10 Things I Learned This Week

1. Volunteering Sucks
I know this is a horrible thing to say, but hear me out. I don't actually mind volunteering myself - after all, I do more "volunteer" work than most people I know - but for a lot of people, volunteer means work until you're ready to leave, not until the job is done. Three hours of taking down Relay for Life later, my back is mangled.

2. Flat When It Mattered Most
Congratulations to Sid the Kid and the rest of the Pittsburgh Penguins. The better team truly did win. Watching Game 7, I couldn't believe my veteran Red Wings came out so flat and lethargic when it mattered most. Runner-up isn't that bad ...


3. For an MMA Writer, I Sure Don't Watch Much MMA
Once again, a UFC pay-per-view took place over the weekend and I was not in front of a television screaming for one of my picks to start performing better. The last card I actually sat and watched "live" was UFC 94 when GSP clobbered BJ Penn. That being said, I'm not missing UFC 100.

4. What's Shaq Going to Rap About Now?
Kobe got his ring without the assistance of The Big Diesel, so now what? Nothing, probably, except maybe a trade to Cleveland for Shaq which would make all the basketball writers in the world start talking about a Lakers - Cavs / Kobe - Shaq & LeBron final for the next 365 days.

5. Relocation Update
So I think we're staying here for the time being. Leaving any time soon just doesn't make financial sense and I mean, why not enjoy our summer as opposed to slugging freight across Canada once again? We're still looking, but just not as intently right now.

6. Happy 55th Battle Axe!
Not that she reads iBlog, but yesterday was my mom's 55th birthday. Yes, I called her Battle Axe. I call her many things. The one I call her most - though not when she's in earshot - is best friend. She annoys the shit out of me sometimes, but ol' Faye (yes, another nickname) is pretty great. Don't tell her I said that.

7. Busy, Busy, Busy
Five shifts at Kelsey's including a couple "Clopens" - close one night, open the next morning, grand total of about 10 hours between the two - along with four sites to write for as much as possible, a great article / feature to prep and, oh right, the book to finish prepping and get sent out. That doesn't even take into account the state of disrepair this house is currently in either...

8. Television Sucks
Maybe the more appropriate thing to say is Summer television sucks. There is nothing that I want to watch. All my favs (House, Grey's, Law & Order, SVU) are all in repeats and the summer programming is brutal. I've even grown sick of Iron Chef America re-runs and House Hunters International. Maybe I should go to the library and get some books to read?

9. Speaking of Libraries...
It's pronounced library, not libary and it frustrates me when people say otherwise. No, not fustrates - frustrates. Bad grammar and pronunciation drives me mental and there has been a whole lot of it around me in the last seven days.

10. The Head-Shaving Has Stopped
After more than a year of continuously not having hair for more than 10 days at a time, I've stopped shaving my head... sort of. The mohawk is back, baby and better than ever!

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10 Things I Learned this Week

Breaking out a brand new Albert this week. Why? Why not? Let's get to it ...

1. 'Net Working
Over these last seven days, I've really learned the power of working the social networking scene on my computer to the best of my advantage. The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour is still in full force and has thus far yielded a great interview, a couple solid links and a handful of opportunities for the future.

2. My Work Analogy
Saturday night I had no interest in dealing with 95% of the people I work with. I get like that some times. In thinking about it, I came up with the most apt analogy of the situation: work is like high school and I'm the new artsy kid who doesn't really know anyone. I've got a few friends, but for the most part, I don't know the people you're bitching about and I don't care to, so we stay out of each others' way.


3. Too Close?
I've been spending more time than ever before immersed in the world of Mixed Martial Arts and I think my prediction skills are suffering because of it. Saturday night's Strikeforce card yielded a 4-7 record and while I'm doing well tonight with the WEC fights (5-3 with 2 to go), I'm still way under .500 on Keyboard Kimura and that is horrible.

