Good Day vs. Bad Day

It been a while, I know...

Today was supposed to be a good day.

When I went to bed last night, the plan was for today to be a productive and meaningful day, as the last few have involved me feeling craptacular about my lack of employment and inability to earn a living doing what I love.

Everything started out aces; woke up feeling refreshed, found out I was going to interview rising MMA star Jon "Bones" Jones (not Jon Bon Jovi as Ashley thought I said on Facebook) and Sarah even called early into her to tell me she'd be home sooner than expected.

I should have known something would go wrong.

Got the call to pick Sarah up - my current job is that of a chauffeur (not complaining, just stating fact) - go to start the car and ... dead battery.

Awesome.

Even better, today was the day Sarah decided to leave her cell phone at home. Do you think she could possibly remember my new cell number? Of course not.

Knocked on the neighbor's door, ask him to gimme a boost... didn't work, though he did drive me to pick up Sarah.

What should have been a 20 minute excursion took the better part of two hours, nearly $200 courtesy of a new battery and sucked all the wind out of my sails to the point that going to drop off resumes went out the window in favor of a little time on the couch with three of my favorite people: Sarah, the dog and Ronald McDonald.

Judge me all you like - I haven't smoked a single dart in over a month and that far outweighs an afternoon pick me up courtesy of the Mickey D's pick-up window.

One extra value meal and two episodes of Criminal Minds later, I was feeling about average.

Then I got to call "Bones" Jones... back to good.

Without question, this kid is going places in this sport; he's confident, but still humble, immensely talented and surrounded by a great group of people.

Watch him do his thing next Saturday against Matt Hammil on Spike TV.

The day got back to great courtesy of a superb spaghetti dinner made by my lovely wife and now it's time for a little dessert.

From good to bad and back to good; it's been a weird day.

And no, there is no real reason for the use of Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes other than (a) I love ninjas and (2) I love G.I. Joe.

Besides, one is good, the other is bad... it fits.

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Passing the Big, Fat Buck

"It's not you - it's your metabolism."

I heard this slogan for one of the umpteen million weight loss programs out there last night, as their ad showing before and after pictures of success ran on my television.

Now, I can't remember if they were hocking pills, drinks, injections or snake oil, but I do remember instantly writing down their slogan while trying desperately not to piss myself.

While I certainly shouldn't be surprised that some company has gone this route, what with Acid Reflux having graduated from a pain-in-the-ass that makes you pop a couple Zantac and deal with to a full-blown disease, this one certainly takes the cake.

Umm... cake.

D'you know why I'm tipping the scales at 210 pounds? It certainly isn't because of my metabolism...

It might have something to do with the general lack of exercise, piss-poor diet and enjoyment of smoking, not to mention making like the fat kid in the picture two times over every time I hit the Golden Arches.

Here's the truth: while genetics certainly play a role in a person's weight, so too does chowing down on more fast food than fresh vegetables no matter how many times you get a Diet Coke with your combo.

But outside of the hyper-healthy screaming freakshows on The Biggest Loser, no one wants to tell the "slim challenged" set that they had anything to do with being the weight they are.

So they blame genetics.

Or your metabolism.

Or work, family life, a lack of time, opportunity or just about every other variable imaginable.

Don't worry, it's not you: your metabolism is to blame.

Now drive a block and a half to the corner store and pick up a 2L of Diet Coke, two bags of Doritos and a couple of Snickers to make yourself feel better.

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Can Someone Please Explain This?

There are a lot of things in this world that make me scratch my head in confusion. Some of them I understand and just find ridiculous, some of them baffle me every time.

For instance, I get the whole "kids on leashes" thing, but it still is one of the most ridiculous concepts around to me. Kind of like Crocs.

One that I don't get - and am now soliciting your help with - is this:

Why do people go to a fast food restaurant, get the food "to go" and then sit in their car in the parking lot, sucking back the greasy goodness?

We witnessed this again the other night when we made a long-overdue McDonald's run and I posed the question above to Sarah.

Her explanation - "maybe some people don't want to eat alone in the restaurant" - is very plausible for individuals making the shortest "to go" trip imaginable with their goodies, but what about the rest of the people?

Unless you're flying solo, I don't understand this one bit.

You've get less surface area to spread of the tasties, potentially make a mess of your car and create more garbage with the take out bag, as opposed to the plastic "dine in" tray that I tend to throw in the garbage 7 out of 10 times... accidentally, of course.

And it's not like your local McRaunchies is some kind of sterile, entertainment-free zone. The one in Cranbrook has like six flat screen televisions, a cool little "coffee house" area with comfy chairs and always has decent music playing.

Unless you're opposed to stimulus, it's gotta be better than putting back a burger or seven in the Hyundai ...

Somebody has got to help me out with this one.

P.S. Tell me that isn't one of the best usages of those Ronald McDonald statues you've seen... hilarious!

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I Am a McFatty

So we had to go into Cranbrook today to do some running around and when the question turned to, "What do you wanna get to eat?" McDonald's was the easy choice.

Honestly, I don't care how bad this makes me sound in today's health conscious times, I fuckin' love McDonald's.

