The world is coming to an end, just as pictured above.
How do I know this?
Not because the Mayans said that 2012 would be the last year existence and someone has made a very big budget movie out of the premise that is coming to theatres soon.
No, I have other reasons.
Jon and Kate Gosselin are two of the biggest stars in the world right now, that's reason #1. Here are two people who are ostensibly famous because they had six kids at once and have eight kids in total.
Wow... too bad my great grandparents were born when they were. They had 11 kids and surely would have made for some quality TLC programming.
Next, we're a nation of hypochondriacs or at the very least, pansies.
Acid reflux isn't a disease like the latest commercial for a "cure" tries to convince you. Polio is a disease. Cancer is a disease. Diseases can't be cured by a pill you can buy off the shelf at your local drugstore.
Acid reflux is a pain in the ass reaction to hammering back way too much spicy food or what causes Ashley Simpson to sing the wrong song on Saturday Night Life, but it is certainly not a disease.
DeVry is now a university. While it used to be the place you turned when community college wasn't even an option, now you can roll into one of forty thousand former DeVry Institutes in the world and get the same degree I spent $10,000 earning at the University of Waterloo.
Granted, I didn't work all that hard and couldn't tell you where my actual degree is right now, but still, DeVry is not a university.
Lady Gaga is one of the top-selling artists in the world, everything is created so that it can be used or viewed on your iPhone, and they now how shows to discuss shows after the initial show is aired.
Seriously, is there really a need to have a bunch of people sitting around, talking about what just happened on The Hills or The City or The Bachelor?
How else do you explain it than the coming of the apocalypse?
It's either the apocalypse or we're slowly becoming a nation of complete morons.
Either way, I hope it ends soon.
Note: sorry we're so late today... the Internet has been being stupid around here lately. Won't happen again.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Signs of The Apocalypse
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Dishonor Roll: Popular Music
Let me make this clear: there are outstanding bands and musicians out there who I love and could listen to for hours on end.
You know this, of course, seeing as I don't have much trouble coming up with a Soundtrack song every Friday.
That being said, the current state of Pop Music is absolutely atrocious and yes, that includes my man Kanye!
Let's start with Mr. West, shall we?
One of the best MCs to come along in some time, Kanye has given up delivering descriptive lyrics and telling stories over tight beats to hook up an auto-tuner and record 808's and Heartbreak, an album of "him" singing. I say "him" because, well, it's not actually him. It's the auto-tuned version of him and it's craptacular.
Which transitions beautifully into Ms. Britney Spears, making her third appearance on the Dishonor Roll. Not one to shy away from letting a computer "enhance" her vocal abilities, Brit-Brit gets lumped into this angry rant against current songs in heavy rotation for the lovely little ditty "If You Seek Amy" and it's touching lyrics.
All of the boys and all of the girls are dying to if you seek Amy.
For those who are missing what the ever-so-crafty former Mrs. Federline is saying, here's that last part phonetically: F-U-C-K me.
Classy.
Then there is Akon.
I've actually seen Akon in concert; he performed at this tight show I went to in England for the Prince's Trust. He happened to be on the bill, while I was there for Common, De La Soul, The Streets and Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince.
Anyway, even in those early days, everything Akon put out sounded the same. "Living in the Ghetto" sounded a lot like "Locked Up" and the pattern has continued throughout his discography. There is absolutely nothing unique about his current single "Beautiful" to distinguish it from any other Akon song, so what gives?
Of course, I've already covered my current least favorite artist Lady Gaga, so I won't go into that any further, other than to say that I hope her and her poker face fall off the face of the Earth sometime soon.
Find the good music people... it's out there. You might have to look harder, but it's out there and so much more enjoyable!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Seriously... What's With This Chick?
If you don't know, this is Lady Gaga.
She's a big hit in the music world right now and I for one have absolutely no idea why. Have you heard her music? Poker Face? Just Dance? Love Game, where she tells you that she wants to ride on your disco stick?
Now, some may think I'm just being a crotchety old man who is ripping a chick for being not-so-coyly sexual after years of rap artists doing the same, but she can be as sexual as she wants. That isn't my issue.
My issue is that she actually sucks. Everyone can sound great with an auto-tuner and a catchy dance beat. Add to that the ridiculous outfits - she pretty much wears bedazzled bathing suits and jackets with shoulder pads all the time - not to mention the face paint or masks and you have the makings of one craptacular artist.
What makes it worse is that she is actually a classically trained musician who has written hits for various people.
Too bad all that has to be covered up by some elaborate stage persona and ridiculous attire...
Bring back good music!
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