Telephones: You Remember Those Don't You?

For the first time in ages, I'm dropping two posts in one day. I hadn't planned on doing so because, well, I'm lazy and one a day seems like enough work to me, but then the phone rang and stupidity provided me with inspiration. Actually, stupidity has been a great source of inspiration from the get-go. Thanks to all the dumb-asses out there. Don't forget your helmets!

Anywho... Sarah is organizing getting grad photos done for the people in her nursing class that are interested and has apparently been emailing with this one studio that shall remain nameless. Not because I'm afraid they'd sue - I'm still penniless - but because it's not important. So the woman on the phone explains that she and Sarah have been emailing back and forth and she was looking to touch base with her when she remarked:

Whatever did we do before we had email, you know, to get in touch with people?

Somehow she was floored when I mentioned this new-fangled invention called the telephone.

Oh, you must be far younger than me because I would never have called.

Uh... what?

It's not like the Internet has been around for centuries and before that we were still sending messages via smoke signals or anything. Had this been 1987 and Sarah been working on the same task, all that would have changed was that her initial contact would have been on the telephone instead of the computer. What is so hard to comprehend about that?

I've never been one who fell for the propaganda that all this technology that we have at our fingertips is slowly making us a more stupid society - I actually think the exact opposite - but this lady is starting to make me want to examine the data myself. Well, her and all the mouth breathers who stroll the aisle of Blockbuster every night looking for the best genetically, altered, killer animal and insect movies.

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Sandra Bernhard Isn't Dead?

Wow, you really do learn something new everyday.

The totally irrelevant Bernhard is one of the females featured in the April issue of Vanity Fair as they pay tribute to the Funny Girls. Did someone forget to tell Vanity Fair that it's not 1992 or were they set on 12 ladies and couldn't think of anyone else, so they gave her a call?

Seriously, the rest of the collection is perfect and we'll get to them in a second, but Bernhard, what the fuck is she doing in there?

She was barely relevant when she was a recurring character on Roseanne. D'you know how long ago Roseanne was? So long ago that it's not even in syndication any more, that's how long. She's a loud mouth with the biggest lips in the world, but other than that, nothing. Wasn't Elizabeth Banks free?

Like I said a earlier, the rest of the ensemble is dynamite:

• Sarah Silverman (pictured above riding the porcelain) is probably the most famous right now, especially after her totally awesome birthday present to boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel. Although, apparently Kimmel has someone on the side too.
  
• Tina Fey, of Saturday Night Live, Mean Girls and 30 Rock fame
• Amy Poehler, the constant Robin to Tina Fey's Batman*
• Jenna Fischer, Pam from The Office
• Kristen Wiig who played the smart-ass E! Executive in Knocked Up
• Leslie Mann, who you'll know as the drunk chick who barfed all over Steve Carrell in The 40 Year Old Virgin
• Plus Susie Essman (Curb Your Enthusiasm), Chelsea Handler (E!'s Chelsea Lately), Maya Rudolph (SNL), Amy Sedaris (Strangers with Candy) and Wanda Sykes (Chris Rock Show)

* What is the female equivalent to this? Batman & Robin just sounds wrong here, you know, with them having vaginas and all. Although, Robin was sackless too.

Anyway, there is an ulterior motive to my name dropping the entire group from the VF shoot...

It's so you can start paying attention to these insanely talented and funny people and stop with the Dane Cook already! Seriously, Dane Cook couldn't hold Sarah Silverman's bra. Or Tina Fey's panties. Ah, Tina Fey's panties...

What was I talking about again? Right, funny ladies. Check'em out backstage at the shoot here.

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The Picture Says It All

Until further notice, posts may be a little slower in appearing here on iBlog since I'll be trying to type with my fingers crossed.

The reason for my appendage bending is that earlier today I put the finishing touches on my audition/application for Dream Job #2, the position at The Score Television Networks as an On Air host I first told you about Saturday.

As expected, my brother was more than appreciative of the head's up on the opening and less than cautious in his optimism about being the successful candidate for this opening. From where he's sitting, the job is his; no others need apply.

He has, however, been kind enough to extend to me that should I fail to get in on my own merit - which, if things go according to what he believes is karma I will - he has offered to do his best to get me a job there too! Wow... thanks Pistol. You're so swell. Sorry, that should be swollen, as in your head you freak!

Anyway, nearly three decades of sibling rivalry aside, regardless of the outcome this is a big step. There have been lots of times where I have said I was going to put together audition tapes and just never managed to get off my lazy ass (Much Music VJ Search... twice!) and I have reversed that trend with this one. The demo reel is done and on it's way to Toronto as we speak.

From here on out, it's outta my hands. I've done my part and I did it to the best of my abilities. Now, we wait, fingers crossed.

