10 Things I Learned This Week

1. We're Not Meant to Have a Car
Or at least, not a used car. Why? One, we're not smart enough to remember to turn off the lights, meaning the battery gets drained and we need a boost about once a month. Two, the three times we've called for a boost from CAA, we have jumper cables in the back all along. Looking would have been too easy. Three, we blew a tire Thursday night heading to Midland. That means that every time we've gone somewhere meaningful in the two months we've had this car, something has happened. It's just not worth the hassle. Oh yeah - that exhaust issue from our trip to Beamsville? $360.00. AWESOME!

2. E. Spencer Kyte, Tire Changer
Sarah didn't think I could do it. I didn't have any doubts in my mind. Never underestimate the power and skills of an angry-as-fuck smokaholic who is forced to change a tire on the side of the 400 Extension at 11PM. A few thousand curse words, a little elbow grease and a we had that tire off and changed in no time.

3. Best Wonderland Day Ever!
Thursday at the theme park was wicked. It ended up being a bright, sunny afternoon, we rode every single ride, literally, and had a killer time. Behemoth was as advertised - there is something really weird about slowly climbing up a hill at an obtuse angle that makes your heart race and your bum-hole pucker... and then you drop. Highlight of the day: My girth helping me win the Crazy Carpet Waterslide Race... I knew being chubby would come in handy one of these days!

4. Cool Hand Luke: Indestructible Dog
Luke spent the afternoon in the Kennel at Wonderland - a cool setup where you pay $6, can visit all you want and we're not forced to risk leaving him at home for 13 hours. He was on the second tier of the kennels and he was so excited when we went to pick him up at the end of the day that he didn't wait for us to grab him and place him on the floor. He jumped. Head first. Into the concrete floor. Man it was a loud thud. Luke, he bounced right up and continued being super excited as if nothing had happened. My dog is invincible.

5. Shaved Head + No Sunscreen = OUCH!
The funny thing is that I covered every other part of my body with SPF 167 so that my pasty white skin would stay pasty white. Do you think I considered running a layer of sun-blocking goodness over my freshly shaved cranium? Of course not. Now it's bright pink. And a little sore. I'm a genius.

6. I'm Not Big on Fireworks
More correctly, I'm not big on large, assembled masses of mouth-breathers collected together in a small area oohing and aahing over colourful explosions in the air, which is what I got the joy of experiencing Tuesday night for Canada Day. Adding to the misery were the geniuses who tried telling people not to stand in certain areas as they could not see - it was a giant parking lot... not reserved seating - and the dueling idiots who (a) try to back the car out amidst all the crowd and (b) the young people who feel the need to antagonize the driver even more by cursing at him, giving him the finger and standing in front of his car. Needless to say, I won't be in attendance next year.

7. My Brother-in-Law is Aces
I finally met Tim on Thursday and while we've only spent one day together, I can say without question that I will have an awesome Brother-in-Law come next April. Besides our shared interest in Guinness and soccer, our personalities work well together and our sense of humour is about the same. While it sucks that I could only spend one day with him on this trip, I'm really looking forward to getting out to Vancouver in September to hang out some more. Then we'll work on convincing him to move to Ontario...

8. Rampage versus Forrest - Can't Wait for the Rematch!
The Main Event of last night's UFC 86 card was better than advertised. These two dudes - both of whom I would put in my Top 5 fighters - went at it for five five minute rounds with Forrest Griffin coming out the new champ. Both landed some wicked blows and a rematch is an absolute must. Other than Josh Koscheck slipping loads of Chris Lytle's blood all over the Octagon was the other highlight.

9. Is It Just Me...
When I do business, I tend to be extremely diligent in my dealings with other people. If they email me, I email them back almost immediately. No one likes being left in a lurch. This week, I've been left hanging a couple times and I have to say that it drives me insane. Here is the problem - I've fulfilled my end of the arrangement but now I'm at the mercy of someone else and that, as we know, isn't a position I like to be in. As I've asked before, is it really that hard to send someone an email?