4. Booking My Ticket to Stardom
This week, I'm sending out my book proposal. It's done, as is the query letter and I'm not wasting any time. As many agents as I can possibly find who are accepting the type of manuscript that I'm hawking will be receiving the 22-page offering for their consideration. The more the merrier... and more likely to find someone willing to make like ABBA and take a chance on me.

5. It's Been Seven Months...
So why should it surprise anyone that we're investigating another move? This is what we do. Actually, we're looking because Sarah's job isn't as rewarding or enjoyable as she'd hoped - being 50% over capacity every shift can do that to you - and we know we don't want to spend forever in Kimberley. That means moving sooner rather than later makes the most sense. Feel free to submit your "Move Here" requests in the comments. Or your "Don't Move Here" alerts as well.

6. One More Win
A win tomorrow night and my Detroit Red Wings are once again Stanley Cup Champions. Man, that has a nice ring to it. To the fans of everyone else in the NHL: Suck It!

7. Speaking of the NHL
Listening to Gary Bettman talk about trying to ensure the Phoenix Coyotes remain in Phoenix is so frustrating. You can't cling to a "we don't want to abandon markets" argument when you have a track record of doing it. Winnipeg, Quebec City and Minnesota all got ditched, in part, just because. Fan support was far better in each of those cities than it is in several US markets right now and nothing prevented the Jets from flying to the desert, Les Nordiques from heading to Denver and the North Stars heading to south to Dallas. I'd respect him more if he just admitted it was about money.

8. Been a Great Food Week
Sarah's been off all week, so we've had time to make some serious meals around here and I must say how rewarding and enjoyable they've been. Neither of us are gourmets by any stretch, but even just having some homemade BBQ burgers yesterday was far better than anything Kelseys or the fast food joints could offer, not to mention 3000 times healthier. What makes it more satisfying is that it really doesn't take any longer to make something great and fresh like we've done all week than it does to open a box or order a pizza. I never would have said these things two years ago ...

9. Three Words: Bud Light Lime
I know the naysayers will lobby that it's simply a light beer infused with lime, something you can do to every bottle of beer you ever open. I get that. But I also like something light and refreshing in the summer that I can drink by the case and this hits the spot. To me, it's a higher quality Corona; better beer, hint of lime already there and none of the dangerous Mexican contaminants of los cervezas. I don't care if you think it's stupid - I love it.

10. Working Sucks
To prove this isn't just sour grapes from a guy making no money slinging drinks and piling plates, I've made $300 in the last 24 hours at the restaurant, so no, it isn't about money. It's about being sick of the bitching and the bass-ackwards approach always taken to doing business. Bars shouldn't run out of draft beer, especially not Canadian and you certainly shouldn't be putting the overstocked something else on the that line and calling it Canadian. Don't cut everyone before people have even had a chance to come into and eat; you just end up leaving someone fucked every time. Want to keep labor costs low? Don't have 14 people in the kitchen and keep a couple front of house staff. I can't keep doing this; I'm going insane. Cross those fingers for a book deal people.

See you next Sunday!

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. I'm Good at What I Do
For the last couple months, I've heard a lot of whining at work about not making any money and tips being horrible. In fact, I heard it through most of the winter too. Funny, I seem to make pretty decent cash every time I put on the apron and offer up food and drink. Then again, I'm also visible to my tables and willing to treat them like human beings, as opposed to inconvenient sacks of flesh that force me to earn my wages.

2. Misguided Attention
Somehow, I've spent a lot of time flicking through the channels this week and one thing I've really come to realize is that our media spends an awful lot of time talking about complete and utter bullshit. Headline News dedicates at least 12 hours a day to scandals and murder trials, analyzing it from every possible angle, while TLC is no longer about Learning whatsoever. It's about "Reality" or the fake version of it that works on television. No wonder I've spent so much time on the computer this week - there is nothing good to watch.



3. The Dog's Name is Chase
Yesterday's reports of rescuing a dog named Jake were incorrect; it turns out his name is Chase. That's the only part of the story that wasn't on point though, as talking with the woman yesterday revealed that she was "certain I closed that back door" before heading off to work. Wanna know how to be sure? Lock the damn thing. Easy.