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. Sports Overkill Can Happen
I never would have imagined that I would ever say that there was too much sports coverage, but watching the coverage of the NHL Trade Deadline this past week changed that for me. Sweet Jesus did they over do it! All three networks ran 12 hours worth of television that amounted to three discussion worthy deals and a bunch of junk.

2. The Keg is Still King
My buddy Deuce had never been so we went one night this week. Can you imagine that? Never having experience the goodness that is The Keg? I know there are fancier, even more impressive steakhouses, but for a chain joint, The Keg kicks ass. It is a close second to sushi on the "Where do you want to go for dinner?" answer list.

3. Australia is My Wine Country of Choice
Enjoyed a bottle of Deakin Estate Cab with dinner and I must say, it's yet another Australian wine that was rather enjoyable. While I'll always be a proud supporter of the Niagara Region Wineries, between Lindemans, Wolf Blass, Yellow Tail and now this one, Australia is presenting some nice options.

4. Into The Wild is Really, Really Good
Listen, to each their own when it comes to Sean Penn. But do yourself a favour and pick up this movie when it comes out Tuesday. Or downloaded you pirating bastards... just watch this film. Emile Hirsch was outstanding as Christopher McCandless and the cinematography is incredible.

5. Speaking of Great Performances...
Benicio Del Toro is brilliant as a recovering heroin addict in Things We Lost in the Fire. It was a heavily dramatic weekend here at the house as far as movies goes, but both were very much worth it. Del Toro is one of those guys who I almost forget about until I see him do something like this and remember how awesome he is. Then again, how could I ever forget about Finster? I'll flip ya, flip ya for real.

6. I'm A Big Old Geek - Sports Edition
Since having seven - count'em seven - fantasy baseball teams lined up all ready for the upcoming season isn't quite enough, I dropped $20 on Sports Moguls Baseball Mogul 2008 simulation this week. You know what's better than running a fantasy team for a season? Building a fantasy dynasty that can play until the cows come home! And Chalk, if you're reading this (which I know you are), you'll be proud to know that I'm playing as your Devil Rays...

7. I'm A Big Old Geek - Writer Edition
D'you know how I spent my Friday night? Sitting on the couch reading a 375 page textbook on screenwriting. Mind you, it doesn't hurt that I felt like ass all day, but yep, nothing spells loser like a quiet Friday night on the couch reading. When did I become so old?

8. I Got My First Ever Radio Shout Out
Earlier in the week, my Editor-In-Chief over at Passion Nicole Chrysostom-Murray did a radio interview with a station in Montreal and happened to make reference to the talented writer in St. John's a couple of time. Yes, I know I should act like I've been here before Chalk, but screw it... I like being a giddy little school girl with this stuff! Peep the interview at the Passion website.

9. Triumphant Return Countdown: 37 Days
No, I'm not excited much.

10. We're Getting A Dog
Sarah's decision, not mine. Not that I'm not very much in agreement with this, but she just informed me that it's not up for debate. Once we get home, we're getting a dog. Name: Balls. Gotta love it...

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For Pete...

As noted earlier this week here on iBlog - yes, I've nicknamed my blog - I started job hunting this week for positions that are a little more relevant to the career paths I would like to venture down as I stand on the verge of 30.

In combing through the media job boards this week, I came across a posting for The Score Television Network. They're looking for On-Air talent. They are a sports network looking for on-air talent. Another way of saying that is "Hello Dream Job #2!"

Later today, I'll be sitting down in front of our digital camera and recording a demo tape to send in along with my resume, a program pitch that I was working on before I knew of the aforementioned opening and crossing my fingers. I'll also be wishing my brother the best of luck.

See, my brother was at the top of his class in the Radio & Television Arts program at Ryerson before he decided to walk away from it after his third year. School wasn't his favourite - it runs in the family - and he didn't need a degree to confirm his talents as a broadcaster. That was proven when he landed, at the time, his dream job, as a host on The Racing Network, a satellite network dedicated to horse racing. Sit and talk about horses all day, throw to a race from some track across North America, rinse and repeat. It was perfect. He was also hired as their lead guy, ahead of his friend and former classmate who finished the RTA Program.

Fast forward to today. My brother left the Dream Job years ago to pursue something even closer to his heart, racing horses on his own. It's a tough racket and he has done okay, but okay doesn't always pay the bills and keep you in the lifestyle you'd like most. So I flipped him the job posting.

If I'm being realistic, I know that pairing myself opposite my brother is a real-life David versus Goliath moment and I've got the slingshot. Sure there are loads of other people who will undoubtedly apply, but all I know is that Pete and I are both after the same brass ring and he has a better chance to grasp it. Some people would say I'm crazy for giving him the heads up, since it will undoubtedly diminish my chances at success.

For me, it was a no-brainer. He's my brother and he'd be great at the job. Better than me. And if I can make his life and that of my beautiful niece better in any way, that is what I am going to do. Even if it is at my own expense...

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