I have no idea where this theme for today's Rundown came from.
It's not like I've been watching old episodes of Saved by the Bell or Married...With Children or anything.
I was walking over to Angelo's to grab some dessert and BING!
We all had those television characters / actors that we absolutely loved growing up. They were everything you ever wanted in the future Mr. or Mrs. Whateveryournameis. If you're anywhere near the same age as me, prepare to fondly remember the fictitious females you fondled yourself to...
All-Time Top Five TV Crushes
5. Kelly Bundy (Christina Applegate)
The slutty future Veronica Corningstone came into my life right around the time I was realizing exactly what a slut was and what purpose they served. Needless to say, as a horned-up adolescent, I fell in love instantly with her big hair, small IQ and casual attitude about putting out. Needless to say, using phrases like "putting out" kept me from touching an actual breast until I was... well... nevermind.
4. Kelly Taylor (Jennie Garth)
Dispute this all you want, but I discovered Beverly Hills 90210. At least at John Uyen Elementary School in Chatham, Ontario I did. And just like every other guy my age with good taste, Kelly Taylor was the object of my affections. Donna was too dippy, Brenda was a Minnesota transplant and no one was interested in Andrea Zuckerman, except for same people who found Kimmy Gibbler from Full House attractive. Nope, it was all about Kelly Taylor even though she was the only woman in the history of television to live in California yet remain freakishly pasty.
3. Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani Amber Thiessen)
Beautiful? Check.
Athletic? Check.
Frequently wore cheerleader outfit or gym attire? Check.
What was not to love?
2. Samantha Micelli (Alyssa Milano)
Ah, Samantha Micelli - the first love of my life. A 8 1/2 x 11 poster of her stolen from Jennie Bishop's Teen Beat Magazine hung in my locker from Grade 4 until I left for Hamilton at the end of Grade 7. Something about the tomboy attitude mixed with the "you can tell she's going to grow up to be hot" looks worked wonders for me. Sadly, Alyssa Milano has grown up to be a C-list movie star who goes through baseball players like a hot knife through butter...
1. Winnie Cooper (Danica McKellar)
Go back and look at the picture that leads off this piece one more time... it's Winnie! I betcha Kevin Arnold is kicking himself now huh? Winnie was awesome. She was everything you could want in a woman - smart, pretty, didn't cramp your style, knew you needed time to hang out with Paul Pfeiffer and always seemed to end up being there for you, even when you dated Becky Slater just to make her jealous. You're the best Gwendolyn Cooper!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The Rundown: TV Crushes
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The Rundown: Back From The Dead
I just pulled up all the installments of The Rundown that have appeared here - an easy little trick involving clicking the label marked "The Rundown" for all those interested - and discovered that the last installment ran on April 23.
That was a month ago!
What in the hell have I been doing on Wednesday's over the last month that has kept me from fulfilling my witty obligations to you, my faithful readers?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Anywho - since this week has been dedicated to rededicating myself to my craft and getting back on track, why not salute some others who have decided to do the same?
Top Five Current Comebacks
5. New Kids On The Block
Yeah, I don't even care how ridiculous this sounds to you. Last week when we were getting ready to go to Buster's funeral, I flipped on the Today Show and there were Jordan, Jon, Donnie, Danny and Joey uniformly styled, microphones in hand, breaking out harmonized lyrics and choreographed dance moves and it made me all nostalgic. Ah, Grade 6...
4. 90210
Speaking of nostalgia - the Zip Code is back bitches! I actually have only one interest in this show, which I'll tell you about later, but what I am looking forward to is all the memories of Old School 90210 that are sure to pop up all over the Pop Culture World in the next couple week's as the show starts up.
3. Brian Austin Green
Sprinkling in a little extra 90210 nostalgia, the former David Silver makes the list not because he's returning to host the morning radio show at West Beverly again or because Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles is actually a really good show, but because he is inexplicably engaged to Megan Fox. How do things like this happen? He dated Tiffani Amber Thiessen (Kelly Kapowski!) and then was engaged to Vanessa Marcil. Now Megan Fox. He's the "Brian" tattooed in script just above her who-ha! You have to give the guy his due - that's a really, really good list for a crappy actor and even worse musician.
2. Alanis Morissette
Can you believe it was 13 years ago that Jagged Little Pill came out? "You Oughta Know" is still a killer track, despite how crappy "Ironic" and "Hand in my Pocket" were. Anyway, Ms. Morissette is back with a new album dropping in early June and I for one am excited, for a couple reasons. One, she's actually talented, unlike many female starlets and two, she's returning to her JLP roots, having written what is a more grown up breakup album. I will say this though: Ryan Reynolds' answer to Alanis' most famous lyric is, "No. He's thinking of Scarlett Johannson when he's fucking Scarlett Johannson."
1. Lori Laughlin
This is why I'm interested in the new 90210! Aunt Becky from Full House is the new Cindy Walsh and lemme tell you, the years have been good to her. She's still a knockout! Grown up, is there a better looking female cast than Full House's Tanners? I'm going to vote no.
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