Just when you think it's over, the heiress says something completely ridiculous that makes me laugh harder than I have in weeks.
In the soon-to-be-released documentary, "Paris, Not France," the socialite discusses her life and at one point (apparently) comes to the startling revelation that she'll never be able to be like the woman she grew up admiring, Princess Diana, because of her DUI arrest, sex tape and time in jail.
Yep, those are the only reasons.
I can't think of anything else that differentiates the two of you...
I mean, we all remember all the magazine layouts Diana did wearing next to nothing and the crappy catchphrases she tried to trademark.
And who can forget all the humanitarian efforts Paris has put forth over the years?
Diana comments aside, my favorite part of the trailer for the flick is when she talks about finding out her actual sex tape was online and everyone was laughing at her.
Yes, it's the most intimate thing you can do with another person. However, taping it can only lead to potential disaster, especially when you're a "celebrity" and especially when you're willing to go on camera spreading your legs for a notorious slimeball like Rick Solomon.
Awesome. Simply awesome.
Monday, May 18, 2009
God Bless Paris Hilton
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Dishonour Roll: Bro - Anything!
Before getting all surly, lemme wish you a Merry Christmas!
With that out of the way, let us begin, shall we?
The term bro is quite possibly my least favourite colloquialism in the entire English language. As if someone other than Peter Kyte or perhaps Francis Santos calling me brother wasn't bad enough, we had to go and be all lazy, shortening brother to bro, in the process creating the worst word ever.
GQ rightfully called out the word "bro" a bunch of months ago as being the most annoying and obnoxious thing one guy could call another.
Pictured is Brody Jenner, who obviously starts out with a -1 because his name contains the word in question.
What helps Brody fall even further into the negative is his new MTV series that is set to premiere any day now... Bromance.
As if he wasn't already the closest male approximation of Paris Hilton around, Brody is now following in Paris' reality TV foot steps by searching for a new friend to add to his entourage in the most ridiculously named series in the history of television.
Yes, Bromance is worst than Game Show in My Head, but not by much.
You know things are bad when I'm calling you out; I mean, I'm the guy who has confessed his man crushes and openly cops to being metrosexual without batting an eye, but Bromance? C'mon.
If I ever said to my boys back home that our friendship was a bromance, I would be looking for new friends. Anyone with halfway normal guy friends would be and rightfully so.
D'you know you uses terms like bromance?
Douchebags.
Guys with popped collars.
People who still wear visors and still have them cocked to the side a little.
The "My New Haircut Guy" from YouTube.
No one likes any of those guys, except for maybe the guys he's bromantic with...
There, do you see how stupid it sounds?
Don't be a douchebag - just say no to bro!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Since When is the NY Post So Behind?
In today's New York Post, Page Six asks the question, "Is Paris Over?" after the heiress was mercilessly booed before she even took the stage at some designer's daughter's Birthday celebration over the weekend.
Memo to the New York Post: Paris Was Over A Couple Years Ago!
I never much cared for the talentless tramp, but there is no denying that there was a period of time when she was without question the most widely known and discussed member of the Pop Culture pantheon.
The Simple Life was a surprise smash for Fox.
She started "acting" in movies.
Her image was everywhere.
Like it or not, Paris Hilton was relevant, at least in a "Who gets the most media exposure?" kind of way.
But that was a couple years ago, before she became "a singer" and started dating guys named Stavros and Paris and long before she broke up with whatever Madden she was dating.
Her show on MTV, Paris Hilton's My New BFF epitomizes how over Paris truly is.
For starters, the term BFF is passe seeing as it made appearances in cell phone ads.
The ratings are horrible and more importantly there are new reality television "stars" that people have been flocking to much more fondly than Paris over the past number of years. The Heiress can't hold a candle to the cast of The Hills.
Personally, I think Paris should welcome this downturn in attention. Without the cameras constantly in her face, maybe she could spend a little time finding a career or a hobby or something other than being rich and famous for absolutely nothing.
Look at her little sister. I haven't heard word one about Nicky Hilton in ages and I betcha she's doing just fine thankyouverymuch...
The basic rule is that when you have to ask if something or someone is over, you've already answered your own question.
Paris Hilton is over. May she disappear into the sunset, never to be heard from again.
Monday, February 18, 2008
27 Years of Useless
I can't believe I forgot about this in 10 Things yesterday...
On February 17, 1981, Paris Whitney Hilton was welcomed into the world by parents Rick and Kathy Hilton.
On February 18, 1981, she started to become famous for doing absolutely nothing.
Actually, that isn't true. Paris is famous for a lot of things:
- One Night in Paris
- The Simple Life
- Really Bad Acting
- Even Worse Albums
- Trying to trademark the phrase "That's Hot"
- Showing off her vagina to anyone standing around while she exits a car
- Horrible Driving
- Once being engaged to a guy named Paris
- Popularizing carrying around little dogs as accessories
She's the former BFF of such noteworthy pseudo-talents as fellow crotch shot enthusiasts Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, as well as Simple Life co-star Nicole Richie and fellow "famous for absolutely nothing" Reality TV star Kim Kardashian.
Her list of former flames include male models (Jason Shaw), Avril's husband (Deryck Whibly of Sum 41), a Backstreet Boy (Nick Carter), The Sleaziest Man on Earth (Rick Soloman) and the Greek male version of herself (Stavros Niarchos).
Oh yeah, she is also the inspiration for Perez Hilton of course, which I sure as hell couldn't live without...
Happy Birthday Paris... here's to another year of doing absolutely nothing useful! Continue reading ...
Posts