Living in Kimberley actually makes me love it more, because unlike all those years of living in fairly close proximity to a store, it has become a luxury item once again and each trip becomes more than a meal. It becomes a feast.

Case and point, today.


Most normal humans purchase a meal and are happy with that. Some supersize the bad boy and score themselves a few extra fries and more soda to wash down the greasy goodness.

Me? I go full on Fatty McSnack. McChicken Meal with the world famous McDonald's orange nuke juice and two - not one, but two - double cheeseburgers.

Sheer greasy delight.

Of course, the downside is that it's been six hours since I ate and I'm still not hungry, not to mention the fact that I'll probably be able to shit through the eye of a needle at forty pace come tomorrow morning.

But none of that matters when you're standing in line at the Golden Arches...

All that matters is the deliciousness!

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The Rundown: Doubling Up

For my last day at Montana's today, I switched a shift around with my friend Boogie and worked a double.

Instead of having to work two days this week, the laziness kicked in and I figured rocking two shifts today while Sarah was writing her Nursing Exam would be easier than working another one tomorrow night. Plus, if it was real busy, I would run the risk of missing Grey's and that just isn't going to happen.

Working a double also got me thinking about other "doubles" out there and seeing as today is Wednesday, the idea came to me to list off my favourites for you in the strangest version of The Rundown yet.

All-Time Favourite "Doubles"

5. Double Dragon
Not the crappy movie version with Charlie Salinger from Party of Five and the guy who plays "The Chairman" on Iron Chef America, but the video game that inspired it. Anyone near my age remembers this bad boy and should remember it fondly. Two brothers, trained in Martial Arts, roaming the streets kicking ass and taking names. I pumped a lot of quarters into this game over the years.

4. Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese
If you're going to do grease, you may as well do grease completely and this my friends is the mother of all grease burgers... and it's so good. Save the sliced onions for someone else and give me half a pound of Grade G McDonald's Grey Beef in a box big enough to hold my super sized fries. Yes, I am a fatty.

3. "Double Trouble" - The Roots featuring Mos Def
Long ago I told you about my love of The Roots, the baddest hip hop band on the planet and current touring partners of my boys Gym Class Heros. This track, off the Things Fall Apart album, is dynamite and contains one of my favourite repeated lines in the history of hip hop: Either stand tall or sit the fuck down. You've been told.

2. Double Rye and Ginger
Why have one shot when two is better?

1. Tim Horton's Double Double
Double cream, double sugar, double delicious. Though I've strayed away from Timmy's a bunch over the last few years - Starbucks and making good ass coffee at home generally wins - there is still nothing better than a perfectly made Timmy's Double Double. At least not when it comes to this list...

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The Rundown: Feed Me

Rocked Mandarin for lunch yesterday.

I have to tell you, there may not be a better deal in town than the Lunch Buffet at Mandarin, especially if you get there as they're opening the doors at 11:30 like we did yesterday.

Think about it - all you can eat including really fresh shrimp and mussels, all your Chinese food favourites and countless North American bastard dishes too like fries, onion rings and the one that always makes me laugh, roast beef at a carving station. Nothing spells Chinese like Roast Beef!

Anyway, rocking the Mandarin for lunch got me thinking about the things I like to eat most, since it is in the Top 25 of eating experiences for me solely based on the fresh Crab Leg feast you can gorge yourself on during the Holidays. Then I realized that I haven't delivered a foodie Rundown as of yet and well, here you go...

Top Five Foods / Meals

5. Holiday Turkey Dinner
This one should be on everyone's list I would imagine, because really, loading around a table with the fam and stuffing yourself on turkey, mashed potatoes and whatever else you choose to cover in gravy is always a good time. This is also one that I'm looking forward to in the coming years, as I want to be one of those people who hosts one of these dinners every year for our family and friends.

4. Street Meat
There isn't much better to me than a dog or a sausage on an egg bun slathered in mustard outside of the ball game or Canadian Tire or wherever else a quality Street Meat stand happens to pop up. There used to be one in the parking lot of one of the Beer Stores in Barrie that I would hit up on a regular basis. Not when I was buying beer, just to get a dog. That's how much I like these things.

3. Steak
Whether I make it at home on the barbecue or we go somewhere to partake, a really good steak is always an excellent choice. It actually pains me to work at Montana's and allow people to order steaks anything more than Medium. Why would you do that to a delicious cut of beefy goodness?

2. Sushi
I think I could eat sushi every day and not get sick of it. Seriously, that's how much I love it. The beauty of "sushi" is in the variety, ranging from actual sushi itself, to sashimi to hand rolls and rolls and on and on and on. This is actually a non-starter for me now: if you don't like sushi, we can't be nearly as good friends as if you do, simply because at some point, I'm going to want to go for sushi and when you shrunch up your nose at the idea, I'm going to want to punch you in the mouth.

1. Breakfast
Bacon. Eggs. Sausage. Toast. Baked Beans. Hash Browns or Home Fries. Coffee. Delicious. I can and do eat breakfast for any meal at any time in any setting. And it's not just homemade breakfast that takes the cake either. McDonald's Breakfast? Awesome! A little bit of the Griddle while out and about? Wicked! Denny's? Hell yes! The list goes on and on. Best meal ever, at least in my books.

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