on the shelf for now. I got home and heard about and saw the image to the left and had to change course.

If you've been here at all this week, you know we've been discussing race a great deal and the words of Kelly Tilghman, pictured right, an anchor on The Golf Channel. Golfweek Magazine has stoked the fire even more with this horrific choice of covers.

Someone at Golfweek Magazine should get fired over this. There is no question that the motive here was to sell magazines based of the controversy and that end result was put ahead of everything else. How someone - anyone - involved in green-lighting this cover didn't wonder aloud whether they were doing something horribly offensive is beyond me.

While you may say that sounds hypocritical coming from the guy who said he didn't understand the grave uproar over the Kelly Tilghman comments, I counter with this:

I give Tilghman the benefit of the doubt that she made a grievous mistake on live television and meant no harm with her comments. Some times, decent people make horrible mistakes and I think that is what happened in her case. She apologized immediately, was punished and we move on. Doesn't mean what she said was okay...

This is a whole different situation though, as this isn't off the cuff and unrehearsed on live TV. Someone started thinking about this the minute the comment became news and ran with it. This is an image that summons the fiercest anger in almost an entire community and there is no way that it should be allowed to sit on shelves around the world.

As a journalist, I am all for freedom of speech, but there are limits. To me, this image and this cover cross that line.

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Untitled

Warning: There is going to be some language in here that you might not like. I don't like it, but it's here to help discuss an issue.

I'm getting older and I was hoping that by the time I reached this age, some things would have changed in the world and we would have sorted a few things out by now. But we haven't and I don't think we ever will. That makes me sad.

Kelly Tilghman, an on-air analyst for The Golf Channel, used the word "lynch" in reference to how the rest of the PGA should try to defeat the dominance that is Tiger Woods.

Ms. Tilghman couldn't have picked a worse word. She made an apology, was suspended for two weeks and the person whom the comment was directed towards, Tiger Woods, has said it's a non-issue. This, to me, means we're done here. Of course, we're not and here is where I will get my self into trouble.

We're not done because some people don't want to see beyond it. Some people refuse to let a horribly inappropriate word uttered on live television not just be a horrible inappropriate word uttered on live television. It's gotta be more than that.

I love Scoop Jackson. He's one of the people who inspired me over the years to make a move into this writing thing. Loved him at SLAM, still love him over at ESPN. Except this morning. This morning I'm annoyed with Scoop Jackson.

You see, Scoop's piece is all about Kelly Tilghman, Tiger Woods and us as a society understanding that thoughtless statements that are racially insensitive do not have a place in the world today. He calls for Tiger Woods to be the person that shows us all this. He also likens Ms. Tilghman to Howard Cosell, Marge Schott, John Rocker and Don Imus.

This isn't Imus calling the Rutgers University Women's Basketball Team a bunch of "nappy headed hos." This isn't Howard Cosell's infamous "Look at that little monkey go" or Marge Schott calling Eric Davis and Dave Parker her "Million-Dollar Niggers." This is nowhere near John Rocker territory either. This is an on-air personality making a horrible choice of words.

Unfortunately, because of the word Ms. Tilghman used, this has become a bigger issue. Sadly, had she said the rest of the players on the PGA Tour need to take him into a back alley somewhere and beat the fuck outta him, not a lot would have been made of the story I don't think. In essence, that is exactly what needs to happen if anyone else wants to win something of significance on the PGA Tour in the next twenty years. Not because Tiger Woods is black, but because he is that damn good.

Of course, this is about more than just Tiger Woods, Kelly Tilghman and the word lynch. This is about racism, perceived or real, intended or unintentional.

I don't think I will ever see a time where racism isn't a part of society. I don't like that I feel this way, but it is how I feel. Sadly, one of the reasons I think this way is situations such as this one.

To me - and I understand that I come from a much different place than those who take great offense to Ms. Tilghman's choice of words - the fact that this became as much of a story as it did is a sad declaration of the world we live in. Not that Ms. Tilghman should have gone unpunished or there should be no barometer of what you can and can't say, but aren't there much more important issues in the world than one woman not being smart enough to think before she spoke?

Kelly Tilghman used the word lynch on The Golf Channel. How many rappers use the N word throughout their rhymes, reaching a much larger audience than The Golf Channel could ever hope to reach? And don't feed me this, "It's okay because they're black and it's nigg-a, not nigg-er," bullshit either. If lynch is a word that strikes a chord, how the fuck is the N word acceptable? How come Rev. Al Sharpton isn't calling for a stop to the recording of hip hop tracks using that word? Or what if a black commentator said it or something of similar nature in reference to a white athlete? Then what?

I guess, my basic question is this: why is one thing seen as horribly wrong and the other is acceptable?

Black comedians get on stage and do "The White Guy Voice" without anyone batting an eye. Russell Peters' entire routine is predicated on racial stereotypes, but because he's a minority himself it's okay? Or are both of these acceptable because they are done in good spirits and jokingly?

I dunno.

What I do know is that I will continue to live my life the way I always have, seeing people not colour and with my fingers crossed that maybe my children will be able to live a world that truly embraces that belief.

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