10 Things I Learned This Week

Have no fear, Albert is here!

1. Fight! Magazine is Still Happening
Apparently, the holidays being busy makes Editors-in-Chief of major magazines forget about small-time whiny readers who are looking for work. After one email and a quick phone call, my parcel of back issues to correct are in the mail and I'll be getting started this week.

2. Loving - repeat LOVING - the New Gig
Started taking baby steps towards crossing over into Editor-dom myself this week and have to say that I love the process and look forward to February 1 when we go full throttle. It's going to be a lot of work and take some serious time and energy, but as I've been saying this whole writing ride, I'd rather put in big effort and big hours on stuff that I love and believe in than anything else.

3. Ari-freakin'-zona!
Can you believe the Arizona MF'in Cardinals might win the Super Bowl? This is insane. Not that they haven't played pretty damn good these playoffs, but at the start of the year you never would have picked the Cardinals. Even if you were Kurt Warner's crazy-ass wife. Now they're one win away from winning the whole shebang. Crazy...

4. Welcome to the White House, President Obama
The President-Elect drops the "Elect" in a couple of days and I am glad that I will be around to see it. This is truly a monumental and historic event that will be taking place, one that we'll be teaching in history books someday and it will be the only thing on in the bar on Tuesday with good reason.

5. Wedding Headaches Subsiding
This week has been more productive on the wedding front than the last four months and that is a testament to our new agent. All the invoices are done and proofed and ready to go and we should have everything and everyone lined up and ready to roll in the next three days. Funny how getting pissed a couple rungs up the ladder makes everything happen a little more quickly...

6. Luke is His Mother's Dog
They two of them could probably sleep for 24 hours straight if you let them. In fact, with Sarah being off all through the week this week, I'd wager that over the three days they're off together without me around, they get in at least 30 hours of sleep. Updates later in the week.

7. So the Old Man Called Me...
Just weird having my phone ring and it be him, seeing as the last three times we talked were at funerals and totally awkward interactions. I think I said six or eight words. So strange, so sad...

8. It's Already Been One Year
Thursday marks a year since Heath Ledger's death. That's crazy to me. I still remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I found out - Wexford Street apartment, putting away the groceries after work. Funny how some things just stick in your head.

9. Wanted: One Good Book
With no Chapters to speak of in a 100 kilometre radius, I've been reduced to checking out a very small Coles in the crappy Cranbrook mall from time to time when I want something to read. Unsurprisingly, they got nothing... so I'm asking you folks to fill me in on some quality literature that I can go find and enjoy. Homework is due by the end of the week.
10. Joaquin Phoenix is a Rapper?
I knew he had "retired" from acting to pursue music, but hip hop? That would have been the last place I would have expected the man who brought Johnny Cash to life on the silver screen to end up. Punk, country, rock, sure... hip hop? I've gotta find his stuff somewhere on the 'net and give it a listen.

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10 Things I Learned This Week

You have to know that I've been super busy if I skip my two favourite days to post on this site - Wednesday's Rundown and Friday's Soundtrack.

Shit is hectic people, but it comes to an end soon and we'll get back to business as usual.

Here's the week that was.

1. Most Uncomfortable Feeling Ever
No, it's not sitting in the backseat of the car while Sarah and her mom have an argument 25 years in the making, although that was pretty awkward too. It's been trying to sleep over the past week with these neck muscles of mine. No idea what I did, but since Monday they've been tighter than (fill in your joke of choice here). Just when I thought it was getting better, I spent last night tossing and turning until 2 AM before deciding to go into a coma courtesy of some muscle relaxers. Maybe I should get this looked at.

2. Kimbo Sliced
While it wasn't against Ken Shamrock as it was supposed to be - Shamrock got a cut warming up and couldn't fight - the mistake I called earlier in the week at The Love of Sports came to fruition as Seth "The Silverback" Petruzelli knocked Kimbo out in 14 seconds Saturday night. To quote The Hives, "Hate to say I told you so...."

3. Speaking of the CBS MMA Show...
If they keep running with these Saturday Night Fights cards, they need to hire me as the play-by-play guy. Or at least hire someone else. Maybe someone with a little MMA knowledge. They could even let Canadian Mauro Ranallo run with it since he's part of the broadcast already. Regardless of who they pick, it'll be better than Gus Johnson because after last night's "This is the greatest upset in the history of Mixed Martial Arts" call, homeboy needs to go.

4. How 'Bout Them Cubbies?
This is what happens when 100 years of misery and a spectacular regular season collide. Three straight to the Dodgers and you can make it 101. I kind of feel bad, but also like a bit of a genius too, because all season long on the Bugs & Cranks Top 30 I've been sending in comments wondering how the Cubs were going to screw this up. Pair this with the Kimbo thing and people might start to think I know what I'm talking about a little...

