The Rundown: Welcome to Frustration

For no real discernible reason, I've been kind of on edge and grumpy the last little while.

It seems like all kinds of little thing evoke a stronger reaction than normal and I more and more things bug me than ever did before.

Why? I don't know. Just a cycle I'm in I suppose.

As such, I thought I'd let you know the things that fire me up the most these days, you know, so you'll known how to push my buttons.

Top Five Frustrations

5. Mispronouncing the Word Frustration
Yes, I'm a bit of a stickler for this stuff because I spend a great deal of my days dealing with words and language, but c'mon people.

How you get "fustration" is about as ridiculous as saying "libary" or "axing" me a question. There are more than enough challenging words in the world for everyone to mispronounce (myself very much included) that we don't need to butcher some basics.

4. Complainers
This one is a bit dicey, because I've been known to do my own fair share of whining. I'm working on it though, one day at a time like rehab.

Too bad more people couldn't do the same.

One of the things that I've come to learn in the last few years of bouncing around the country, rocking bad jobs and making no money is that if you're unhappy with your situation, you have two options: change it or shut up.

If you don't want to work to improve your lot in life, I don't want to hear about how crappy your career, marriage, kids or anything else are.

3. Bugs
This one is completely petty and there is nexct to nothing I can do to change it, but they still make me mental.

We've been trying to get out and about more lately, enjoying Sarah's slack-ass August along with the sunshine and surroundings, but everywhere we go, bugs follow. And not just a couple flies here and there.

I'm a walking wasp magnet; the little fuckers won't leave me alone. Not when we were camping and not when we hit up the lake yesterday with the mongrel. Totally open to suggestions if anyone has some.

2. The North American Obsession with Fake Stars and Dead Stars
Why in the world is the media still talking about Michael goddamn Jackson? Dude has been dead for like six weeks now... let him be.

Jon and Kate's every move does not need to be reported on CNN, nor do the daily lives of Octomom, murderous Reality TV "stars" and countless pseudo-celebrities who get more airplay than people who actually make a difference in the world.

Sometimes I think it would be nice to live in the Middle of Nowhere, New Zealand or someplace like that, where no one gives two shits about any of this ridiculousness... provided they have the Internet.

1. Elitists
Yes, this is pretty general, but I can sum it up for you like this:

Despite what you think, you're not really better than everyone because you have money / went to a certain school / are of a certain race / have more experience at something arbitrary and if you think you are, people like me will take pleasure in reminding you that it is not the case.

This one transferred over to mixed martial arts today on Keyboard Kimura, as some fans think they're better, more real fans than others. How is that even possible?

Consider yourself appropriately warned.

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The Most Meaningless Word in the World: Celebrity

To be a celebrity used to mean something. A certain status, a certain level of success, a little cache if you please. Celebrity meant you were a star, a somebody and recognizable figure that people wanted to see.

The word as lost all it's meaning though, and there is no better proof of that than "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!"


When the most "celebrity" contestants of your celebrity contestants are John Salley and Torrie Wilson, you've got issues and you can consider the word itself dead and buried. Let's look at the rest of the cast:

Sanjaya Malakar
Lou Diamond Phillips
Stephen Baldwin
Daniel Baldwin
Janice Dickinson
Frangela
Patricia Blagojevich
Holly Montag

The biggest celebrities that were on the show were that super-douche Spencer Pratt and his wife Heidi, but the jungle was too much for them, so they split. In their place, Heidi's sister Holly, someone I've never heard of in my life.

Same goes for Patricia Blagojevich. How does your husband trying to sell President Barack Obama's Illinois Senate seat make you a celebrity? Just because you're standing there when all the cameras are going off doesn't mean people are taking your picture. Sorry sweetie, you're background filler.

And don't even get me started on washed up actors that I used to enjoy. Stephen Baldwin was great in Threesome and The Usual Suspects, while Lou Diamond Phillips will always be Ritchie Valens to me, but neither has been relevant for years, not to mention Daniel Baldwin.

While I clearly wasn't around for them, I miss the old days, when movie stars were movie stars and celebrities actually did something to earn their place on pedestals and magazine covers. Now, all you've got to do is be a former supermodel or the longest lasting bad contestant in American Idol history and poof you're a celebrity.

