Yeah, I'm shocked at how many opportunities you've gotten over the years too, Nick Cannon.
Honestly, you might be the most successful marginally-talented entertainer around these days.
Despite a number of kicks at the can, Nick Cannon has never ascended beyond mid-card status in Hollywood, yet somehow, he keeps getting opportunities.
People thought he was destined for stardom after a successful run on The Nick Cannon Show and his debut film Drumline, but since then, exactly what has he done?
Besides marry Mariah Carey, the answer is not all that much.
Wild N' Out is funny and part of my current "there ain't nothing else on so I might as well watch this" rotation, but we're talking about reruns from a discontinued show.
Movie roles have been either ensemble work (see Bobby) or horrible leading roles (see The Underclassman), while his music career saw he second album get permanently shelves after two singles had little to no success.
And now he's hosting America's Got Talent.
While the show is a summer success for NBC, it has little do with Cannon's efforts and more to do with people and their ridiculous fascination with watching talent shows judged by marginal celebrities.
Mr. Mariah Carey is creeping up on 30, and despite his youthful looks is no longer eligible for teen comedies with musical interludes; those roles are reserved for Zac Effron and his High School Musical associates, leaving Cannon with few options.
My prediction?
Drumline 2: Encore.
Laugh all you want, but you know Cannon's at home right now writing that script.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
King of the Marginally Talented
Monday, January 19, 2009
R.I.P. Sundance Film Festival
I'm a movie guy, as many of you should already know and I remember when the Sundance Film Festival was the greatest thing since sliced bread.
First, it's named after The Sundance Kid and put on by the man himself, which made it unassailably cool.
Second, this was where little movies became big movies and guys like me who have always liked things a little left of center could find a less-hyped, non-blockbuster to hitch my wagon to and fall in love with. Some of the greats over the years from Sundance include Clerks, El Mariachi, Little Miss Sunshine and Thank You for Smoking.
Lastly, Sundance was where Hollywood went to not be Hollywood; it was a getaway from the glitz and the glamor and seemed, in the early days, to truly be about the movies and the filmmakers and getting the little guy a piece of the bigger pie.
Not anymore.
Now, Sundance isn't even a place C-List celebrities hit during the winter chill of January. When Hulk Hogan's ex-wife Linda is garnering throngs of attention, you know that your time has come and gone.
Seriously, this used to be a required stop for any up-and-coming actor-slash-director-slash-writer and numerous actual celebrities flocked to Park City to spend some time in the snow, but now, you're left with Kevin Federline's ex-girlfriend trolling through the free swag, a tramp who used to be in a band you probably never heard of in the first place (Aubrey O'Day of Danity Kane) and a flock of nobodies from the realm of Reality TV.
You know you've passed your expiry date when people are raving about Mariah Carey's performance in a movie. She very well could be great, but really, it's Mariah Carey and you're judging her against Glitter. It's not as if she's suddenly morphed into Meryl fucking Streep or anything...
Sadly, my new measuring stick for things being officially over comes from one of my former favorite shows, Entourage, which has also ran it's course and remains on television solely to inspire douchebags to slum around Hollywood mooching off their one rich friend.
Even though Entourage made their trek to Sundance during the outstanding first season, it's like the Sports Illustrated / Madden Cover curse; once they use you, consider yourself officially done.
Such is the case with the Sundance Film Festival, the new playground for has-beens and never-weres.
Rest in Peace...
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