The Rundown: Actors I Hate More Than Nicolas Cage

I've actually had conversations about how much I hate Nicolas Cage.

Seriously. It was a fairly regular conversation in the Blockbuster days and seems to be somewhat universal across the male demographic, provided they have some taste in movies.

See, for every good movie Elvis' former son-in-law has done (Raising Arizona) there are two horrible movies (Ghost Rider, Bangkok Dangerous) where you think about carving your own eyes out so you don't have to see any more awful Cage acting.

What is all the more remarkable, at least to me, is that Cage doesn't even top my list of actors that I downright loathe. I present those people to you today...

Top 5 Actors I Hate More Than Nicolas Cage

5. Christian Slater
Kind of follows in the same lines as Cage, in that there have been good turns (True Romance) but more often than not, there have been bombs like Broken Arrow and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

4. Kevin Costner
Speaking of Robin of Locksley... man this guy drives me insane! Honestly, I can't remember the last movie of Costner's that I actually enjoyed. Everything for the last ten years has been crap. I can't believe this is the same guy who played Crash Davis in Bull Durham. Swing Vote? Are you kidding me?

3. Ryan Phillippe
ARGH! Not only is he a douche bag for cheating on Reese Witherspoon, but for all the people who bag on Keanu Reeves for being all monotone and shit, I present this chucklehead. He wants so desperately to be a big-time serious actor that he hasn't figured out he's nothing more than talking eye candy. Him trying to be all gripping and raw nearly ruined Stop-Loss for me. Thankfully, Joseph Gordon Levitt made it all better.
2. Paul Walker
I loved seeing his mug on the cover of Bobby Z, the direct-to-DVD gangster flick that served as his last starring role because it gave me hope that he was going the Val Kilmer route and falling off the face of the mainstream Earth. Then comes this summer's Fast & Furious, the ingeniously titled next entry in the The Fast & The Furious line. Dammit!
1. Julianne Moore
What? You thought I was going all guys? If you've been following iBlog over it's entire existence, you know how I feel about Ms. Moore. If you haven't, allow me to get you up to speed: She is the same character over and over and over again and forever ruined the character of Clarice Starling from Silence of the Lambs with her awful turn in Hannibal. Watching Next is like torture to me... Cage & Moore, together... yikes!

By the way, this wasn't a completely randomly generated idea... these guys got me thinking about it...

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Ellen Page: Forever Juno?

I watched Smart People this morning, the new to DVD flick starring Ellen Page, Dennis Quaid and Carrie Bradshaw.

In truth, I intended to watch it last night, but someone was sleepy but really wanted to watch it, so I turned it off.

Anyway, it's a pretty strong flick and I recommend it to everyone.

One thing both Sleepy McGee and I both noticed though is that no matter what Page's character was doing on screen, all we kept hearing was Juno McGuff, even though the two characters couldn't be more different.

This is what happens when you play a role that becomes a cultural phenomenon; for the next little while, all people see you as is that particular character. In the case of Nova Scotia's finest film export, that character is Juno.

Some actors are very much able to overcome this stigma.

Julia Roberts became more than Vivian the Hooker from Pretty Woman.
Tom Hanks isn't always Forrest Gump.

DeNiro isn't still Travis Bickle or Jake LaMotta.

I know that is pretty heady company to be putting young Ms. Page in, but I think she has the chops to one day earn those comparisons.

Unfortunately, it will take navigating her way around the Junofication of her characters to ensure that happens. Otherwise, she could end up like another Canuck, Keanu Reeves.

Regardless of what he has done since, every time I see Keanu Reeves on screen and I hear him talk, I am immediately reminded of one person: Theodore Logan... Ted from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Keanu isn't the only one in that club either. Not by a longshot.

Ethan Hawke is always Troy from Reality Bites. Even when he was battling Denzel in Training Day, all I could think was "When did Troy stop being a conflicted singer/songwriter and join the force?"

Matthew McConaughey is always Wooderson from Dazed and Confused. Every flick he's in I expect him to drop the line about high school girls or a well-timed al-right.