4. Three Wins Away from Fulfilling My Prophecy
After a win in Game 1 yesterday, my Detroit Red Wings are three wins away from once again hoisting the Stanley Cup. Accept it now people: this is going to happen. What they will also do is fulfill my prediction from a few years back that the Wings would win two Cups before the Leafs won one. I didn't say it was rocket science or anything, but I thought it would take longer than three years to prove me right.

5. Pessimists Suck
Understand that I am an insane optimist - things are always going to work out even when there isn't an apparent solution, good things are going to happen and all that jazz. That being said, it still amazes me how negative some people can be about their work and their passions. I know writing is a tough road to travel, but telling that in excruciating detail is not necessary. Thanks for raining on my parade. Luckily, I carry an umbrella, just in case.

6. Somebody Has to be that One in a Million
I know I'm an optimist and making it in this business is a long shot, but doesn't someone have to be that one in a million? Three months ago, no one knew who Susan Boyle was. Now, she has a record deal and is known around the world. The Shack started as a personal project with 20 printed copies for friends and family. Now it's sold more than 2 million copies. You can't win if you don't buy a ticket and just because you don't want to buy tickets anymore doesn't mean I shouldn't start.

7. The Deer Aren't So Bad
Since moving here, people have warned us that the deer are nuts and will actually charge at you instead of running away from you like most woodland creatures will do. On numerous occasions this week, those people have been proven wrong. The pug and I run into at least two deer a day on our walks and by keeping calm and walking slowly, the deer bound down the hill in the opposite direction without any fuss.

8. The Shameless Self-Promotion Tour is Working
Readership is up everywhere. The fan base is growing daily and all the hours I put in networking away on Facebook and Twitter and everywhere else have paid off with my first official MMA interview with light heavyweight prospect Cody "Donnybrook" Donovan.

9. Tiananmen Square Was 20 Years Ago
You know how there are those pictures that will always be burned in your memory? The Tank Man from China's Tiananmen Square Protests in 1989 is one of those images for me. How was that possibly 20 years ago already? Where has the time gone?

10. Patiently Waiting, Though the Patience is Waning
If we're doing this, let's do this, but if we can't, just tell me so that I can find someone who can. Big things are coming and I want to be ready.

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10 Things I Learned

There are some old favorites and some new morsels of information, so settle in and say hello to Albert...

1. I've Finally Started
After talking about the project for what seems like eternity, I got off my ass and started my book this week. Actually, I started the proposal and query letter, but that is more important to be honest. Aiming to have this stage completed by next weekend. Going to take time though.

2. Turns Out I'm Free 'til Friday
Good thing I work at a restaurant without any customers! Instead of continuing to be exceptionally annoyed by the constant strain of "don't worry, you're going to get shifts," only to see two shifts on my schedule, I'm looking at it as a means to finishing the above mentioned project. Thanks for the time off...

3. A New Outlet
No, I'm not still yammering on about Keyboard Kimura, although you should most certainly visit iBlog's sister site as frequently as possible. This is about MMA 4 Real, an MMA site based in North Carolina that now features this guy as a routine poster in the FanPosts section as an audition for bigger and better.

4. Getting the Name Out There
Thanks to all 121 people who have taken part in the Shameless Self-Promotion Tour to this point, joining the Facebook Fan Page and helping circulate my name through your social networks. Believe me when I say that in the near future you'll be able to say, "I knew him when..."

5. Best Commercial Ever
Nothing beats the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World" ad that is running right now. Of course, I might be biased as I am currently enjoying a Dos Equis and have liked the beer since a trip to California seven years ago. Anyway, I too want to live vicariously through myself and have an awkward moment just to know what it feels like. Stay thirsty, my friends!