10. Operation: 185 Starts Tomorrow
Currently, I would be victorious if I was beginning Operation: 204 tomorrow, but I'm not. That means I have 19 pounds to drop to get to my ideal weight. My plan? It all starts with eating properly - not dieting, just eating properly - including all kinds of fruits and vegetables. Step Two is that MMA Training book I mentioned yesterday. Daily workouts, never skipped, no matter. Step Three is sleep. A lot can be said about the benefits of a regular sleep pattern, including how valuable it is to weight loss and better overall health. The best part of all is that I won't be alone in this effort, which is a big plus for anyone trying to get in better shape. Sarah's on board as well - not for the MMA workouts, but everything else. I'll keep you posted here in the 10 Spot from week to week. Wish me luck...

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10 Things I Learned This Week

1. If I'm There, The Blue Jays Lose
I've gone to two Blue Jays games this year. Both times, they've lost and not heartbreaking, one run losses or anything like that either. We're talking "you know the game is over by the fifth inning" type losses where you stick around until the final out to hold out hope for a comeback even though all you know you're going to get is stuck in traffic. Further research is required though...

2. Want Wedding Info? Check Our Website
Instead of doing work last night, Sarah and I spent the better part of two hours building our wedding website. We'll be using it as our information center for all things wedding related, so if you want to know what's going on, read some stories from us or just look at some pictures and find out where we're going, drop by, fill out the Guest Book and enjoy.

3. Workload Increase
Ask and ye shall receive, I suppose. After being doled out one whole shift this week at Montanas, I talked with my managers and let them know that one shift wasn't going to cut it. Checked the schedule for next week and what do you know? Six shifts. Time to make me some money!

4. Speaking of Work...
Still awaiting word on a couple jobs that I applied for earlier in the month and lemme tell you how agonizing it is sitting here checking my email 496 times a day without any responses. One is the ultimate writing gig for a guy like me and the other is a full-time gig here in London that would pay pretty well for something I could do with my eyes closed. I'll keep you posted.

5. Luke Has Betrayed Me
My sidekick has abandoned me. He is officially Benedict Arnold, having switched sides and joined forces with Sarah. I'm still the one he comes to when it's time to wrestle or play "The Bite Game," but other than that, he's her dog now. What caused the change? They have a mutual affinity for sleeping as much as possible. Getting out of bed in the morning lost me my dog...

6. Seeing Francis & Sandra Leads to Car Problems
It's pretty shitty, but every time we visit with my best friend and his wife, something happens to the car we're driving in. It was leaving dinner with his family (including his missus) over Christmas when I battering rammed Bambi and now this past Monday, more vehicular issues. Twenty minutes into our drive to the booming metropolis of Beamsville, the muffler stopped doing it's job. After the noisiest drive in the history of drives, the fine folks at Honda informed us we need around $750 worth of work done on our $2500 car. Moral of the story - We're never seeing Francis and Sandra again!

7. Directionally Challenged, Part I
On our way back from the Honda dealership trip mentioned above, Sarah and I got separated. She went one way, I went the other. Unfortunately, she was the one who knew where she was going. Can I just say that feeling lost and having no idea where you are going is one of my least favourite feelings in the world. Sarah got home and MapQuest'ed my location; basically, I went the complete opposite direction. To my credit, I did find my own way home, thank you very much.

8. Directionally Challenged, Part II
I'm off work today. We're supposed to be going to an Engagement Party for Sarah's friend Erin who is getting married this September in Ottawa. The party was said to be somewhere around Cambridge. At least, that was what Sarah thought. Tottenham is nowhere near Cambridge. This is what happens when two girls who grew up in Vancouver haphazardly discuss party locales in Ontario and neither really looks at a map or the directions. Five hours of round trip driving for three hours of a party just didn't seem like a logical idea. So now I'm sitting here writing to you while Ponce de Leon does her homework on the bed.

9. I Know I Just Said This Yesterday, But...
I still can't get over the fact that (a) someone let Verne Troyer tape them having sex with him, (b) people are actually interested in seeing such a video and (c) someone let Verne Troyer tape them having sex with him! Didn't they see The Surreal Life where he rode around on his scooter loaded, pissing in the closet and groaning like an injured animal in his sleep? Fuct... we're all fuct!

10. Website Coming Soon
Me and my man Newt have gotten together to build a new site. More details to follow...

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