Oprah Quits... But Not Until Next Year

In all honesty, I've been meaning to write this one for some time.

As many of you know, Oprah has announced that she is ending her show to concentrate on other projects. As you also know, the announcement came with a "at the end of next year" attached to the back end.

Basically, Oprah is giving everyone ample warning that she will be leaving, so they can get their lives in order to carry on without her... and shower her with praise and affection for the next year.

While that is not the real reason, it certainly seems that way, and has for every celebrity and athlete who has done the same "this is my last year" farewell tour over the span of my life. I just don't see the point of announcing you're leaving a year in advance other than to drum up recognition and attention.

A gazillion people already watch Oprah, so it's not like those of us who don't routinely tune her in each day are suddenly going to stop what we're doing and watch her show this year.

She's not moving to a remote island, never to be heard from again; she turning the lights off on her show to focus on her television network... so she's still going to be on TV.

So what is the real motivation behind giving everyone the head's up?

Personally, I think part of the answer is that last show of each month will become some overblown excuse to give everyone in the audience a bazillion dollars worth of merchandise because "it's my last January show ever."

The Oprah's Favorites shows have always astounded me in the same way Extreme Makeover: Home Edition drives me nuts.

If you can convince that many companies to give away that much crap a couple of times each year, couldn't you be giving it to someone more deserving and needy that an audience full of suburban homebodies?

When it comes to calling it a career, I'm a John Elway kind of guy; go out on top, but do it without a big farewell tour.

Don't hold a teary press conference three separate times blubbering about how you just don't have it in you to play football anymore or give your fans a year to shower you with affection before you go.

Walk off into the sunset and let the adulation follow; otherwise you end up having 13 "Farewell Tours" like Cher... and that doesn't look good on anybody, not even Cher.

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Bullying, Homophobia and Oprah

So when I woke up from my customary afternoon nap and after I watched Around the Horn and PTI, I watched Oprah. Not intentionally, in the, "Oh Oprah's on!" nature, but it caught me as I was flipping by.

She was talking with the families of two young males who had killed themselves after dealing with bullying and name-calling in school. Both reported frequently being taunted with calls of "fag" or "gay," which one of the experts on the show claimed to be some of the most harmful things you can say to an adolescent male.

Two things struck me and had me glued to the television for the rest of the hour:

1. How is it that in 2009, being called "fag" or "gay" is one of the most harmful things you can say to an adolescent male?
Honestly? Maybe I'm more open-minded than some, but being gay or called gay doesn't carry the same stigma it did decades ago when homosexuality was such a taboo lifestyle. Shit, Sean Penn just won an Oscar for playing Harvey Milk and Ellen is one of the most widely beloved people on the planet...

2. Having shows like this actually does more harm than good for gay rights in my opinion.
Spending an hour talking about how young men become suicidal when repeatedly called a fag gives the impression that being called a fag is something horrible, like being called a murderer or rapist or pedophile.

Now, I know I'm probably taking a much more different angle at this than some and I, of course, have not spent a minute in the circumstances any of these parents have been in, but if your kid is telling you how much they hate school and never want to go back, regardless of their wishes that you don't go to the school to investigate further, get your ass to the school.

Back in my day, my old man used to call the parents of this kid I constantly fought with to see if there was some way they could mutually work out the situation for us. Some of these parents didn't even take that step and that is unbelievable to me.

Even more crazy to me was the assertion one of the parents made that cyber-bullying is even more dangerous and harmful than actual face-to-face confrontation.

I'm sorry, can you not turn off your goddamn computer? Can you not stop going on Facebook and MySpace? I agree that repeatedly being called names sucks balls big time, but it's not as bad - IMO - as getting punched in the head or slammed head-first into a steel door, trust me.

And I have no understanding of how life can ever be so bad that you want to kill yourself. I'm sorry, I just don't, especially not when you're 12,13,14-years-old.

If your kid is that depressed, alienated and / or removed from normal social life, get them as much help as humanly possible, starting with you as parents doing everything you possibly can. The school councilor or a shrink you're paying X dollars an hour isn't going to care for your kid as much as you are, at least I hope not.

I know I've probably stoked the fire with a few people on this one and maybe pissed a few more people off with my views, but to me, that's what life is all about. Discussion, expanding viewpoints and seeing things from another perspective.

I'd love to hear what you think, as always...

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It's Reached a New Plateau

Those of you who have been around from the starting point know how I feel about all the little thug-wannabe bastards that exist in the world. You know about the anger, the frustration, the madness they cause me. Well, that has all changed.

No longer am I angry. No longer am I mad. No longer do I want to grab them by their baggy pants, straighten their hat and shake them until they agree to stop finishing every sentence with yo, youknowhatimsayin' or dawg. Actually, that last part isn't true; I still want to do that bit.

But after I shake the shit out of them, I want to educate them. Why? What has prompted this change? One quote, delivered by a would-be thug returning a movie:

Calvin: American Gangster, that was pretty good.
Thuggy McThuggenstein: Yeah, it was a'ight. There wasn't enough gangsterdom. Coulda been more killin' and shit.

Gangsterdom? We're in trouble.

Here is my solution:

Remember in school when they used to bring in the motivational speakers every year and it was always a recovering alcoholic or drug addict, someone who could warn you about the ills of society? That never worked because it was always the same dude every year. The first time you heard him, fine, you listened. Then the next year when you went to the same assembly, it did nothing for you.

Instead of bringing the speaker to the people, we need to bring the people to the speakers. Forget having school assemblies when some guest comes in to the auditorium and no one pays attention for a hour and a half, we need to reverse things. I say we load up for a class trip and let the wanna-be thugs meet some real thugs and hear their stories.

How long do you think some tough-talking shoplifter from St. Johns would last in Compton?
What about Harlem? Or better yet, how tough and dangerous would these kids be sitting in a penitentiary visitors room talking with convicts, getting some real knowledge about the end results of the life they think is oh so glamourous?

This is one of those things that some talk show needs to do. Oprah needs to make this happen. Instead of handing out free shit to people and having Dr. Oz come on and talk about colon cleansing again, hook this up. Oprah has that kind of sway, doesn't she? Collect up some would be gangsters and drop'em off at The Pen and pick'em up in an hour or two, see what happens? Sadly, you know one or two morons would think prison life is the bomb yo!

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