5. You Want to Charge Us How Much?
Thursday I had an estimate done for moving all our stuff across the country. The guy was Johnny Anectdote; everything he said had some story to it about his dogs or his neighbour or his friend. It took him 30 minutes to leave after a five minute walk around checking things out. Anyway, we don't have much stuff - no furniture, just "contents" as it is called and buddy guestimates it at 1500 pounds or so. I think it's less. So Friday I get an email from him containing the quotes. Where in the hell do you think I have $4500 stashed away to spend on moving you dolt? And why did you call me and chat me up for 20 minutes Saturday after I told you I got the quotes and would get back to you later?

6. Ready to Go
If we could jump on a plane tomorrow, we would. Nothing against anybody here, but we're ready. Since we've known for a while now that this was what we were doing, every day we're still here leads to more questions that we're sick of and a mounting frustration that people won't just leave well enough alone and stop pushing us about where we're moving, how we're getting there and whether we'll have the resources to succeed in Kimberley. Honestly, I'm nearly 30 and have done this a time or two - I got this. You can stop giving us your opinion now.

7. My Brother Learned a Lesson This Week
Turns out Pete was having one of his "Feel bad about the Old Man" moments this week and gave him a call. Much to no one's surprise, Phil is still playing the pariah card while wallowing in self-pity, clinging to the "we turned our back on him" belief. Five years after I learned it, Pete learned that there is no point - the old man is a lost cause and not worth the energy.

Note: I don't need the "Are you slagging your dad on your blog again?" comments... it's my blog... I'll talk about whatever I want...

8. I Got Paid!
No, Passion Magazine didn't come out of the woodwork and hand over a cheque for the four articles I've published, but Canadian Sports Magazine came through. Internet work aside, this was my first actual pay cheque for writing. Part of me wanted to get it framed and mounted, but I'm broke as shit so I bought some groceries and a pack of smokes instead.

9. Hard to Plan a Wedding...
When the people at the resort don't get back to you. Seriously. I've emailed them a bunch of times wondering about my man Deuce being able to come due to his severe allegries and I've gotten nothing back. Surely they're busy and I can appreciate that, but really, the least you could do is answer an email once in a while.

10. Sorry in Advance
Posts are probably going to be a little sparse over the next couple weeks, much like they have been since the Vancouver trip. It's just the price of doing business - everything has to be packed and as much as I want to get here everyday, more often than not there are other things that take precident. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. Like I said at the top, we'll get back to the daily delivery once we get set up in the new place.

Until then... I'll miss you!

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. My Grandfather is a Great Man
I knew this all along, but seeing the people who have shown up to see him at the hospital and the phone calls that have poured into my grandmother's house asking about him reminded me. Buster is an institution in Cornwall, but he's also the glue that holds our family together, along with Nan, of course. In the span of two days, everyone was there. That tells you how important he is to us all.

2. My Son Will Have Edgar in His Name
The legacy needs to be carried on...

3. I Have an Incredible Girl
She's been with me the whole time and she's been outstanding. She knows me almost as well as I know myself and knows when to talk and when nothing at all is what needs to be said. My family gave me the best gift I could ever ask for this past couple days, opening their arms and accepting her fully into our little group. You're my rock Sarah... I Love You!

4. No More Blockbuster
All this Cornwall business put an end to Blockbuster before the official date could arrive. Sadly, I didn't get to have a "Fuck Blockbuster" moment yet. Maybe I'll burn all my uniforms later. I will say this: there isn't a single ounce of me that is going to miss that job. No one should hate what they do. Life is too short to not follow your dreams.

5. Speaking of Dreams...
Starting tomorrow, writing becomes Priority #1. Passion falling by the wayside (or wherever it has fallen as of right now) is a good thing, because it gives me more time to go out and grab at bigger, brassier rings and that is what I intend to do. It's time to make this shit happen instead of waiting for it to come to me.

6. I Think I Gotta Make Up With My Old Man
This being angry is just too damn hard. I'm too damn old to still be walking around holding grudges. Yeah, he fucked up and we had a couple good dust-ups about it. Time to move forward. Life is happening rapidly around me and he is one obstacle that I can't keep avoiding.

7. The Wedding Planning Has Commenced
Destination Wedding Magazine #1 was purchased last night - not by me you bunch of smart-ass bastards - and talk on The Cole Side of an Engagement Party sometime this summer has begun as well. I find it hilarious that everyone took that one week to be caught off guard and surprised, then dove into planning mode head first. Time to start on My Guest List I suppose...

8. Ryan Seacrest is a Total Douchebag!
Not that I hadn't realized this before, but the only radio station we could get pre-Toronto on yesterday's drive home had American Top 40 on and hearing that uber-douche talk made me want to drive the car into an overpass. Thankfully, Sarah was driving and I could just stare out the window, fuming at how much I hate Ryan Seacrest.

9. Living Here is Weird
Not weird bad, just weird. I think anyone who has been on their own for an extended period of time then moves back into a parent's home will tell you the same thing. Just odd going from walking around your apartment naked - if you're so inclined - and peeing with the door open whilst talking to the missus to closing the door and always having pants on.