Then again, you get the same treatment if you pop out eight kids too, whether they're all at once or two followed by six.

Celebrity (noun): anyone who has ever had 15 minutes of fame and been on the glossy pages of InTouch, Us Weekly or OK! Magazine. Talent not required.

Shoot me now ...

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What Did You Say?

I've enjoyed my time out here, but I wouldn't say I loves it. I wouldn't say I hates it either. I wouldn't say either of those things because they are not grammatically correct and make my ears bleed every time someone says them.

My Ontario homecoming is less than two weeks away and while there are a number of people and things I am certainly going to miss, the frustrating bastardization of the English language is certainly not one of them.

Yes, everywhere has their own little dialect that produces strange contractions and slang, but nowhere on Earth is quite like Newfoundland.

If someone is victorious over another in a competition, what would you say he/she did? They beat you, right? Nope, not here. Here, they bet you. Seriously, bet.

What's the plural of you, used to describe a collection of people? It's you, no? No, it's yee. Yee, as in "Do yee have that movie?"

Adding an "s" to the end of things isn't unilaterally acceptable either, as in the loves and hates example that batted lead-off for this rant. It also doesn't work in the following forms:

• I gots that at home
• I wants to see that
• I eats there all the time

Like I said earlier, I understand and accept some of the regional slang and speech, in so far as it has been used so much around me that it doesn't have an impact on me any longer.

Yes B'y is now an acceptable positive response to a statement or question.

Whattaya At? - while I still have no idea how it means "What's Up?" - is commonplace and occasionally even rolls off my tongue from time to time.

Its cousin from out around the bay "Where Ya To?" however has never and will never be part of my lexicon, as no part of that phraseology conveys the idea of "Where are you?" to me.

And for those that are wondering, "out around the bay" is basically any place that isn't the City of St. John's. See, you either live in "The City" or "Out Around the Bay."

The unfortunate thing, and I say this with the utmost love and affection for my Newfie friends and readers, is that to "a Mainlander" like me, even the smartest person on the island sounds a little slow uttering some of these words and phrases.

Mind you, it's not your fault.

It's what yee were taught and yee had no say in what yee learns in school. Dats just how it is b'y.

Ah Newfie-isms... how I won't miss yee.

One last thing - it's a can of pop, not a can of drink. You don't ask for a glass of drink, you ask for a glass of something specific - juice, pop, water, booze, whatever. Not drink!

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The Rundown: It's All About The Wordplay

Yes, I just used a Jason Mraz (Mr. A to the Z himself) lyric as the title of today's post, but trust me, it is quite appropriate. It's Wednesday and it's time for a Rundown...

Top Five Favourite Words

5. Balls

And no, I don't mean basket or base... though I am a fan of those too! I mean good ole nuts. I use this word so often that I have convinced Sarah that it would make the perfect name for our future dog because if we don't name him (and it will be a him) Balls, he'll develop a complex for sure because I say it so often. Things are referred to as "hot as balls," I say "Ah balls!" when something doesn't go right and just the word itself is good for a childish giggle every now and again. Go ahead, try it... say balls.

4. Passion

It is very fitting that I write for a magazine of same name. Not until I found this writing thing did I really know what it was like to be passionate about something; to feel that deep gutteral desire to be doing that thing you love and the sense of accomplishment one feels from finding success in those endeavours. There is a reason the Greeks used to ask of a man when he died, "Did he have passion?"

3. Knowledge

Simply because there is huge difference between being knowledgeable and being smart. I know people who are insanely booksmart and have zero knowledge to speak of and vice versa. You can acquire knowledge in countless ways and I honestly believe that a portion of life should be about our never-ending quest for knowledge. I always want to learn more, whether it is about a topic I know little about or something I am well-versed in. Knowledge is power...

2. Fuck

The most dynamic, multi-purposed word in the world is easily number two in my books and how could it not be? Think of all the ways it can be used or better yet, watch this video that illustrates them for you you fucking fucker!

1. Free

Liberated... without restrictions and borders and llimitations... able to choose your own path and make your own adventure... void of persecution... without a price, monetary or otherwise... original and unrehearsed... spontaneous... free.

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