6. Ghetto Vacations
We've got some serious redneck camping going on in the building across the way from us. A collection of Alberta families has invaded for the long weekend and have setup a patio table in the parking lot. They've also flooded a portion of the lot to allow their children - all 18 of them - to play in the water, instead of, I dunno, buying a $12 plastic kiddy pool at WalMart. Some kids get to go to Disneyland, some get to camp out in a parking lot. You can't make this stuff up.

7. The Blue Jays are Killing Me
Don't get me wrong - I'm happy to see the boys doing well as they earned the series sweep of the White Sox today. But man is it tough to swallow having walked away from them and proclaimed them dead back in January and see them playing so well. My man Chalk assures me that it will all come to an end soon, but right now, I just don't see it. They might have a little something going...

8. My First Mention of the Red Wings All Playoffs
I have been trying not to say anything about my boys from Detroit, but now that they're through to the Conference Finals - for the 8th time in 12 years or something like that - I'd like for everyone to acknowledge the utter dominance of the Red Wings. They may have looked shaky here and there, but in the end, the best team always wins and Detroit is clearly the best team.

9. Thoughts on Dana White
UFC President Dana White has been in the news all week after a segment about the foul-mouthed figurehead of the MMA giant aired on ESPN's E:60. While I don't always agree with the things that White says or the colorful language that he prefers, I have no problem with him as the head of the biggest organization in the sport I love. If we had a Roger Goodell or a David Stern in charge, MMA would have failed long before it got to the point they're at now. Could he clean up his language and stop the tirades at members of the media? Sure, but that is who Dana is and for better or worse, he's great for the sport.

10. I Forgot to Tell You Last Week...
But X-Men Origins: Wolverine was awesome! Just awesome. They did a great job with the relationship between Logan and Victor "Sabretooth" Creed, Deadpool was wicked and you could barely recognize Ryan Reynolds when he came out and there are sure to be more Origins flicks or spin-offs in the near future and I'll be seeing every one.

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Today Sucks!

D'you know how annoyed I have to be to get out of bed before 7:30 in the morning even on a good day?

D'you know that the chances of me getting out of bed before 7:30 in the morning when I'm feeling like death warmed over on a Saturday are close to the chances of me being elected Prime Minister of Indonesia?

D'you know that I was up knocking on the door of the lovely people who live above us this morning at roughly 7:30 this morning because that is when the banging started?

Seriously... today sucks.

As the door cracked open, I know that she knew it was me. Who else could be lightly knocking on her door at this hour? Before I even said a word she had started to apologize, despite the fact that her apology doesn't do anything about helping me get back to sleep, a mere four hours after I shut down for the night.

What has made today even more awesome is that I didn't fall back asleep, chiefly because, well, how can I put this? I know - I'm been stuck in the shitter all day. Lord knows what it was, but something I ate last night sure doesn't like me today.

Wait, it gets better yet!

Since about two this afternoon, there has been wrestling practice upstairs. Not literally, as that would actually make all the thunderous bangs that echo through my apartment tolerable. This has been unsanctioned, backyard wrestling, forced inside by the cold temperatures outdoors and involves a child repeated running, jumping, crashing and banging into everything imaginable. For an added bonus, every so often he slams into something unintentionally and let's out a banshee's wail for a solid five minutes. Oh, their friends just came over too. Nothing like a night of mud butt and gut rot with a herd of elephants trampling around above you...

The only way this could get worse is if I threw up a little. Not like a full out puke, then I would feel better, but a nice little throw up in my mouth a little so the taste and smell lingers, making me even sicker. That would be the cherry on the top of this shitty Saturday sundae.

Thankfully I've got a stack of movies and my Wings pounding the Leafs to keep me from going and leaving a flaming bag of poop on their doorstep upstairs. That and Sarah would leave me instantly, regardless of how funny I thought it was.

If tomorrow starts off like today, I'm not even getting out of bed. Just thought I'd tell you now in case you swing by tomorrow and don't see a 10 Things post.

I gotta go though - My ass is ready to explode... again!

(You're Welcome...)

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