10. The Jays Are Done
Read the latest B&C piece if you don't know why already. It's going to be a long summer of trying to make crappy baseball seem interesting... but we'll still give it a shot!

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The Rundown: I've Had A Bad Day or Two

Starting with this post, I'm getting my ducks in a row and hammering out as much writing and work from this computer as possible on a daily basis, because this is what makes me happy (aside from Sarah, puppies, babies, great movies, better books and sushi) and I'm sick of being miserable.

That being said, we're doing some cleansing today.

Warning: I'm getting real serious and personal here, so if that's not your bag... vamoose!

Five Worst Days of My Life

5. Kicked Out of University - May 1999
You think telling your parents you failed a course is hard? Try telling them the school they're paying good money to send you to has kicked you out entirely. Fuck me did this day suck. I managed to drink and party my way to a low enough average that the school didn't even want my money... and then I had to fess up to it to the 'rents. The old man told me I should just get a job in one of the Hamilton steel factories because that was all I would amount to anyway. Faye told me to stay home, go to Mac and get coddled. I moved back to Waterloo in September, worked for four months then rattled off sixteen straight months of school with a 71% average to graduate in June 2001.

4. Grandma Kyte's Funeral - November 2005
Bad for so many reasons, first of which is having to say goodbye to someone who was very, very important to me. My Grandma was crazy - she drank, she smoked non-filtered cigarettes by the truckload, she cursed more than I do. She was the best and I loved her dearly. This day gets extra awkward points for being a Kyte Family Function, meaning the extendeds whom I hadn't seen or spoken to in some time. Oh right, there was also some real nice Phil Time too.

3. The Night Before My Uncle Jack's Funeral - January 2004
That night, I decided to have a sit down with the old man after around a year of not speaking with him, wanting to get everything settled and start building something new. My cousins were never going to be able to speak to their father again and I didn't talk to mine by choice and that was ridiculous to me. So I tried... and failed... miserably. When conversations end with the one person (my old man) hollering at the top of his lungs (in public too) for the other person (me) to "Go Fuck Yourself," it's not really a very good evening. I've said seven words to him since.

2. Two Sunday's Ago - March 9, 2008
My brother ended a conversation with me in the same manner as my old man did, telling me to "Go Fuck Myself" and the worst part of all? He sounded just like the old man always did - He's right, you're wrong and if you can't see that, why bother with you? I got one brother and I don't want to lose him the way I have lost my old man...

1. Divorce Announcement - November 1999
See, I contend that it sucks more at age 21 than it does at age 6, because at 21, you know what all the problems they're talking about are. When you're younger, you can't comprehend these things and eventually it just becomes the way things have "always" been. Learning there was a whole lot of lying going on throughout your formative years really sucks balls. At least, to me it does.

* * * * * * * * * *
"Do it now 'cause tomorrow ain't promised today"
- Christopher Brian Bridges... Stand Up!

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Dishonour Roll: Phil Kyte

This one is sort of long over due, but I just never wanted to tell you about it because I didn't want to be that person that just blurts out all their personal crap at the start of a relationship and makes the other person freak out. Yes, what we have here is a relationship. And yes, I got some demons just like everyone else.

Unlike previous Inductees, I know this one. At least, I used to.

I haven't spoken with my old man in over two years. In fact, we've spoken once in the last five years and that was at his mother's funeral a couple Novembers ago when I bombed into Cornwall for an afternoon to pay my respects. That's just how it is now.

Long story short, my old man spent the duration of his marriage to my mom cheating on her. There were stretches where he was a good boy and didn't stray, but for the most part, given the opportunity, he would make the wrong decision. I only learned all this in 1999 when Faye finally got tired of all the bullshit and filed for divorce.

After they split, I toughed it out and stayed in his life as best I could, coming home for visits, going golfing, staying at his place, but he just wasn't happy with his situation and moved back to his family home in Cornwall where at least he would have his brothers and sister around as support. He took up with some woman, but that didn't last long and after one final shouting match in a bar when I was home for my Uncle Jack's funeral, ties were severed.

Phil Kyte could have been so much more than he is today. He was smart, charming, witty and well-liked, but he didn't like himself and has some serious issues that he never wanted to deal with properly. Now I have no idea where he is or what he is up to. He will never meet his granddaughter Emily Grace, and he has missed out on the better part of the last five years of my life. That's part of the reason I intend to make my leap into literary stardom on the back of our story... because he could have been a real part of it had he wanted to be, but that, like everything else in life, was too hard for him.

The reason I am telling you this, and featuring him in the Dishonour Roll, was my mentioning of writing a book yesterday as one of my resolutions. The book is about him. Actually, the book is about my relationship with him and the situation as it has now become. It was originally titled "Superman is Dead" but I figured Our Lady Peace would sue me for using the name of one of their songs as the title of my book. Perhaps DC Comics would have been a little mad too...

A long time coming and probably the most fitting of all thus far.
Welcome to the Dishonour Roll Phil... wherever you are.

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