I mean it could be worse; like I said yesterday, you could just be Julianne Moore.

The next two projects for Ms. Page are going to be important steps in breaking away from the Juno typecasting.

Peacock, a thriller co-starring Cillian Murphy sounds very promising.

Drew Barrymore's directorial debut Whip It! does not. It's about an indie rock loving grrrl who takes up roller derby because she lives in Austin, Texas where, in her opinion, everything sucks.

Great... Juno on rollerskates.

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The Rundown: Works Every Time

Last night we sat around with 37 other people thoroughly enjoying The Coen Brothers latest, Burn After Reading.

If your only exposure to Joel and Ethan thus far has been last year's outstanding No Country for Old Men, do yourself a favour and go pick up all their older stuff to get a feel for their brand of funny. It's not slapstick and pratfalls for these boys.

Once you're through with Fargo and O Brother and the rest, go see Burn because it's great.

One of the things that is so great about it is John Malkovich.

What makes Malkovich so great, in general, not specifically to this particular movie, is that he doesn't do a lot of films. He picks and chooses and absolute kills everything he does. That's the way he is. I mean, I would love to see him do more because Laura Linney and Philip Seymour Hoffman have shown you can be in all kinds of movies and still be tremendous every time out, but Malkovich is Malkovich. He'd rather sit around wearing ascotts on a daily basis and do a movie every couple years... and that's cool too.

He's not alone in that regard either; there are a fair number of outstanding actors who scarcely show up on screen but deliver every time they do. In fact, I'll run'em down for you shortly. But first, ground rules or at least some understanding of where my mind goes with this.

Consider this the Anti-Julianne Moore List. There is nothing inherently bad about Julianne Moore, it's just that for me, she's in a handful of movies each year and is always just Julianne Moore. She never really overly memorable or complex or creative or interesting to me and everyone on the list that follows is. There is also the Jodie Foster Factor.

A few years back, Jodie Foster would have easily ranked near the top of this list for me. But the strength of films like Taxi Driver, The Accused and Silence of the Lambs have been diminshed greatly by her work in The Inside Man, The Brave One and Nim's Island.

Now that that is out of the way, onto the list...

The John Malkovich 5: Actors Who Are Almost Always Awesome

5. Sean Penn

Think what you want about the former Mr. Madonna, but all I need to say is this: Sean Penn gave us both Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High and the titular Sam from I Am Sam. Mix in his shady lawyer in Carlito's Way, Dead Man Walking and his great performance in Taps and you have one of the best actors of his generation.

4. Michelle Pfeiffer

Scarface loved her. Both of The Fabulous Baker Boys loved her. Batman loved her. She is so incredible she even got a bunch of no-studying, broke ass high school misfits to love her. Clearly, I love her too.

3. Sir Ben Kingsley

He's a Sir and they don't hand that shit out to just anyone. In truth, this one is maybe the most debatable because Sir Ben still shows up on screen fairly often, it's just that now he does indie flicks and smaller films and not Hollywood blockbusters. So while everyone gets to see Nick Cage blowing shit up on a regular basis, they miss Kingsley's alcoholic hitman in one of my favourite films of last year You Kill Me. Or an awesome thriller like Suspect Zero. Or Sexy Beast.

2. Meryl Streep

You can't do an awesome every time list without Meryl Streep. You just can't, because she is in fact awesome every time she stands in front of a camera. That isn't an opinion, it's fact. If said to someone that Meryl Streep is just okay most of the time, that someone could very well punch you in the mouth and call you an idiot. When you've been nominated for 937 Academy Awards, you have to be doing something right.

1. Daniel Day-Lewis

C'mon... you had to know he was topping this list. I mean, he basically does a movie every three years, gets nominated for an Oscar and wins 50% of the time to boot. He went five years between The Boxer and Gangs of New York, two more between Gangs and The Ballad of Jack and Rose and then two more before doing There Will Be Blood. He's Mr. Selective and Mr. Awesome Every Single Time.

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