You can dress up a job title or award to sound better than it actually is pretty easily.
Subway has Sandwich Artists. I once convinced everyone that I spent my summers working construction as a Site Delivery Liaison Technician, a title I invented to avoid telling people I was a go-fer.
That being said, there is one title that cannot be saved - The Biggest Loser.
Think it through for a minute or two. We all know that it comes from the television weight loss show, but is there a more unfortunate moniker around that being crowned The Biggest Loser? I think not.
Unless you're going to preface everything you say with, "So I was on that weight-loss show and I won," you're stuck answering every single person who stops you and asks, "Where do I know you from?" with, "I'm the biggest loser."
No matter how you follow-up, you immediate image conjured up in the minds of everyone who hears those words is the academically-apt gentleman pictured at the opening of this post. Actually, the real "biggest loser" is probably a little south of the guy pictured; hair a little messier, glasses a little more broken, nice set of braces and an unironic Care Bears t-shirt sounds about right.
I'm no physical specimen; I could certainly stand to lose a couple lbs and my lazy ass could really benefit from spending a little more time exercising and a little less time thinking about stuff like this, but I tell you one place you'd never find me.
On a show that awards me for winning by branding me in front of thousands - if not millions of people - The Biggest Loser.
I'll stick to being a little chubby and marginally cool, thanks.
Monday, July 6, 2009
What's in a Name?
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Things I Learned This Week
Notice the title isn't 10 Things I Learned This Week ... the winds of change are blowing through iBlog.
1. I Should Have Been Posting on Bleacher Report Months Ago
The only way to build a following is to get your work to the greatest number of people imaginable and see what happens. That was my reasoning for starting to post on Bleacher Report; that and syndication on CNNSI, but still. In the short period of time I've been there, my work is getting read with increased frequency and comments are pouring in. And Press Credentials have already been offered to me too ...
2. Truly Freelance
Not only am I a freelance writer, turns out I'm a freelance bartender as well. Worked a wedding last night for a friend of my boss and in the process, I picked up another wedding for the same crowd later in the summer. Even if its half as easy and half as lucrative as last night, it will surely be better than a night at Kelsey's.
3. My Dog is Growing Up
He sleeps in his own bed now, without quarrel and without being forcibly directed to his kennel. In other news, my wife and I can actually cuddle in bed again for the first time in over a year.
4. Getting Closer to Completion
My man Newt has been working on a site for me for some time now and we're getting close to breaking it out. It'll be a one-stop shopping center for all things E. Spencer Kyte, including both iBlog and Keyboard Kimura. Hopefully we'll be rolling it out soon.
5. Booster Juice Might Bump Starbucks for the Summer
I love coffee, but summer is a time for refreshing, not overly-caffeinated hot beverages, so a switch to Booster Juice stops before running around in Cranbrook could be in order. Not only is it a more refreshing and cooling choice, the store is right there across the parking lot from SuperStore meaning we use less gas. For the record, Brazilian Thunder is the pick.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
What's with the Ron Howard Cameo?
Like countless others, I'm kind of mesmerized by Jamie Foxx's "Blame It" and in watching the video recently, I have one question...
Ron Howard? Seriously?
I know you're a huge star Foxx and you can have pretty near anyone in your videos just by picking up the phone, but Opie? Really?
Watch the video; it's loaded with cameos including Jake Gyllenhall, Samuel L. Motherfuckin' Jackson, Forest Whitaker and Quincy Jones. While Jake G. doesn't necessarily fit, at least he's young and hip and the chicks dig him.
But Ron Howard?
Friday, July 3, 2009
Soundtrack of My Life
Song: Stay
Artist: SafetySuit
Album: Life Left to Go (2008)
Totally addicted to this song right now.
It plays routinely on XM Radio in the bar and I've learned all the words just from listening to it. I know that makes me sound like a bit of a geek, but let's face it, we all knew I was a bit of a geek already.
These guys are a perfect indictment of everything that is horribly wrong with the current state of music, because I guarantee there loads of people who have never heard of SafetySuit - I hadn't before this song - and they are actually pretty damn awesome, yet we get bombarded by Britney and the pop sluts, Auto-tuner hip hop and 47,000 Nickelback songs.
Seriously, this is what great rock music is supposed to sound like Mr. Kroeger, not the junk you boys from Hanna have been putting out as of late. Have a listen and go record something I want to hear.
Along with Kings of Leon, OAR and Shinedown's latest, these guys have made me almost stop listening to hip hop altogether right now. Note - I said almost. Old School classics still bump with regularity, but not much new stuff... that's just how it goes.
Anyway, have a listen and I guarantee you'll be hooked just like I was.
Happy Weekend, Fuckers!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
What? It's 2:00?
As cliche as the notion and cheesy as the picture may be, I'm somehow sitting here writing this post at shortly after 2:00 in the afternoon with no idea where the earlier part of the day went.
Admittedly, I got up later than originally planned, but it's not like 9:30 is crazy late or anything. Since then, we took the dog for his morning walk and I've been pounding on the keys every since. How that turned into nearly four hours of my day is beyond me...
What I will say is that the overly quick lapse of time while spent working on all things MMA this morning (and afternoon evidently) should be a clear indication to anyone who thinks it's all fun and games for me and my fellow starving artists trying to craft a career on the Internet.
Sure, I love what I do and wouldn't change it for the world, but I would certainly love to have a couple of those hours back to spend vegging on the couch with the wife or joining her and the dog on a hike, instead of taking four hours to write two articles and continue the Shameless Self-Promotion Tour.
But this is what I have to do to give myself the best chance at making writing my career. Either that, or they need to introduce writing as an Olympic event so that my not getting paid to do what I do would equate to maintaining my amateur status and give me a chance at winning a medal.
Unlike the Mexican bandit leader in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, I need badges!
Or medals or something...
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